snufflestheunicorn

Tripping over puddles.... Steathily

[prettiestcaptain]

it’s that easy

[black-nata]

this fits so well i didn’t even blink

[keybladesoras]

Jason says non-binary rights!

BONUS!

[annblrs-blog]

it’s a fucking robot chill 💀

[cool-eevee]

[pharahsgf]

disney knew that if they'd let tiana be herself longer than half the movie no one would look at another disney girl ever again so they had to make her a frog. they nerfed her

[pharahsgf]

look at her. the class. the elegance. the effortless beauty. if we were allowed to see her for too long disney would never sell a raprumel or whatever the fuck doll again

[mcsqu1bb]

My autistic brother created a new family Christmas tradition

Okay, so last year, my mom bought this Christmas moose that she lovingly named Barry

This is him

Cute, right?

Well, for whatever reason only known to my brother, he decided that he wanted to put Barry in different rooms of our house and it usually scares the shit out of whomever happens upon Barry; usually the person who finds him is the person that my brother wanted to scare.

So far, Barry has been found

On our dining room table

On my dad’s side of my parents’ bed

In my parents’ closet

Outside their bedroom door (at 5 in the morning and scared my mother shitless)

Near the kitchen door

Near my fucking bed

At the bottom of my sister’s stairwell

In our bathroom

And down the hallway

This has gone on for 9 days and it doesn’t seem to show signs of stopping. Most of the time we know who gets Barry because it’s always followed with a very loud “FUCKING BARRY!!!!!”

My brother is the funniest fucking person I know.

[mcsqu1bb]

Update:

He found his way into my sister’s room.

And my brother is cackling maniacally downstairs.

[mcsqu1bb]

Holy fuck this doll is creepy

[mcsqu1bb]

Another update:

The soft glow of the Christmas tree seems to quell his bloodlust

[thesaltofcarthage]

vote to replace the evil surveillance Elf on the Shelf with Barry the Chrismoose

[annethecatdetective]

Broke: Elf on the Shelf Woke: Moose on the Loose

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

if i was the joker id just get a restraining order on batman and superman whataere they gonna do? break the law? then theyre no better than me, a cold blooded murderer. and this would 100% work, because superheroe movies have the shittiest takes on ethics since fucking kant

[fuckyeahthegoodplace]

[the-frog-emoji-is-ugly-as-shit]

[anti-capitalistlesbianwitch]

[ilovegodwyn]

Are you threatening me with violence

[branza]

[ithinkiamfinallyclean]

“they’re burning all the witches” 

ARTIST CREDIT

[imnotafan-art]

And there it is

[imnotafan-deactivated20171120]

Wow

[fozmeadows]

And meanwhile, assholes with no sense of irony or history refer to the naming of sexual predators as a witch hunt. 

[valtsv]

playing d&d when you're mentally ill is like getting therapy through your ocs

[valtsv]

me and all my equally depressed and traumatized friends meeting up to play d&d together like

[blueelectricangels]

if you read in a frog paper “specimen was released in the field immediately after capture” chances are very good that what it actually means is

“i dropped the damn frog and despite the fact that we fell all over each other no one could recapture it”

[blueelectricangels]

sometimes when i am sad i go read through the tags on this post, because they are 70% other biologists saying things like “AND ALSO FUCK FIELD MICE” and “THAT CRAB ALMOST BROKE MY FINGER” and I am reassured that I am not the only one who has bobbled a wood frog right into their cleavage.

plus six or seven people who just….can’t figure out what a frog paper could possibly be. (guys it’s…a scientific paper. about frogs.)

and this one

which made me laugh despairingly because i mean

bro you don’t even know.

[jumpingjacktrash]

what is the code entomologists use for “i stepped on it, i’m so sorry, it was dark out and the specimen was very small”

[coolmanfromthepast]

“Impromptu dissection was performed under less-than-optimal lighting conditions.”

[jumpingjacktrash]

‘impromptu dissection’ is an alarming phrase in any context and i thank you for it

[inky-petrel]

What’s biologist for “the little fucker BIT me and I yote it into the undergrowth on reflex”?

[tawghasa]

“Specimen was removed from the study pool due to abnormal interaction responses”

[vilkalizer]

I am reblogging this 98% for the second to last comment holy shit I’m fucking choking

[elfwreck]

I’m enjoying the tags/replies discussing the proper conjugation of “to yeet.” I am in favor of the decision that the future perfect is “will have yitten.”

[woefully-undercaffeinated]

Expanding this, NASA has a few gems from their report language:

“Underwent unplanned rapid disassembly” – it exploded, and it wasn’t an explosion we wanted to happen

“Lithobraking maneuver” – it stopped because it hit the goddamned ground.

“Engine-rich exhaust” – the engine bell melted or evaporated, or the engine ejected itself out the back of the rocket without having a very good reason to do so.

“Fishing orbit” – the craft is in the ocean instead of space and we didn’t mean to put it there

“Thrust was observed along an undesired vector” – the engine leaked and the rocket spun off into oblivion.

