LocalCryptid

29 M The Local Cryptid In The Woods Outside Your House

[ramnamsatyahai-deactivated20210]

[sloth-incarnate]

Never has this gif been more appropriate

[gem-femme]

A vegetable is a social construct.

[psych-is-the-name]

[posts-with-10000-notes-in-spirit]

current note count: 295

[cassdrawsthings]

Reblogs

[cipheramnesia]

My new method to avoid eye contact is a low cut top and a push-up bra.

[cipheramnesia]

That's right, this whole time I've been on HRT for the distracting and alluring cleavage which serves to alleviate so much otherwise awkward social interactions.

No more complex social small talk to navigate, just people trailing off while their eyeballs do the walking. This whole master plan was a stroke of genius.

[dietspam16]

this girl playing 4-d chess with the allistics

[cipheramnesia]

Actually it's just 38C but thanks.

[cipheramnesia]

Hold on, I might be stupid.

[vaspider]

No I think you're playing 38C chess.

[actuallyjuststealingmemes]

Oh my God that is a genius way to avoid eye contact, I am fucking jealous

[nytfythfhtyf]

hgtv show hosts: we made this dark disgusting house into a nice bright warm cozy masterpiece

the house:

[cybersexanalyst-deactivated2023]

needs a pop of color . . . I think some red accents would really give it that homey feel :)

[ninja-weapons]

This gif is outrageous

[headlesssamurai]

 ■ The so-called “blood explosion” which punctuates the conclusion of Akira Kurosawa’s 1962 movie Sanjuro remains one of the most memorable and influential special effects in film history. Production designer Yoshiro Muraki would later recall this scene was filmed in a single take. No such effect had ever been attempted before, as movies of the time rarely showed violence with graphic detail. Filled with uncertainty, Muraki worried the blood spray he’d rigged up wouldn’t impress Kurosawa, so he added an extra 30 pounds of pressure to the fluid pump. At the moment the pump was activated, the additional pressure caused the compressor hose attached to actor Tatsuya Nakadai to blow a coupling which created a slight, unintentional delay before the fake blood began to spray, and caused a much larger gush of fluid than planned. It sprayed so powerfully Nakadai claimed it almost lifted him off the ground. His heart sinking, as he believed the delay and over-pressure had ruined the effect, Muraki nervously glanced at director Akira Kurosawa, but Kurosawa only nodded in approval.

[trilllizard666]

“oh god i fucked this up”

“yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOO”

[kineticpenguin]

And to think this is so iconic that “two dudes clash, there’s a beat, then one dies incredibly violently” is just a must-have for action in anime

[webbut]

Its crazy to think that this iconic visual that has been so ubiquitous in pop culture for so long despite that the source material barely being known by people all came from actors staying in character thru an FX malfunction.

[ladythatsmyskull]

There are worse legacies.

[250m]

Visit Original Link

[notanandalitebandit]

U know the moment we reblog this, three years from now a whole hoard of reblogs will crop up with ‘this aged poorly’ in the tags right

[everybidenjusthavegoodtime]

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

[hotcommunist-deactivated2019032]

invasive species encroach on lesbian territory

[dreaming-shark]

This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.

[ailithnight]

A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.

Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.

[chequerootlurks]

As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.

[thatdisasterauthor]

As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate.

[swindle94]

now how in the FUCK am i supposed to leave tumblr when a god tier post like THIS is just is just waiting for me daily?!?!?!

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[vesface]

[the-gayest-dovah]

Better see y'all reblogging this

[30-minute-memes]

Wear Your Fucking Masks. Especially Americans, we’re still in an epidemic here.

[rosiemutual-deactivated20180308]

smash that mf reblog if u hate pedophiles

[yoichooseno]

You know that post with the broken likes? If this doesn’t get enough reblogs to crash the icon then I’m fucking rioting

[i-am-shitpost]

Whoever doesn’t repost this I’m afraid of

[just-katsumi]

Let’s GO GO GO!!!

[lil-tumbles]

If u can’t rb this u r dead to me

[stressed-depressed-emo-mess]

This is funny because a friend and I are about to expose one, so, yeah.

