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yo, we just found this blog while looking for factive positivity, and we wanted to send a vent/maybe ask for advice? we just don't have anyone to talk to about this and we need to get this off our chest. warning for factfolk hate, mentions of plural discourse/infighting, mentions of sanism, and mentions of headmate dormancy/suicidal thoughts.

we are a system of almost entirely factives and we feel like shit for it every single day. before we even knew we were a system, we were surrounded by people shitting on factfolk and calling them "disgusting" and "crazy" and making fun of them for being "parasocial weirdos" and stuff, and it has been horrible for our mental health. it has been extremely difficult to unlearn these internalized ideas, especially because we have moral ocd and an obsession with being "morally perfect" in the eyes of others. we are terrified of being open about who we are because we don't want to be harassed for just existing, especially because some of our members are unstable and wouldn't be able to handle something like that. i don't know how to explain to people that we didn't fucking choose to be like this, our brain just did the only thing it knows how to do to protect itself--it shaped itself in the image of something that makes us happy. we have never met a singlet that is accepting of plurality and at this point we are starting to think they don't even exist. it doesn't help the the entire plural community is a hate-filled trauma-olympics hellhole full of people being horrible to each other for no reason. i don't want to fight to exist, i don't want to be called insane, i don't want to be made fun of for being a "crazy parasocial stan", i just want me and my friends to have a space to be ourselves. it has gotten so bad that multiple of our factive headmates have already gone dormant out of shame/fear/self-hatred. we just want to be alive without feeling like we shouldn't exist. we just want people who will understand. and to top it all off, we have never met another plural who knows who our sources are, which fucking sucks because we're massively hyperfixated on it right now and it's the only thing we think about. just another thing to make us feel lonely and isolated because fuck our stupid life i guess.

so yeah, thanks for reading this if you did. sorry for being so negative, i'm the anger holder for the system if it wasn't obvious. if anyone has any tips on how to stop feeling like this, feel free to share, but there's no pressure.

Moral OCD (Scrupulosity) and Fact-Source Guilt

[Plain text: Moral OCD (Scrupulosity) and Fact-Source Guilt]

by Mod Reaper, Mod Silhouette, and Mod Espresso [Plain text: by Mod Reaper, Mod Silhouette, and Mod Espresso]

Warning: Discussion of obsessions and compulsions, suicidal thoughts, system dormancy, bigotry, and online harassment/abuse. Linked posts also talk about therapy for moral OCD/ religious OCD/ scrupulosity.

Disclaimer: This post is not meant as a replacement for psychatric or medical treatment. We are not medical professionals or plurality experts. Links are not endorsement (except the link to our own blog).

This advice may or may not work, because everyone's experiences and needs are different. Please read at your own discretion. Use what helps, discard the rest.

Also, if you have advice for the asker, please let us know in the replies/ask box/reblogs!

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TL;DR

[Plain text: TL;DR]

You are not alone in this moral OCD, selves-hate, suicidal feelings, fear, shame, and dormancy.

You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

Being a system of almost entirely factives does not make you disgusting, fake, cringe, appropriating a disorder, or a reason for plurals to be taken less seriously.

Your factivity is an important part of not just your lives, but also an important voice in the alterhuman community.

Factives aren't automatically parasocial just for existing.

Existing (even as fact-folks) is morally neutral.

Anyone can behave respectfully or disrespectfully, regardless of their identity. Fact-folks aren't doomed to do harm to their source.

Source connection doesn't mean rejecting growth or a full life.

Source separation is not mandatory.

It's okay to feel negative when you've been mistreated.

As the anger holder, you're important to the system - you know when you're being treated unfairly, and you can be proud of yourself for defending your system.

There's nothing wrong with being happier and coping with trauma by having/being factives in your system.

Moral OCD is when someone experiences so much doubt about their morality (obsession), they keep trying to do things to soothe those doubts (compulsion), that it's distressing to them, and disrupts them in aspects of their lives (disorder).

In this post, we share common obsessions and compulsions we've seen in fact-folks (including ourselves).

Moral OCD is managed by exposing yourself to things that trigger your obsession bit by bit, without using compulsions to soothe the triggers.

This post lists a few methods we personally use to manage moral OCD.

