i was a kid asking questions like "when you say to rate my pain on a scale of 1 to 10 do you mean relative to what i have experienced before or what i could theoretically experience in the future because what if i say 8 and then later i get twenty billion papercuts and i realise relative to that this pain is a 1" and they would reply "just focus on what you know, you literally had your foot ran over by a ford focus" and id say "well exactly but it could have been both feet which i know would surely be worse" and it still took years to diagnose me as autistic
the point of this post in general is a reminder to be self aware so that then u can become an individual that u are proud of ✨
SELF AWARENESS ;
everyone has traits in themselves that they aren't necessarily proud of and thats okay. its only natural bcuz we are humans. whats important is that u are able to acknowledge it and work on it.
toxic traits and behaviors stem from things like our own insecurities, conditioning, our egos and a multitude of other things. when we aren't toxic we free ourselves up for better people and experiences.
SELF ASSESSMENT ACTIVITY ;
do some shadow work, dig deeper and do some journalling to rly assess some of ur personality traits whether u classify them as a negative or a positive trait. some examples of traits include
having trouble taking accountability (shifting blame)
once you've classified that trait, write a sentence that explains why that particular trait is/isnt toxic. so for this particular trait ur sentence could look something like
trouble with taking accountability for myself and my actions is a toxic trait because it displays my inability to be responsible for myself/admit fault. this can jeopardize relationships and opportunities for me, it can also hinder my growth as an individual.
just because you notice toxic behaviors within yourself, it doesn't mean that u are a bad person. in fact, since u can acknowledge it and wanna improve it, that shows that u are a good person.
HOW TO ACTUALLY STOP ;
look for the source of toxic behaviors that u display. some ways that can help u to identify what makes u act in that way is by seeing a therapist who can help u to dissect and understand urself, intentional journalling etc.
when u find urself in situations in which u think that ur being toxic, u can practice mindfulness and nip it in the bud. the more that u practice doing this the easier and more natural it'll feel.
be a good listener
show urself compassion
start journalling/going to therapy
listen to feedback
listen to feedback from others from an impartial view. dont take criticism or negative feedback personally. take the feedback that u get and apply it cuz thats one of the many ways u can grow.
You are not at fault for things you were forced to do as a child.
Even if they went against your values or you knew they were wrong but you still did them, you are not at fault.
Even if you were rewarded for doing those things, you are not at fault.
You are not to blame for the actions of adults in your life, including their decisions to force you to do things. And your trauma because of their actions and decisions is valid.
This is just gonna be me yelling into the void but!! peoples reactions to ‘baby reindeer’ are pissing me off and its so obvious they don’t understand CPSTD!!! ‘omg why did he try to relive his trauma’ ‘why did he go back to his groomer’ ‘hes a weirdo for getting off to his stalker’ these are all totally common reactions to sexual trauma!!! shakinf you by the shoulders.. saying shit like that is only reinforcing to the people who have experienced similar and related to that show that their trauma reactions are gross or make them stupid or a bad person. grooming and sexual trauma fuck you up real bad!!! its normal to act irrationally or in a way which makes the situation worse!! its common to try to re-experience it to try to take control! and its still! never! your! fault! screams!