[soliddaddy96]

fuck pedophiles

me and my homies hate pedophiles

[jackabitches]

Amen

[pi4nobl4ck]

[theawesomeadventurer]

i am on another plane right now and this video has me convinced that I reached nirvana for a few seconds

[funnyposts]

the first time i watched this video i was stoned out of my motherfucking MIND and i watched it on loop for 25 minutes

[boartits]

this is the only fucking post on this entire fucking site

[tredlocity]

[golbat]

I have been trying to find this video for like…a whole year

[forevernoon-deactivated20181218]

[saint-batrick]

i need like ten more hours of this.

[anais-ninja-bitch]

handsome young Men hand barbequeing a  boat

[whatareyoureallyafraidof]

Trump Cult Syndrome.

[pumpkinylink]

Do non-americans realize that the United States is literally just a bunch of countries in a trench coat that agreed to be semi-nice to each other in order to sneak into the Big Boy Club? Because let’s be honest that’s just what the USA is

[pumpkinylink]

The rest of the world: So… you’re a big country?

The states, standing on each other’s shoulders: Y- yes,,,

[pumpkinylink]

I love how everyone who’s reblogged this hasn’t added anything on or tagged anything on it. They’re all just like “Yeah. That’s it. That’s the entire United States summed up in one post-”

[words-writ-in-starlight]

#oh my god is THAT why you guys are so weird

Yeah 100%

[b1s3xualm00n]

Don’t let these tags die omfg

[shieldmaiden19]

10/10 can confirm

[aces-to-apples]

absolutely bonkers that my own tags have crossed my dash like this more than fifteen reblogs after i wrote them

[deerladydisdain]

I moved to another state. 30 minutes away. My family acts like I betrayed them and can’t understand my life choices. It’s completely different way of life, especially during covid. Completely different country.

[bluecrowne]

every single fucking time one of those articles of “things europeans find weird about america” complains that sales tax isn’t included

states set the sales tax!!! it’s literally different across state lines!!! american retailers can’t add it bc they’d have to account for 50 different prices!!!!!!!

[capriceandwhimsy]

It gets even more insane! California’s clean air standards for cars and other such things are so much higher than everyone else’s! So if a car manufacturer in Detroit wants to sell their damn cars in California, they need to build their cars to California clean air standards. But retooling an assembly line and car design to have some cars meet California clean air standards, while building others to other clean air standards is a lot of work, so car manufacturers all over the country have to build all their cars to California clean air standards.

Which is why California went into an uproar earlier this year when the Federal Government tried to argue that states can’t set their own environmental guidelines! “Fuck you!” says California, “we remember Los Angeles in the 80s, how bad the smog gets, go pollute your own damn air over in your own damn state where there isn’t a thermal inversion layer to trap all the smog down near ground level!”

“But you’re making it soooo haaaaaard to sell our cars everywhere else!” they whine.

“Fuck you!” California shouts. “And while we’re at it, we don’t give a shit what you say, Mister President, we’re gonna open our damn states when we’re good and ready, and our friends Nevada, Oregon, Colorado, and Washington State agree! Also, we’ve decided to legalize weed!”

“But the Federal Government says it’s illegal!” shouts the other states.

“Fuck you, we make the drug laws in our state, and we say toke up!”

“Now, hang on!” shouts the Federal government. “You can legalize weed in your state, but all banks are federal agencies, so if your weed dispensaries set up bank accounts, those accounts have money from illegal practices in it and are subject to seizure by the federal government!”

“FINE!” shouts California. “Hey, weed guys, you can keep selling weed, but you can only deal in cash!”

“How the fuck is that supposed to work!?”

“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW, TAKE IT UP WITH DC!”

“By the way, if you’re gay married elsewhere, we won’t recognize it,” mutters Texas.

“OH FUCK YOUUUUUUU!” 

And so it goes and so it goes…

[quousque]

“What’s sales tax?” says Montana. “What’s road maintainence?” “also what’s a speed limit?”

[finnglas]

*gestures at Florida* Oh also, the reason Florida is “so weird” is only PARTIALLY because people who live here are bonkers – it’s also because Florida state laws around privacy do not include the details of arrests! So in other states, when you’re arrested, it can just show up in the registrar like “25 yo man arrested 04/30/20” but in Florida they can (and do) print the details of why they were arrested: “25 yo man arrested 4/30/20 for riding an alligator through town while naked and smoking weed.” I promises you the other states have PLENTY of weirdos, they just don’t get their dirty laundry gleefully aired in the local news.

