Average Old Cat Enjoyer

Old ass cats are a gift

[amnesiaguy]

fantasy is when currency is referred to as "gold" and sci fi is when currency is referred to as "credits"

[aplpaca]

if youre ever feeling bad just look at pictures of albatross chicks bc theyre adorable but also fucking hilarious like the parents look like they go to pta meetings in full makeup carrying gucci handbags and the babies look like funky little muppets and i love them

[urbanism]

dont speak to me or my versace dress or my son ever again

[taraxippos]

From what I can tell this is the standard level of sexual dimorphism for booktok romance couples

[mossysjournal]

Eryk is tired did it best ⬇️

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

People say the problem with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is that the children die or the Oompa Loompas are slaves or that Charlie's grandparents are perverts, and while all of that is true, the real lie at the center of the book is the idea that a factory boss who's deeply whimsical would be fun or at all acceptable. Just take a moment to imagine the mental strain of hearing "We're behind quota on fuzzywhimblers! We'll have to slow production of cobsocklers and spiddletammies!" You think Willy Wonka has thought out the footpaths through his factory or considered workflow even once? He's up there in his fun striped suit going, "Oh, good! The new shipment of rhollyoptoculuses! Just send them up the chocolate river through the tube of nightmares and then the squirrels will carry them back!" Every day you have to wear close-toed shoes because of the dangerous equipment but also so you can do fun tap-dance routines during your government mandated fifteen minute breaks. Your soul would be dead long before the frequent industrial accidents got a chance.

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

I've been getting some feedback on this post that the children don't actually die in the book. I always want to hold myself accountable on this account, so just to be totally transparent, yes, they actually do. It just happens after the book ends. Violet Beauregarde and Veruca Salt die from inhaling unsafely stored chemical agents. With Mike Teavee, it's the radiation. Wonka just hunts down Augustus Gloop and fucks him up with a knife. It never says any of this explicitly, but if you have enough media literacy, you can read between the lines.

[xoxo-ben-xoxo]

enough mpreg. give him mpostpartum depression

[terpsikeraunos]

frankenstein (1818)

[cicigee]

Mans is tweaking

[spooky-cowfish]

A recreation of what I saw when I was passing my boss's desk

[acitybythelightunited]

[achillesinhighheels]

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things ?

[squadron-of-damned]

[toskarin]

[herpsandbirds]

[wordfather]

this is inexplicably my favorite tiktok ever it brings me to tears every time why did he do thatttt

[wordfather]

me when i fucking GET you

[wordfather]

[justsomeguycore]

knock knock

[dismembered-jackalope]

who's there

[justsomeguycore]

deez

[dismembered-jackalope]

sigh

deez who ?

[justsomeguycore]

deez are the voyages of the starship enterprise

[tonyalmeida]

[stupid-dyke]

„What’s the most pettiest thing you’ve taken from your ex after y’all break up. I’ll go first-„

„Many years ago, just a few days before Christmas, my ex informed me that he was no longer happy. He was seeing somebody else and ‚just wanted to move on with his life.‘ He suggested I move out after the holidays because, you know, it was his house, and I understood that. I moved out that same day. I called my sister, she brought a Uhaul, and we got my stuff out of there. But when I say my stuff, I meant, my stuff. I took everything. He had nothing when I got there, and I left him with nothing. And to top it all off...I took the damn Christmas tree. Yes I did. Tied it to the top of my car, ornaments and all. I was riding down the highway, ornaments falling off, I felt like the grinch...it was exhilarating...ho ho ho, mother- I can’t say that.“

[somafalls]

reblogs got turned off but this deserves preservation

[choysum]

from Pilgrims by Devin Kelly

[xalatath]

I wanna fuck you like a centipede

Blogger's Note: Centipedes reproduce by the male leaving a spermatophore (sperm packet) on the ground for the female to pick up - no intercourse is involved.