and what if i said that the rooftop fight in episode 1 lays the groundwork for the dynamics that we'll see in the boxing day fight. ilya going through something hard and serious with his family/depression and not saying it to shane, so that shane thinks the fight is about the immediate problem (him winning rookie of the year/them going to bood's party). and ilya getting getting mad at shane for not understanding, but only saying a tiny sliver of the truth (not everything is about you, hollander/i have no one). shane trying to ask about it, but getting agitated (so what is it then?/could you please explain what the fuck is happening?). and shane saying something pissy bc he feels so upset (all you do is beat me. i win one fucking thing, and you canât even show your face/uh, fuck you. sorry i still want to win cups instead of smoking weed with my teammates between losses). hashtag the troubles have always been there and that's the good shit to me. so much to learn but they still love each other <3
shane and ilya hanging out with their friends somewhere. theyâre seated side by side, ilyaâs arm draped across shaneâs shoulders while he whispers sweet nothings into shaneâs ear and kiss shaneâs face when troy says âi still canât get used to thisâ and ilya turn his face to him and asks âwhat you canât get used to?â and troy replies âyou two togetherâ and ilya raise an eyebrow and asks âwhatâs the problem?â and troy replies âthereâs no problem with you two being together of course itâs just i grew up looking up to you twoâ and ilya cuts troy off saying âgo fuck yourself youâre barely 5 years younger than meâ and troyâs like âi still had shaneâs poster on my wallâ and then ilya immediately pulls away from shane to turn completely towards troy and asks âwhy the fuck you had a poster of shane on your wall?â and troyâs like âany younger player had a poster of any of you or both of you, haas had both of youâ and luca from the other side âplease leave me out of thisâ
No but for real the ultimate dichotomy of man is Shane Hollander saying "Please cum on me please cum on my face" and then getting what he wants and saying "Ohhh my God" and then sitting back and sighing with relief and then with his eyes still closed saying "Get this off me right now."
i canât find the post but i wholeheartedly agree with whoever said the hottest thing to ever happen is when Shane Hollander gets so overwhelmed by his own pleasure that he throws his arm over his eyes/face because !!!!! shy boy!!!! bulging bicep!!!!! embarrassed and horny !!!!! ARMPIT HAIR !!!!!!!!!!!! you understand you MUST understand!!!!!!!
The thing is that Shane just fully does not think that he is allowed to break down. He doesn't even think of it in those terms, it's so far from his mind. This is reinforced by the fact that there definitely ARE moments of this fucking...incandescent happiness in the aftermath of the outing. He marries the love of his life and it is genuinely, actually the happiest day of his life. He is fully present, he remembers every moment of that day with the utmost fondness. And the next day he wakes up naked under the sheets with his husband and it's the safest he's ever felt.
But last week they had to install new security cameras on their house because their outing made them Actual Famous instead of just Hockey Famous and there have already been threats, at least one of them credible. And two weeks ago SNL aired a skit about them the punchline of which was basically just the worst moment of Shane's life played over and over again for laughs. He is so afraid that Ilya is going to start wanting to die again that it keeps him up at night. He's trying to Amy Dunne Cool Girl it through so many different things. Food, social events, sometimes even sex although this is in the context of sex being one of the only times he feels fully normal and he is trying to frame this as the natural result of being a newlywed instead of as physically needing his body reset, sometimes several times a day. So he's coaxing Ilya into the bedroom and he's smiling and saying, "I just can't keep my hands off you," and what he really means is please put your hands on me and hold me together for a little bit longer but even he doesn't really know that's what he's asking for.
He is actually, genuinely happy to get to play hockey with his husband. Just as happy as he used to be when they played against each other all those years--which are such fond memories now tarnished by the constant fucking cheating allegations.
He's happy that he gets to walk down the street with his husband now--of course he fucking is. But again: they are Actual Famous now and the media cycle is obsessed with the idea that their marriage is essentially one of convenience and hurdling towards disaster. The prevailing theory is that they were caught essentially hooking up and had to marry each other as a PR move. Nevermind the multiple times that they have alluded to the timeline of their relationship.