Methods we use include: Using that factive's favored form in-system and out-system, stopping the obsessions by asking "so what?" and stopping there, saying the obsessions out loud to point out their irrationality and how we wouldn't say that to other people.

This advice may not be easy to follow. You may fail. But, failing doesn't make you a failure.

We are rooting for you, Anon, and everyone else in a similar situation.

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Preface

[Plain text: Preface]

Mod Reaper, Mod Silhouette, and Mod Espresso [Plain text: by Mod Reaper, Mod Silhouette, and Mod Espresso]: Hi, thank you for sending this ask, and thank you so much for your patience in waiting for our reply. We hope you have been able to get some support and peace of mind since sending this.

First off, we can relate to your message, so, so much. From the fear, shame, harassment, to suicidal thoughts. We're strangers, sure, but we send solidarity from our polyplex here.

We're so sorry that so many of you have been driven into dormancy out of shame, fear, and self-hatred. It's unfair that many people have made you feel like you shouldn't exist. You all deserve to be treated better. Please know that there is nothing wrong with being so negative in the face of struggles like this. You've gone through a lot of hate. And as the anger holder, you're important to the system - you know when you're being treated unfairly, and you can be proud of yourself for defending your system 💜

We have a post about grieving lost system members, if you are interested: https://fact-anonymous.tumblr.com/post/798179131870347264/more-posts-on-mourning-the-loss-of

And also about system death experiences, which is written by @sunsoaked-sprites : https://www.tumblr.com/sunsoaked-sprites/810182151223017472/system-death-experiences-results

(Not saying that dormancy and death must be the same - it's just that the resources might help.)

Being a system of almost entirely factives does not make you fake, cringe, appropriating a disorder, or a reason for plurals to be taken less seriously. Your factivity is an important part of not just your lives, but also an important voice that deserves to be heard and respected by other people (specifically other plurals).

You are the experts of your own lived experiences, and no one else can take it away from you. If others think you're parasocial, crazy, or the "weak link" of the plural community, it doesn't say anything about your morality. It says more about theirs. People avoiding you won't change the fact that being factives is morally neutral. People harassing you won't undo the fact that being factives have been a positive thing for your system. People who are triggered by your existence should avoid you, not abuse you. You have a right to exist as yourselves without censoring or forcing yourselves to be sourceless/source separated 💙

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Fact-Folks and Parasocial Relationships

[Plain text: Fact-Folks and Parasocial Relationships]

before we even knew we were a system, we were surrounded by people shitting on factfolk and calling them "disgusting" and "crazy" and making fun of them for being "parasocial weirdos" and stuff, and it has been horrible for our mental health

You (and fact-folks in general) don't deserve this at all. People sadly use their disgust/discomfort as a measure of morality... it's a really slippery slope to not try to think deeply why you have so-and-so as a moral compass (as in, other reasons besides disgust/discomfort), because it often goes into bigotry (e.g. "Trans people make me uncomfortable, so I want them gone/detransitioned/etc."). It's not your fault that they do that. It's their own fault for mistreating you and other fact-folks, and they're in the wrong for not being critical of their own moral compass.

Fact-folks aren't parasocial just for existing, or even if they/their systemmates enjoy their source's work. Parasocial relationships is when you treat strangers, especially public figures, as a friend - caring about them more than you care about yourselves. Such as spending all your savings for merch. Or trying to invade their privacy by asking about their marriage and giving relationship advice. Or engaging with their source media/work all day and all night until your health, friendships, work, school, family, etc. are disrupted.

This link leads to a recent post that Mod Reaper answered - some positivity for when you're scared you're too "parasocial" and "crazy", and some advice on accepting yourselves/your system's factives

Of course fact-folks can be parasocial, but so can other people. After all, anyone can behave respectfully or disrespectfully, regardless of their identity.

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Fact-Folks and Moral OCD (Scrupulosity)

[Plain text: Fact-Folks and Moral OCD (Scrupulosity)]

we have moral ocd and an obsession with being "morally perfect" in the eyes of others.

What is moral OCD? It's when someone experiences so much doubt about their morality (obsession), they keep trying to do things to soothe those doubts (compulsion), that it's distressing to them, and disrupts them in aspects of their lives (disorder).

Quoting this site (DeconstructingStigma dot org)

Obsessions are frequent and intrusive thoughts related to a particular subject. (In this case, your morality.)

