I’ve reread this scene about a hundred times because I’m currently writing an Anya fic, and somewhere in those hundred times something struck me: the only family that really loved and cared for Ilya abandoned him too. It wasn’t her fault. Irina was sick. But she still left him, and no one acknowledged how terrible that was when it happened because it was more important to save face and pretend it was an accident. Ilya wasn’t allowed to voice his pain or rage when it happened to him. With Anya, he gets to say it. He gets to acknowledge the cruelty of being left behind.
But even though she was abandoned, Anya is not mistrustful. She’s a happy-go-lucky dog, lovable and friendly with everyone. She carries this wound of abandonment, yet every time she meets a new person, all they notice is how friendly she is. How happy. A lot of formerly abandoned dogs are like this: desperate for affection, sweet, friendly to everyone. Doing everything they can to make themselves so lovable that no one will ever leave them again.
That’s the Ilya we see in Role Model. Boisterous, friendly, taking care of everyone else’s pain while hiding his own. It’s not until we get his POV in The Long Game that we see how much he’s suffering.
Shane sees it. When Anya cries at their bedroom door, Shane postpones his very favorite thing to do (fucking his boyfriend) because Anya is scared and alone. He gives Ilya permission to meet her needs, and Ilya can’t move fast enough.
I can’t screenshot the book bc my copy has it spread on two pages, but he says,
“Anya, sweet girl. What is the matter? Are you lonely?”
I think it’s really important we’re in Shane’s POV here. Shane heard her cry first. Shane said, “go get her.” Shane, Mr. “now the bed’s all dirty,” let Anya sleep in their bed because she was alone and she needed it. Shane is not the emotionally illiterate autistic stereotype the fandom makes him out to be. He’s already noticed this loneliness before with Ilya
The difference is, Anya asks for what she needs and lets them give it to her. Shane gets to be there for her in a way Ilya isn’t ready to accept yet. Ilya gets to give her the care he didn’t get as a child who lost his mother. They both can address Anya’s loneliness because she is a dog and she feels safe enough with them to ask.
He’s not ready. Shane can’t give him what he needs yet because Ilya won’t let him, has spent too long denying his own wound.
When Ilya finally does admit he’s lonely, does ask for what he needs, Shane is right there to give it to him. Ilya gives him one last out, but of course Shane doesn’t take it. He will be there every time Ilya whines at the door, ready to let him in.
gummygunk
origamiaround