And there are stressors that have nothing to do with fame, really. The owner of a local Russian restaurant recognizes Ilya just as a customer one day while he and Shane are sitting on the patio of a coffee shop having lunch and the restaurant owner approaches Ilya and just launches into a conversation in Russian and Shane is halfway out of his seat before he realizes that Ilya is smiling and doesn't seem threatened. He has to walk around the block to calm himself down.
It gets to the point where he is just constantly low-level buzzing and he only feels absolutely normal when he is alone with his husband, usually when he's literally under him, and when he's on the ice.
But he's fine. He'll be fine. He's so fucking happy.
it's ilya's first morning waking up at the cottage. he's all drenched in soft golden light and warm along his left side, the press of shane's skin against his in the delicate, hazy morning sunshine is a heady thing. shane's body is lax, all his tissues like butter, soft and maleable, his skin dimpling where ilya presses his fingers into muscle. he's never had shane beside him quite like this. in boston he'd come close. waking up with shane trapped in the cage of his embrace but that had been a short nap, and shane hadn't been warm like this, he hadn't smelt like this. all sleepy and a little sweaty and a little like the smoke from the fire last night and a little like his eucalyptus shampoo. and it's the best he's ever slept. pressed along the soft line of shane's sleeping body, his bicep pinned beneath shane's head, and even when he wakes up and his arm is numb and a little sore at the elbow where it's been bent all night it's the best he's ever slept. it's also the best wake up ever.
shane is looking up at him when he blinks his eyes open. he gets an eyeful of puffy-faced, sleep rumpled shane. all big brown eyes and freckles and mussed hair and swollen pink lips -- from kissing, from all the kissing they did yesterday, their mouths drawn together over and over and over throughout the day like they just couldn't stop. ilya wakes up to shane murmuring 'good morning' all gravelly and low, soft and sweet. his voice like honey. and ilya says 'good morning' back and his accent is a little thicker than normal but he doesn't feel self-conscious. shane smiles at him and ilya melts. shane gets these lines just beneath his eyes, dimpling into the skin of his cheeks when he smiles like that, and his mouth stretches puffy and red and lovely and ilya is helpless but to confess 'i like you' and shane's eyes are so so so tender when he says 'i like you too'. ilya stares at him, moves his hand to card his fingers through the mess of shane's hair and he wants to kiss him so bad but shane is moving, nuzzling into his touch, smiling as he settles back against ilya. and ilya turns his face to press his nose into shane's hairline, breathing him in, swallowing around those other words sitting in his throat.
it's quiet for a while, shane just breathing deep against him as the forrest outside wakes up, birds chirping and bugs buzzing in the rising heat of the morning. ilya wonders if shane's fallen back asleep but then shane is rolling into him, pressing his mouth to the underside of ilya's pec, smearing his mouth over the moles dotted there and he's making that sound that's something like a purr and makes ilya want to eat him. ilya turns his head down and watches shane as he nuzzles his face into ilya's pecs, as he kisses over ilya's breastbone and heart. his fingers stay in shane's hair, gently tugging on the strands as shane presses tight tight tighter to his side until they're plastered together, shane's leg between his, half of shane's body on top of him.
