Andulka
Today's Document
Love Begins
trying on a metaphor
YOU ARE THE REASON
if i look back, i am lost
Jules of Nature
h
noise dept.
No title available
One Nice Bug Per Day
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
shark vs the universe
Noah Kahan
Sweet Seals For You, Always
No title available
tumblr dot com
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
taylor price
art blog(derogatory)
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@rachelrainy
i can't stop thinking about shane's face introducing himself to ilya for the first time and his face looking at ilya's phone number on his phone like oh my god he had the biggest and fattest crush on the russian man but he didn't even know it oh. my. god.
They're just cocky blonde captain with a traumatic past and a woman in every port x dark haired, strict, autism-coded "half-breed" that's too different to really fit in. And they're soulmates, your honour.
"so what are they out of ginger ale . . . captain?"
the pause before captain does me in every time. ilya almost chokes on it, like he's unsure if he's still allowed to tease shane but he can't resist. the tiny smile that peeks out betraying both his excitement to play with him and the nerves of, "well fuck, here he is in his linen suit and i have to be soo cool about this."
hair is washed. i am lovable and capable of loving again
Okay no but now I'm thinking about the psychic damage Harris would take the first time he sees Luca just doing a random drawing for one of the Cens or their kids and realises from the art style that the blog he used to commission hockey smut from is now one of his coworkers
For the consideration of the forum:
Rose and Shane (who are both closet cinephiles; Shane because he thinks it's embarrassing to have hobbies and Rose because being a cinephile as an actor just seems cringe to her) are working their way through one of those "100 movies to watch before you die" lists and finally get to Dirty Dancing.
"I can't believe you haven't seen this," Rose says, and Shane grumbles something about not really being a fan of the genre and well, their rule is that if they think the movie is stupid they can turn it off after an hour so Rose finds it on one of the 6000 streaming platforms Ilya pays for (the Fast and the Furious movies keep jumping around) and starts the stream fully expecting for Shane to exert his veto power in an hour.
And then he just doesn't. He sits there and watches the whole thing, mouth slightly open. Usually they talk at least a little bit about the plot or the cinematography (Shane has developed some opinions in that regard, mostly adopted from Rose whose opinions he takes as gospel by consequence of knowing next to nothing about the industry) but Shane is just. Rapt.
Then Ilya comes stalking into the living room towards the end of the movie and by pure coincidence he's wearing a black shirt and pants and Shane looks away from the TV for the first time in 90 minutes.
"Shane," he says, and puts two fingers on Shane's jaw, entirely chaste but extremely proprietary. "Have you seen my iPad?"
"Den," Shane says softly. "It's in the den."
Rose darts a look between Ilya, Patrick Swayze on the screen, and Shane's open-mouthed expression. Laughs for about four straight minutes.
something i don't see talked about a lot but always makes me emotional on re-reads of tlg is the fact that even after shane is unwillingly outed to the world, and as a direct result:
unjustly suspended from his job
condemned by one of his best friends
condemned by his teammates
dissected by the media
threatened by the commissioner
accused of cheating at the sport he has dedicated his whole life to; and
raked over the coals for a true accident
he STILL goes to watch ilya play
without question or concern, he sits in the audience to watch ilya in round 2 alongside the team that just kicked him out of the playoffs and caused tripgate
he spends tlg in debilitating fear over the possibility of someone figuring them out and goes to such extreme lengths to keep that from happening that he doesn't even have a photograph to show for an 11-year relationship
but still, ilya mentions he can get tickets for shane and his parents to come see him play and shane doesn't spend a second worrying it may fuel rumours, bring unwanted attention to his relationship, put him in a generally uncomfortable position - he actually brightens at the suggestion and then happily sits in the audience to cheer ilya on 😭
shane effortlessly defying ilya's internal self deprecation with the most blunt, heartstopping, to the point sincerity is such an important part of their dynamic to me
"but you know me, i'm lazy, so." "i don't know that side of you at all."
"is that what we are going to do? relax?" "i hope so. i would like to relax with you. for once."