[cheese24k]

[clambistro-deactivated20161211]

Ahh, it’s back

[julierthanyou]

i have disproportionately strong feelings about this.

[party-wok]

every time i say “nah i’m not gonna watch it again.” BUT I STILL DO EVERY TIME.

[bestrooftalkever]

YEAUGH

[foofighting-deactivated20180627]

@dissonancies

[memewhore]

I think the hardest I’ve ever seen Tyler laugh was when he discovered this video 😆

[normal-horoscopes]

The Royal Signs V:

Aries: The King of Sails and Oars. Colony ships across the sea, refugees from a home abandoned.  Nights on the bow in the salt-sewn wind, following the melody from the deep that only he can hear.

Taurus: A king born on horseback. Inheritor to a legacy of blood and empire. Warpaths leveraged into trade routes that flow with silks and silver. New life breathed into an empire that will never truly forget its roots.

Gemini: The Builder. The Queen of Nine Rivers. Highways that cut through the rolling savanna. Gold from the south, salt from the north, but from her court flows knowledge.

Cancer: One more throne to the court. A palanquin in radiant gold carries the new king to his throne. There he sits, the newest addition to the dozens of thrones behind him, all baring the mummies of his predecessors.

Leo: A young prince, playing with the common children in the market square. Free to enjoy the puddles and morning air, safe in the knowledge that the sniper who guards him is watching from the rooftops.

Virgo: A Pirate Queen. War drums haunt the treasure ships. A captured shipment of ancient, enchanted metal, more valuable than any gold or silver.

Libra: A king in willing exile. A king who sought the gentle dark, who made a home in the alien places where his father feared to tread. Scars of rebellion turned to marks of pride.

Scorpio: A queen in silks invites foreign dignitaries to tea in her private garden. As she listens to their words she coos over her pet mantises, secretly relishing the guests discomfort.

Ophiuchus: The clan mother. A woman of great age and wisdom. A banner of patches in a thousand colors and patters. Pipe smoke drifting from the folds of a coat made in similar fashion.

Sagittarius: A Queen of Bone and Honey. An ancient song drifts across the boreal forest. A queen in lush furs, now flanked by a court of extremely fluffy cows. Dull copper bells rattle in time with her song.

Capricorn: A king of unearned radiance. A tyrant in lavish surroundings, cast unceremoniously into a dry well. The priestesses said his blood was spoiled, unfit for the earth.

Aquarius: A queen by title, but not by action.  A childhood friend, a seamstress with a laugh gentle and kind as a warm spring afternoon.

Pisces: A holy king, a king in penance. Inheritor to the sins of his lineage. A gentle hand of iron. Shows of fervor for the world to see. Molten gold scarring flesh.

[zenpencils]

BILL WATTERSON ‘A cartoonist’s advice’

[itsokaytobesmart]

This. 

[augustdementhe]

In progress.

[mjalti]

[bunjywunjy]

oh it totally does, but you can’t hear it because space is a vacuum and sound can’t travel through a vacuum! 

and that’s a good thing, 

because the roar of the sun would clock in at around 120db heard from earth, about the equivalent to having a train’s horn go off three feet from your face. 

constantly. all the time, even at NIGHT. there would be no escape.

[zeyrablue]

this is simply terrifying. how do you erase knowledge please ?

[kedreeva]

NASA actually recorded the sun, if you want to hear it:

And they recorded the planets too:

[gardeninthevoid]

so, the sun and the earth sound about how i would’ve expected, and a lot of other planets just make strong wind sounds which is perfectly reasonable but venus sounds like pure dread?!?! WHY IS SATURN SCREAMING?!? pluto isn’t bad and is actually kinda nice but it’s very strange to me too like Why Does It Do That. jupiter is super chill 10/10. pluto and jupiter need to collab i would buy that album

[elucubrare]

oh, fuck, guys, you know what this means? it means the ancient world was right about the music of the spheres. 

[fullymechanized-consoomer]

Sun

Mercury

Venus

Earth

Mars

Jupiter

Saturn

Uranus 

Neptune

Pluto

[sensicalabsurdities]

h oLy sh IT??? I was Not prepared for Pluto