Everything is completely random

Jess (she/her) | British (derogatory) | will ramble about random nonsense for as long as you let me | ace, aro and anxious yayyyyy! 

[gonzos-humansona]

a regular work schedule will make you have the worst most exhausting day of your life and you can't even get super drunk about it because you have to be up again at 5am tomorrow. for the new worst day of your life.

[sanscest69]

I just realized that many many people have jobs

Rb with your job, wtf do you people do while offline???

[steamandcream]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[steamandcream]

sorry to put your tags on blast on this insane breach containment post I have since muted, but you're right and you should say it.

It is defeatable. Go for the throat.

[r2x2]

The Amnesty International report that JK Rowling is trying to censor through legal threats.

It can also be found on Google Drive here and on Bluesky here.

[cbarc]

Please save and share this info where possible. This report has since been removed by Amnesty International due to legal threats of libel from JK Rowling. This information is no longer easily accessible.

[wondersmith-and-sons]

Which of the following moments in British politics was funniest?

David Cameron allegedly fucking a pig (2015)

Theresa May Brexit deal sees worst parliamentary defeat of any British PM (2019)

Dominic Cummings' social distancing scandal is named #Cumgate (2021)

Matt "Eat Out to Help Out" Hancock caught having affair with his aide (2021)

MP resignations reach critical mass under Boris Johnson (2022)

The Queen dies 2 days after meeting Liz Truss (2022)

Liz Truss who doesn't outlast head of lettuce (2022)

Nigel Farage has to run in by-election against Count Binhead (2026)

I'm American and I never read news from outside of my country

Something else entirely (I'll tell you in the tags)

Voting ended onJul 19

Note: don't let your recency bias decide this, actually think back to what was the objectively funniest time on the internet.

[horsefigureoftheday]

Sucks how many people were taught that "horses put their ears back when they're mad" but then never taught the difference between "angry backwards ears," "mildly annoyed backwards ears," "pain backwards ears," "concentrated backwards ears," "sleepy backwards ears" and "just happens to be listening to something behind it."

"Horses put their ears back when they're mad" idk man i think it depends

[horsefigureoftheday]

These are all completely different expressions in completely different scenarios, and only two of them are decidedly negative.

[horsefigureoftheday]

Actually, I wanna talk about the third horse, the one putting its ears back in pain. Over the last 15 years veterinarians and animal scientists have worked out pain scales for most domestic animals by taking photos of the during routine procedures.

We know vaccines painful, and by comparing horses at rest with horses getting vaccinated, we've been able to determine how they express pain visually. By looking at horses with disorders like colic, broken bones, wounds, and so on, we can determine their facial expressions during more severe pain.

At zookeeper school we were drilled through the pain faces of the most common lab animals and livestock. Nowadays I believe this has become a routine lesson in all animal related fields, but the general public still doesn't know that this is a thing that exists.

Here are all the pain face/grimace scales I've been able to find. Please study them if you interact with any of these animals on a regular basis:

[sabriel-writes]

Obv Three hasn't gone thru all of its character development yet, but the current fandom take on it is that Three is a sociable softie who loves nature and learning.

Which is very adorable, and as textually supported as anything can be. But I propose:

--Three canonically tries to get SecUnit to wear its armor by pointing at it for two minutes without saying a word

--SecUnit canonically pulls a lot of things it says directly from Sanctuary Moon, which it has watched thousands of hours of, and Three hasn't

--Three is into documentaries and nonfiction

--Three is used to working with other SecUnits

Thus,

Three rarely speaks, but when it does, it's basically *David Attenborough voice*. When Three and SecUnit are working together and SecUnit forgets to tell the humans what it's doing, Three (who hasn't said a word in the past six hours) suddenly says, "Your SecUnit is currently attempting a hack on nearby drones. This has a high probability of success, but there is always the chance that these drones have had their security features altered. ...and there, these drones are now under our control. Our path forward is clear, but we will continue to use caution," like it's narrating Blue Planet

[sabriel-writes]

tags from @arbitrarycategories :

