You Can’t Prove I’m Not 3 Racoons In A Trenchcoat

[vulgarmaw]

Could a homosexual lend me, an asexual, a single use of the word flaming?

[amulet-coin]

YOU have obtained:

🔥 ×1

[vulgarmaw]

I, a flaming asexual, need someone to please call the fire department. It is an emergency.

[vexwerewolf]

Perfectly executed joke, no notes

[willgrahamscock]

I had a really bad migraine last night, but I've run out of everything except these hungarian pain killers my dad gave me 9 years ago, anyway I don't remember anything and I can't feel my tongue and the only thing in my search history is this

[willgrahamscock]

anyways can someone drive me to the hospital

[lustcannibalism]

what state are you in?

[willgrahamscock]

pretty bad

[lustcannibalism]

YOUR LOCATION

[willgrahamscock]

#i had to look up if op was still alive cuz. dude. what.

don't worry I just found out that I've been eating moldy bread for like 4 years because cutting the 'top off' doesn't get rid of the mold, it has roots that spread out so I think I'm part mold and will survive anything

[valentinsylve]

Tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

[willgrahamscock]

[anshelsgendercrisis]

i think the leftists who bitch and moan abt jews and muslims having to work with police to keep our community spaces safe should put together volunteer security forces to replace police.

[mishpacha]

I would not trust said Leftists with my security. They can donate to my Shul's security funds instead.

[unofficial-sean]

bro biffed it

[tinabelcherseverythingisokface]

[pseudomantis]

[is-the-owl-video-cute-deactivat]

a squirrel or perhaps a cardinal posted this

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

saying "i could do that if i was able bodied" in response to the most impressive physical feats is so fucking funny it never gets old

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

i was the most

beutiful poem

but you were

jared, 19

[daminwayne]

[shigure]

literally paramore was right

[nransworld]

about…?

[shigure]

name one thing paramore was wrong about

ill wait

[basic-banshee]

Tonight at the gym a man who looked like fuckin Thor asked me out and when I told him I was a lesbian he goes “oh. Chill. You know, my sister and I work out a lot together. She’ll be here tomorrow, same time.”

Like…did Thor just wingman me?

[the-british-pineapple]

God of lesbians

[marisatomay]

Why was Shrek’s soundtrack so incredible like who sat down and decided that a movie about an ogre would have a beautiful Rufus Wainwright ballad followed by a Smash Mouth/Eddie Murphy cover of I’m A Believer and how can I thank them

[potologie]

like listen i hate so many harmless fun things but at least i don’t pretend im fighting a noble social justice battle. im, like, just a hater.

[i-was-once-a--tortoise]

everything about this is fucking hilarious. i’m sorry, random pompeii man, but your death was some looney tunes bullshit and the framing of this photograph isn’t helping.

[wineyrose]

this is my favorite tweet

[greelin]

love adding -ed to the dumbest shit. love unnecessarily conjugating verbs. poppedcorn. oranged juice. that corn? popped. the juice? it’s been oranged

[greelin]

[wakes up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night] ………………….cheesed burger

[iameverysparklywoman]

Full offence but I need to sit in a river

[striders]

love cats that just freely slap the shit out of anything they don’t understand or immediately want to be seeing in front of them

[meangirlnurse]

i’m always vaguely in an airport

[meangirlnurse]

even when i’m literally not in an airport i’m still emotionally in an airport

[meangirlnurse]

[meangirlnurse]

[skelefolk]

you got uhhh….. airport syndrome