assuming that the whole thing in s1 about howard not wanting jimmy to use the name âmcgillâ in his law practice was really a smokescreen for chuck not wanting jimmy to use the name because he didnât want to be associated with him, thereâs something really upsetting about jimmy changing his professional name to saul goodman after chuckâs death. on the surface itâs about not wanting to be seen as âchuckâs loser brother,â to start over, even to spite chuck, but thereâs a very sad undertone of appeasement and submission there. he says âiâll do everything in my power to be worthy of the name mcgillâ and then almost immediately afterwards he suddenly âfigured outâ changing his name was "right.â itâs kind of hard to ignore the fact that he changed his name immediately after using it to get his law license back, immediately after saying heâd do everything to be worthy of it, knowing chuck didnât want him to use their name, and at the same time that heâs building this persona which echos everything chuck always believed he was.Â
it almost makes even more sense, then, that he leans all the way into it after kim leaves, because itâs always kind of felt reactionary in that way. his âfresh start,â his way of moving on from chuck, was to do what chuck wanted and be what chuck saw. itâs a loss disguising itself as a win, like a desperate grab for control. thereâs an implication that he doesnât believe anything he could do would make him worthy of the name mcgill, and so heâs not going to taint it further by using it. he doesnât feel like he can get away from the crushing knowledge that chuck never stopped being disappointed in him, and so he âchoosesâ to become the person chuck believed he was. itâs less that he wants to be this person, and more that he isnât sure if he can be anything else, and so heâs going to pretend itâs what he wants and that way he doesnât have to confront the fear that he has no choice but to exist as this, that itâs all heâll ever be. the fact that he submits to it fully after kim leaves burns even more because it brings back everything about chuck saying he ruined her, that he canât do anything but hurt people. what happened to her (âa promising career, over and done withâ) was a confirmation of his worst fears and so the illusion that heâs choosing to be this person becomes more important than ever. the only thing he can do to cope with the guilt and shame is to pretend heâs doing it all on purpose. that he likes it. that heâs having a good time. Â
stormborns
janainaart
yousharknotpass
germansingergirl
pixelskylines
