ignore me

[ashenmind]

“Living weapon” covers a lot and all of it is hot

[ashenmind]

[dying-crying-pining]

“stabbing crying killing hot” has a fantastic ring to it

[wintersnails]

x files episode but they’re being audited by the financial department so the entire story is done in flashbacks as they look over the weirdest expense report known to man

[my-dailydreams]

[torstherapy]

[tinsnip]

Per @spoonstrek

[mapswithoutwyoming]

legend tells of a mysterious being called “nuance” that allows multiple things to be true at the same time. some say you can still hear its voice whispering in the trees

[wifegideonnav]

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

[such-justice-wow]

For sneezing if its someone who sneezes a certain number of times in a row you can hit them with a "you get one more" on the penultimate sneeze

Also reffering to things as "nature's X" when it def isnt natural

[targetedknowledge]

[ruinedchildhood]

[supersoftly]

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Okay but imagine being the team of Eridian scientists tasked with keeping Erid's Only Human alive for as long as possible while the whole planet's environment is literally trying to kill him. And then Rocky shows up and is like:

“Grace says he would like half of dome to be water.”

“Oh, is necessary for humans to have large amounts of water question?”

Small Eridian equivalent of a sigh. “No. Not needed for life. In fact Grace will die if he falls in water and does not get out.”

“Tell him we give him water in containers that won't kill him. Lots lots lots of water on Erid for Grace to drink.”

“No. Grace say he want water on ground. Also want it with excess sodium chloride compound so it will be unhealthy for drink.”

“WHY QUESTION???”

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

To celebrate Erid getting their sun back on track, Grace asks for some alcohol. There's a small amount left from the Hail Mary and Rocky offers to take it to the science Eridians to see if they can synthesise more.

“Grace want this liquid for celebration.”

“Of course.” They scan it. “You have wrong liquid. This contain compounds which are poisonous for humans.”

“Yes yes yes. Grace say humans like feeling of being slightly poisoned.”

“WHY QUESTION?????”

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Grace is like one of those extremely finicky tropical fish who instantly die if not kept in extremely specific conditions.

Only here the fish can talk and keeps asking you to make it vodka.

[catchymemes]

[bat-incooking-school]

Xie Lian getting absolutely plastered at some point and going off about Hua Cheng's beloved.

Xie Lian: I don't like your beloved! No no! Don't touch me, I'm mad! You're nice and funny and handsome and kind and that idiot doesn't even appreciate you! Quit interrupting me this is important! If this guy was soooooo spectacular then he would be here right now! You built a big big house just for him and he won't even show up and look at it! I like looking at your house! I like looking at you! Why do you like him!? He's stupid and I hate him and he's probably not that good looking! If I ever see your dumb beloved I'll beat his ass for ignoring you!

Hua Cheng: *the deep breathe that can only come from dealing with complicated feelings given to you by a drunk person*

[southern-gothicc]

By @lousydrawingsforgoodpeople

[mumblesplash]

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

[mumblesplash]

cave divers when they are happily married with kids and beloved by their community but theres a crack in the bottom of a lake called The Devil’s Rotting Esophagus where 57 people have died

[allsadnshit]

Most people's twenties are spent being upset at how other people around them think and feel and it takes like the whole decade to realize you can't control it, shouldn't want to, wouldn't get what you wanted if you could, and that actually maybe get over yourself and then life starts to get really good around there

Very precious kind knowledge to live through

[lustcannibalism]

ever since I was little I knew I wanted to dedicate my formative years to imagining fictional scenarios

[great-gatsby]

every reread kills me a little bit more

[great-gatsby]

reread and enjoy <3

[zettatoad]

columbo should be public domain. he should be allowed to show up in anything. the columbo episode should be one of the standard types of tv episode like the beach episode or the episode where a character shrinks and explores the insides of someone's body