Compulsions are actions one takes to soothe or quiet obsessive thoughts. (As in, to assure or reassure yourselves that you're not morally wrong.)

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Moral OCD/scrupulosity is something we can greatly relate to. The current internet climate worsens it because people love to harass anyone they don't understand... harass anyone they find disgusting/uncomfortable, because they think it's their moral responsibility to rid people of the disgusting/uncomfortable things/people. And this happens so much to fact-folks, even from other alterhumans, so I'm not surprised that many struggle with this. Please know that you're not alone 💙

It's far easier said than done to face your moral OCD head-on, especially by trying to ignore the obsessions and stop doing the compulsions. So it's perfectly understandable if you struggle. You're not lesser for it. 🩷

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And this site, TreatMyOCD dot com, talks about Atheism scrupulosity, "Common thoughts may include that they were somehow wrong in their belief that there is no higher power and they may worry that their decisions throughout life could have somehow offended a higher power in a way that could negatively impact them. (...) The fear of offending a higher power may also come with feared consequences in life: “What if I offended God and he punishes me now?”"

It's similar to our own experiences, in that we feel like, "what if us being fact-folks is harming other people, or causing plurals to be taken less seriously, or makes us fake and cringe and thus deserve to die? (...) what if I offended the plural community and we'll get punished by harassment/bullying/doxxing or being driven out of plural spaces?"

That site also says, "Fears are not necessarily about religion and belief systems, but about the uncertainty that OCD attaches itself to."

That's the key of it. It's not about being fact-folks itself, but about the uncertainty of whether or not it's real, whether or not it's acceptable, etc. We unfortunately can't know everyone's reactions to us being fact-folks, much less control them. And we sympathize with that.

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Common Obsessions and Compulsions Experienced by Fact-Folks

[Plain text: Common Obsessions and Compulsions Experienced by Fact-Folks]

From our own experiences and what we've heard from others, here are what many fact-folks feel... Of course, not everything is an obsession or a compulsion. However, if these puts you in distress (e.g. disrupting your life in-system and/or out-system, education, work, relationships, etc.), they can be. Especially when this happens in excess, or every time there's a headmate sourced from someone/something in real life.

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Common obsessions in fact-folks' moral OCD

[Plain text: Common obsessions in fact-folks' moral OCD]

Feeling obligated to justify your existence/source

Feeling like you're "problematic" and/or "parasocial" or "invasive" or "stealing identity"

Feeling like your identity automatically makes you do harmful things (Further Reading: this compilation of links about having a source who have done harm)

Feeling like you're being "crazy" or "unhealthy"

Feeling like you're "appropriating a disorder" or "faking a serious condition"

Feeling like you're racist, sexist, transphobic, etc. just because of the source's views, gender, ethnicity, etc. (Further reading: "Answering the Classic Question" by Mod Reaper)

Feeling like you're angering Real Plurals(TM) or Real Alterhumans(TM) for being yourselves

Feeling like you're faking your trauma

Feeling like you'll be punished by society, or at least by your peers, or friend groups, for being a factive

And others we haven't mentioned

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Common compulsions in fact-folks' moral OCD

[Plain text: Common compulsions in fact-folks' moral OCD]

Avoiding the source and their works, their history, or even related topic (e.g. if the source is Alan Turing, you also refuse to read/learn/engage in topics/media about mathematics, queer/gay history, world war, etc.)

Forcing yourselves/your systemmates to not use source names, images, quirks, etc.

Trying to rationalize it beyond "I'm a factive as a coping mechanism/my role is a soother/protector/etc." in that you want to go deeper into childhood memories, every media history, every interest, etc. that you don't have time/energy to do (e.g. because you're not ready to face the traumas, because you're busy with university assignments, because your disability prevents you from it, because of amnesia, etc.)

Looking at people/posts/media who fakeclaim others or saving them in your notes (e.g. haters of the source if they're a public figure, system exclusionists/medicalists, "cringe" social media spaces, doctors who pathologize factivity, lists of criteria for who counts as a real alterhuman and who doesn't, rigid views of coping mechanisms, etc.)

