meh why not. Honkai Star Rail X reader incorrect quotes when you have the time because I forgot you wrote for them.
I had a blast with this. Also, a special thanks to @tragedy-of-commons for reading these over.
Now! Your Wish Is My Command!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Natasha: You need to stop drinking so many energy drinks.
Seele: You're one to talk.
Natahsha: The last patient who refused to stop drinking energy supplements after I suggested it died.
Seele: Oh no.
Natasha: In a car crash.
You: That sounds unrelated.
Natasha: I’m the one who crashed it. Do not disobey me.
You: Why do you two like being out in the rain so much?
Screwllum: I like splashing in the puddles and rain is just fun!
Ruan Mei: I'm trying to get hit by lightning for my research.
Sparkle: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind.
Sparkle: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.
Sparkle: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?
You: …This is Monopoly.
You and Asta: Madam Herta, help! We did a bad thing!
Herta: Does it affect me?
You and Asta: Not technically—
Herta: Then suffer in silence.
You: Do you know a turtle's greatest weakness?
Ruan Mei: How slow they are?
You: No, their only weakness is that they can get stuck on their back.
Ruan Mei: What if you taped two turtles together? They'd be unstoppable, correct?
You: …
Ruan Mei: …
Ruan Mei: …I will be back shortly
You: Ruan Mei, NO—
You: Died and came back as a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.
Archeon: Laughs
-Elsewhere-
Boothill: I suddenly feel like strangling someone.
You: I need some help dealing with a problem, do you have any suggestions?
Jingliu: Sword.
You: Do you have any other suggestions?
Jingliu: …Two swords.
You: Do you have any idea how many laws you're breaking on a daily basis?
Silver Wolf: One?
You: No.
Silver Wolf: Two?
You: No.
Silver Wolf: …Is it one?
You: why are you following me?
Kafka: because we’re dating now
You: okay… what about the rest of you?
Kafka: we’re a package deal
Silver Wolf, walking next to the rest of the Stellaron hunters while burying her face in a game and Blade maneuvering her to avoid hazards like light poles: buy one idiot, get several free
You: Do you want to play 20 Questions?
Firefly: Sure!
You: What's your favorite color?
Firefly, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Will you go out on a date with me?
Kafka: I love making short jokes about Wolfie.
You: They go right over her head.
Silver Wolf, standing on a step stool: Fuck you.
Blade, reading the note in the lunch packed for him by you and Kafka: the path to inner peace starts with four words
Blade: not my fucking problem
Blade: Narrows Eyes I think this one is for Firefly
Firefly, reading the note in the lunch packed for her by you and Kafka: Please, for the love of the Aeons, be good. We know your love language is acts of service. We also know your only skill is stabbing people.
Firefly: Tilts Head To The Side I… believe this is for blade…
You: I love my personal space
You point to the Silver Wolf latched onto your back
You: this is Wolfie. Wolfie also loves my personal space.
You: Why are you smiling Blade?
Blade: Am I not allowed to be happy?
Kafka: Of course you are Bladie… It’s just that you being happy, usually means someone’s lost their life… or a limb.
Pom Pom: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway.
The Express Crew, desperately trying to avoid spring cleaning after the last "Incident": …
Pom Pom: Choo Choo motherfuckers, come out already.
Stelle, waving at the crew as she steps onto the express after being splattered by a small army of stings: hello.
Himeko: i-
Welt: we literally saw you die.
Dan Heng: you died.
March 7th: you're dead.
Stelle, shrugging: death is a social construct.
You and Stelle: some fools be like “I play games to escape my responsibilities” then pick tank or healer
Welt: In my greatest fantasies I am able to help people
Dan Heng: In my fantasies I can prevent people from being hurt, even if it means I get hurt in their stead
Himeko: In my fantasies I don’t have to know how to aim
March 7th: In my fantasies I control who lives and who dies
You standing at the top of the stairs: What are y'all doing at the bottom of the staircase?
Ruan Mei: I accidentally fell down.
Herta: RUAN MEI PUSHED ME down the stairs because I refuse to pay HER part of our rent!
Screwllum: Ruan Mei bet me fifty Credits that I couldn't reach the bottom of the stairs faster than she did falling down it, so I slid down the banister to get my money.
Dr. Ratio: I don't know how I got here. One moment, I was sleeping in my bed, three floors up, and several galaxies away and then suddenly I was waking up here, just in time to get crushed by Screwllum.
You: Do you think different paints have different tastes?
Ruan Mei: They do.
Herta: …Why did you say that with such certainty?
Dr. Ratio, talking to You and Topaz: Well, whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘would Aventurine do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing.
You and Topaz: …
Aventurine: I know I should be offended, but he's not wrong.
Silver Wolf talking about you: How do you feel about Them, Firefly?
Firefly, vibrating at a frequency high enough to shatter a glass: I love Them a normal amount.
You and the Stellaron Hunters sitting in jail together
You: So who should we call?
Silver Wolf: I’d call Blade, but I feel safer in jail
You: When do you usually go to sleep?
Blade: Whenever I collapse is entirely up to the Aeons.
Kafka: My body will pass out when it's ready
Kafka and Blade: high five
You: angry staring (edited)
Firefly: Good News! The store had blueberry bagels! Bad news, the cream cheese died… or became more alive… It is the wrong amount of alive.
Tingyun, after being caught lying in bed with your shirt on: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.
You: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.
Yukong: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?
You: Peonies, why?
Yukong: …
You: Were you going to get me flowers?
Yukong: …
You: …
Yukong, under her breath: It's a possibility…
Quingque: I owe you one.
You: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.
Blade: walks in to see you and Firefly sitting on the couch facing away from each other.
Blade: I know I will more than likely regret asking, but what's going on there?
Firefly, gaming: They're having a fight.
Blade, confused: Then why are they holding hands?
Kafka, playing with her Cat: Fighting makes them sad.
Natasha: Why are there little handprints all over the wall?
You, whispering to The Moles: Why are there little handprints all over the wall?
The Moles: Because we have little hands.
You: *Nods Sagely Before Turning To Natasha*
You, with a smile: Its because The Moles have little hands
You, when Wildfire was just starting: Natasha, sweetie, the love of my life, all you have is a handful of impoverished shantytowns paying us protection money. We're basically slum lords.
Natasha: And what's the main rule we have?
Julian: Don't dare The Leader Of The Moles, Dark Hook The Great to do stupid stuff.
You: And why's that?
Hook with her head stuck between two stair rails: Because I have no regard for my personal well being.