“Wearing his manager hat” – a moron who shouldn’t be an engineer (a reference to the infamous quote “take off your engineer hat and put on your manager hat” in the meeting in which the Challenger was cleared for launch)

“Received an unrequested transfer” – he’s dead.

[kittydesade]

LITHOBRAKING MANEUVER

[thesaltofcarthage]

oh my stars and garters, this got SO MUCH BETTER

[mijomii]

Sometimes I say self loathing things to my therapist and he looks at me dead in the eyes before saying “You fucking moron.” and tbh same

[mijomii]

Me: I think I don’t exist.

Therapist: Listen, you do exist, and if you didn’t, someone would have to create you because the world would be a much sadder place.

Me: Jerome, how dare you saying something so sweet when I’m dissociating.

[mijomii]

Me: Honestly, (thing that is totally fucked up for any ‘sane’ person) is normal, right?

Therapist: No.

Me: Wow.

Therapist: You’re just a fucked up bitch.

Me: I do agree with the fucked up bitch part.

Therapist: That’s a start!

[mijomii]

Me: I guess he’s still my friend?

Therapist: Considering what you told me and how much you wanna beat him to death, he’s not. You pretty much hate him despite knowing him for years.

Me:

Me: Why did I need to come here to realize that.

Therapist: Because that’s my job to help you to understand some stuff. Also because you’re way too kind and you would let someone punch you in the guts and still consider them as your friend while they stab you.

Me: I don’t need that kind of call out, Jerome.

[mijomii]

Me: Hey, I brought you coffee. And croissants too, but I ate them. *puts Starbucks coffee in front of him*

Therapist: Oh that’s nice!!... Oh my name is on it!!

Me: Yeah!!

Therapist: It’s wholesome but... *very confused and silently*... How do I drink it?

[mijomii]

Me, not being able to come to my appointment and having to call him: I’m sorry, it’s all my fault, I’m so so so sorr-

Therapist: I dare you to say sorry one more time. I dare you.

[mijomii]

Therapist: Hey I wanna show you this super funny image I found the other day.

Me: What-

Therapist: *turns his screen and show me THIS* 

Me: 

Me: Jerome.

[mijomii]

Therapist: You went to the gaypride?

Me: Yeah, I went.

Therapist: Was it something you enjoyed?

Me: Mh. Yeah. Sorta.

Therapist: Did you see some bears?

Me:

Me: Jerome wh-

Therapist: That’s the only term I know outside of the LGTB one, I wanted to use it. 

[mijomii]

Therapist: Are you sure you’re not becoming roommate with (name) because of pity? Kinda sacrificing yourself?

Me: No, I want it!!

Therapist: Finally, you’re not forcing yourself for the others! And you’re doing something you want! I’m proud of you!

Me: You’re more of a dad than my own father.

Therapist: That’s not very hard.

[mijomii]

Me: I always wondered, are you queer?

Therapist: I am not.

Me: Ooh.

Therapist: Or am I?

Me: Ooh!

[mijomii]

As an update, Jerome gave my appointment to someone’s else today so we were both in the waiting room, confused and he walked in, patted my head and said sorry but honestly it was hilarious.

The secretary came to tell me that Jerome actually forgot to write me down on the appointment list.

This is a 100% normal situation with Jerome as my Therapist.

[mijomii]

As an addition, more than half of my friends want Jerome to adopt me and refer to him as “Therapist dad”.

He’s aware of it and think it’s hilarious.

[mijomii]

Me, after complaining for the 25 times about my birth father: Idk if you noticed, but I’m full of anger against him.

Therapist: Oh, really, I never noticed. You know, you should turn that anger into indifference. It would help you.

Me: Unholy gods, I wish it was me.

[mijomii]

Therapist: You know, people will still love you even if you don’t offer them things all the time. You don’t have to do that.

Me: What??

[mijomii]

Therapist: Why don’t you send a mail to your psychiatrist when you have a bad mood swing?

Me: Like what? ‘Hey Joël wassup, I’ve been very suicidal lately last night I wanted to die. Hope you have rad vacations and the weed is good save some good kush for me, kissy kissy.’ ?

Therapist: Exactly.

Me: You’re as bad as me with human interactions Jerome, y’know.

[mijomii]

Me, heavily dissociating: I don’t exist-

Therapist: Can I touch you to prove you that you do?

Me: Dinner first.

Therapist:

Therapist: Damien, you moron.

[mijomii]

Therapist: You need vacations.

Me: I’m broke.

Therapist: Oh yeah.

Therapist: You still need vacations tho.

Me: Jerome, I am still broke.

[mijomii]

Me, by text: Hey, you just walk by me!

Therapist, by text: Oh sorry. I didn’t see you.

Therapist, by text: Wait. Were you at the tattoo shop?

Me, by text, totally at the tattoo shop: You have no proof.

[mijomii]

For a bit of context here: Around two months ago I went to a friend’s who happened the live on the same street as Jerome, which I didn’t know. He was really surprised to see me and came to check on me, asking me why I was here with a bit of concern on his voice. And this take place earlier this month:

Therapist: So your friend lives in the same street than I?

Me: Yes. Town’s short I guess.

Therapist: Were you really going to your friend...?

