titsay
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@speedyfly2
My landlord came to fix an issue to day with the apartment. He looks around the living room at the decor and the newly painted walls.
In a heavy Russian accent: “Your wife have very good sense of style.”
Me: “Actually, I live here alone.”
Landlord: “Ah, homosexual. Figured. I live in the apartment under you.”
Me: 😳
Queen.
I always have to reboot this.
For anyone wondering, this is amazing enrichment for the animal and a great way to involve guests! The lions aren’t forced to play with the rope if they don’t want to, and these guys (and anyone else who tries this out) have an awesome close up and hands on experience, all without having to come in direct contact with the cat!
that’s when you run cross country
make your own post
Article 13 NEEDS TO BE STOPPED!!!
I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE NOT EUROPEAN!!!!
THIS WILL AFFECT THE WAY EVERYONE USES THE INTERNET!
DO YOUR RESEARCH!
CALL/EMAIL YOUR MEPs!
KEEP THIS HORRIBLE LAW FROM GETTING PASSED!!!
Just fyi this will likely affect non-Europeans as well. It’s easier for a website like YouTube to just restrict ALL copyright instead of just sectioning off what they need to. They’ll probably let bigger YouTubers still operate, but small time content creators will be a thing of the past.
Plain and simple guys, if Article 13 passes there is a good chance I’m getting shut down. I don’t know if any of y’all are European but please, try to fight this.
A:I love you.
B: Is that you or the alcohol talking?
A: It’s me talking to the alcohol.
On a typical workday most of us wake up at 5am, spend 1-2 hours in traffic, and 9-10 hours on the job. We later walk into our front door at 5-6pm which leaves roughly 2-3 hours of family time. We spend 12-14 hours daily, working to provide for a family that we rarely see
Why have I been laughing at this for a solid 5 minutes?
"When you're in your bee suit and you feel sweat running down your back, that's fine. If you feel sweat running up your back, that's a bee"
-Some beekeeping advice my mom gave me today
I thought “bee suit” meant like a bee costume until I read the word beekeeping
my solution to a terrible party is making grilled cheese. i was at this awful party one time so i went to the kitchen and just started grilling cheeses and everybody at the party was like “check it out this guy is grilling cheese” and i made everybody a grilled cheese. the party was good after that
this is the most casual post i’ve made ever so why is it being treated like a scorching hot take and also why am i seeing this on my dash
everything about whats been happening to elon musk has been getting increasingly and exponentially funnier and i only wonder what the crescendo will be
Honestly my money’s on autoerotic asphyxiation.
like, ‘death by’ or just in general?
bath time :3
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Found it!
so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count
holy f uck jane
its a serious question
well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.
new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing
no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.
you gotta digest it.
so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?
huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?
Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”
“you what now”
i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic
now that u said it im really surprised as well
what the fuck did i just read
Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?
I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.
I’m not convinced by this, actually!
Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”
But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:
“I’ll do you this favor, but if you don’t guess my name you’ll have to give me your first-born child.”
“You’re gonna be real good at everything but when you’re 16 you’re gonna prick your finger and die.”
“You loaned me $2 for the bus when I looked like a beggar, so now here’s a literal pile of gold and shit.”
Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.
The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.
(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to help you leave.)
Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.
And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”
Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years.
Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”
“you what now”
This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.
Me, returning to my body after a long session of astral projection:
put some effort into it, Alex
