australian garbage

This is mainly a humor blog, though cute animals usually make a surprise appearance. Wanna ask me something? Go for it!

[omegaverse]

would die for a fresh hot corn on the cob rn

[omegaverse]

i forgot where i was. cock on the cob i guess

[omegaverse]

corn on the cock. i hate it here

[omegaverse]

im gonna fucking corn on the kill myself

[whisperdal-deactivated20230131]

little kids r so funny when presented with any new information like theres this girl I teach who has two moms and a sister and I was like "wow your family is all girls! that's so funny, if my husband and I had a boy, we'd be all boys haha!" And she was shocked that two boys could get married like honey did you think gay marriage was a girls only event

[readpinned-deactivated20230904]

when an npc in a sneak games goes “What was that” babygirl dont worry about it 

[sapper-in-the-wire-old]

[butwhypants]

[sheryl-lee]

Start with the fairytale early days; those are true, and they’re crucial. You want Nick and Amy to be likable. After that, you invent. The spending, the abuse, the fear, the threat of violence. And Nick thought he was the writer… burn it, just the right amount. Make sure the cops will find it. Finally, honor tradition with a very special treasure hunt. And if I get everything right, the world will hate Nick for killing his beautiful, pregnant wife. And after all the outrage, when I’m ready, I’ll go out on the water with a handful of pills and a pocket full of stones. And when they find my body, they’ll know Nick Dunne dumped his beloved like garbage, and she floated past all the other abused, unwanted, inconvenient women. Then Nick will die, too. Nick and Amy will be gone, but then, we never really existed.

GONE GIRL 2014, dir. David Fincher

[greelin]

if i was a court jester i’d flirt with the king at any given opportunity. subtle at first but if he was interested and we’d share banter then i’d sit in his lap. then he would say i’m the funniest silliest little man alive and kiss me with tongue

[greelin]

how could he NOT fall in love with me though like i am literally there making him giggle, daily. a grown man covered in gold and he is just laughing at my stupid little jokes. i have that bastard wrapped around my finger. He knows it

[greelin]

all part of the plan

[transgender-scout]

btw i got tired of using the version with blurry text so i remade the live slug reaction thing with clearer text. also i made one facing the other way in case someone wants a live slug reaction to something on the right side of the screen

[the-most-adorkable-smile]

They're lovers

[xenosimp]

[ocdnatural-deactivated20220809]

women hate me and fish have to avert their eyes in my presence lest they succumb to lust

[joeyclaire]

i think putting some dumb shit or even just being rude on a stranger's post should be a punishable offense

[piecesolvingapuzzle]

then I’m UNDER ARREST

[joeyclaire]

last night we were on a call and indy was stalking my blog saw this and asked if this person was in my server and i had to explain to them that no this person is a stranger their addition was just so fucking funny that i didn't care

[thcgummy-deactivated20211107]

First of all he’s perfect

[glyphsmash]

stung by bees

[omghotmemes]

Senpai says you’re welcome

[quintusbenedictus]

Reblogging again because I just realized that if I had this advice in high school I would’ve never made a tumblr account.

[unpopularly-opinionated]

Also works for most of those news sites like WSJ or NYT that only let you read a little bit, or block adblockers. Also some disable the scroll bar but if you go to the right side of the console after hitting F12 and look for the CSS element “overflow” and change it from “hidden” to “visible” then you can continue scrolling for free. Might have to click around on different parts of the page to find it, but it should work.

[anexperimentallife]

[thatsbelievable]

[daco-broman]

shit I missed my window, next week I guess

[the-worm-man]

Reblog on Tuesday to let your followers know it’s safe to leave the bog

[theocseason4]

[ottermatopoeia]

The cows:

[bettedavisgf]

why is doubles luge even a thing like i get the rationale of single luge i guess. get on a toboggan and ride down a hill ok. why get on top of a man on top of a toboggan

[pussykech]

intricate rituals

[mr-deep-downer]

you could never understand a warrior’s bond

[venus-is-in-bloom]

i enjoy video games because they let me live out my wildest fantasies, like being assigned a task and then completing that task

[nancyishappy]

[lornagonigall]

fuck his shit up Nancy you wild bitch