A little bit of this, a little bit of that.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

there should be an alternative to marriage where you just ritualistically vow to have an on-again-off-again relationship for as long as you two shall live

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ok sure whatever hades and persephone have going on

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

#divorced but we share custody of the relationship

[writing-prompt-s]

Everyone in your world can teleport within 10 feet of the person they love the most. Your best friend wonders how you always seem to be there just when they need you.

[songlordsbug]

State Farm puts out a series of joking commercials. The punch line being that of all the people in your insurance agent’s life, you’re the one they care about most- you’re the person they can teleport to.

It’s bold of them to joke about something so controversial. After all, who your ‘port is can make or break a relationship. Study after study has been done on the ‘port between parent and child and psychiatrists are always analyzing your ‘port history.

The commercials are tacky, too. They make fun of the power inherent in a person’s greatest love. That’s what a ‘port is, after all, your love for someone being strong enough to take you to wherever they are. All in all State Farm’s “good neighbor” commercials leave people shaking their heads and laughing uncomfortably.

Caitlyn’s not laughing when a man brings a gun to her school.

Her class is on the yard and there’s no warning- he’s just there, with a gun, and her kids are frozen.

Mickey’s too close too close and not moving and the man is turning the gun towards him. Mickey’s only 8 and he drives her nuts most days. He cries and screams and he runs away and he makes things up and he loves his mom and his sister and he cried when Caitlyn got stitches and she loves him she loves him she loves him.

She feels a moment of disorientation and suddenly she’s between the man and the boy.

She doesn’t hesitate, just wraps herself around Mickey. Then she closes her eyes and reaches inside herself for the first-easiest-always, thinks I love you I love you I love you and feels the shift of the ‘port.

And her eyes land on Zeke, who is jerking to his feet in shock, and she feels a huge wave of relief. Zeke’s been her ‘port since they were months old and her aunt got up one morning to find two babies in the crib instead of one. These days they usually plan their visits and Caitlyn’s never brought a kid before, so Zeke has questions in his eyes.

Before he can voice any, she’s pushing Mickey towards him and gasping out “I have to go back-”

And she’s thinking of the next closest kid, Jasper, one of her rough and tumble boys, he’s so big, 8 years old and almost as tall as her, Jazz is learning to control his temper and his energy but there’s a sweetness to him that comes out at the oddest moments. It’s easy to declare I love I love I love and then she’s grabbing Jazz and sending herself back to Zeke’s shelter.

He’s a little more prepared this time, reaching out to steady her and guide Jazz away while she turns her thoughts and heart to the next kid.

And she’s gone and grabbing Topher, her sweet boy who listens and cares and tries, and they’re back to Zeke.

And she’s gone and grabbing Zornitsa, her scampy little comedian, and back to Zeke.

And she’s gone and grabbing Ariel and Kaho and Clarissa, her gymnast trio with their fierceness and their determination, and back to Zeke.

This time she thinks to shrug her backpack off and gasp out “There’s a list- in the emergency folder-”

And then she’s gone again.

When she reaches for Heidi, her zippy little miss who won’t touch fruit and loves worms and has grown so much, that she lands inside. She pulls Heidi and Adela into her arms and shifts back to Zeke.

Her kids are away from the man with the gun and she feels shaky. She takes a couple breaths, bracing her hands on her thighs. Then she thinks of passion-dedication-exasperation, guide and guidee, and wraps that all around her I love I love I love.

The next moment she’s in a closet turned office made all the smaller by the crush of people in it. She looks up at her boss as several kids stifle startled yelps and Colin looks back with wide eyes under his tangled mop of curls.

“What-” he starts to ask.

“Third grade was on the yard, there wasn’t time to get indoors, but I think I got them all safe,” Caitlyn tells him.

“How?” he asks.

“Like this,” she says, voice tinged with hysterical laughter.

She wraps her arms around Carmela, Elizaveta, Winona, and Joanna and reaches for Zeke. She drops the girls off and goes back to Colin, who goggles.

“I know you need to stay on site, but I thought you should know that I’m evacuating our kids,” Caitlyn tells him.

Colin shakes off his astonishment and squares his lanky shoulders.

“Can you get to kinder?” he asks, eyes lighting up.

“Yes,” Caitlyn says, “with Nancy there that will be easy.”

“Get them all out,” Colin says, “and tell Nancy to start listing who is safe, have her message me.”

