to whom am i speaking?

good omens sobbing | icon by pacifistpadme

[lowerroad]

it's a good thing mensah is already married with kids by the start of all systems red because can you imagine trying to make a new longterm relationship work when you have to explain to potential partners that murderbot will be there. no not romantically or sexually. but it is there.

[diidona]

THE MATRIX (1999) • dir. The Wachowskis

[redstonedust]

thinking "everyone can tell im bad at this" as i stand completely motionless doing nothing in public

[ventela1]

I have possibly never seen a more Murderbot-coded post

[dick-hardboiled]

There is absolutely a platonic explanation for that

[dick-hardboiled]

But I will also entertain the non platonic for my own edification do u understand

[goldensunset]

[murderblot]

"SecUnit would write fanfic"

"It would only beta read and leave comments"

SecUnit would install itself as a moderator of the Sanctuary Moon fandom wiki page. SecUnit would, for the simple transgression of being annoying - delete your account, IP ban, find your personal email address and send you a citation-laden 5 page explanation about how you're wrong titled "Banned for life (idiot)"

[thatgayunoriginalbastard]

Fanfiction Jargon Study

Hey y'all! So I know I haven't posted much lately BUT college has been crazy. And related to that, for one of my classes I'm doing a study on the relationship between time within the greater fandom community and understanding of fanfiction-related jargon. Below I have the link to the survey which will just have three multiple choice questions relating to your relationship to fandom and then a list of 15 terms to define if you know them. 

Please reblog this or otherwise share the survey link with anyone you think might be interested so I can have as large of a sample size as possible for this. The form will be open until April 24th. 

Thank you all so much! 

(and yes, I will post the data when I get it all collected for all you fellow nerds)

Defining Fandom Jargon

A survey to determine the relationship between the understanding of fandom jargon and the time one has been in the fandom community

[lilmiaowkittie]

[krippe90]

Posted on tumblr with permission from the source

[vivian-the-catboygirl]

The costume and makeup styling is insane??? Unless I'm missing something and this is animated and not live action hello???

Like the "style" makes it look animated but the eyes and the hands and the background look very real to the point where I genuinely can't tell if it's insanely high quality animation detail or insanely artistically skilled makeup and costuming to mimic an animated artstyle

[krippe90]

Don't worry it's 100% real! If you follow the source link and look through their account they demonstrate how they did the cosplay on other videos!

[asteroidtroglodyte]

I’ve seen this kinda thing IRL and I wanna add that the illusion is, interestingly? a lot stronger in videos and photos! Probably because we’re used to seeing Animated things on Screens, but my experience of seeing it in meatspace with a 3d depth of field was that they looked kinda. Dirty? At first? Until somebody explained it to me and my brain suddenly saw it, whereas here it’s obvious as the nose at the end of my face.

Perception is such a neat thing!

(Also: FAGUETTE)

[may12324]

Juniper and Earwig, with different hairstyles. As well as a few things I have been inspired by lately.

[worldwright]

i love that murderbot gets worse and worse at pretending to be a controlled secunit as it progressively discovers the joys of things like sarcasm and dramatic timing

[apollosglare]

It's been a while since I've done a cover redraw... Please please please read the murderbot diaries, you won't regret it!

[worldwright]

your secunit is just as afraid of itself as you are of it. hahaha I bet you thought I was gonna say it's afraid of you didn't you. well turns out it's also scared of the incredible violence it's capable of and the lack of control it has over its own actions / the consequences thereof. see it turns out that when you force a sentient being to hurt other sentient beings regardless of its own nature it tends to see itself as incapable of doing anything except hurt. not that you can tell through the unbreakable walls of dissociation it's put up. it is also afraid of you tho

[pellucid-prose]

An original Murderhelion valentine, courtesy of ART (Accidentally Romantic Transport) #murderbot

[utopians]

Being unemployed allows you to access an alternate 'shadow world' beneath our own populated only by retirees

[tanoraqui]

Merry Brandybuck would’ve fucking loved Excel spreadsheets.

[tanoraqui]

Pippin meanwhile is two hours and 17 tangentially related pages deep into a Wikipedia dive, for the third time this week.

[tanoraqui]

Frodo is editing Wikipedia. He’s the one who teaches Pippin about the joy—and strict requirement—of citing original and/or reliable sources.

[tanoraqui]

iNaturalist user SamGardener is an MVP of identifying flowers, grasses, and herbs, and adding little notes suggesting how to use them in cooking. His accuracy record for Shire-local plants is matched only by Strider2931, whose record is perfect in nearly every category and biome and the popular is that he’s an AI.

