i’ve just seen yet another commentator remarking on how we do not talk enough about Alastor baby talking Vox into the deal
my friends, if anything we don’t talk enough about the fact that Alastor partially undressed mid combat. babytalk? sure, but he also vanished into the shadows for a sec to fully untie his bowtie and undo like four buttons. play the footage! the tie is hanging there around his neck in one solid piece. Vox does not rip anything off of him! Alastor said “hang on, what is the best way to drain half of Vox’s available brainpower to ensure that he falls for the most obvious setup ever” and in two seconds came up with “the closest thing to a striptease i can shoehorn into the middle of active combat.”
the only thing that is more insane than Alastor doing that is Vox re-dressing him off-screen BEFORE the humiliation parade. presumably because he does not want anyone else to see sexy, wounded, half-dressed Alastor.
I meah he absolutely could have, considering shadow powers.
The funniest part of this sequence is that this is probably the moment when Alastor was planning to pitch his deal, but instead that's when Niffty and Husk show up, so he has to abort the maneuver and continue the fight XD until the two of them are in danger~
Alastor's shadow guided Vox to this place to do this. There is also no way that the way those cords are wrapped around him could have torn open his shirt. He absolutely used his shadow powers to do it to himself.
Alastor was totally ready, only for his darling Niffty to almost ruin his plans.
Ok but Zuko using the knowledge he acquired during his banishment to help him as the Fire Lord. Like making small talk with Earth Kingdom dignitaries about their local foods that he enjoyed and even misses. Like having in-depth conversations with his captains about sea currents and navigation. Like, in the middle of a meeting with several high-ranking naval officials, pointing out flails in security, like how a person can cling to a Fire Nation ship for hours at a time, or climb aboard using hatches on the upper decks, or disguise themselves as a lower ranking guard with easily accessible spare armour….
Though none of his experiences can prepare Zuko for the long, awkward silence that comes after he admits to doing or at least knowing something illegal and/or completely buck wild
Advisors: Princess Azula did perform the astounding feat of infiltrating Ba Sing Se…
Zuko: Huh? Oh, that’s not hard. It’s pretty nice, if you don’t mind the brainwashing, but you can’t get a spicy octopus for love or money. We ate so much jook. *shudders*
Advisors:… you got in too…. interesting.
*
Advisors: The mysterious Water Tribe city at the North Pole
Zuko: It’s a pretty place, if you like ice. Lots of sealturtles. They have a really nice little sort of sacred grove thing there, too, I kidnapped the Avatar from it once.
Advisors: …. we have some questions….
*
Advisors: We still have not found the Fire Lord’s secret supplier of new weapons -
Zuko: He’s at the Northern Air Temple. (Realizing they’re all staring at him) Oh, no, I haven’t met him personally, but I have friends who have. He sounds like a very interesting guy.
Advisors: SO MANY QUESTIONS
*
Zuko: (while directing post-war reparation efforts) Oh, and we need to send a lot of people to work on replanting the forest around this obscure village.
Advisors:…. may we ask why?
Zuko: Apparently the local panda spirit is pretty mad about having its forest burned down.
Advisors, now afraid to ask: ….Yes, Fire Lord.
*
Every now and then, the curiosity gets too much and they’ll bring up something like ‘legendary sand benders’ or ‘Southern Islands’ and Zuko invariably produces some tidbit of local knowledge (either his own or gleaned from the Gaang’s stories) and six Foreign Ministers have resigned in fear and the seventh one only barely held it together when Zuko greeted an envoy from a tiny, insignificant Earth Kingdom island with ‘Listen, I am really sorry about what happened last time, I hope the supplies I sent helped with the rebuilding, do you still have that giant eel thing?” IS THERE ANYTHING HE DOESN’T KNOW.
Adviser: “There still has been no word about the whereabouts of the vigilante known as the Blue Spirit. The last reported sighting was in Ba Sing Se. It is imperative we find more information about him.”
Zuko: “Oh you’re still looking into that?”
Adviser: “He is a wanted criminal in both the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation for espionage, theft, assault and battery, breaking and entering and breaking numerous other local laws and customs.”
Zuko: “Huh when you put it like that it does sound pretty bad.”
Adviser: “My Lord, surly you heard of him and his crimes.”
Zuko: “Of course I heard of him. Its just… I mean considering all the good he did. His heart was in the right place?”
This just makes me imagine all the wild stuff he must have gotten into during those three years that no one, even the rest of the GAang knows about.
Like. I would not be surprised if he straight-up ended up in a completely different world/universe for a few months and did random background character stuff before coming back.