#obsessed with this take not only bc I can see it happening but also because murderbot would HATE being narrated#every time Three does this Murderbot sends it a message it the feed that just says ‘knock that shit off’ and Three ignores it and they#do this every time forever. like a weird friendship ritual.#the murderbot diaries#tmbd

murderbot: SHUT THE FUCK UP WE ARE ON A MISSION

three: the humans need to know :) :)

ART, shoving a fully edited documentary with beautifully generated graphics behind its back: yeah, SecUnit, the humans need to know what's going on. It's of critical mission importance.

three, very quietly to the shared feed: Although it may seem stressed, a SecUnit having spare attention with which to swear at other SecUnits is actually an indicator of healthy processor usage---

[stuckinapril]

[stuckinapril]

happy if you have scholarly inclinations there is usually something wrong with your sexuality july

[carbomcoco]

"these researchers published a paper on something that literally any of us could have told you 🙄" ok well my supervisors wont let me write something in my thesis unless I can back it up with a citation so maybe it's a good thing that they're amplifying your voice to the scientific community in a way that prevents people from writing off your experiences as annecdotal evidence

[carbomcoco]

they did the research in the first place because they believed you and wanted to tell people about it. they are not our enemies.

[aphony-cree]

people always go "Instead of spending all that time on a study they could have just listened to us when we said these thing happen"

they did listen, that's how studies work, they asked people about their experiences and put all the data together in a nice package that can be cited

[awakefor48hours]

Every once in a while, I wish the friendship meter from the Sims was real so that way when people tell me "I used Chat-GPT" they can visually see just how much respect I just lost for them in that moment.

[berkelbites]

One time an acquaintance told me she entered Snape's star chart into chatgpt and I could physically feel that meter dropping three separate times over the course of her sentence

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Hey so that was a great date, yeah, but I don't think it's going to work out. Nono you didn't do anything wrong, and I have indeed had a crush on you since we started high school, it's just... well, I didn't want to bring it up at the time but we kinda got sucked into a portal fantasy midway through. We saved the kingdom over and over, relying on our knowledge of and trust in each other every time, throwing ourselves into the firing line to protect each other and using each others' conviction as a rock. We got married and lived a happy life together until the portal sucked us back mid-battle and you gave up all your memories of our journey in order to save my life right when we ended up back in the coffee shop. Yeah that was when I got a bit weird and went to the bathroom.

Anyway I thought we could push on and make the date work but I have all of these memories of secrets that this you never chose to share, decisions that this you never made, and intimacies that this you never experienced. And it's kind of screwing with the vibe yeah. Also on the date it was really, blatantly clear that you're sixteen whereas I have memories of ruling a fantasy kingdom for thirty years so like... that's a problem all on its own. Anyway this you just feels more like a daughter to me. A daughter with the woman I gave my heart and soul to over and over and received like in return, only to lose her forever on the journey home. On the plus side I can definitely help you with your math homework now.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#what the fuck#this one was actually really very short why is it still like that what

The shorter it is, the more concentrated the what the fuck can be.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I can help you with your math homework because the fantasy world's magic system was based on calculus and I was a gifted mage, stop nitpicking.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#this world's magic system is also based in calculus

[adhdwannabewriter]

Writers, which software do you use?

Google docs

Microsoft word

Ellipsus

Libre office - writer

Notepad (the fuck is wrong with you lol)

Pages

Other (comment, please, esp if you recommend it)

Checking results

Voting ended onJul 20

I used to use Google docs, but the white mode only was really annoying me (tires my eyes), so I swapped to Ellipsus (which I genuinely love and recommend), but it was bothering me a bit that I need wifi in order to use it, so now I switched to LibreOffice Writer, which I do like.

It very much has a Microsoft Word feel, but is open source and you need no accounts to use it. It's local on your device, so no AI can scan it, and no wifi is needed.

I still wish it had the Google Docs cards, because, bitch, that thing is so good for easy organizing.

