I Live For Spite

They/them

[guardianspirits13]

When a typeface you've banned for use on middle school science projects follows you lightyears away to an alien planet 🤦🏼‍♂️

Papyrus comes for us all, in the end.

[captain-price-returns]

He’s in league with the Thalmor

[homunculus-argument]

I love browsing cover-up tattoo stuff when every once in a while there's someone asking "how do I cover up this unspeakably idiotic thing" and people are like "please do not cover that up, that's fucking amazing." You just have "shrimps is bugs" written on your leg now. That's your legacy.

[wario-hentai-hobbyist]

Have you seen that one weasel tattoo that someone was asking coverup advice for? One of the best tattoos I've seen.

[wario-hentai-hobbyist]

Found it!

[homunculus-argument]

It's so fucking beautiful I'm in tears. Laughing so hard I'm crying but what difference is that really.

[fforsythiaaa]

Once when I was in undergrad, someone described something as “problematic” in class and our professor was like, “That’s cool, but ‘problematic’ doesn’t really mean anything. It means that the thing you’re describing has a problem, and in and of itself that’s not bad. Art, especially, should always have problems, or else it’s not interesting and not art, either. It sounds like you’re trying to say that this is bad, but you don’t want to say ‘bad.’ Is that right?”

So from then on whenever one of us called something problematic, he would make us talk it out until we could name the “bad” thing we were hinting at. In this particular class, 7/10 it was some type of oppression, and the remainder was like, “I’m uncomfortable because this is very new/confusing/pushing boundaries that made me feel safe.”

Once we stopped calling things “problematic” and stopping at that, class got way more interesting and... we all had to say, like, “that’s racist” or “that’s misogynistic” or “ew capitalism gross” out loud, which a lot of us had never done in a classroom before. Or we had to be like, “Uhhh... I’m not sure what’s so bad?” and confront our own beliefs and that was maybe even more useful.

Anyway. Whenever I see the word problematic, I can’t help but think of this professor being like, “Good starting point, now let’s get specific.” I think when we have to commit to saying “that’s ___” it requires a lot more careful thought about the truth and impact and complexities of whatever we’re claiming. Sometimes there really is some bullshit afoot, and also sometimes it’s art, and it should be full of problems, because that’s what art is.

[wizardarchetypes]

getting my labs done today i was thinking about years ago when i went to the doctor and i was like 'i've been to another doctor already but he wouldn't listen to me. something's wrong. i've never been this tired in all my life. i know i'm in college and i know i have depression but this is different. please you have to try something.'

so the doctor (back then) ordered labs and it turned out my vitamin d level was like 5 or 7 and i've never seen a doctor so elated about lab results in my entire life. she said, 'it's never. vitamin d. but it is this time. we can fix this. you're going to feel better.'

she was literally like

[alnitaks]

modern weekly china by elizaveta porodina

[prokopetz]

Random Headcanon: That Federation vessels in Star Trek seem to experience bizarre malfunctions with such overwhelming frequency isn’t just an artefact of the television serial format. Rather, it’s because the Federation as a culture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles, tooling around in ships packed full of beyond-cutting-edge tech they don’t really understand. Endlessly frustrating if you have to fight them, because they can pull an effectively unlimited number of bullshit space-magic countermeasures out of their arses - but they’re as likely as not to give themselves a lethal five-dimensional wedgie in the process. All those rampant holograms and warp core malfunctions and accidentally-traveling-back-in-time incidents? That doesn’t actually happen to anyone else; it’s literally just Federation vessels that go off the rails like that. And they do so on a fairly regular basis.

[writebastard]

So to everyone else in the galaxy, all humans are basically Doc Brown.

[prokopetz]

Aliens who have seen the Back to the Future movies literally don’t realise that Doc Brown is meant to be funny. They’re just like “yes, that is exactly what all human scientists are like in my experience”.

