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coffee-khaleesi-deactivated2020

When I was training to be a battered women’s advocate, my supervisor said something that really blew my mind:

“You can always assume one thing about your clients; and that is that they are doing their best. Always assume everyone is doing their best. And if they’re having a day where their best just isn’t that great, or their best doesn’t look like your best, you have to be okay with that.”

Any now whenever anyone in my life, either a friend or a client, frustrates me, disappoints me, or pisses me off, I just tell myself They are doing their best. Their best isn’t that great today, but I have days where my best isn’t that great either.

bogfox

Op I’d like to thank you for sharing this. Ever since the first time I’ve read it I’ve held it in my mind and it really has helped me to be kinder to others and to myself.

cheaphalloweencostume

the world gets a lot easier when you learn to be wrong without getting pissed or doubling down. saying, ‘you’re right, that makes sense, I was misinformed, thanks for telling me’ instead of going to war over something your ego’s latched onto will save you time, energy, and the embarrassment of sounding like a whiny little bitch

cheaphalloweencostume

actually that’s precisely how i grew up and how i formed an outsized ego attachment to being correct and how i became a self righteous little asshole for most of my teen and adult life before learning the lesson presented in figure 1

carnage-cathedral

btw guys managing your symptoms also means apologizing for things you didn't mean to do. sometimes you do things because of your disorders that you genuinely didn't mean to do, but if it hurt someone you still have to take accountability and make up for the hurt you caused

succubusboyfriend

so i’ve eliminated my phone from the “staying up all night” equation by getting an alarm clock and charging said phone in another room, but this resulted in a second, secret problem of staying up too late drawing because i still had my tablet. i don’t wanna move my tablet to another room as well because i like having a little bit of drawing time before bed so for about a week i was like….. oh i’ll just force myself off at the correct time eventually. one of these days that will happen.

but last night realized i'm never gonna just gain the willpower to curb my bad habits at random, that’s the entire reason i took the phone out of the room, so i just. set my tablet to turn completely greyscale from 12:30am to 8am to prevent me from staying up all night drawing. and guess who actually fucking went to bed the second his tablet turned grey.

succubusboyfriend

moral of the story and a lesson i think everyone can take from this is don’t expect yourself to just get over your bad habits through sheer force of will. it won’t fucking happen. instead make them as annoying as possible to continue. make them completely unsatisfying. sabotage your bad habits.

allsadnshit

Accepting that maybe even the best version of you would be hated by some people can really set you free like life doesn't have to be making other people comfortable or being the most lovable and fair person in the universe like actually the satisfaction you seek is beyond judgment and lies within your own interests and desires fr

rythms-of-synthax-deactivated20

Quote of the day

baffledtreesquid

I’m seeing a lot of people saying this post changed their brain chemistry, and as a neuroscientist I wanted to say yes!!! Yes it does!

Wanting something requires dopamine signaling, but liking something doesn’t.

If you have a mental illness/disorder that affects dopamine, you might feel that you don’t want to do the things that you like. You do still like them. You will appreciate having done them.

Let your likes guide you.

(If you want to read more, here’s one experimental paper about it. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5171207/ This theory called the incentive-sensitization theory was originally created to explain behaviors in addiction but can be applied elsewhere as well)

Rewards are both ‘liked’ and ‘wanted’, and those two words seem almost interchangeable. However, the brain circuitry that mediates the psych

engulfes

Growing up is actually all about realizing people don’t inherently dislike you and it’s a bit odd to assume they do

existentialdruid

This

jelliebeanbitch

there are more tweets in this thread

fucking SLAY

darlington-v

this isnt even the full thread, there are even MORE tweets to this thread that i think are really necessary to read if you do what op is talking about! it is not enough to know that feeling this way hurts the people you love, we already know that.

this rest of the thread continues after the third tweet from the reblog.

like THE FULL THREAD is genuinely so reassuring.

sometimes, it is not enough to just know, sometimes you might need that reassurance of "do you really think of me when i'm away?" and someone reassuring you that yeah, they do. and evaluate that! trust that! just like op did.

and then learning that ykw, it's NOT any of my business really. and finding comfort in that trust that like. whether they are or aren't thinking of me, they really do love me.

this full thread changed my life and i am ALWAYS going to give the full thread because the parts people cut out aren't enough for the people experiencing these things, speaking as someone who does. it, really it just makes us, made me, feel bad about my own capabilities when i saw the unfinished thread.

lifeafterpsychiatry

“No one remembered my birthday-” Well, but did YOU tell anyone it was coming up and you wanted to celebrate it with them?