[paverics]

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

[paverics]

comedians can only dream of writing something this funny

[blurringonby]

THIS Erling Haaland btw

[papayafromtv]

the consistent journey that pretty much every Robin/batkid goes on, starting from ‘holy fuck i can be a vigilante!!! i love Batman!! this is magic!! i can do flips off tall buildings and kick people in the face and continue the greatest legacy on this planet!!’ to ‘Bruce i am so fucking tired.’ is genuinely so funny to me. i know Bruce is sick of not being listened to. he tells these goddamn kids over and over again that it’s not fun, it’s a curse, your sleep schedule will be fucked and you’ll never be relaxed again, please don’t get the wrong idea; and every damn time these kids are like :DDD CAPES AND ACROBATICS AND COOL DETECTIVE STUFF!! and then a week later they’re on a stakeout in the rain and it’s 2AM and they’ve been beaten up every night that week and the kid will go ‘B this fucking sucks why the fuck did you let us do this we’re literally just children-‘ and Bruce will go fucking geriatric.

it should have been a thing when Damian brought up the idea of quitting Robin and he pulled Bruce aside like ‘look please don’t get mad i know you won’t be happy about this, but i just don’t think this is what i want for the rest of my life, again please don’t get mad, i am my own person and it’s my life so i need you to respect my wishes here Father.’ that Bruce just stared at him really indignant for a while and then incredulously started yelling like what do you MEAN don’t get mad. i didn’t give you Robin?!?! i specifically DIDN’T give you Robin?! and then you went behind my back to get Dick to give it to you?!?! what??

like it’s the equivalent of having a toddler with you in a restaurant and you tell them Do Not Fucking Try The Wasabi. it is Spicy. and then kid eats a lump of wasabi out of spite and starts crying and now you’re the bad guy because the kid is suffering and somehow it’s your fault. 'you're supposed to take the wasabi away from them, Bruce' YOU TRY TAKING STUFF AWAY FROM THESE KIDS. SEE WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS.

this poor man has been under the thumb of his many children for so long and i just know he’s so tired of it all.

[ruffboi-mags]

So apparently, over the summer, Quibi (the shortest-lasting streaming service ever lmao) did a quarantine project called “Home Movie: The Princess Bride” where a bunch of celebrities recreated The Princess Bride in tiny chunks at home.

And like there was no permanent cast, all these celebrities seem to have gotten a scene or part of a scene to do (i’m not sure exactly, I did not ever watch Quibi and thus haven’t seen this yet), and then they just… recreated it as best they could. At home. Under quarantine.

So like, you had Jennifer Garner in a blanket cape playing Princess Buttercup AND the Booing Old Woman with a crowd comprised entirely of stuffed animals:

Or Taika Waititi paying Westley off a badly-drawn Inigo on a piece of cardboard held in front of someone’s face:

And it’s all just delightful.

But my absolute favorite part of this thing that I’ve sadly never seen but assume is probably absolutely hilarious and a treasure and I want to find it some day and watch the whole thing… is that Carey Elwes is in it.

As Prince Fucking Humperdink.

[movebackintime]

https://youtu.be/lR8pA_WV9QI

Here ya go

[laziestgirlintown]

In case you need a comfort watch and because Youtube search nowadays sucks rancid farts, I remind you of the Princess Bride Home Movie from the lockdown, starring everybody

[millenniallust4death]

I’m paying to force seven thousand strangers to see a photo of my late husband having fun with his dog. Tumblr Blaze is totally worth it. XD

[millenniallust4death]

Thank-you to all of my new Internet stranger friends for being so gracious about having my post shoved onto your dashboards. I loved reading all of your kind tags and comments! Both Martin and Bosco have been gone for several years now but for 24 hours, they felt very present in my life. I greatly appreciate this gift. ❤️

[psycorax]

Reblog to have your dashboard be visited by the spirit of joy that death can end but not erase.

[millenniallust4death]

Thank you to everyone who commented in their tags or messaged me. Indeed, today is “Martin and Bosco Day”. I originally whimsically blazed this photo on 13 July 2022. I never expected Martin and Bosco to travel so far and make so many new friends. The experience has been such a gift for me.

[horsefigureoftheday]

Nova's tips for beating the heatwave:

1. Check that you have good access to shade trees, a shelter custom made to fit you and all your friends, and plenty of good airflow

2. Find the hottest, sunniest, and least windy part of you pasture and lay down

3. Make sure you look as much as possible like you have died of heatstroke

4. Get your friends in on it

[prince-of-goths]

A horse's biggest purpose in life is to make you think they died