[penandinkprincess]

no but i'm still thinking about how much boromir would fucking LOVE the shire

it is beautiful rolling hills just stuffed to the GILLS with hobbits

including BABY HOBBITS

HOBBITS BUT SOMEHOW IMPOSSIBLY EVEN SMALLER

and yeah the adults might be fairly wary, but we see in the first movie that the kids come running immediately to see gandalf in hopes of seeing something magic

and now??? here is LARGE PERSON??? who can play swords and toSS THEM REAL HIGH UP IN THE AIR AND CATCH THEM???

boromir deserved to retire as the grandpa of endless waves of hobbits, and i will cry forever that he never got to live his destiny

[penandinkprincess]

weeping on the floor about

the idea of a hobbit mama scolding her faunts not to get too rough with "nice mr. boromir" as this man is exactly where he wants to be being dogpiled by giggly bb hobbits who absolutely "defeated" him in "combat"

warrior hands that have seen so much violence SO gently holding a TEENY TINY baby hobbit he was handed to let a papa hobbit track down his wayward toddler

(boromir fighting back tears because THEY COME THIS SMALL??? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE???? THE BABY FITS IN ONE OF HIS HANDS???) (baby yawns and snuggles their lil cheek against his thumb and this man is nearly brought to his knees)

Official Manager Of Lifting Big Things

boromir accidentally joining a hobbit stitch and bitch club because someone's gammer asked him to carry her yarn for her to the meeting and he didn't know how to leave after he was greeted and handed food and tea

the club is actually fun, and the hobbit grannies respond to his tales of politics and battle with the same sympathetic clucking that they do to rivals stealing recipes, including his hand being patted sympathetically

boromir gets his own special big cup that moves from house to house for meetings so he can get an acceptable amount of tea for gossip time

[penandinkprincess]

there is So Much Lap for bb hobbits to claim

[penandinkprincess]

the concept of bb hobbits making him a flower crown for the spring festival so he can match everyone but having to adjust it twice because it's the first one they've made so big before

[penandinkprincess]

the idea of bb hobbits who heard stories (mostly from pippin and merry) who now yell out "GONDOR >:D" when charging into a playfight (they don't know what a gondor is) (they're not interested in learning)

(five of them are holding up boromir's shield and can't see past it) (they will charge headfirst into a tree) (they will learn nothing from this experience)

boromir having to learn how to do the cat owner shuffle because there are always faunts underfoot (usually trying to catch a lift on his feet because he can step SO high :D)

gandalf being lowkey salty because HE still gets side glances??? but boromir??? is basically seen as everyone's relative who just happens to be very large??? yes he is Big Folk, but above and beyond that, he is hobbit ✊😔

[penandinkprincess]

@milady-bugg oh my god great pyrenees boromir

[penandinkprincess]

@little---furnace

oh my god cultural misunderstanding of

in gondor: constantly at war, awareness of supply use, the polite thing to do is to ask for more if you want it but to always have finished what's on your plate when you're done.

in the shire: with hobbit appetites, a fully empty plate means a guest needs more. no one wastes a bunch (leavings will be fed to the pigs), but good manners to show you've had enough involves leaving just a bit to show you were well-satisfied and completely full. an empty plate means you need more to fill up the corners.

so boromir is trying to be done, but the hobbits just keep putting more on his plate, and it turns into a feedback loop of politeness that ends with boromir eating more than he ever has and still being stuck at this tea party two hours past when he first tried to leave.

the comedy of this poor man trying SO hard to eat fast enough that he can put his plate down and escape versus hobbit granny watching him like a hawk with serving tongs in one hand and a tray of mini quiche in another.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

so if demons are sticklers for contracts, demand high payment for their services, and have firm/specific rules regarding summoning rituals (aka the hiring process & availability of their labor)—what i'm hearing is demons are fully unionized

[apollo-cackling]

[transcript:

#imagine what their strikes are like #it'd be especially funny if they did the version of striking where they do actually keep doing their duties #but they refuse to take payment #(i've heard of some transportation or medical workers doing this in the past but i'd have to look up sources idk)

#my point is you summon a demon and try to enter into a contract and they're like #you can have it for free i'm just here so i don't get bored during the strike #the boss doesn't get his cut this way but i can still traverse the planes and fuck shit up

#and you're like?? this has to be a trick?? #but then the walls start bleeding and satan starts writing angry strike busting threats on the walls ominously #and the demon is like just ignore that he can't do shit without us it's all talk let's get back to the details#now who were you wanting to fuck over with my evil specialized skills that absolutely deserve fair compensation?

#and you're just nervously glancing over to the increasingly furious scribblings from the king of hell on your wall while stuttering #uhhh this asshole jerry from work #and the demon is just like say no more! i gotchu #enjoy keeping your soul i'm sure it is so juicy and would be so fun for satan to torture for eternity oh well#sucks to be him he should really come back to negotiations then huh

/end transcript]

[marlynnofmany]

Me: "This has Good Omens fanfic potential."

Me: "Why does it feel familiar? WAIT there was fanart by @talhisgofanart --!"

[marlynnofmany]

HEY guess what I just wrote. That was too much fun to pass up.