and then shane is lifting his head and ilya is cupping shane's chin, pressing his thumb to the corner of shane's mouth, tugging on his pretty swollen lips. shane's face tilts into the touch and his tongue sweeps over his bottom lip, catching the tip of ilya's thumb. shane's hands are tucked around ilya's ribs, fingers making circles over sensitive flesh. and then ilya is bending awkwardly, stretching his neck to capture shane's mouth in a searing kiss. he doesn't care that the angle hurts his neck or strains his traps. he wants to kiss this beautiful sleepy version of shane that's nuzzling into him and purring like he's some big, heavy cat. and shane's mouth tastes like stale morning breath and his lips are sloppy and a little over sensitive but ilya doesn't care. the kiss is perfect. he licks into shane's mouth and drags shane closer until shane is sitting on his stomach and bending down over him, his big hands now on either side of ilya's head and holding him in place. shane's thumbs rub over his earlobes and ilya breathes a sigh of relieve -- the touch soothes the parts of him still lingering in the impossibility of this all -- and ilya grips shane's face back, thumbs pressing into the hinge of shane's strong jaw and urging him to release, to slacken, to let ilya press his tongue into the depths of shane's hot mouth. shane relents to the touch easily, of course, jaw slack and breathes panting in increasingly higher whines and ilya bites at his already sensitive lips and sucks on his tongue.
the makeout turns to rolling over the mattress, limbs tangling together, hands shoving briefs aside so they're entirely skin-to-skin. ilya's hands find the meat of shane's ass and his fingers dig in, kneading the flesh, pushing them closer together. shane's hands mimic the movement of ilya's and he grins as shane squeezes his ass and drags their hips tight together in a uncoordinated inelegant rhythm. rolling waves of pressure and closeness in each sliding press of their swollen cocks together. and shane is breathing a little shaky and his mouth has dropped open and his lashes are fluttering and his cheeks are pink and ilya is dropping kisses over and over and over, all across the skin in reach. a kiss to shane's jaw, his chin, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his eyelids, his brows, his lips, his lips, his lips. and he wants to swallow shane whole and he wants to look at him forever and he wants to fuck him and he wants to hold him and he wants to kiss kiss kiss him.
"please fuck me," shane's whispering, shivering when ilya presses his fingers between his cheeks and feels where shane is still relaxed and tender from yesterday. they'd fucked once, twice, three times before the end of the day. unable to help themselves. the first time a rush of pushing biting scratching shoving with shane on his knees. then with shane on top gripping at ilya's chest and riding ilya so filthy, so fast, so fierce it had made ilya's brain melt out his ears helpless but to grasp at shane's hips and grunt with each skilled roll of the man's body. then with shane on his back, legs locked around ilya's hips and their fingers tangled, pressing into the mattress above their heads as they kissed and moved lazily in the soft glow of the lamplight. and between that they'd kissed, and kissed, and kissed. kissed tangled on the couch after dinner. kissed by the firepit with ilya's hands cupping the back of shane's head. kissed in the shower pressed against the cool glass. kissed after they'd brushed their teeth, breaths minty, shane sitting on the counter and wrapping his legs around ilya's hips, keeping them close together.
and then shane's pleading, again, "please, ilya, fuck me." and ilya is humming, nodding, pressing shane down into the mattress and pushing his knees back to open him up. he's staring for a moment, thumb brushing over where shane is sensitive and clenching around nothing, begging to be filled, and then he's moaning and dragging his tongue over the hot flesh, kissing and sucking and prodding into shane's body with his slick tongue. and he stays there between shane's legs until his chin is slick with saliva and shane is writhing and tugging at his hair. when he pulls back shane is all blushing neck and flushed chest and sweat slick forehead and wide blown pupils and he's so so so fucking pretty. he's so fucking pretty and he likes ilya. he's so fucking pretty and he wants ilya to fuck him. he's so fucking pretty and he wants to relax with ilya, for once. and ilya is crawling back up his body and kissing him again and shane is moaning and biting at his mouth and arching up to rub his cock into ilya's hip and he's cupping ilya's balls with one hand and shoving the other in ilya's curls and gripping tight and saying "i like you so much" and ilya is grinding his body into shane's touch and then he's gasping and fuck did he just...?
shane's hips still and ilya squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a long, self-admonishing groan, head dropping down to the crook of shane's neck, hiding himself there in the warmth of shane's skin. and shane is giggling and ilya is pinching his side and shane is just giggling harder.