He probably chased some guy who he thought was an airbender, only to find out that they were just using a hoverboard/hovershoes, learned how to make them himself, and then never bothered to mention it to anyone else or make one himself because “the Fire Nation doesn’t have the ability to direct lighting (electricity) in such precise ways, let alone manipulating metal into thin sheets like that.”
Then years later,upon hearing that there are about to be some major lightning storms, casually asks Toph to bend some metal for him in preparation and then disappears into the storms for three days. Comes back via hoverboard and then exclusively uses it to pick fruit from the tops of fruit trees so Mai can have the best fruit tarts.
Still dismisses it as “not really worth the effort to mass produce” when they already have things like the airships and the gliders.
My instinct is to agree with this, but like, when I really think about it…
No money, no credit cards, identification is all vocal/fingerprints/retinal, so no wallet.
Again, doors are voice activated, or just unlocked by entering a code. No keys.
Communication devices are tiny and stick onto clothing starting in Next Gen. TOS had bulkier communication that they carried around or kept in, like, packs and stuff, so the arguments for pockets is a little more valid, and if I remember correctly, those costumes did have pockets, tho I could be wrong about that. But anything post TNG, the point is moot anyway.
Tricorders and phasers are really the only thing anyone’s carrying around, and that’s usually on away missions where they’d be bring their packs/holsters or just have them out. I mean, who wants to stick a phaser in their pocket?
So, yeah. There’s not much little stuff people need to carry around everywhere. And if they are preparing for a longer journey or want to bring bulkier things, well…just bring a bag. It fits more anyway.
Every time a member of the USS Enterprise has found a cool rock and taken it home, it has resulted in eleven deaths, six temporal displacements, the holodecks breaking again, and somebody getting turned into a lizard. Pockets are a privilege, not a right.
You think the IMF is ever hesitant about giving Ethan a mission?
Like a mission will come up and they're going to deny it because nobody can pull that off.
And then someone says, "...Agent Hunt could do it."
And everyone sighs because like. They're right. Ethan could do it. It's just that in the process, he'll get himself disavowed, end up on five international watchlists, cause hundreds of thousands of dollars in property damage, and probably get shot a few times.
Fey: Very well. When you return home tonight, your mother will be in pristine health again. It will be like she never fell ill at all. Even the memory of her suffering will fade…
Human: Thank you so much. She means everything to me.
Fey: I know, I know. Let’s hope the price wasn’t too much for you after all… Only time will tell.
straight men have beauty standards for men that are completely different than the beauty standards women and gay men have for men and then they get mad when they conform to the beauty standards other podcast bros set for them and women still don’t find them attractive
while you were busy arguing about phrenology on Twitter, lamenting your weak jawline and making fun of dudes who don’t go to the gym, beautiful fat polyamorous men with nerdy personalities were busy snatching up the baddest bitches in your town. c’est la vie.
There's a tiktok trend called "hear me out cakes" where you print out pictures of characters and actors that you basically have to justify wanting to fuck before taping it on a tooth pick and put it on a cake.
Most of the men who do this challenge will pick the fish from Shark Tales, Nala from Lion King (this was the one he actually had to fight for his life over), Shego and actors slightly older than 30 there was one guy who had Korra was his hear me out.
Meanwhile the girls are fucking xenomorphs, mathematical equations, the concept of Vine, Bananas in Pajamas and the Peanut M&M. One girl sprayed another girl with a water bottle because she put Bowser on cake and he was too basic.
If the trend has taught me anything is that girls will fuck literally anything as long as it has a charming personality and a sardonic smile. If you can't convince a girl to fuck you when she's got a centaur from fallout on her smash cake it has nothing to do with not having a jawline or a six pack it's because you're an insufferable human being.
I was going to post a picture of what a centaur in Fallout looks like for people unaware of the games, but uh, I'm literally afraid of people's reactions. Just...google it okay. It's not a centaur like you may be picturing in mythology and I need you to know that.
out-of-the-closet gregory house would be such an unbridled nightmare. try telling him what to do? that's homophobic. that's a hate crime. he would employ the most twisted queer infighting rhetoric to be the most insufferable person possible. "actually homo sapiens is offensive, we prefer 'differently sexual'". if he got fired for malpractice he would sue for discrimination. he would make new employees guess his sexuality and if they didn't figure it out in a week he would fire them. and everyone would be too distracted by house's theatrics no one would notice wilson. they'd go to him and be like "I'm not homophobic but house is being kind of bizarre and aggressive about it" and wilson would be like "oh really" and they would say "how do you deal with it, being the straight guy best friend of someone who behaves like this" and wilson would be unable to break it to them that after a long day of wilson doing his job and house harassing every person in the hospital they go home and have horrible old man sex in their shared apartment and then lie awake laughing at how completely fucking clueless the new interns are
NO ACTUALLY bc the way he like copes with and reframes the ways he suffers/is discriminated against is through insufferable humor like that's literally just his characterization
I have a sudden urge for "undercover post-canon Zuko" fics (because the "hidden king" trope is one of my favourites). I'm going to go hunting on ao3, but please send me your recs for this trope if you have any 🙏🙏
Thank you to everyone who responded to this!!! I promised I would reblog this post eventually with these recs so I'm here to deliver.