[roachpatrol]

THE ONLY REASON SCOTTY IS CHIEF ENGINEER INSTEAD OF SOMEONE FROM A SPECIES WITH A HIGHER TECHNOLOGICAL APTITUDE IS BECAUSE EVERYONE FROM THOSE SPECIES TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE ENTERPRISE’S ENGINE ROOM AND RAN AWAY SCREAMING

[roachpatrol]

vulcan science academy: why do you need another warp core

humans: we’re going to plug two of them together and see if we go twice as fast

vsa: last time we gave you a warp core you threw it into a sun to see if the sun would go twice as fast

humans: hahaha yeah

humans: it did tho

vsa: IT EXPLODED

humans: it exploded twice as fast

[froborr]

I love this. Especially because of how well it plays with my headcanon that the Federation does so much better against the Borg than anyone else because beating the Borg with military tactics is nigh-impossible, but beating them with wacky superscience shenanigans works as long as they’re unique wacky superscience shenanigans.

[megabeeprime]

Yeah, I love this.

[underscorex]

Reminds me of the thing I wrote a while back about Humans in high fantasy realms - they’re basically Team Fuck It Hold My Beer I Got This.

Impulsive, passionate to a fault, the social structures they build to try and regulate this hotheadedness ironically creates even greater levels of sheer bull-headedness. Even their “cooler” heads take action in months or weeks.

All their great heroes of the past were impossibly rash by galactic standards. Humans Just Go With It, which is their great flaw but also their greatest strength.

[roachpatrol]

klingons: okay we don’t get it

vulcan science academy: get what

klingons: you vulcans are a bunch of stuffy prisses but you’re also tougher, stronger, and smarter than humans in every single way

klingons: why do you let them run your federation

vulcan science academy: look

vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores they don’t do experiments on one and save the other for if the first one blows up

vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores, they will ask for a third one, immediately plug all three into each other, punch a hole into an alternate universe where humans subscribe to an even more destructive ideological system, fight everyone in it because they’re offended by that, steal their warp cores, plug those together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because that was what their initial scientific experiment was for and they didn’t want to waste a trip. 

vulcan science academy: they did that last week. we have the write-up right here. it’s getting published in about six hundred scientific journals across two hundred different disciplines because of how many established theories their ridiculous little expedition has just called into question. also, they did turn that sun into a torus, and no one actually knows how. 

vulcan science academy: this is why we let them do whatever the hell they want. 

klingons: …. can we be a part of your federation

[the-real-seebs]

Come to think of it, I mean. Look at the “first human warp drive” thing in the movie. That was… Not how Vulcans would have done it.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

you know what the best evidence for this is? Deep Space 9 almost never broke down. minor malfunctions that irritated O’Brien to hell and back, sure, but almost none of the truly weird shit that befell Voyager and all the starships Enterprise. what was the weirdest malfunction DS9 ever had? the senior staff getting trapped as holosuite characters in Our Man Bashir, and that was because a human decided to just dump the transporter buffer into the station’s core memory and hope everything would work out somehow, which is a bit like swapping your computer’s hard drive out for a memory card from a PlayStation 2 and expecting to be able to play a game of Spyro the Dragon with your keyboard and mouse.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

you know what, I’m not done with this post. let’s talk about the Pegasus. the USS Fucking Pegasus, testbed for the first Starfleet cloaking device. here we have a handful of humans working in secret to develop a cloaking device in violation of a treaty with the Romulans. they’re playing catchup trying to develop a technology other species have had for a century. and what do they do? do they decide to duplicate a Romulan cloaking device precisely, just see if they can match what other species have? nope. they decide, hey, while we’re at it, while we’re building our very first one of these things, just to find out if this is possible, let’s see if we can make this thing phase us out of normal space so we can fly through planets while we’re invisible.

“but why” said the one Vulcan in the room.