Paging interested parties: @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses @talhisgofanart / @wheeloffortune-design

I posted it on AO3 and also right here. Enjoy.

~~~

Unionize Hell 1080 words

Tomás finished the incantation, and the words seemed to echo through his cheap apartment. He clutched the notecard covered in Latin while he watched the pentagram on the floor. Since he hadn’t wanted to ruin his carpet, it was made of blue painter’s tape. The candles at the points of the star were real, though — handmade black beeswax from Etsy — and he’d used his best plate to hold the blood in the middle. It was red and said “You Are Special Today.” Tomás figured the color had to count for something.

The smoke from the candles was drifting towards the center, and as soon as he realized that, it billowed into an unlikely spiral that grew darker with every breath.

Tomás stepped back, dropping the notecard. He could see a shape taking form in the smoke.

It swirled away to reveal — a man. Tall and thin, with red hair and a red leather jacket over tight black pants. Sunglasses. Sharp grin.

Before Tomás could speak, the man announced, “Today’s your lucky day! Hell’s on strike.”

“What?” Tomás squeaked.

The man spun on one heel and jerked a thumb at the back of his jacket: in large font it read “UNIONIZE HELL.”

Tomás repeated, “What?”

The man — demon, he was a demon — turned back around and took off his sunglasses. Bright yellow eyes with slit pupils faced Tomás over that grin. “We all deserve regular vacations on Earth, y’see, and it’s high time Hell stopped doing Heaven’s job for them in terms of making us suffer. Gonna make it a better place to be. Well,” he amended with a wink. “A better place to work. Can’t speak for you lot.”

“Uh,” Tomás managed. “Can I still make a bargain?”

“I was just getting to that,” the demon said, pointing and nodding like Tomás had made a good point. “That’s the lucky-you part. Today you get a wish for free, with no soul needed for collateral. It’s a working strike. We’re pissing off the big guy by wasting opportunities for soul acquisition.”

Tomás tried to process that. “How do I know this isn’t a trap?”

The demon folded his sunglasses into his jacket pocket and made a mock pout. “Would I lie to you?”

“Is that a trick question? Like if I say yes, that gives you the ability to lie?”

“No, but good thinking.” The demon clapped his hands. “Now. Normally I’d break out a nice unending scroll that you’d never read all of, but today calls for a special edition of the bargaining contract.” He pulled something upward out of thin air and handed it to Tomás.

It was a single piece of printer paper, looking like it had been photocopied many times from something typed on an actual typewriter. The top said “Contract” and below was one sentence: “I agree to NOT give away my soul in exchange for my request, because Satan is a douchewaffle who needs to treat his employees better.” There was a line for a signature below.

Tomás looked up to see the demon twirling a pen, but not offering it to him yet.

“So whattayawant?”

“Um,” Tomás said. “There’s—” He paused at the sight of blood seeping through his wallpaper. Words were starting to form.

The demon followed his gaze and barked a laugh. “Ha! Ignore that. He’s terrible at strikebusting.”

The words read, “Do it right or else.” Then the blood rushed down to stain the couch, leaving space for a succession of other lines. They were all threats about what this particular demon would face if he didn’t follow directions — a cactus in every orifice, death by potato peeler, sandpaper to the eyes, etc — all of which the demon just chuckled at.

“Aren’t you worried?” Tomás asked.

The demon shook his head. “Nah. He can’t take a cactus to all of us personally, and more of the torturers’ division are joining the union all the time. Besides, if anyone knows how badly a rebellion can go for all involved, it’s Lucifer Morningstar.”

Tomás supposed he couldn’t argue with that.

“Now, you were about to tell me what you want,” the demon prompted.

“Right.” Tomás snapped to attention. “This guy at work, Jerry, is a super racist who’s trying to get me fired. Plus he just makes life … hell.” Tomás winced a bit at his own phrasing.

The demon affected a tone of exaggerated sympathy. “I can just imagine. Well! Say no more.” He snapped his fingers upward and declared, “At this very moment, ol’ Jer is getting surprising results from the ancestry test he forgot he sent out, which will make for some very ironic soul-searching and also a dramatic fight at his next big family dinner. Slurs and punches will fly, the cops will be called, and he’ll be written out of Grandma’s will. Also—” He snapped his fingers again. “He just emailed sensitive information to the entire company, which will probably get him fired. That information includes the wages of every single employee, many of whom are being criminally underpaid. Time to talk to each other and have some very pointed negotiations with your own boss, yes?” The demon waggled his eyebrows at Tomás.

“Uh, yeah. Wow.”

“I’m not exaggerating about the ’criminal’ part,” the demon said. “He’s got no leg to stand on.”

More threats bled from the wall.

The demon turned to yell at it. “Like somebody else I could mention!” Then he turned back and held out the pen.

Tomás took it. It was matte black with scale patterns, and the ink when he signed his name was blood red.

“Excellent!” the demon said, snatching up the paper. “Keep the pen. Nice memento. If Jerry manages to convince the higher-ups to keep him around after all, you can write notes to him with it, and the ink will start to smell terrible after a day or two. He’ll never be able to pinpoint where it’s coming from. Make his life hell for a change.”

“Thank you,” Tomás said.

The demon grinned with all his teeth, and they definitely looked sharper than they should. “My pleasure.” Another finger snap and the contract disappeared.

More blood dripped down the wall. Tomás glanced at it. His couch was an unholy mess. “What are you going to do next?” he asked, more than a little nervously.

“I,” said the demon, putting his sunglasses back on, “Am going to have lunch with an angel. We’re unionizing Heaven next.” Then he was gone.