“I wish someone would see through it when I tell people I’m fine-” Well, but have YOU considered not lying when people ask you how you’re doing?

“I am so resentful of my friend because they keep doing this thing that really bothers me-” Well, but have YOU directly communicated that the thing is bothering you?

“I am burning out because my friend keeps expecting me to help them with serious struggles-” Well, but have YOU tried to establish the boundaries you need to feel okay?

“No one ever asks me about this thing I really care about-” Well, but have YOU brought it up yourself?

“I miss my friend but they haven’t texted me-” Well, but have YOU been reaching out to them?

Sometimes people are mean, uncaring assholes, in which case you get to be mad. But sometimes you just need to communicate better. Try communication before you assume someone doesn’t care!

snipertrifle

Having someone who knows you on such a deep level that they see past your mask, or sense you need a check in is such a deep satisfying fantasy. It’s up there with living in a cottagecore farm, or buying all your friends houses when you win the lottery. But you have to make peace with the fact that this is also a fantasy. It is unfair to expect people to “just know” when to respect your boundaries or to push them.

Being cared for is not a fantasy. But you have to let people know you need it. And you have to understand that sometimes they will let you down. Just like you totally could live in a cute farm, but you still have to shovel shit, and the crops sometimes die anyway. Or maybe you win the lottery, but you still have to manage your money and learn real estate law.

The fantasy isn’t the caring, the fantasy is not having to do the work. And it sucks. It’s embarrassing. But like the meme says, it’s not rotten if it’s YOU. So do it for yourself.

lifeafterpsychiatry

“The fantasy isn’t the caring, the fantasy is not having to do the work”! Thank you for that addition. Because it’s not a naive expectation to want someone to care to treat you right. But it requires communication and mutual effort to actually get there

stuckinapril

Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm “stop” when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living

stuckinapril

So tempting to keep embarking on the same self destructive cycle over & over & over again . But at some point you have to put ur foot down w ur own behaviors & be the thing that truly saves u

sicsicthewolves

#this is unfortunately true#it’s not easy to tell yourself Hey Drop It#like you’re your own dog furtively eating pinecones and rocks#but you gotta#sometimes it’s a Hey We’re Not Doing That#you gotta though

lemontongues

shoutout to slow growers, late bloomers, people whose plans got derailed by circumstances beyond their control or their own choices, people who never had a plan to begin with, people who have had to start over when theyre too old to feel like theyre supposed to be where they are, people who cant pretend theyre built for the environment theyre in, and everyone who's not living the life they thought they would. im proud of you for making it this far and i hope you keep going until youre happy ♡

sapphling

the more time you spend in active recovery from any given self destructive behavior or addiction the more you understand the common conception of the "relapse" as defined by a broken "streak" to be, like, so bad for one's own well-being that it would be funny if it weren't resulting in just a lot of misery and death

the-peoples-puppy

I told my girlfriend to think of quitting vaping as training her endurance by seeing how long she can run before she gets tired, then doing it again and hoping to go further next time. She said it really helped her.

scarletsaphire

This is the stages of change model, with each circle being a part of the process of growth. You'll notice how relapse is not a failing of the model, or a set back, but an active step in continuing to grow and change. Everytime you relapse, you learn something; maybe a certain time of year is difficult for you. Maybe certain people push you back into the habit. Maybe your other coping skills/replacement habits didn't work how you wanted and you need to strengthen them, or develop new ones. Maybe it's not quite as clear cut and you need to spend the time figuring out what exactly went wrong so you can catch it next time. It doesn't matter the exact lesson, but it's part of the process.