“because that would fucking rule” said the humans, high-fiving each other and slamming cans of 24th-century Red Bull.

there must be like twenty different counselling groups for non-human engineering students at Starfleet Academy, and every week in every single one of them someone walks in and starts up with a story like “our assignment was to repair a phaser emitter and my one human classmate built a chronometric-flux toaster that toasts bread after you’ve eaten it.”

[sameenbyhat]

Humans get mildly offended by the way they are presented in non-human media.

Like: “Guys, we totally wouldn’t do that!” But this always fails to get much traction, because the authors can always say: “You totally did.”

“That was ONE TIME.” 

There’s that movie where humans invented vaccines by just testing them on people. Or the one about those two humans who invented powered flight by crashing a bunch of prototypes. Or the one about electricity. 

And human historians go, “Oh, uh, this is historically accurate, but also kind of boring.” To which the producers respond: “How is doing THIS CRAZY THING boring????????”

There are entire serieses of horror movies where the premise is “We stopped paying attention to the human and ey found the technology.”

[jazzybot4]

reblog for new meta.  RE that last line: McGuyver. 

[deadcatwithaflamethrower]

“MacGuyver” is the equivalent of Vulcan vintage human horror television.

[roachpatrol]

during orientation at a human college, vulcans are presented with a list of swear words. 

“what is the word ‘fuck’ for,” the innocent young vulcans want to know. “surely there are more logical intensity modifiers.”

“yeah, you’d think so,” say the weary, jaded vulcan professors. “you’d really fucking think so.”

there is a phrase in vulcan for ‘the particular moment you understand what the word ‘fuck’ is for’. 

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

This is why the Federation is the only organisation to ever stand a chance against the Borg

The Borg can adapt to the brilliant millitary strategies of the Romulan Star Empire, the Klingons and even the cold logical intellectual prowess of the vulcans

The Borg weren’t prepared for a starship captain to lure them into his 50′s noir detective holo-novel and then machine gun them to death with a weapon made out of hard light

[elfwreck]

ANDORIAN YEOMAN: Captain! The replicators are malfunctioning, and the ambassador’s party will be here in an hour!

KIRK: Don’t worry. We got this. *calls engineering* Hey Scotty, you were in the dorms at Starfleet, right?

SCOTTY: Aye.

KIRK: And you weren’t allowed to have large appliances in your dorm rooms, right?

SCOTTY: Nae, we were not.

KIRK: Ok. So, the ambassador and co are gonna be here in an hour, and we need to set up a feast for them. And we have no replicators.

SCOTTY: *catching on* Right! I’ll take me team to the mess hall and we’ll get right on it!

KIRK: Thanks. Kirk out.

ANDORIAN YEOMAN: …What just happened?

KIRK: Ah, you weren’t in a dorm, I see.

ANDORIAN YEOMAN: No, I was part of the offworlders’ fraternity… we had a kitchen…

KIRK: So, you never fried eggs on tinfoil on a flat iron. Never painted a can of stew black, poked a hole in the top, and set it in a sunny window to slow-cook all day. Never used an instant coffeepot to boil rice to pour the stew over.

ANDORIAN YEOMAN: *horrified* N-No, sir.

KIRK: We’re gonna treat the ambassador’s team to a Genuine Earth-Style Scholar’s Feast!

*comm chirps* *Kirk answers*

SCOTTY: Well, we don’t have an iron or a coffeepot, but the warp core produces heat and we think we can rig a pipe from one of the vents to a storage locker to make an oven; Jones has volunteered some of his beer – good lad! – and we’re gonna get the guys in Science to extract some of the yeast and grab some of those grain samples and see if we can get some bread going. If not, we’ll settle for more beer. Also the Weapons team guys think they can set the phasers to shoot through a metal mesh screen and get us grilled cheese. So we’re off to a good start.

