Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
#extradirty
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ojovivo
The Bowery Presents
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
todays bird
tannertan36
The Stonewall Inn
Not today Justin
gracie abrams
Love Begins
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Cosmic Funnies
YOU ARE THE REASON
Game of Thrones Daily
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almost home
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@somegrumpyfcker-000
imagine thinking nail polish is a gendered thing. unnecessary shiny adornment has no gender, if anything it’s more crow than human
Question 1: what’s your gender?
[ ] male
[ ] female
[ X ] other: I’M A CROW, your genders don’t define me, stupid human
Normalise platonic intimacy!
Linking arms
Holding hands
Kisses
Hugs even
Leaning on each other
Please these things are so important!
Cards Against Humanity is hiring new writers and folks…………….. I’ve waited my entire life for this
Hire this person
#ourgeneration horror stories
They find a book written in Latin… one guy doesn’t take Latin and doesn’t want to mess up the pronunciation. The girl is studying Mandarin. Another guy recommends sticking it into Google Translate but that’s likely to land them with gibberish. They leave it alone.
The car won’t start. They call an Uber.
The vampire captures the girl and insists that she wears the gown to dinner. The gown is actually hella cute. Only problem is it’s not in her size. Oh, it only comes in 2’s and 4’s? Sorry, vamp, you want me in that dress you contact the goddamn company and tell them to get their shit together.
“How did you possibly know that? It saved our lives!” “I’ve got two degrees and I spend way too much time on Wikipedia.”
They encounter a spirit that gains power the more people believe in it. One girl makes a vine and uploads with, “fakest ghost ever!!! Right??” Twenty minutes later the spirit is destroyed.
The circus is in town tonight. Except she’s lived her whole life here and the circus has never come before… it’s also in a pretty sketchy part of town, not somewhere you’d want to walk alone at night. She goes to a movie instead.
“You’d need an ARMY to fight this evil!” “Okay. I’ve got 20,000 followers, lets see how many can make it.”
The Evil Whispery Voice of Doom tells the jock that it’s going to kill his pretty blonde girlfriend. The jock gets offended because, excuse me, Cindy and I are just friends. However, Marty over there is my boyfriend and I’m not saying you should kill him, just stop making assumptions yeah?
“This spirit tried to convince me it was Jerry when it texted but its texting style is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT so yeah that didn’t work.”
We could have easily gotten lost and ended up at some creepy cabin in the woods, but luckily we all had functioning GPSs. Beach party, we’ve arrived!
“We have to find a way to destroy it! We—what are you doing?” “Looking up ‘exorcising demons’ on Google. Oh look, first hit.”
The child she bares will be the devil’s spawn. Good thing she doesn’t want kids. Or if she changes her mind she can always adopt.
“How can we possibly outwit this serial killer…” “… There’s gotta be an app for that. Lemme look.”
Only the virgin will survive… Turns out they’re all virgins. One is asexual. One wants to wait until marriage. Two just haven’t found the right person yet. One is meh about sex. So we all survive, yeah?
The girl does not fall. She was on varsity track.
“Quick! We need someplace to hide the artifact. And then decoys to confuse the beast! What have we got?” “… I’ve got a hundred plastic bags stuffed into another plastic bag.” “PERFECT.”
i would pay to read a book of a collection of modern horror stories
They’re trapped in a haunted cabin one of them inherited from a Weird UncleTM. Mysterious figures, things going flying, screams and drumbeats and chanting, blood pouring down the walls, the whole bit. They pull out the Ouija Board. “BRO, WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?” S…A…C…R…E…D…L…A…N…D “Oh.” “Oh geez. Oh no. This is Native American land. Oh goodness I am SO sorry.” “Um so, like I inherited this property and a couple acres, can I like…donate it?” W…H…A…T “Yeah man like, what tribe are you? I don’t want to live here, this cabin is grody and Uncle Tim was a fuckin’ weirdo. It’s your guys’ land, just like, what tribe?” C..H…U…M…A…S…H “Cool. Uh, I guess we’ll…call them…in the morning?” T…H…A…N…K…Y…O…U GOODBYE “Oh. Well fuck, like, that was easy.”
I was all set to dislike this when I saw the title, thinking it was gonna be another bashing of my generation post… then boom! Talk about saving the day!
shoutout to this lady who does some of her ebay listing pics like this
oh, i never thought of that! i usually just see people using different objects when demonstrating the size of things in a universal way, but i suppose comparing it to an actual human is truly the most universal way to do that
Biggest Plot Hole of Star Trek TOS
The entire crew of the Enterprise listens to the voice of the ship’s computer at length every single day and at no point does Kirk or Spock or McCoy or ANYBODY turn to Christine Chapel and say, “Is that…you?”
my last two brain cells preparing a Depression Meal
This was transformative media. I love it.
summer is that terrible hot thing between me and halloween.
