Soul System

Blog for us, the Soul System. DID and OSDD

[soul-systems]

We haven't posted in a long time because we were working on completely cutting our abusers - our entire family - out of our life.

We are finally financially independent; as in broke as hell but free and loving every second.

Even though we got really sick recently, we have never been happier in the 20+ years we have been alive.

[ithelpstodream]

[naaaaaaaaaah-deactivated2020112]

obscure DID alter tags moodboard

[the-hello-system]

[soul-systems]

We would rather not have to exist this way because of how we came to be (through trauma). But I can not control this.

What I can control (sometimes) is my outlook and see the beauty in the way we experience the world through our unique experiences and thoughts.

We are experiencing the world through different consciousnesses after all.

[soul-systems]

Having DID is a big deal.

(Mentions of: Tr*um* and mental health)

I could stop there but what we are thinking about currently are the mental health implications that usually accompany DID.

Dissociative Identity Disorder tends to come with all the other disorders that stem from trauma as it is a condition caused by repeated trauma amongst other factors.

An example of this is that we have DID, PTSD, ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety.

Plus every alter in a system has different vitals and thought processes.

This can in fact be proven with brain scans and the persistent measuring of vitals.

[the-unlucky-thirteen]

Despite the fact that I occasionally compulsively overshare, people somehow still manage to know nothing about me

[the-sundress-system]

i don’t remember who made this it’s from like a month or two ago but here u go

[mosaic-system]

System asking systems

How do you know when it’s safe to tell someone? About your DID/OSDD?

I want everyone to feel free to be themselves and make friends and not have to feel like they have to pretend to be me all the time, but I don’t want to make anything worse for anyone either

Tell me your experience? Any advice?

[symptoms-syndrome]

A few questions I advise asking yourself before telling someone you have DID/OSDD:

Why do I want to? Do you want to because you think it'll bring you closer? Do you want to because you think they'll think it's cool?

What do I want to get out of telling them? Similar to #1. What sort of response are you hoping for? How realistic is it that you get that response?

How will telling them help me? If they're a roommate or a life partner, it may help to explain erratic behavior or amnesia. If they're someone you barely know or don't really talk to, look to #1 & 2.

How have they reacted to similar news in the past? What are some ways they've talked about trauma/mental illness in the past? Have you told them other "big secrets," and have they reacted well? Are they a gossip? Consider if/how they've talked about others and their secrets.

Do they want this information? Telling someone about a diagnosis such as DID/OSDD can also be a lot for the person receiving the information. This might be something they've never heard of before. It could mean work on their end researching how best to help you. It could be upsetting to find out a friend went through trauma. Consider their emotional well-being as well.

Is there another way to get my needs met? Look at the earlier questions, and identify what need you are trying to meet by telling this person. Is it because you feel frustrated explaining yourself? Is it because you feel you want to be more interesting? Consider other ways you can meet these needs.

Remember that DID/OSDD is a serious and traumagenic mental illness, and that telling someone is a large, serious, vulnerable, and permanent decision. You can't "take back" their knowledge of this. Telling someone about your DID/OSDD who is not an absolutely trusted person could put you at risk of being manipulated/gaslit about your condition, or they could share this with others you didn't consent to knowing, intentionally or unintentionally. Or, on a smaller scale, they could just be annoying/ignorant about it.

Additionally, telling someone could make you feel pressured to "perform." "Performing," in this context, means exaggerating your symptoms (intentionally or unintentionally) to better fit with their idea of your condition, to convince them you're not lying/making things up, or just to seem more interesting. Sometimes this happens without your really noticing or doing it conciously. It could put you at risk of making dissociative barriers worse.

There is no blanket statement I could make to tell you when/if it's safe/in your best interest to tell someone, that's a decision you'll have to make for yourself. These are just questions I ask myself before telling people vulnerable information.

[maemaybe]

This is such a good post and reading it makes me feel a lot more comfortable with my decision not to tell most people beyond my therapist. 

Even my partner doesn’t have all the details, and I feel okay with that decision. My main concern is that “pressure to perform” thing. Right now, my partner knows that I have a “CPTSD and a very serious dissociative disorder”. She knows that I dissociate and lose track of time, and she knows that I have “parts of self”, but I’ve never actually said the words “Dissociative Identity Disorder” and I’ve never told her that we have names and distinct identities. I am worried that if we do, it will unintentionally make our symptoms worse and worsen our dissociative barriers. 

I’m worried about this because it’s happened before when we’ve disclosed to other people. People expect very distinct, separate parts of self who are noticeably and identifiably different, and we unconsciously want to give that to the. 