“Will do,” she says with a nod. She grabs the three remaining kids and takes them to Zeke.

She thinks of Nancy then, they have different classes this year but they’re still brain mates, still the team, and it’s easy to wrap finishing each others sentences and communicating without words around her I love I love I love.

Nancy startles when she appears, and several of the babies scream. Team Kinder moves into action, hushing and calming. Nancy just waits, meeting Caitlyn’s eyes.

“Colin sent me, I’m evacuating you guys,” Caitlyn explains. “I can take as many as I can hold at a time. How do you want to do this?”

Nancy nods once.

“Start with Mr. Mason and Bashir and Rafael,” Nancy says. “I’ll have the next group ready when you get back.

Caitlyn nods and grabs them.

Things go pretty smoothly after that. Nancy sends kinder off a group at a time and then quickly takes control of the chaotic crowd that Caitlyn has already saved.

Caitlyn moves on grade by grade, finding her way to the colleagues she is so so grateful to work with.

By the time the cops secure the man with the gun, the school is empty, everyone 150 miles away.

When they ask later how she did it she looks right at them.

“Love is love,” she says, “there’s no such thing as more or less,” she shakes her head slightly, “it’s not quantifiable, there’s no scale that can measure it, love is.”

[why-not-jane]

Wow

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

It’s not nice to make me cry in the middle of a restaurant

[j-thealchemist-deactivated20240]

Here is a link to the US Restrict Act (commonly known as the TikTok ban) as it is currently written.

Please read the actual bill and share even if you do not live in the United States. The precedents this piece of legislation would set would have far reaching impacts on how the internet is used for everyone in the future.

Text - S.686 - 118th Congress (2023-2024): RESTRICT Act

Text for S.686 - 118th Congress (2023-2024): RESTRICT Act

[logan-galbraith]

We've got a problem here. I know most people here probably hate tiktok, and for some good reasons, but believe it or not there's actually a good amount of good on tiktok too.

But this isn't about banning tiktok. That's just a cover for this, given power thanks to Meta (Facebook) lobbyists pretty much paying the United States Government.

For the tldr: This act, while saying it's to insure American's personal information will be safe from foreign powers, it goes much deeper than that.

It will give the United States Government the power to remove and ban ANY online service they deem "a security risk" while making it so they do not need just cause and do not need to clarify or release a public statement.

It allows them the power to gather American's data without our knowledge or consent and even force us to submit documentation for anything they wish.

It protects the government from scrutiny on this, and if you try to speak about it and inform people on what it ACTUALLY allows, they can claim it to be false information and charge you.

It prevents you from using a VPN as it's seen as a breach of information security, thus they can charge you.

Failure to abide by these "guidelines" can lead to a fine up to ONE MILLION DOLLARS and/or 20 YEARS in prison.

And above all it does NOTHING to prevent AMERICAN companies from collecting and selling your data.

And that's not even everything it does. This isn't about banning tiktok. It's about control, taking away our freedom of speech, censorship, and selfish monetary gain. This doesn't just affect tiktok users. This affects ALL Americans, small businesses, communities, and even those that use American online products, like Tumblr.

The US is turning into a fascist regime, where they are slowly but surely stripping away our rights and freedoms even more than they already have. And it terrifies me.

If you're not an American, please share this. We already have a hard enough time knowing what goes on with those in other countries. This could make it all the more difficult.

And if you are an American, share this, then contact your state representative and your state senators. Email, phone, even mailing a physical letter for crying out loud. You can search "who is my representative and senators?" on Google, bing, duck-duck-go, or whatever, and it'll take you to where you can find that out and even how to contact them.

Calmly and professionally tell them that not only do you NOT support the TikTok ban(since that is the cover they are using), but you DO NOT support the Restrict Act.

And let them know that if this bill is to pass, you will be spending all your time and energy supporting their opponents in the PRIMARIES. They do not expect Americans to contact them about this, so not only will they see us going out of our way to contact them, but by saying you'll be supporting their OPPONENTS, they'll have to either listen or have to spend thousands of not millions of dollars in campaigning so they don't lose their nice day paychecks, and to them this is all about money so it'll hit them where it hurts.

It doesn't matter what political party you're on, because BOTH parties in office want this. This is not about sides. This is about the ENTIRE government stripping our rights away so they can keep lining their own pockets.

