bug with a weird brain

It/He - Neurodivergence and Disability sideblog - Main is NonexistentNull

[showmantisship]

sideblog from NonexistentNull , focused on neurodivergence and disability and such 

call me Null, i use it/its and he/him, masc terms please. 

i’m a straight aroallo trans man (also kinda butch lesbian, it’s complicated). 

i have autism, depression, adjustment disorder, trichotillomania, and chronic pain. i relate a lot to NPD but i don’t think i have the full disorder. i think i’m low support needs? low-medium?

i like writing and drawing 😎 my special interest is my OCs

i struggle with tone, so sorry if i come off as rude. i’m not trying to fight 

feel free to send asks :) i like talking. anon is turned on for now (including questions about writing characters with my conditions, i’m not an expert but i’m happy to share my thoughts)

WARNING i don’t tag reblogs with content warnings, and i reblog stuff that includes gore, self harm, suicide, bigotry, nudity, etc. if you follow me and something really bothers you, just message me and i’ll start tagging it

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Your parents are not "narcissists". They're typical authoritarian assholes who treat you like their property because society allows them to.

Your ex boyfriend is not a "narcissist". He's a typical misogynistic douchebag who treats women like shit because society allows him to.

Your boss is not a "narcissist". They're a typical classist dipshit who thinks workers' entire purpose in life is to generate profit because society allows them to.

And even if they happen to be a "narcissist", that's not what gave them the power to get away with abuse.

So stop blaming mental illness and start blaming society's normalization of abuse. Stop acting like someone has to have a mental illness in order to do something cruel when ordinary people have been doing atrocious things since forever.

[friendforthefucking]

This ☝️💯💯💯

[twistedangelboness]

they hate when ur depression actually makes u depressed and unable to take care of yourself or do anything properly and hate urself and be unable to communicate rather than when you’re depressed and doing everything to distract yourself instead of laying in bed for ten hours straight

[bebsi-cola]

this disability pride i wanna keep in mind the disabled people who are in a difficult situation because of their disability. people who were made homeless because of their disability, people who are stuck in abusive homes and can't get out because of their disability. people whose disability was used against them to facilitate abuse, like taking away their autonomy - medical, legal, or otherwise - taking charge of their finances, taking advantage of their vulnerabilities. it's reasonable to think that a lot of disabled people, especially disabled people in difficult circumstances such of these, would struggle to connect with the idea of disability pride. but pride or otherwise, this month should also be disability solidarity month. this month and every month is for all disabled people in all sorts of circumstances

[hell-on-sticks]

I think maybe not enough people in disability spaces think about what it's like to need the assistance of a carer.

It's a different experience for different levels of need. Some of us might need only low support, or support with specific tasks. Others need higher support, and there are many disabled people who need assistance with most or all daily tasks.

Dependence is a scary thought for some people, but for many it's a part of everyday life. Some level of dependence is common for disabled people, and needing carers or support workers is not as uncommon as people think.

Disability conversations often don't discuss carers, or don't allow people to bring their carers into the conversation. Some people may need assistance from carers or support workers to be in a physical place for community. Some might need help using online spaces like tumblr. Some might need help communicating. Carers are a part of life for many and talking about carers is important.

Carers can be positive, supportive and good relationships. But can also be stifling or even abusive. Care is complicated, and people should be able to talk about it.

I can only talk about my experience of lower level care. I invite people with formal support workers and full time care to share.

[disabled-bug]

Idk what person with chronic illness needs to hear this, but you can do things to make your responsibilities nicer for yourself. You can get an ice cream after a blood draw. You can sit down for tv time after an injection. You can pick out the bandaids that have cartoon characters on them instead of the plain ones. Being an adult doesn’t stop you from benefiting from encouragement. Go for whatever fits with your routine/abilities/budget and makes life a little better. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down etc etc

[creekfiend]

its so awkward when people ask me why i dropped out and i have to be like "inadequate disability support" bc no one wants to hear this. they're always like i thought they had to provide that though isn't it the law? girl you might want to sit down i have some bad news about the litigation-based enforcement of the americans with disabilities act

then if i do say that theyre like, couldnt you sue? well theoretically maybe but not without spending more money than i have and putting myself through absolute hell. so no. no i can't.