[tsunamiwavesurfing]

[dandraco]

This is… the exact opposite of that dark souls gif

[rhymeswithgurt]

I don’t think it’s possible to adequately state how fucking ballsy and skilled this player is considering the EXTREMELY specific timing of that dodge and catching the spear attack WHILE TAUNTING BETWEEN EACH THROW

[bodmanford]

[awkward-tension]

I’m wheezing

[surprisebitch]

Big Dick Energy

[doctor-goodtouch]

I figured they were referring to this gif

Since they do the same pose and it really seems like the opposite outcome lol

[justanotherdamntarnished]

Ah yes. Shroom.

[fawnpalmer]

quarterly reminder that if i reblog something ai-generated it is 110% and always an accident and for the love of god please tell me so i can delete it from my blog

[hellogoodomens]

I actually lost one really nice follower because of this and I’m still sad.

[lizardsfromspace]

Out of control Edwardian youths refuse to clap at production of Peter Pan, force distraught J.M Barrie to pull out rarely seen "Tinkerbell Fucking Dies" ending

[julianova44]

You probably know this but shitpost ruining fun fact for anybody who doesn’t:

When the play first was performed, JM Barrie et al were so concerned this might happen that they instructed the orchestra to drop their instruments and clap at this point, just in case

[lizardsfromspace]

I did not know this and I'm grateful for being informed

[sisaloofafump]

Peter Pan edited by Anne Hiebert Alton (2011)

(sorry to interrupt joke post but) this is true!

Children not clapping did happen too, (and some were even expected to have hissed, which was later written into the 1928 playscript and 1911 novel). But my all time favourite anecdote about it is from Pauline Chase (who played Peter)'s intro to Peter Pan's Post Bag 1909:

Children love to clap their hands at the play because then they feel that they are really part of it, and you can see them holding their hands poised ready to seize an opportunity. Their great chance is when I ask them to clap their hands if they believe in fairies, and so save Tink's life. But they are very wrathful if any one claps who has the reputation of being a cynic, and once there was quite an uproar in the front row of the dress circle because of a girl who clapped. Those about her pulled down her arms angrily. "How dare you clap," they cried, "when you know you don't believe in fairies!" There was one dreadfully hard-hearted little boy who came to the theatre not to clap. That was his object for coming, and he came round "behind" to tell me so in the middle of the play. His teeth were firm set. "I won't clap," he said doggedly; "I'm not going to clap." And when the time came he didn't clap; above the clapping of all the others I could hear him shouting from a box, "Peter, I'm not clapping."

(Tink was revived each time anyway)

[idolomantises]

Princess Magnolia

Beelzebub's youngest daughter and ruler of the Sloth ring (it was overtaken during a Hell Civil War). Magnolia is the most popular of her sisters and beloved by demons of all backgrounds. Her addictive honey hair can make even the most miserable demon smile, though consuming too much can leave them in an irreversible zombified state. Unlike her sisters, Magnolia considers herself a "herbivore" refusing to eat fellow demons as she finds it barbaric.

She has no qualms with eating Digital or Plant based demons though...

[Tapas / Ko-fi / Patreon]

[homunculus-argument]

How long do y'all think it took for people to forget mammoths? One generation, two, three? They got rarer and rarer, until the clan felled the last one that they would ever kill, and the hunters who were there would, for the rest of their lives, keep telling the story of how they once slayed the most elusive grand beast, that was only seen once a generation. And the youths would listen their descriptions of them, and though the description didn't make much sense - there was nothing else quite alike a mammoth that it could be compared to - they listened and thought that one day, they would encounter a mammoth, too.

They might tell their children and grandchildren of this, how the old hunters would tell them of a spectacular beast that one might see only three times in a lifetime, and perhaps kill just once. It must be true, since the clan still has the tusk of one, but no-one alive has seen one.

Their children and grandchildren would tell their own children only vague tales they used to hear the old folk tell, of grand beasts bigger than horses and bovines, the grandest game of them all, but no-one alive has met someone who has seen one.