And while we're at it? Review bomb anything related to meta it Facebook. Meta started all this because they couldn't compete with tiktok or buy it, so they paid lobbyists to convince congress to ban tiktok so they didn't HAVE to compete.

And here's the kicker... Many people of congress actually bought stock in Meta RIGHT BEFORE this all started. They are LITERALLY trying to manipulate the market for themselves. So let them burn.

[mysharona1987]

[instructor144]

I will mash that Reblog button every single time this shows up on my dash. I spent a lot of years martyring myself for “the needs of the business.” Young people? Don’t fucking do it. They don’t care about you, you are a “resource,” not a human being. I can’t say this strongly enough: see to your self-care!

[canyouhearthelight]

We talk a lot about how to tell if you have a bad boss... Here is how you know you have a good boss:

My boss would verbally kick my ass if I logged in or communicated voluntarily about work while on vacation. And if I had to log in, absolutely no one else could do my thing and it couldn't wait? He would refund my time off and make me take it the following week.

Time off is Time Off. Take it. Unashamedly. Unabashedly.

[the-haiku-bot]

Time off is Time Off.

Take it. Unashamedly.

Unabashedly.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[ironwoman359]

Haiku bot says Workers Rights!

[flagellant]

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT NOOOO RIOT YOU CAN'T MAKE SETT GAY AND GIVE HIM AND EVELYNN MY FAVORITE SKINLINE I DON'T WANNA BE A LEAGUE PLAYER AGAIN NOIOOOOOOO O O O O O O !!!!

NOOOOOOoOO OO O O O ooOOoooooOOOOO!!!!!!!

[flagellant]

HE CALLS HIM HIS MOONCAKE I'M SHITTING MY FUCKING PANTS

[dduane]

Alex Jones must pay Sandy Hook families $965 million for hoax claims, jury says

Alex Jones must pay $965 million in damages to numerous families of victims of the 2012 Sandy Hook mass shooting for falsely claiming they were actors who faked the tragedy, a Connecticut jury said on Wednesday, marking the second multimillion-dollar verdict against the conspiracy theorist in just over two months.

[weaver-z]

Fondly remembering the time that a cat owner casually entered their calico Maine Coon in a cat fancier’s competition and the judges lost their minds because the cat was 1) male and 2) able to bear children

[weaver-z]

Anyway here’s Dawntreader Texas Calboy as a silly lil kitten

[weaver-z]

Here’s an excerpt from one of the articles about the drama his entry caused among the Cat Fanciers that I thought was very earnest and sweet <3

And also some of Calboy’s children!

[gasterofficial]

@pangur-and-grim

[elodieunderglass]

He is fearfully and wonderfully made!

[rainbow-lizzard]

ALT

I was about to say he would technically be an intersex king (not because I dislike the concept of trans cats, just bc intersex rep is sorely needed too) but I did some more reading on this icon and actually found the article OP referenced.

ALT

He’s not your usual male calico kitty as it turns out. That’s already cool and rare, but he’s even cooler and rarer than that!

ALT

ALT

Calboy is a chimera!! Which is really fucking cool of you ask me. The chances of having a male calico this way are slim to none, but the mad lad still exists! What an icon. I would die for Calboy.

[weaver-z]

Everyone in the tags of this post @ cat show judges

[shymagnolia]

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[shymagnolia]

okay so i just got my dream job??? a week after applying to it?? and now i’m thinking….maybe this is the good luck post

[flagellant]

…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment

likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post

[coffee-or-hot-cocoa]

i need all the help i can get for finals

[finnglas]

Hey so

the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like. 

So you know. 

This might be the real one, y’all.

[actualverso]

Give salary increase and wfh plz

[eroscestlavie]

sorry i do really think it’s hysterical that people like harry styles and joe jonas are out there dunking themselves desperately in glitter and wearing little glam rock outfits in an attempt to remain relevant and all gerard way has to do is show up to a gig in his autism comfort jacket, crew socks, combat boots, and a pair of 5-inch inseam shorts and the homosexuals lose their minds. it’s about the ingredient not the seasoning ladies 

[eroscestlavie]

a pair of tiny little shorts

[fluoresensitivearchived]

@honeyglazedbabe

[remillaa]

Twitter.com

[vampirejuice-deactivated2019112]

If your apology involves degrading yourself, calling yourself shit or insulting yourself, its not an apology, try again.

[grookeyleaf]

Can someone translate this?