Looking at people who are "more normal" compared to you and idolizing them/putting them on a pedestal (e.g. plurals without any sourced headmates/ introjects/ factives/ etc., plurals who only have fiction-sources and no fact-sources, plurals who have done final fusion and are happy with it, plurals whose entire system hide their sources, etc.)

And others we haven't mentioned

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How to Manage Scrupulosity

[Plain text: How to Manage Scrupulosity]

The TreatMyOCD site says this:

"Scrupulosity OCD can be debilitating, but all forms of OCD are highly treatable. By doing exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, you can gain more control over your life and live with less distress.

Our brain sometimes misinterprets certain triggers as threats and as a result, we engage in compulsions to reduce the anxiety we experience. These compulsions then reinforce the mistaken idea that these triggers were dangerous in the first place. ERP works by providing opportunities to engage with the same triggers without utilizing compulsions, and instead accept uncertainty and sit with anxiety. Over time, this teaches your brain that the triggers are not as dangerous as they initially felt, and your distress decreases over time when obsessions come up.

This approach proceeds incrementally, where triggers that lead to less anxiety are utilized first, progressing gradually to exposures that cause more anxiety. This way, not only are you facing your fears and developing new knowledge and comfort with perceived threats, but you are also building confidence and trust in yourself along the way."

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That site basically says that scrupulosity is managed by exposing yourself to things that trigger your obsession incrementally (bit by bit), without using compulsions to soothe the triggers.

Here are some examples of exposure that works in our personal experience (no experience is universal, you can use this or other methods):

1: Using that factive's favored form in our headspace, inner world, mindscape, astral space, other worlds, wonderland, etc.

2: Going by the fact-source names and using an image of them as an avatar (including in your private notebook, document, spreadsheet, DMs, discord server! you don't have to publicize yourselves if it's not safe. you can simply keep it to your own systems, or to friends/partners/trusted few people)

3: If they're a public figure, we watch/read/engage with their work on purpose (not following algorithms/recommendations, but seeking it with a specific book/film/historical archives/etc. in mind)

4: When we're spiraling about morals, just say "okay, so? what if that's true?" or "does it matter?" and don't continue. (Because if we continue, the scrupulosity will keep giving us arguments to make sure we keep obsessing and pushing us to do compulsions). Then we distract ourselves by doing busy things that engage our minds, or continue with the exposure (as shown in 1-3).

5: Sometimes we also say the "moral requirements" on purpose (out loud or written) to point out how impossible/harmful to fulfill they are, especially when directed to other people. For example, "If our friend's system has a factive of an abusive person, should we force them to be a 'normal' sourceless headmate?" / "Will this be okay to say about a headmate who is a nonhuman? A factive of someone they know? A copinglinker? A fictive? A religious person who is traumatized and calls upon a guardian angel?"

6: Or, saying it to point out how irrational/ridiculous they are so we can laugh at it. For example, "Oh yeah, being sourced from a man means we're misogynistic. Apparently, being a misogynist has nothing to do with mistreating women! That's wild! I never knew that's what misogyny means!"

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Be More "Crazy" if it Helps You! (a.k.a. Dignity of Risk)

[Plain text: Be More "Crazy" if it Helps You! (a.k.a. Dignity of Risk)]

i don't know how to explain to people that we didn't fucking choose to be like this, our brain just did the only thing it knows how to do to protect itself--it shaped itself in the image of something that makes us happy.

Here is a quotation from @hazyaltcare's post about the merits of being "crazy".

"Life’s hard. be “insane” if you want. Pretend to be a spy analyzing secret documents to make paperwork bearable. Listen to “fictional character inspires you” playlists to have a reason to live. Have friends in your head. (...) if it works, it works. You don’t have to be a “sane” adult to live your best life."

This post is about being plural on purpose, however, it can be applied to your situation.

As you said yourself, being "sane" - in your case, having no factives in your system or not being a factive at all - is something that your brain doesn't want to do. It doesn't mean your brain is "weak". It just means it knows how to protect itself - and protect you all. It just means it knows what makes you happy and comfortable.