[mosaic-system]

These are all very good questions to ask,

In my specific situation it’s been brought to my attention that the other alters feel somewhat suffocated in pretending to be me

They are good at it and they know how, but we wish to be authentic to ourselves and hate forming friendships and relationships based on the lie of who they are with

But we also understand that a lot of people aren’t going to understand and that it is a lot of information to put on someone else and it is not always safe, this was the original intent behind the question

Thank you for giving some clarity and self reflection as well! @eyes-and-flight

[symptoms-syndrome]

I think it's important to remember that you're not living a lie by not disclosing your parts. They are all a part of you, after all. It's okay to be your true self and not pretend to be anyone else, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to disclose personal medical information.

Even non-DID/OSDD folks act differently in different times/situations and/or with different people. Inconsistency is just a part of the human experience, even if we have different reasons for it and it's a little more extreme in the case of DID/OSDD. You're likely not acting as erratically as you think. You know yourself better than anyone else, differences in parts are likely bigger to you than they are to outsiders.

[felis-the-complex-multiple]

I would echo @eyes-and-flight on this. Only a couple of the people I interact with on a regular basis know that I have DID, and yet none of us feel like we’re suffocating or pretending to be someone we’re not.

So I think there’s a way to be authentic without telling people you have DID. You don’t owe anyone that info and parts are allowed to behave like themselves even without saying they’re separate parts. We do this all the time when we decline to disclose who’s fronting, even to our partner, or when we don’t know who’s fronting. Parts just act and talk in ways that are natural them and most people don’t even notice anything.

All parts are genuine to who they are but we just prefer to not disclose private medical information to others about the fact that we have dissociated parts. Kids parts may disguise themselves to appear older but that’s for safety reasons and doesn’t make us feel like we’re being disingenuous. Disclosing you have DID is a huge deal and can be a big risk. You don’t have to give people that information to live a full and authentic life. You all make up one whole and are living your one life together. Staying safe and not jeopardizing your recovery are the most important things.

[soul-systems]

Trigger warning: mentions of mental illness and stress.

On Wednesday we were officially diagnosed with DID, PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD.

I understand they overlap and it makes sense for us personally, but it's still a lot - for me - to really take in and accept that we're traumatized.

Some of us have known for a long time, but I didn't think it would hit so different when I got an official diagnosis.

Personally (Sylph), and I know it's silly, but I wanted to think it was some kind of fluke.

Sometimes I feel like I failed somehow, but I know that by just staying alive and surviving for so long that I have made it farther than many before me.

Anyways, I wanted to let you guys know and say thank you for supporting us with your kind comments and simple acknowledgement of our posts.

Thank you. <3

[liam-ainthome]

[pretzelsystem]

I’m learning how to drive.

My mom takes me to drive around the cemetery where her grandmother is buried, and I think I’m getting the hang of it, but I’m worried. I dissociate a lot and I’m worried I will while I’m driving. I know logically that I would be able to pull over and park, ive done it in practice, but I still worry. Or I worry that someone will tell me to crash the car, and I’ll give in to the urges. I know these worries are not logical, so I continue to try. So many of us want to drive, for freedom or for helpfulness, so I’m not just doing it for me, I’m doing it for us.

-Em

[pink-vivace]

When littles can tell that you’re upset and try to give advice

[symptoms-syndrome]

One time I read about these huge forests that all were actually part of one root system. One tree's roots went underground and sprouted up somewhere else, then it happened again and again and again, until it became a huge forest, but only one tree.

That's sort of what I feel DID is like.

We're all part of the same tree. We all have the same roots, we're all connected, even if it doesn't look like we are sometimes. Sometimes a tree sprouted where there was more sun, or less nutrient soil, so they look different. Sometimes they grow right next to each other, and sometimes they're so far apart you wonder if that tree is really a part of it.

No one tree is more or less a tree. It's impossible to tell which tree is the original, and it doesn't really matter. It's all just one huge organism.

[aether--system]

Me after drinking an energy drink: dissociation, but faster

[soul-systems]

Hello, I'm Sylph she/her. I guess I'm the embodiment of "Freedom is a State of Mind." Haha I'm a wind sprit (in the mind lol) and the younger twin of Fey, but y'all haven't met her yet. Hestia is my cousin! I'm a secondary gatekeeper. I love to co-front and front as much as I can.

Advice and love is always appreciated lovelies!

- Sylph

[soul-systems]

We got triggered and now we're exhausted. Is that normal?

-Sylph