Please free to add on more fics if you know any that aren't on here
In Utter Hones-tea by agooseinhiding
The Jasmine Dragon has been formally invited to join the Earth King's retinue as he takes the monumental first step onto Fire Nation soil since the start of the Hundred-Year War! Truly, an honor.
Unfortunately, "The Jasmine Dragon" includes Li, the owner's grumpy nephew with an outrageously bad haircut and a wardrobe that's solely green, who knows way too much about the Avatar and his teachers, and who swears on his honor that he's totally, definitely not the Fire Lord.
Somehow, the other tea servers don't believe him. But they've never gotten a chance to prove it (or disprove it, in some cases) until now.
The Jasmine Dragon is going to the Fire Nation, and Hua Ming is going to show once and for all that shop-famous enigma Li is Lord Zuko himself, or she's going to die trying.
(She is going to die on this trip.)
Ft.: General Iroh playing the biggest prank in Fire Nation history, a five thousand yuan bet, and the Jasmine Dragon tea servers.
The Customer is King by Sabretoothgooselion
Two absolute monarchs meet accidentally in a tea shop, and end up coming to an understanding.
(Or: two perspectives on taking a break.)
Eye to Eye by ApoplecticAtPeace
When working in the Fire Lord's private garden, Chaishu is knocked over by someone who doesn't seem to understand the danger of loitering in such a place. The stranger, Lee, seems nice enough, if a little detached from reality, but after bumping into each other a few more times, Chaishu is surprised to find himself looking at a genuine friendship unfolding.
Well, perhaps not 'looking'. After all, Chaishu is blind.
Taking a Break (In) by Duckduck_Scribblerswan (Caellie_E_and_Vaye_R)
After a few agonizingly slow seconds of exhausted, confused pondering, Zuko decided there was only one logical conclusion.
“You’re right," he told the assassins, "I’m here to help you kill the Fire Lord.”
Like a genius.
Caldera City is holding a festival to celebrate finally having enough funds to hold a festival! Although Zuko originally deemed himself too busy to go, Sokka managed to cajol him into attending his own party, in a knock-off Blue Spirit disguise for security purposes. Zuko sneaks back into the palace right in time to catch a group of assassins sneaking out. They failed to find the Fire Lord and assume he's reinforcements.
Zuko needs to find who ordered a strike on him before they do something stupid, like order a second one. Obviously, the most reasonable thing to do is join the assassins and hope they don’t figure out who he actually is. Obviously. There’s literally no other option.
Feat. Zuko's only two coping mechanisms (mortal peril and improv theater), the world's most incompetent hit team, and another knock-off Blue Spirit who's determined to prove this "Li" isn't who he says he is.
Ready to throw Hands by shipping_ruined_my_life
Part 1 of The Fire Lord's Favourite Restaurant
Zuko dines in a restaurant and interferes with a difficult customer.
Love is in the Hair by Erisenyo
The Fire Lord needs a new hairdresser, a grueling process of vetting and testing and background checking. Sokka might know just the person, though--if only he can find her in the city. And if only he can figure out how to make sure Zuko likes her without revealing the whole, you know. Fire Lord thing.
Or: Sokka takes Zuko on a date in the city that does not go at all how Zuko expects it to. (At least not at first)
All I Need Is To Be Struck (By Your Electric Love) by Erisenyo
[“Vitok couldn’t think his way out of a circle in the snow,” Zuko says, tart, and Sokka lets out a surprised laugh at the unexpected, mostly correct saying. Zuko must be writing Bato again.
“Not like the head of the Southern delegation, of course,” Sokka says, grinning at the dry look that earns him. “Why, I’ve heard he’s so dashing and handsome and intelligent and—”
“Humble,” Zuko puts in, tugging lightly on the long fall of Sokka’s wolf tail. “So very, very humble.”
Sokka bats his eyelashes. “It’s his best feature, probably.”
Zuko hums, giving him a blatant, thorough once over. “Depends on who you ask.”]