[wheelie-sick]

apsychotic (not psychotic) autistic people- you have more in common with the average schizospec person than a neurotypical

[nacricissa]

Hullo not to pry but I am curious

What fun* traits do we share?

*traits need not be fun

[wheelie-sick]

there are quite a few, especially because the schizophrenia spectrum consists of several different disorders that have different (but similar) symptoms.

autism actually used to be considered a type of schizophrenia several versions of the DSM back!

Just looking at schizophrenia- it can cause things like a flat effect, echolalia, trouble discerning social norms, trouble reading other people's emotions, cognitive difficulties, social withdrawal, inflexible concrete thinking, and much else.

a lot of allistic people on the schizospec are mistaken for being autistic

[wheelie-sick]

#i seem to remember reading recently something about the possibility of schizophrenia#being considered a neurodevelopmental disorder like autism/adhd are already understood#rather than ‘just’ a ‘mental illness’#anyway good post

picking out this little section of your tags to say yes, you're right!

here's a link to a paper about it

here's a link to the pdf in a google drive in case that link isn't working

it's a short paper and not particularly full of jargon so if you're curious I'd definitely recommend reading it! it also mentions the mad pride movement which makes me incredibly happy

[mindflamer]

it's so maddening that helpful services for my disabilities "exist" yet anytime i try to access one i don't qualify, it's not in my area, it's not accessible, insurance doesn't cover it, there's rules i can't meet, etc. who is this even for

[traumatised-mum]

you ever just sit and realise u can’t remember 80% of your childhood? like … what happened? who am i ..?

[anisetheapothecary]

Many people in the comments are saying “trauma”, but this is actually a very normal occurrence. It’s called Childhood Amnesia, and it’s a process which, as the brain reorganizes itself for cognitive thought that is developed in late childhood, it changes the Accessibility of those memories during recall. Many childhood memories are available to the person, but they will not be remembered during regular recall activity, you have to “trick” your brain into remembering with different tactics.

This is because there are two parts to memories - their encoding and their recall. The encoding determines their availability, their recall determines their accessibility. The reason why trauma memory and childhood amnesia are different is in this distinction. Trauma memory is often encoded differently, bypassing to the limbic system where it is stored as intrinsic memory. It can’t be recalled because it was never encoded. Childhood amnesia, however, seems to indicate that the memories are encoded, but we lose access to them as we age. This is most likely due to the development of brain structures that fundamentally change our encoding and recall of memory as we get older.

This is an important distinction, because trauma memory is “stored in the body”, i.e. you get triggers that send your body into a cascade of uncontrollable feelings, sensations and reactions. Whereas childhood memories won’t generally do that, they are just recalled at odd times with odd associations.

[malcolmcooks]

reblogging this because I’ve legit seen people freaking out when they realised they can’t remember some of their childhood, thinking they might have some repressed trauma.

[clownpuppysposts]

I don’t understand what most of this means but it’s important to know that not having a lot of childhood memories is normal

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

(ok start by saying clownpuppysposts friend this not at you / angry at you. just need get out some frustration abt person who made addition)

…addition may have true information but considering OP (before post broke) literally called traumatized-mum & literally include “who am i” in post… pretty sure this not good n appropriate place to do this?

double considering addition also kinda gloss over fact that this IS real thing for traumatized people in response to early childhood trauma & dissociative amnesia is thing, n that as always there difference between typical experience by everyone & more specific experiences that fewer people experience that negatively impact them give them stress distress identity crisis.

“many people in comments saying ‘trauma’” yeah bc presumably OP be trauma blog n so people who interact with them n their post also be people w trauma!