[vampirejuice-deactivated2019112]

Don’t try to guilt people by saying “I’m sorry I fucking suck.” “I’m sorry I’m just the worst and I should die” Because thats not an apology, thats trying to guilt the other person into dropping the subject.

[orangebitters]

Yup.  That’s called Weaponized Remorse.  Basically, you’re avoiding accountability by blowing up a big Feelings Bomb at the person you hurt and going “let’s not focus on what I did or what I should do to make amends, let’s focus on how awful I feel about it all, and how you should make me feel better.”

[aqueerkettleofish]

White Woman Crying Syndrome.

Some of the people doing it are just selfish and insensitive assholes.

Some of the people doing it are selfish and insensitive assholes who are specifically trying to train you to think that trying to tell them what they’re doing wrong is going to involve a Drama Bomb and not resolve anything, so you just shouldn’t bother.

[prof-grace-aspen]

“But I DO feel hurt and upset by the situation I’m apologizing for”

Sure, but the person you’re apologizing to doesn’t want or need to hear about it. Go tell a friend who wasn’t involved. Go tell a therapist. Your spouse. DON’T add it to your apology.

[animatedamerican]

So here’s a thing: sometimes people do this not because they’re trying to weaponize anything, but because they were (intentionally or otherwise) taught that they had to preemptively abase themselves as part of every apology or it wouldn’t be accepted.

And it’s still not a good apology, because the purpose of it is not “I understand what I did wrong and I regret it” but “I’m terrified of your disapproval and I will say anything to make it stop.”

So please don’t think you can’t fall into this category if you aren’t consciously doing it to guilt people. You might not be thinking “how can I make this about how hurt I am instead of what I did to you?”, you might be thinking something a lot more like “how can I show my complete surrender so you can win and the fight can be over?”, but that still isn’t an apology. It may not be your fault that you were taught that that’s how to apologize; you still need to learn better.

(And for the record: if you’re with anybody who believes that self-abasement is how you should apologize, and insists on that from you whenever they say you’re in the wrong, that’s a situation you should do your best to get out of.)

[kirianthedivorce]

Absolutely losing it at this Reddit post

And the update

She buttered Jorts

[anoonzee]

The outrage summed in a perfect Tweet:

[notemily]

FINALLY

I’ve been collecting the best Jorts tweets and waiting until the moment he showed up on my dash to post them. So here you are, the curated best of the past, oh, day or so:

[rhipidurafan]

Some additional quality memes from the past 24 hours:

Meanwhile, OP has continued tracking trash can mishaps on twitter:

And a quality photo of this sweet potato:

[rhipidurafan]

An update for those not following Jorts’ twitter account, starting with a transcription of the Wellerman cover:

Link to the lovely video

There once was a ship that put to sea The name of the ship was the Jorts and Jean The ship she rolled and her closet doors closed Oh no, where’s Jorts? Oh no!

Soon may the smarter cat come To save poor Jorts so orange and dumb One day when the butterin’s done We’ll take our leave and go

When Pam came on, she had a plan To teach our Jorts about garbage cans Pam meant well but her plans fell flat When HR said, “don’t butter the cat”

Soon may the smarter cat come To save poor Jorts so orange and dumb One day when the butterin’s done We’ll take our leave and go

Now Jean the smart cat comes She saves poor Jorts so orange and dumb Now that the butterin’s done We’ll take our leave and go

We’ll take our leave and go

We’ll take our leave and go

Additional quality memes:

A recipe for Buttered Jorts:

Recent Jorts activities:

And some very wise words from the cat himself:

[petermorwood]

This is the largest Jorts post I found before I decided to stop, and combines a lot of memes in one convenient package.

Along with cats, of course. Smartly done!

[calligrafiti]

The person running the Jorts Twitter is using it to promote unions, which is awesome.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[griffstream]

Cosmic alignment…

[screechingcollectivecollectorus]

Fuck all of the good luck posts out there. Reblog this to immaculate your vibes

[puddox]

I see the original post going around every so often and it saddens me a little that it's never accompanied by this thread explaining why it's completely understandable how a child would arrive at these spellings in accordance with english phonetics

[catchymemes]

[catchymemes]

[breelandwalker]

May the Fourth Be With You

Don’t forget to wear glitter, take your meds, and practice self-care in honor of our dear departed Space Mom.

Blessed Be She Who Drowned In Moonlight, Strangled By Her Own Bra

[accalialionheart]