--
Sokka doesn’t know how Zuko managed to swing an entire day off during a week of trade negotiations—he does, actually, it was yelling—but he isn’t going to waste the opportunity now that it’s in his lap.
Eating. Shopping. Relaxing. Exploring Gaoling. Testing the limits of trying on clothes as a form of foreplay.
With a whole day in front of them, there’s no need to rush. But with Zuko looking so good outside of the usual layers of his Fire Lord robes, there’s no reason for Sokka not to have some fun along the way.
Fire Lord Zuko Goes To School by BookLoverL
It's a few months after Zuko took the throne, and, now that things are settling down in the palace, and the retreat from the colonies is going well, Zuko decides it's time to take a look at the Fire Nation's education policy. The best way to do this? It's clearly to disguise himself as a normal student and enrol himself in a school for a few weeks.
What will he learn about the state of the Fire Nation? And will he get through the few weeks without blowing his cover?
straight men have beauty standards for men that are completely different than the beauty standards women and gay men have for men and then they get mad when they conform to the beauty standards other podcast bros set for them and women still don’t find them attractive
while you were busy arguing about phrenology on Twitter, lamenting your weak jawline and making fun of dudes who don’t go to the gym, beautiful fat polyamorous men with nerdy personalities were busy snatching up the baddest bitches in your town. c’est la vie.
There's a tiktok trend called "hear me out cakes" where you print out pictures of characters and actors that you basically have to justify wanting to fuck before taping it on a tooth pick and put it on a cake.
Most of the men who do this challenge will pick the fish from Shark Tales, Nala from Lion King (this was the one he actually had to fight for his life over), Shego and actors slightly older than 30 there was one guy who had Korra was his hear me out.
Meanwhile the girls are fucking xenomorphs, mathematical equations, the concept of Vine, Bananas in Pajamas and the Peanut M&M. One girl sprayed another girl with a water bottle because she put Bowser on cake and he was too basic.
If the trend has taught me anything is that girls will fuck literally anything as long as it has a charming personality and a sardonic smile. If you can't convince a girl to fuck you when she's got a centaur from fallout on her smash cake it has nothing to do with not having a jawline or a six pack it's because you're an insufferable human being.
I was going to post a picture of what a centaur in Fallout looks like for people unaware of the games, but uh, I'm literally afraid of people's reactions. Just...google it okay. It's not a centaur like you may be picturing in mythology and I need you to know that.
personal cast highlights + favorite chats of the premiere party, in no particular order bc my brain is irreparably scrambled by this stream. obviously there are more but i CANNOT watch the stream again i have work tomorrow and ill go nuts if i do
switch controller baby
baby mico and the following roof toss
polites hand and ghost respectively
everyone bopping hard to warriors of the mind
"no bah dee"
LUKE CYCLOPS.
*staring at the camera* "im so glad we see eye to eye :)"
*flips hair* "REMEMBER THEM"
everyone rowing in sync when there's a boat song
"i need to talk with you in private" "oooooooo"
"who opened the bag"
mason with the fork
the sharks
troy jumping over the couch to sit with jorge, and having a dance party
talya & jorge having a dance off for done for
"VICTORYYYY"
them switching places during there are other ways
"i know of a brilliant prophet" *grabs mason* "problem is, this prophet is dead" *shoves him away*
"all i hear are screams—" "AAAAAAA"
WALTZING DURING NO LONGER YOU
🦖🦖🦖 rar rar rar
"GOTCHA" *shoots siren*
🍣🍣🍣
"the rules state if you end another character you must dance on them"
*scylla starts playing* "spookyyyyyy"
kj absolutely going ballistic during scylla
THE TORCHES
epic mutiny battle (armando with a water bottle and jay with a phone)
*ody gets stabbed* jorge in chat: "owwww"
luke flirting with the camera
jorge putting his hood up when ody is brooding
"whatchu gonna do about it, champ?" "i dunno :("
luke and jorge "playing" the animatic
"FINISH HIM"
"PATHETIC AND WEAK LIKE HIS SON!" *zooms in on mico chilling*
*pointing at luke* "never once has he cheated on his wife"
troy.
everyone collectively losing their shit at princess winion
"dune popcorn bucket" - someone in chat when charybdis started
"penelope :D... wait. Wait. Wait. WHAT NO"
"600 stwike" "is that a fweakin 600 stwike"
🧀🧀🧀
"daddy's home" - someone in chat when ody started killing suitors
genuinely it was such a fun time. we were all weeping by the end of it but i was giggling alongside live chat. i love you epic i can't wait to see what Jorge has in store for it next