[sabertoothwalrus]

hello instagram artist. your challenge is to do a portrait study of a woman but you’re not allowed to stylize them so their eyes are really big and more cat eyed than the reference photo. You’re also not allowed to make their noses more of a button nose or their lips full and pouty or their faces heart shaped with no double chin. Also you have to draw a fat woman. one thats actually fat and not just slightly curvier than the kpop demon hunters body type. good luck

[mutimatuti]

never not thinking abt this

[mutimatuti]

fun fact - I took this screenshot back in 2018 so it's not that, the guy's name is Ross Draws and he's sucked for a lot longer than that

[sabertoothwalrus]

thank youuuuuu I’ve been seeing a lot of people lately confidently claim art is ai when it was very clearly drawn by a person.

yes, all the changes to the reference were intentional and deliberate and I think that’s important context here

[scramratz]

“If men could get pregnant, abortion would be free” men CAN get pregnant and they’re treated worse than women who can get pregnant

[scramratz]

oh folks really don't like being asked to consider trans men

[danielwaldorf]

since becoming a barista i have noticed a few very distinct typologies among my customers. such as:

the woke left: young and fashionable. visible tattoos. often enjoys matcha, lavender flavoring, oat milk, and cold foam. pretty decent customers.

sweet old man: drinks very sweet iced lattes, pays in cash, puts all of his change in the tip jar. sometimes orders hot coffee and i get scared that his shaky old man hands will spill it and he'll get burned but that has not yet happened and god willing never shall.

evil old man: only wants drip coffee and declares it ridiculous that any other form of coffee exists. some variants only want americanos and these variants are even scarier. watch out.

sweet old woman: might need her daughter's help to order but is very bubbly and open to trying new things. compliments baristas freely and frequently.

evil old woman: does not want coffee and only wants sweet tea or soda. will not tip even if she spends three hours in the shop repeatedly asking baristas to fetch things for her.

errand husband: either stiltedly recites an order to you or shows you the order in their texts/notes app. needs to step out of line and make a phone call if you ask any follow-up questions.

grindset girlie: always wearing scrubs, an apron, and/or a name tag. orders the exact same thing every day and knows the exact change she'll need to pay for it. her regular order is both extremely caffeinated and extremely sweet.

#mamabear: is actively wrangling two to four children while ordering. order changes repeatedly because the children cannot decide if they want a muffin or a cookie or apple juice or chocolate milk etc. for some reason these women are always wearing an article of clothing or carrying some personalized item that says "mama" on it.

schoolchildren: band of two to eight adolescents hanging out after school. extremely indecisive but generally quite polite and tip well.

amnesiac in love: grown adult who needs their partner to tell them what they like. gets asked a question about their own preferences and turns to their partner to answer for them. generally acts like a shy child looking to their guardian for behavioral cues if you try to interact with them and only wants to talk to mommy i mean their wife.

this of course is not an exhaustive list but those are just some of the most consistent Types i get. ok bye xoxo

[ouroborosorder]

I think we should just start shoving random extremely nsfw text in the middle of posts to ensure that lazy youtube shorts post readers can’t properly steal them

[ouroborosorder]

(panicking) oh god wait uh shit i want to unethically leverage a power dynamic to fuck a maid unprotected

phew

[the-wolf-emoji]

Missed opportunity honestly, why talk about sex when you can instead make the content farms talk about communism instead. Can you image the random guy just quoting

This isn't part of the post. I need to tell you that if you've ever felt sad about the fact that you're not a girl, it's not too late. You can just be a girl. It's allowed. You can be a lesbian. You don't have to suffer thinking about how much you want to be the cool athletic tomboy with the short hair and flat chest, or like that girl you had a crush on in high school despite the fact that she was a lesbian. You can be her. It's not too late. It's never too late.

Marx and Engels nonchalantly? Lmfao easy way to spread theory without making people reading

[gaykomaegi]

absolutely love this shot where rose is watching her home planet die off after five billion years and the doctor is just slaying off in the corner

[crystal-mouse]

Same image

[bushoutforbela]

Is this anything