"because you like to be bad." "hey, that's not what this is. you and me. maybe it was at first but, not now, and not for a long time."
to the point where it even usurps other peoples interpretations of ilya before he gets the chance to internalize them -
"but, you hate him." "no. i mean, i get that. but no. i love him."
and ilya has that exact same subtly gobsmacked expression every time he does it
Ilya: haha and I would propose to you with a thousand candles to prove my love
Shane: alright bet
Ilya Rozanov wants to take Shane’s last name. Even if it’s an outdated tradition, even if it is truly just rooted in misogyny.
He would like to become a Hollander.
Since he first started hockey, he’s been playing with his father’s name on his back. Every time he touches the puck, that’s what he’s called. He becomes a reflection of the man who hated him the most. He’d considered, before marrying Shane, that he could take his mother’s maiden name. Now, he has better reason.
He won’t play with the name on his jersey. Them both being Centaurs would make that weird, but he could take Shane’s last name and he could keep it for himself.
‘Mr. and Mr. Hollander.’ He quite liked the sound of that.
Shane and Ilya are watching Tangled with the Pikelings and it gets to the part where Rapunzel is having to intervene between Flynn Rider and Maximus the horse.
Shane: Aw it's like you and Hayden.
Ilya: Haha so funny.
A beat, then –
Ilya: Wait who is who?
Shane: 🙂
Ilya: No, My Shane, I'm being so serious. Who is who?
Shane: 🙂🙂
(And obviously Ilya is Flynn and Hayden is the horse – we know that and Shane knows that – but Shane is having far too much fun watching Ilya get more and more indignant)
Tagged by the wonderful @fakecatlady
Last song: I'm so sorry by imagine dragons...yes I'm reliving my middle school emo phase rn leave me alone
Currently watching: game of thrones, give me all the death and politics with season for season that's slowly rolling downhill...I'm just here for the multiple yearning storylines and found family at this point
Current obsession: I mean, Heated Rivalry fanfic. The tried and true since November. But I have also returned to Red White and Royal Blue and my overwhelming love (& kinship) for Alex Claremont Diaz
Currently reading: two princes by lonelyimmortalsoul, aka the combination of my two fav fandoms right now. Does a HR and rwarb make sense realistically? Maybe not. But when you've got two world class yearning relationships, anything is possible
Currently working on: technically 'cause I'm into you quite intimately but realistically my masters thesis, which is unfortunately taking away all my fanfic writing time
Currently wearing: an old Bama shirt from my sister
Last thing I googled: wm spiele heute cause something about the world cup actually has me caring about soccer...who would have ever guessed the day would come
Favorite flower: lavender, fresh blooms from Washington Island
Tagging @frederbee (no pressure but would love to know some fic recs)
you know what. I'm not gonna be ready to watch the incredible transformative acting talents of Connor Storrie say "I already chose you, Hollander" and watching his acting decisions in showing Ilya's depression and ANOTHER thing I'm not gonna be ready to watch Hudson 'micro expression king' Williams fall on the ice and realise he is no longer worth anything to his dynasty team and ANOTHER THING I'm not gonna be ready to watch Connor 'Actual Chameleon' Storrie (probably leave a voice message in a tv show that seems a good adaptational choice) say "Whatever happens, I am with you. Safe in your heart. I believe it." and ANOTHER thing having to watch Hudson 'No One Else Understands Shane Like I Do' Williams REACT TO IT I'm just, fuck? you know?
I AM however thoroughly looking forward to Hudson 'Shane Is a Horny Coyote' Williams to say "I chose him" at whatever actor they hire to play Crowell the absolute CUNT that man will be serving is u n r e a l
Ok but Cliff Marlow somehow managing to get into Ilya's phone after the Tunameltdown in the middle of the Hollandry crashout, and getting Montreal Jane's number.
The entire Boston roster piling behind Marly as he types, trying to decide what to say that could save them because their captain has been possessed by the spirit or a soviet military trainer with knife shoes and if they are forced to make double bagskates again they will either puke or die or both.
