Something Is Deeply Wrong @somethingiswrongwithisaac - Tumblr Blog

DID system. this is our vent blog.

i'm such a fucking fuck up.

first i find out my sister is pissed at me

now i've sucessfully ruined all my online friendships. it probably would have been fine if i just bothered to stay and explain myself. but no i had to go and leave the server and nuke my accounts. i wish i practiced opposite action but oh well nothing i can do now

there goes half my support system, oops

#bpd vent #vent post #mental health vent #mental illness vent #bipolar vent #cdd vent #did vent #vent #depression vent

it never fucking ends

#cdd vent #did vent #mental illness vent #ptsd vent #bipolar vent #actually depressed #depression vent #complex ptsd #ptsd #actually bipolar #actually dissociative #actually traumatized

i think I'm depressed again, guys :/

#actually depressed #bipolar depression #depression #depression vent #depressed #bipolar vent #bipolar #actually bipolar

super-autism-death-ray

something's fuckin wrong with me dude

unfiltereddddmess

ttoadbaott

But what if I'm irredeemable? What if I'm just a bad person?? What then?

so now my insurance isn't wanting to pay for my antipsychotic 🙃

and my pharmacy lied to me about them being covered and ready for pickup 🙃

and my prescriber STILL hasn't done the prior authorization for me 🙃

ITS BEEN 8 DAYS WHAT THE FUCK

I have 12 days of my meds left (only because I still have samples left over from a year ago). Im hopeful that this will be sorted out by then. but if not I'll have to drain my savings and ask my family to help me pay for them.

$1500 for 30 days.

FIFTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS

FOR THIRTY FUCKING DAYS

this is some BULLSHIT

#bipolar #bipolar 1 #actually bipolar #mentally ill #mental illness vent #actually mentally ill #mental illness #mental health vent #vent #tw vent #depression #actually depressed #bipolar depression

"yeah idk I don't think I'm in a depressive episode I just [textbook symptoms of a major depressive episode]"

#depression #vent #depression vent #actually depressed #imposter syndrome #mental illness vent #mental illness #bipolar vent #actually bipolar #bipolar disorder #bipolar depression #depressive episode #actually mentally ill

I've been so empty and numb. everything around me is just dull and dreary.

and recently, I've been finding myself wishing for a crisis. hoping I get "worse". praying for that chaos.

i know it's not healthy. but I can't help it.

i just want to feel something.

#depression #actually depressed #vent #feelings #feeling numb #actually mentally ill #mental illness #depression vent #mental illness vent

my partner really thinks I'm in a mixed episode, possibly going manic. I'm not convinced. i have been having symptoms but they're pretty mild imo.

something to keep an eye on but not something to worry about. at least not yet.

#actually bipolar #bipolar vent #bipolar disorder #bipolar #mixed episode #mania

apparently I might be in a mixed episode???

my partner thinks I am and my therapist says it's likely. I'm not convinced, but it also wouldn't surprise me.

#actually bipolar #bipolar vent #bipolar disorder #bipolar #vent #mixed episode

i don't know what the hell is wrong with me. am I depressed? am I severely dissociated? some secret third option? some mix of the three?

i don't get it. nothing is wrong. nothing happened. everything in my life is going well. except whatever the fuck is going on inside of my head.

nothing is making me happy. I'm not sad or angry either. I'm just numb.

none of my likes or interests do anything for me anymore.

I'm having an incredibly difficult time eating anything because it's all just meh.

i don't feel connected or attached to anything. not my body. not my relationships. not my life.

i feel like I'm an actor, playing the part of "me" - except I never got a copy of the script, and I don't really care how this story ends.

#cdd vent #did vent #actually cdd #actually did #cdd system #did osdd #did system #cdd #did #dissociative system #actually dissociative #dissociation #depressing shit #vent #depression vent #dpdr #actually dpdr #depersonalization #derealization

i don't feel like I belong.

not here in my house. not here in my relationship. not here in my head. not here in my life.

and I say "my", but that means very little to me.

#did vent #cdd vent

I'm coming to the realization that I was a victim of online child sex trafficking.

i knew it was abuse. i knew i was being groomed and sexually exploited. but realizing it fits the definition of OCST makes it feel heavier. like it holds a certain weight that I can't quite shake.

#time to message my therapist I guess #actually cdd #actually did #cdd system #cdd vent #did osdd #did system #did vent #cdd #did #did alter #ctpsd #cptsd vent #ptsd #ptsd vent #complex PTSD #tw CSA #child abuse #tw abuse

im realizing that dissociation is really the only thing I feel like I recognize anymore

#actually cdd #actually did #cdd system #cdd vent #did osdd #did system #did vent #cdd #did #did alter #actually dissociative #dissociation #dissociative system #dissociative identity disorder

im realizing now that the other day I was having my first major dissociative episode in like, three months.

everything felt so unfamiliar, so impersonal. like everything around me just wasn't right. like it wasn't mine.

it was very uncomfortable, but at the same time, I took comfort in the fact that I was dissociating. because that feeling of being so disconnected, it was familiar.

That was the first time in months something didn't just feel fake.

I don't know if this makes any sense or if anyone can relate, and I know it's unhealthy to desire the dissociation, but yeah. i wanted to share.

#actually cdd #actually did #cdd system #cdd vent #did osdd #did system #did vent #did alter #system stuff #dissociative system #did #cdd

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