"did you just...?" shane asks and ilya is growling "shut up" as shane is tugging on his hair trying to get him to look at him. when he pulls back -- finally -- he expects to see maybe disappointment but shane is grinning wild and wide. his eyes are all crinkled and his freckles are bunched up around his nose and his mouth is stretched in a smile ilya has never seen before and he puffs a breath as he looks at this pretty, beautiful, perfect man. who likes him. so much. of course he just...
"sorry," he mumbles and shane shakes his head and nuzzles their mouths together, dragging lazy kisses over ilya's slack lips. "no," he's saying "that was hot" and ilya is making an indignant sound. it was definitely not hot that he just came from shane barely touching him and talking to him all sweetly in his deep morning voice. "you really like me," shane teases and ilya groans "you like me so much you came before i even did anything" and ilya is muttering "shut the fuck up" and shane is laughing again but it turns to moaning gasping whimpering when ilya wraps a calloused palm around shane's dribbling cock, thumb pressing meanly into the sensitive head.
and then he's bullying shane onto his stomach and yanking his hips up and spreading his cheeks with his hands and pushing his tongue back into shane's hole. eating him out ferociously, rough and sloppy, morning stubble dragging a little painfully over sensitve skin. and he won't touch shane's dick. he won't let shane come. he won't let shane touch himself. he's indulging in sucking and kissing and tonguing at shane's pretty wet loose hole until he is hard again and then he's fucking shane long and slow and mean. not quite giving him enough to come, driving him over the edge of over sensitve, holding him down between the shoulder blades and making him take it. ilya's come once now he can go on and on and on. and shane is whimpering, tears spilling over red cheeks, by the time ilya finally picks up the pace, adjusts his angle, and gives shane what he wants. fucking into shane hard and brutal and precise. cock dragging over that perfect spot on every press in and on every drag back out. still he doesn't let shane touch himself and shane is hiccuping, gripping at the sheets and clenching his teeth around pathetic little mewls by the time he is finally coming. handsfree. shaking beneath ilya's hold. ilya pulls out and tears of the condom and jerks himself off furiously until he's coming all over shane's ass, painting his skin in sticky, thick cum. shane's gasping at the sensation and his spent cock dribbles more between his legs as he whimpers, reaching back for ilya's hand, fingers clenching and unclenching begging for connection.
and ilya's slowly turns shane over and slides their fingers together, bring shane's knuckles to his mouth, kissing over the thick, boyish knobs of his knuckles. and then he's slumping over shane and kissing all over his face and murmuring "i do really like you" and shane is smiling, dopey and fuckdrunk and angling his face into each kiss like a sunflower seeking sunlight. "i really like you" he's mumbling and their noses nudge and their lips smear and that's how ilya wakes up on his first morning at shane's cottage.
ilya and shane have been making out for a while. ilya starts kissing shaneâs neck and giving him loving bites and shane moans and goes âilya, we really need to leave now, our friends are waiting and weâre already lateâ and ilya replies between kisses âshane, no one would care if we got there a little lateâ and he stops to look at his husbandâs pretty face and says âjust a quickie, okay?â and shane looks at him with a âreally?â face and goes âitâs never quick with youâ and ilya goes for another kiss and whispers into his husbandâs lips âthen letâs start now so we donât get there even laterâ. they arrive an hour late and troy asks âwhy are you guys always late?â and ilya opens his mouth to answer but troy cuts him off and goes âactually i donât want to knowâ and one of the rookies says âi doâ and one of the WAGs slaps his head.