So Shane Hollander wakes up one day to a message from an unknown number like "Hello Miss Jane ma'am this is Clifford Marlow I don't know if you have heard of me I am sorry to be a bother I'm just wondering if you could give my good friend Ilya another chance, I promise that whatever he did he won't do again, we will help we will teach him to cook and clean and do laundry and he will cook you the best sandwiches ever if you only give him a chance only if you want of course if it's not too much of a bother Miss Jane please and thank you" and he goes through the seven stages of grief in like 4 seconds before it's even 7am. They manage to add the link to a very big spa gift card that they all chipped in to buy because at that point they're desperate.
this implies that ilya was bragging the hell out of his sandwich making ;D date and how he had learned how to make a tuna melt last weekend and it was going to be so good and so romantic. And all the hockey boys sat down when it was not so good and said "yeah my bro ilya is such a good lover, but hes a tad wild, its definitely the sandwich that he messed up"
shane is literally a Boyfriend guys he’s stocking the cottage full of stuff he’d never eat bc they’re ilya’s favourite snacks and he’s driving his passenger princess around and carrying ilya’s bags and asking what he wants for dinner and waking him up in the middle of the night to be like ‘hey here’s how we can be together forever until we are old and wrinkly. do u agree yes or yes’
and even before that he’s constantly checking if his baby is okay and he’s sitting in that stairwell cuddling ilya’s jacket and he’s so desperate to hold ilya’s hand when he’s off his head on painkillers. he’s rereading old texts. he’s got his phone in his hand and he’s texting ilya when he’s literally just got off the ice after winning the cup again and that’s years before they’re even together. he’s inviting ilya to the cottage because he gets two weeks off a year and he wants to spend them both with his favourite person
he’s a loverboy! he’s spent so so long wanting to be able to connect with ilya like this and now he finally can! he was born to play hockey but also to be ilya’s boyfriend!
Ilya meeting Shane's parents must be insane for them like. Mr Ilya "The Terminator" Rozanov, terror on ice and menace in bed, politely stands there. Your very shy son admonishes him for using the word "lovers" and Russia's Greatest Rage Machine just takes it.
You ask when this started and Mister Dickhead makes sure Shane is accurate about when they started this. How dare you stave off half a year of us, Shane?
You ask if they talked to Scott Hunter and Ra Ra Rasputin says that he, famous asshole extraordinaire went to talk to Patron Saint of Hockey Gays to offer him congratulations.
You ask if he has no loyalty to Boston and Mr Fucking Fuck San Francisco is like. Nyet
Your son is having a panic attack and Miike Snow Genghis Khan calls them "boyfriends" and it's your own extremely shy and sensitive and loving son that is like MY WHAT
I know people like to joke that Hollanov could’ve at least had chairs at the wedding but the standing wedding is actually so important to me. Like, culturally and historically, so many gay people have had under-planned standing weddings because being formal and organized and having chairs means knowing who will and won’t be there. And for queer folks, you don’t always have the privilege. Having chairs requires a headcount. And it means risking staring out at all the empty chairs if your loved ones don’t support you. So instead, you make it casual so you can focus on each other instead of all the people who decided you weren’t worth showing up for.
Shane and Ilya had an aggressive and unfortunate coming out and their wedding is smack dab in the middle of a deeply uncertain time. Shane just lost his entire team and he and Ilya are still figuring out who is on their side. Of course their wedding feels unorganized as a result. The event itself doesn’t hold the same weight or occupy the same niche when outside of a heteronormative context. Because at the end of the day, it was never about the wedding. It was about being married. It was about them finally being together in the open. It was about their love persevering despite all the obstacles they faced.
shane bagged ilya this. shane turned ilya into a wife that. WRONG. ilya locked himself down. that boy couldn't wait. he was marking down the days on the calendar. he put that leash in shane's hands. you love me back? GOOD. now you can finally see what loverboy3000 is really capable of hollander. you are not ready.