You're allowed to be happy by being/forming factives, even if others think it's "insane". Everyone's happiness looks different. And you deserve happiness. All of you do. 💙

Yes, it's easier said than done to accept that being "crazy" helps you much more than being "sane". But if you keep living your life as yourselves, as fact-folks who care about and respect each other in the system, we believe that your intrasystem relationships and mindset will improve, eventually. Everyone has the capacity to unlearn bigotry from others, including those that anti-fact-folks have thrown at you. 🩷

Moreover, you don't owe others this explanation. You don't have to tell others that your trauma made your brain have factives - you don't owe people your trauma history. Stay safe. You have a right to privacy. 💜

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And a post that Mod Reaper made: Plurals should be allowed dignity of risk.

"Sometimes, what looks to others as “making themselves more crazy” is making them live happier and healthier. (...)

Sometimes, that is the best way they can cope with life. Everyone copes differently, and no one can dictate what’s the best coping mechanism for other people.

But even if they’re not “healthy” or trying to “recover” in the way that Western psychiatry - or you personally - see as “acceptable”, they should still be respected.

Plurals inherently have the right to agency. Plurals don’t deserve to have their agency taken away."

This post has a similar topic to the previous one. Everyone copes differently. Your way of coping works for you, and that's a good thing. We're glad that your brain is giving you the resources to live a fuller life by being factives. 💜

Sure, factivity may not work for other people, and they may harass you for that. But it says more about them than about you. They're the ones who think that only their coping mechanism is correct. They're the ones who think harassing others is okay, even though it brings much more material harm (hurting your feelings, causing you shame, pushing you away from friends and community, etc.) than simply being a factive (which is pretty much a thought crime). Your factivity is just you minding your own business, living life, coping with life, and being happy. There's nothing wrong with that. 🩷

Being connected to a source does not equal rejecting growth. Being source-connected doesn't mean you can't have a full life. Source separation is not mandatory for a healthy relationship with yourselves and your sources. 💙

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Feelings of Isolation

[Plain text: Feelings of Isolation]

we have never met a singlet that is accepting of plurality and at this point we are starting to think they don't even exist.

We wish there were more singlets who accept plurality, too - we've never met any, either.

However, if you wish to find experiences of plurals who are accepted by singlets, maybe our plural joy tag can help: http://fact-anonymous.tumblr.com/tagged/plural+joy

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we have never met another plural who knows who our sources are, which fucking sucks because we're massively hyperfixated on it right now and it's the only thing we think about. just another thing to make us feel lonely and isolated

We sympathize with that. It's valid to wish that your sources were more well-known. We hope you can find at least someone hyperfixated in it, or, hell, you can talk about it on this blog, we'll listen to it and publish it, so maybe our followers can find it and join the conversation!

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Closing Thoughts

[Plain text: Closing Thoughts]

This advice may not be easy. You may not make it in the first, second, third, or even a hundredth day of trying. You may fail many times. You may still experience moral OCD, dormancy, selves-hate, etc. for years. You may backslide, lash out at each other, and be hurt. Because healing is not linear. OCD is a disability, and you can't be fully abled/neurotypical, you can only manage the symptoms.

Failing is an action. Failure is an adjective that hits directly on your selves-worth. So, failing doesn't make you a failure. Failing just means you have another chance to keep trying something better.

Because trying is hard! Especially when your goal is something that is against society's norms that tells you to conform to being "normal" and "sane". Plus, you've been surrounded by this pluralphobic, anti-fact-folks point of view from childhood, and will continue to be surrounded by it.

And trying, no matter what, is really amazing. You can be proud of yourselves - and if it's okay to say, we're proud of you too! Even if the entire alterhuman community never improves their opinion on/treatment of fact-folks, you still have each other/yourselves, and people supportive of fact-folks, even if they're not immediately visible/vocal. We are rooting for you, Anon. And we're rooting for anyone else in the same situation.

(Yes, we're also rooting for ourselves! Because we're not an expert at being fact-folks, we're not perfectly accepting of ourselves yet, because we're in a difficult situation as well. As a result, sometimes we fail at doing our own advice. But whenever we fall, we can get back up, while grieving the ones lost. But we're always glad to know we're not alone!)

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Thank you for reading this far. I hope this helps at least a little. Take care. 🩷

Once again, if you have advice for the asker, please let us know in the replies/ask box/reblogs!

Thank you kindly.

Mod Reaper, Mod Silhouette, and Mod Espresso [Plain text: Mod Reaper, Mod Silhouette, and Mod Espresso]

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