MY LYFT DRIVER IS SANTA
THINGS SANTA TOLD ME
There is a school for Santas
He gets hired by private families to do parties and “walk bys” which is when he walks past a child’s window in the dead of night. Far more effective than a traditional lap sit.
It’s show business. You leave them wanting more. You sing a song on the way in, you talk to the kids, you eat a cookie, then sing a song on the way out. If you stay too long it kills the magic.
Santa chews spearmint gum because Santa doesn’t smell like cigarettes.
Santa was invented by the Coca Cola company in 1905.
Santa doesn’t drink.
Santa doesn’t like evil things.
HOWEVER
You know in that one Christmas song where it’s like, “Scary ghost stories and tales of old glories” etc. He thought, “What scary ghost stories? There’s no Christmas ghost stories?” He asked other Santas.
Way back in Ye Olden Times, Christmas was always a time to celebrate not being dead of the plague or wars for another year and it was when people would tell eachother about the scary shit that happens in the world. AND—-
The Origin of the Elves: Back during the middle ages, Europe was constantly being invaded from the south by Moors. As a warning to any more would be invaders…One year… The europeans killed an entire village of people. Everyone except the children. The children tried to survive, but the food ran out. Some of the older children tried to comfort the younger children by making them toys as they were starving to death, which they did, and the elves are the spirits of these murdered children.
Then he started telling me about Vlad The Impaler and we got to my apartment.
BEST RIDE OF MY LIFE
i imagine getting my own place all the time and going down to the grocery store early in the morning before everyone else and to the coffee shop and having a really small place with wide windows and lots of plants and shelves of books and a tiny kitchen where i can make tea and noodles and a bed with a pile of blankets and just a place i can make uniquely my own or maybe a place i could share with someone but i just think about this place a lot idk
One of my professors is an extremely famous, well-known painter who has been in galleries since he was a young man in the 80s. He once asked me in class, “Alyssa, what are your dreams and aspirations for the future?”
You should have seen the puzzled look on his face when I described something similar to the post above.
“Why so humble?!” He laughed. “You know you’re talented, right? You could aspire to a lot more than that for sure.”
And I had to take that moment to explain to him that this is what my generation is given, this is how low our standards for happiness have to be. A humble existence, a small piece of the world for ourselves, and comfortable stability are just as out of reach for some of us as fame and reknown was for him in the 80’s. His face went somber immediately.
Let’s remember, Jesus was a Jewish man of color, born homeless to an unwed teenager, who spent his formative years as an illegal immigrant before returning to his home country to hang out with twelve men, prostitutes, and socially untouchable tax collectors while he taught a radical social doctrine of equality, love, and forgiveness that included paying taxes, free healthcare, and the sharing of resources within a community.
canon Jesus is better than fandom Jesus
If we went home from our 9 - 5 jobs with 3 - 4 hours of extra work every day, we’d lose our minds. But we do it to high school kids and see absolutely no problem with it.
Idk how to break it to you, but women do this all the fucking time. I see my mother in law, who is a vet and makes more than her husband does as an optometrist, come home after hours of standing, performing surgeries, wrestling with large dogs and getting bitten on the reg, to cook elaborate dinners for the family while her husband takes a nap or looks at his iPad for a few hours… if you look at the hetero adults in your life you can see this dynamic play out over and over again. Maybe men come home and get to stop working, but women work full time jobs and come home to work for 3-4 hours all the time.
^^^^^Okay but listen!!^^^^^
Calvin and Hobbes still relevant 25 years later.
every semester, without fail, there’s some freshman who’s like “oh I never check my email lol” and i get worried for them, bc they’re going to miss some important email about a pop quiz or a test, or something and then fail. so if you’re a freshman reading this, CHECK YOUR EMAIL im not joking, professors will send you stuff via email that they’ll never mention in class. I’m in my email every hour on the hour before and after class. check that shit. put that app on ur phone, turn on notifs, go in and refresh every hour, check your spam, check your email
this has been a message from your concerned dad. check ur email, do well in school, i love you
this post reminded me to check my email AND i managed to drop a class i didnt need that would cost me a few extra hundred bucks. op ur valid ily
check your school’s assignment website/app/whatever, too! my uni uses Canvas a lot (and used to use Blackboard) and some professors will post readings and homework and never mention those things elsewhere, because they assume you’re always checking. if you use the canvas app, turn on notifications for it.
LWYS Ep. 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnfFurr-2Nk
Little Firefighter Pt. 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uygZn3aFv0w
Little Firefighter Pt. 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFzmEIRP8ZA&t=6s