Me: Yes?? Why else would I be here?

Therapist: A lot of drug deals happen in this street and I see often teenagers and young adults coming and buy stuffs. I was a bit worried for you.

[mijomii]

Me, at 2pm: I’m sorry I’m going to be late!

Therapist: Your appointment was this morning at 11:30am, Damien.

Me:

Me: What.

[mijomii]

Jerome is still not aware of his fame and idk how to announce him.

[mijomii]

Therapist; What’s up with you and wanting domestic rats.

Me: I’m gonna get a rat and call him Jerome just to piss you off.

Therapist:

Therapist: How dare you.

[mijomii]

Therapist: Weed doesn’t do much on me and I must admit I’m kinda disappointed.

Me:

Therapist: Do you smoke?

Me: Jerome.

[bread-n-bed-n-head]

On hard days I wonder how Jerome is doing

[mijomii]

He’s doing fine, last time he shown me his fav pic of a red panda which is this one

[whatinrandamnation]

I FOUND IT I FOUND IT I FUCKING FOUND IT AAAAAAAH YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MADE ME FEEL

[mijomii]

It’s really amazing how happy people get when they find this post omg

[aethera-secat]

Always reblog Jerome.

Is he now aware of his fame?

[mijomii]

After months, he is, and he just told me “Haha, this is funny. I’m happy it’s helping people!”

I think he doesn’t realize that he’s known *worldwide*

[valtsv]

tv show concept: a human buys an old house already owned by a vampire. since the vampire is dead, they cannot hold a lease, however any eviction notice also isn't legally binding, so they have no choice but to live together, and both spend all their spare time trying to make each other's lives as miserable as possible in an attempt to force the other person to leave

[valtsv]

vampire: where the FUCK is my SOLID GOLD CANDELABRA??? it's a PRICELESS HEIRLOOM that's been in my family's possession for GENERATIONS, i'll have you know

human: *pointedly not looking in the direction of the golden hat rack that definitely wasn't in the hallway yesterday* ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[valtsv]

vampire: *walks into the kitchen and immediately starts coughing* what the hell is that vile stench?

human: *smugly* garlic bread

vampire: *gagging* we're getting an extractor chimney

[valtsv]

vampire: *wailing dramatically as they stalk the hallways in their floor-length nightgown in the dark*

human, flipping on the light switch and folding their arms and glaring: you realise it's 2am in the fucking morning?

vampire: *innocently* oh, is it? i hadn't noticed

[valtsv]

visitor at the house: awful lot of crosses in this place. you catholic or something?

human: *laughing* oh, no, i just - *realising they're about to try to explain that they live with an unwelcome vampire roommate* well. um.

[valtsv]

human: they should be here by now!

vampire: *looks into the camera as they wipe their mouth with a handkerchief and winks*

[lactose-intolerant-nihilism]

Unwanted Guest 1/?

[lactose-intolerant-nihilism]

Unwanted Guest 2/?

[lactose-intolerant-nihilism]

Unwanted Guest 3/?

[odinsblog]

Now that’s how you ally. That’s putting it on the line and showing solidarity. That’s how you use your white privilege for good.

”It’s nice to go out and march, we can do that. It’s nice to wear black at the Golden Globes, but what are you doing behind closed doors?” - Jada Pinkett Smith

It’s easily one of the cleanest examples of intersectional feminism I’ve seen in a minute. It’s the polar opposite of white feminism, where white women are concerned primarily with the wellbeing and advancement of other white women. If more white men and women stood up and demanded basic fairness instead of just talking about it—and not just in Hollywood—we might really begin to impact racism and close the pay gap that always gets inflicted upon black people in most careers.

[endangered-justice-seeker]

One of the most important things you can teach your kids is when and how to say no to authority figures.

[cookiekappa]

teenage diplomats that are wise beyond their years till they start goofing off and roasting each other in council meetings

[reverseracism]

[gingersofficial]

[beaky-peartree]

plot twist:

[furry-trash-era]

THE APPLE DONT FALL FAR!!!!!!!

[token-white-friend]

yo this shit ain’t excusable, but the time stamp on the tweet has been removed. this could have been from like 5 years ago. that does NOT make it okay, but it does mean that it’s possible she learned that shit from her father, and now, has realized that it is harmful.

does it make it okay? no.

does it mean anyone has to forgive her? no.

but it does mean she might have grown and changed from this, and it doesn’t make her words about her dad any less valid. i think it’s pretty dope she put her dad on blast for his racism when the media was tryinna go all “blue lives matter” – putting herself into scrutiny when she didn’t have to. idk. just some shit to think about – idk when this pic is from (cuz it seems like somebody intentionally removed the time stamp…) but not all people need to be cancelled cuz they did/said dumb/problematic/bigoted shit as a kid.

[furry-trash-era]

@token-white-friend

u know what, u right.

[aqueerkettleofish]

If you have to edit the evidence you’re using to cancel someone, you can fuck right off.

[malingshunuwang]

AKDJFSKCJDJBVNSKSJDJSKSKV??????

[whitepeopletwitter]

[doctortay-deactivated20210629]