Ilya kissing Shane anywhere on his skin like Shane is his cuddly toy that can also play hockey. Kissing his shoulder anytime he leans over his shoulder to see hockey stats on his laptop. Kissing his palm and then the back of his hand and then his palm again while Shane drives, like in thanks because it's Ilya's playlist blasting through the speakers and Shane didn't fuss. Kissing his forehead where Shane is scrunching his eyebrows reading, reminding him to relax. Kissing his feet (even the soles as Shane yelps and giggles, ticklish, trying to be upset but failing) as he massages them at the end of a long day. Kissing his scalp again and again in bed because Shane bonked it slightly during practice and Ilya's heart nearly stopped. His Shane. His baby Shane. Kissing his naked chest and nipples in the afterglow, sprawled over him and holding possessively like someone could snatch him away. Sometimes he's almost obsessive with it, kissing his navel and the low soft of his stomach instead of blowing him, which he was about to do. Shane whines and nudges him with a knee, all Ilya please, come on don't make me beg. But Ilya only smiles, nips with vampire like teeth, kisses again, says, I will take my time. We have time now.
bravest boy in the world tears in his eyes, not letting them fall and only being able to shake or nod his head while coming to terms with the fact that he's gay âčïž
my prediction that I hope will not come true is that hr will cast a chubby actor to play Harris, but he won't be like, FAT fat. and it will start a whole discourse about what even is fat and who is fat enough to play fat roles and people will say he's too small and other people will argue that no no he is fat guys come on and meanwhile this poor actor who probably HAS been told his whole life that he IS fat because body standards for actors are insane and unrealistic and wildly fatphobic, will now suddenly be caught in the crosshairs of a discussion that at its core, will be based around the merits of his body. and somehow everyone involved in that discourse will claim they are highly highly moral actually
Obviously, one of my hills to die on is that I do not agree with the very simplistic take of "Ilya is afraid for his safety, Shane is afraid for his career."
Because as I've mentioned before, homophobic violence and institutional oppression is not unique to Russia. All it takes is one look at gay bashing statistics of both Canada and the United States (where both players spend a significant amount of time) to realize that and get very depressed.
Shane isn't going to get arrested for being gay, but there is definitely a non-zero chance of getting beat up for looking at someone too long in the showers.
And yes, of course, this isn't going to actually happen in a light-hearted romance novel. But Ilya getting arrested and sent to the gulag is also not likely to happen in a light-hearted romance novel. But for some reason, while Ilya's fear is acceptable and textually established, the idea that Shane might have a fear of homophobic violence apparently goes against romance novel genre conventions.
That said, the other thing that annoys me about that argument is that it completely ignores the idea that SHANE could be afraid for ILYA's safety. Not so much in episode one, I admit. At that time, he and Ilya are practically strangers and only just getting to know each other. And Russia has not passed the really scary anti-gay laws yet.
But by episode five? The cottage? Of course, Shane's going to be afraid for Ilya. And this is a factor that I wish was brought up in TLG, because even if Shane also isn't happy with the status quo, he's not likely to suggest changing anything until Ilya's citizenship status is safely resolved.
actually i'm still worked up over "Shane hates other gay people." when peoples only evidence of this is Shane meeting Fabian, and it's literally evidence to the contrary.
"He was, like, really blatantly not straight in a way that Shane wasnât used to. The kind of man who, when Shane had been younger and still figuring himself out, he would look at and think âIâm not gay because Iâm not like him.â It wasnât a good way to think about anything, but even as a gay man who was in love with another man who he had gay sex with, Shane couldnât help the knee-jerk reaction of uneasiness in Fabianâs presence.
Which just proved that Shane needed to spend more time around other queer people. Particularly, queer people who didnât play hockey."
Yes shane was uncomfortable around fabian but
Shane INSTANTLY realizes it's wrong to feel this way
wants to remedy the situation by being around other queer people
and he's confident getting used to being around people who are visibly queer is the solution
He has a good time with Fabian and Ryan in a queer venue
He's not particularly worried about being seen around queer people. only that his and Ilyas relationship is visible.
I also just hate how the internalized homophobia shane does exhibit here is treated as a static trait. Even though he's actively working through it. And has worked past some issues with it. People often depict him with more internalized homophobia at the end of the long game than he does at the beginning of the book. I also don't like how people interpret shanes actions as the product of internalized homophobia when many of them are actually the product of institutional homophobia