“…but this is actually very normal occurrence” …not when it lead someone to wonder who they are n have identity crisis!!! it’s not even say as “this can be normal occurrence of childhood everyone experience” just straight up “this IS”

said under post of someone w “traumatized” in username n likely vent post

also some people in notes saying some very… hmm weird things abt amnesia n memory that. hmm can’t help but be reminded of things say to dismiss childhood abuse survivors…including in big court cases targeting abuse survivors who experienced dissociative amnesia from abuse!

[factumnihil]

"the trauma made you kind" fuck that. no. i am kind because i cannot allow anyone to go through what i did. i am soft because i chose to be.

[peculiar-persephone]

Trauma made me scared, angry, and vulnerable.

I made myself kind.

[tlitookilakin]

“Ten spears go to battle," he whispered, "and nine shatter. Did the war forge the one that remained? No, Amaram. All the war did was identify the spear that would not break.” 

- Brandon Sanderson’s Oathbringer

[sotrias-labyrinth-deactivated20]

I feel like ODD being an official disorder in the DSM should be the thing that makes everyone go “hm” about how psychology is practiced

[txttletale]

[looking a child directly in the eye] i diagnose you with Shitty Bitch Syndrome. this makes it legal to do medieval german tortures to you by the way

[cringepics]

cmon man

[picklepuffin]

Hi I have an undergrad psych degree! I also have ADHD! In my motherfucking TEXTBOOK, the authors said, “Research describes ADHD as a neurodevelopmental disorder in the same vein as Autism. We are putting the (miniscule) section on ADHD in the same chapter as ODD, though, because we believe really these disorders both boil down to ✨️ people not doing what we tell them to because they are lazy✨️”

So my actual TEXTBOOK admitted that it was biased and teaching these disorders based on opinion and not up to date research. And, as described above, the section on ODD was basically just, “these are bad kids. We will not look into why or how or what comorbidities exist and we will also not be exploring the possibility of ODD really being a manifestation of trauma/undiagnosed adhd/autism/pathological demand avoidance/persistent drive for autonomy. We will however be mostly focusing on how annoying these kids are to their parents and teachers ✨️”

It’s fucking crazy. “Yeah we know lots of people with autism struggle to follow demands. They may either ignore/not register demands or have meltdowns when demands are placed. They may engage in physical aggression, verbal aggression, and property desctruction when directed to complete tasks or be exposed to uncomfortable sensory input. They may need to know the why behind demands and consequently argue with authority figures. They may be easily upset by sensory input or social interactions and have emotional outbursts when pushed beyond their limits. Some children with autism seek attention and may engage in maladaptive behaviors to elicit the attention of peers and caregivers if positive attention is not given freely/if they are ignored when behaving appropriately. All of these are symptoms of their underlying neurological differences and should be met with compassion and understanding. They are not bad children. Their brains process information differently and therefore they have executive functioning, sensory processing, and emotional regulation challenges that cause these behaviors.

Those kids over there? Yeah they have all the same symptoms but they are just Morally Wrong and Bad Children. They have Oppositional Defiance Disorder. How can I tell? Well that one hand flaps and that one doesn’t.”

[brightlotusmoon]

[glorioustidalwavedefendor]

How would you even measure that?

Things adults wrongly identify as arguing:

Asking for clarification

Asking any kind of question

defending yourself

answering a question teh adult has just asked you

breathing

Existing

Oh, also:

Race and the Mental Representation of Individuals Diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Implications for Diagnosis

Results: Classification images (CIs) showed that the children selected as having ODD appeared more prototypically Black in facial appearance than children not chosen as having ODD. No differences emerged in the gendered appearance of the two group-level CIs. Judged rates of ODD were higher for the children who appeared to be Black. However, diagnostic judgments of clinical trainees and practitioners were unaffected by appearance factors, suggesting that formal clinical training might attenuate the influence of stereotypes on judgment. Discussion: These results indicate that an overlap in Black stereotypes and diagnostic criteria for ODD might contribute to elevated diagnosis of ODD in African American children.

