mess in a dress

who even cares at this point. Amanda (she/her) snap:amjudge

[jaubaius]

Snowflake on a crow’s wing. 

Photo by Shawn Bergman.

[passthatdutchbymissyelliott-dea]

seasons greetings 

[thebootydiaries]

god damn it

[joey-wheeler-official]

Putting banned tags on all my posts to filter out any apple users.

[catcrumb]

[catcrumb]

tumblr sniped me for this

[8zu]

BECK: Mongolian Chop Squad - Live 1: The View at Fourteen

[thecyndimistuff]

my English prof teaching abt cover letters today and me trying not to bring up the luke skywalker cover letter post:

[thecyndimistuff]

@serialreblogger​ here you go:

[lolotehe]

[sandersstudies]

My husband’s job primarily employs adult men but there is one (1) teenage girl and my husband said originally he worried she might be a bit of an outcast but instead every man on the crew was like “huh guess I am a dad/older brother now.”

[sandersstudies]

She was in a car crash on the way to work one morning and called my husband to let him know she’d be late and he was like wtf guess I’m gonna be late too because I’m coming to pick you up and then he told his team and they were like I think you mean WE are coming.

[hoonkus-deactivated20230701]

Imagine you are a teenage girl probably rushing to get to work and you crash your probably new car and feel absolutely miserable and now you’ll be late to work but then suddenly in the distance a car full of all the adult men you work with just pulls up and is like “we came all the way here to pick you up” the mental image right now is fr.

[sandersstudies]

Apparently she tried to call her dad but it was 3am and he was obviously sleeping so she called my husband and he not only came to find her but fished her glasses out of the hood of the car (she’d dropped them while looking inside), drove her to the hospital, and told her to take the day off. She insisted on coming back to work so he used his lunch break to watch TV with her to make sure she didn’t doze off (concussion risk).

You’ve heard of the Mom friend but my husband is very much the Dad friend. He said when he answered the phone she said “hey please don’t be mad” and he’s never felt such powerful Fatherhood energy in his life.

[deliciouspaintthinner]

Girl: *calls for aid*

Every single dad packed into the car:

[sandersstudies]

This is possibly my favorite response to this post

[i-like-to-think-that-im-cool]

This girls father: Thanks for helping my daughter out guys

Your husband and all his coworkers:

[fanficmemes]

Babygirl I know fandom history that you wouldn’t even care about

[mikkeneko]

i know fandom history that even I don’t care about

[antlershade]

well, i know about lump fish

[cyber-seagull404]

Good to see we’re all on the same page

[la-uniceja-de-radamanthys]

Y’all on tumblr:

me, an average person:

Here is Miles Morales

Y’all: We want a non white Captain America 

me:

Here is Sam Wilson (Falcon)

Y’all: what about a PoC  and muslim Captain Marvel

me:

Here is Kamala Khan

Y’all: We want a PoC Hulk

me:

Here you have Amadeus Cho

Y’all: we want a non male Poc Ironman

me:

here is Riri Williams (Ironheart)

Y’all: We Want LGBT+ heroes

me: 

America Chavez, Bisexual

me:

Logan, a raging bisexual

me:

in case y’all forgot, Deadpool is pansexual

[el3gy]

I like spending time w people who visibly enjoy spending time w me too

[prostheticknowledge]

Dildo Generator

Online 3D experiment by Ikaros Kappler which is described as a “Extrusion/Revolution Generator” ….

Created with three.js, you can alter the bezier curves and angle of the form, and is designed with 3D printing in mind (models can be exported and saved, as well as calculated weight in silicone).

Try it out for yourself (if you wish) here

[johnnystompanado-deactivated201]

the time is now

[susaine-mcswiney-deactivated201]

hell yeah

[defibrinationsyndrome]

ah yes, the ol rolling pin dilda

[spiffymuffin]

[caterjunes]

it’s called the purple ramjet

[jolys]

which end do you start with? the answer is yours to decide

[grillmasterxbbq]

shove a vase up your ass

[lord-kitschener]

not even jesus could save yall motherfuckers’ souls

[fan-troll]

i call it the matterhorn

[poultrymancy]

cackling just continues to get louder as I scroll through

[darklightescape]

i think this is the first time an internet community has discovered something customizable and adamantly refused to make penises

[teapotsahoy]

of course this is the post where tumblr is like “Seems sfw to me!”

[furiousfran]

I call this one the Megahorny

Just cram an entire table lamp up there

[ifitaintbaroque]

Me every time this post crosses my dash:

[rosegardenmassacre-deactivated2]

My laugh at this post is auditory evidence of just how sick I still am.

[prettyyinpunk]

Plate. 

[broadwaytheanimatedseries]

I’d usually post this to my NSFW blog but this is making me laugh so unreasonably hard that I can’t fucking breathe and therefore deserves to be on my main blog

[in3ffable-husbands-deactivated2]

Compiling some of the best ones from the replies-

[ragingbookdragon-deactivated201]

How you gonna do us like that bruh???

[mysukisilentdeath]

ITS BACK

[ivory-reverie]

M U S H R O O M

[bill-nye-official-blog]

en garde

[fangcore]

i guess this is the long post all the gays are collectively reblogging today huh

[l0s3r-g0r3-d3s7r0y4]

Idk how to work it on mobile which makes me sad

[chimera-off-the-string]

This this fucking terrible thing just killed me

I was just scrolling and my friend asked why I was dying and i just had shown them this.

They are scared of me i think

[theaxonthatsaltered]

HAHWHWHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHSHESUAIJ

[insertcommonnoun]

toilet punger

[alfredo-zauce]

I’m fucking DYING

[9ofspades]

Acorn. 

[they-call-me-ren]

[chillwerewolf]

small child: [absolutely incomprehensible gibberish]

me:

[pukicho]

Everyone who has heard the term “guerrilla warfare” has also briefly imagined a war made up of gorillas - this is the one connecting thread that every single one of us on this planet share, surpassing race, virtues, culture and more. If you’re ever feeling lonely, know that at one point, all of us thought this very same thought.

[lesbiangalacticgoddess]

Hey OP, you do know that not everyone in the world is a native English speaker right?

[pukicho]

No this is news to me

Thanks for the murder thing tho, definitely a balanced, tame reaction to this made-up post that’s clearly not meant to be taken seriously.

[rainydayscore]

[ruinedchildhood]

[writing-prompt-s]

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

[endreams-s]

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

[honeypressed]

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

[moonreflectioninthefragglepond]

A++ addition

[tetsuskitten]

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

[tigerliliesandcherryblossoms]

I LOVE THIS

[vmohlere]

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

[laziestofthedreamers]

I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.

Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.

So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.

[pamgkrthwrites]

Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal. 

“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”

Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”

[ladyhavilliard]

…perfect

[outerspacekake]

I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect

[yourpotatotwiceremooved]

THE ORIGINAL POST HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY

[serpant-of-heaven-deactivated20]

Oh my god I would watch/read the hell out of this shit

[robertdeniro]

What do you do for a living?

Suffer

[dankmemeuniversity]