Bound with one Chain @ tumblr

No Gods. Only Shitposts.

[ministarfruit]

I love this text post so I drew it

[lamezone]

gift horse

[boringkate]

Someone somewhere is the best in the world at sucking dick and it's meaningless. They aren't famous. There's no prize. It's not a competition. None of us are competitors. You don't have anything to prove. All that matters is that you keep sucking. Maybe we can even suck on it together.

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

Gifted

[mf-dooom]

[yetanothergreyjedi]

that is the face of a man worried he will be next

[ashtraythief]

Good news, he was not next! In fact, she accepted him as her mate, he learned the crane mating dance and now every year, he artificially inseminates her with crane semen to expand the very endangered crane population. True story.

[luulapants]

Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man's boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you're excited about it.

[whetstonefires]

crane husband.....

[roach-works]

this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.

[alex51324]

(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:

Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980′s.  The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.  

As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.  

It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.  

Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, it’s pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.  

The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.

They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.   

Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris--and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.  

Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.  

Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent.  (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)  

It worked!  

Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility--sometimes the biological dad and his mate--both because it’s unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.  

However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them.  (This would not work with real eggs because he can’t sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)

Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird.  White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he can’t retire while Walnut is alive.  (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)  

[thesylverlining]

Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this

she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)

His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)

the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)

"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")

chris sits any potential human partners down, like "my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already... Attached" (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) "Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding... the relationship is open, but very committed"

[anais-ninja-bitch]

just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.

well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.

[largishcat]

[eshlimoriarty]

[lazorsandparadox]

Not only is he 'married' to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes

[queersatanic]

the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was

[worldheritageposts-official]

World Heritage Post

[kedreeva]

I regret being the bearer of bad news, but I thought it should be shared that Walnut passed away in January of this year (2024). There's a lot of mixed info about the lifespan of cranes (due to people misunderstanding what a median is...) but the average for most species I know of is 20-30 years (in the wild if nothing eats them/they don't die young), and 30-45 in captivity, with the oldest known white-naped crane having loved to be 46. Given that she was 42, this old gal did good, and I'm certain she will be missed by folks here.

[optimysticals]

Fly on forever Walnut Crane-Crowe

[skopostheorie]

[gammadoppler]

Alien pulling your sleeve to get your attention: and who is this Cunt you all serve

[ghodaer]

[prokopetz]

Look, when you see someone talking about a particular bit of tabletop RPG rules tech and your first reaction is "well, that just doesn't sound practical", your first question should be whether you've actually identified a problem, or whether you've merely assumed without justification that every part of the game in question other than the bit you just read about is identical to Dungeons & Dragons.

[shortlesbian]

[goldensunset]

>‘this thing is too generic and tropey’

>look inside

>forefather of that genre

[firestorm09890]

[frankbelloriley]

[prokopetz]

Getting real tired of RPGs – both computer and tabletop – where willingness to fuck very inhuman things is a signpost of how morally bankrupt a character is, or at the very least of how much they're willing to Sacrifice For The Greater Good. I wanna see an RPG where getting it on with the Pulsating Mass is treated no differently from fucking an elf.

[zaprowsdower27]

You say that now. Wait until you've seen some of the things Pulsating Mass has posted on mainstream social media sites.

[prokopetz]

No contest – I've been on Elf Twitter.

[pankendev]

there are places in the world today that are experiencing 40°C for the first time in recorded history. of course there's no way to know whether chucking billionaires into volcanos will appease the sun god but i feel we're doing the scientific method a disservice if we don't at least try

[isuggesteatingtherich]

i have an easier suggestion

[isuggesteatingtherich]

[riverlett]

Promise?

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[sapphic-gengar]

BRING HIM BACK

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[sapphic-gengar]

oh thank goodness

[prokopetz]

You know words good.

Is there a historical or etymology reason why even though "Lady" is the feminine form of "Lord" it feels like if you use the term "Lady" as the intended form of respect, it kinda feels like you're being disrespectful by treating them like a normal person in comparison to when you use "Lord"?

(Bear in mind that all of this is a sweeping generalisation of a thousand years of history, so while most of it is broadly true in most cases, there were definitely numerous exceptions!)

Historically, feminine titles in English peerages were typically ranked as strictly inferior to their masculine counterparts. That's why a reigning king's wife is a queen, but a reigning queen's husband is a prince (or "prince-consort", if you want to get real specific); the former case admits no ambiguity regarding who's really in charge because "king" is a superior title to "queen", but in the latter case the husband can't be a king because if he was he'd technically outrank his spouse. Indeed, in many periods the only way to access a given feminine title was to marry the holder of its masculine counterpart, since women simply couldn't inherit titles. In such cases, unmarried female offspring of titled nobility and royalty would be styled "Lady" as a sort of generic "this person is a noble in theory but isn't allowed to hold a Real Title because she's a Girl" honorific.

So the short version is that the lack of respect is baked into the framework.

[ashleeabutton]

So I just hopped on to Darktide and was looking at the cosmetic shop when I see a fucking Ogryn giving me the most SMOULDERING BLUE STEEL. Like SIR, THIS IS AN INQUISITORIAL WENDYS

[peri-bytes]

I finished Endwalker

[anti-parent]

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

[anti-parent]

fantastic. i love it. i posted this after my wife said it yesterday and as i was doing it i was like "this can't be an original thought. as soon as i hit post someone's going to say 'you stole this from a tweet from 2014' and i'll say 'no, i stole it from my beautiful wife.'"