[whereserpentswalk]

Overwhelmingly Black diagnosis.

Pathologizes problems with authority to dismiss them as irrational.

Drapetomania - Wikipedia

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

If you're comfortable accusing anyone of faking disability, you're not a real ally to disabled people

[teaboot]

One time when I was a kid a group of girls and I had to treat another student for hypothermia by ourselves because she had so many invisible health issues that the adults we asked for help didn't believe us. The student in question was actively hallucinating. When I finally ran for help the people I grabbed were slow as shit to respond, casually joking about how "dramatic" the person in question was.

The kid was picked up by an ambulance 30 minutes later.

Now as an adult working in security I get SO MANY folks- upper-middle aged mostly- coming to me to 'rat out' people they think are faking it.

I was once sent into a bathroom because a client demanded that the "fucker won't get out, so go drag them out"- I was NEVER going to do that, so I did a wellness check instead. You know who it was? A person recently released from the hospital after a car accident. They had a hole in their skull and major hearing loss. They couldn't answer the owner because they couldn't HEAR the owner.

Another time about a homeless man who got around town by kicking the ground from his wheelchair. "You know he doesn't actually need that thing, his legs work fine, it's just for pity points"- Oh, so he's not paralyzed, his wheelchair is performative? Funny story Dale, I actually know that guy, he was backed over by a truck and has chronic pain from his shattered pelvis. But sure, let's make him stand up and walk everywhere so nobody feels too bad for him and tries to help him or something.

"She doesn't need that scooter, I've seen her get out of it."

"Look how fat he is, because he just rides around and refuses to get up."

"She doesn't really need that cane- she comes here without it all the time"

Sincerely, truly, from the bottom of my heart- as someone who isn't physically disabled but hears this shit all the time- fuck off

[insidestory1]

When you tell someone about being mistreated because of your disability, there is a common response that goes something along the lines of, "But did you explain to them properly why you can't do x thing?" "Did you make sure they understood why you need x accomodation?" "Maybe they just didn't understand?"

For example: "Did you properly explain that the reason you don't do hugs is because of your autism?" or "Maybe they don't really understand how bad fibro fatigue is and that's why they got upset at you for concelling plans."

I hate these kind of responses. They give me the same vibe as being asked, "Yeah, but what were you wearing when you got catcalled?" They put the responsability for the problem onto the person who was discriminated against, instead of the one doing the discriminating. Disabled people should not be expected to go through grueling explanations or justify their needs before those needs are respected.

[powerchairpunk]

reminder that there are many physical disabilities that involve the brain. disorders can be both neurological and psychiatric, but they are two separate categories of illness.

in discussions about brain dysfunction, people usually think of neurodiversity and mental illness. neurological disorders that are primarily physical are often left out of the conversation entirely.

many neurological conditions are not psychiatric, and treating the two as synonymous is denying the lived experiences of a large percentage of the physically disabled population.

[schizopositivity]

Happy pride to everyone who is schizo-spec/psychotic and lgbtqia+ !!!

We are real. Our mental illness doesn't invalidate our identity. Our identities aren't the reason we are mentally ill.

We are a crucial part of both communities and we are a tough ass group of people.

[1000rh]

…psychiatry assumes that society does not cause distress in biologically normal people, who are considered biologically normal at least in part because they are economically productive. This assumption permits the conclusion that if a person is distressed to the point of unproductivity, it is because that person—not society—is abnormal. Thus, psychiatry’s commitment to biological essentialism not only masks the role of the constructed sociopolitical environment in creating distress but depoliticizes it by characterizing that allegedly irrational distress as induced by biological abnormality.

– Kiera Lyons, “The Neurodiversity Paradigm and Abolition of Psychiatric Incarceration” (2023)