Would you say it is selfish or abusive of me to deliberately look for a yandere with NPD because I want someone who would not care about anyone else but me? And how can I know for certain that a yandere has NPD? I am terrified of abandonment. Any tips on how to avoid such a catastrophic eventuality? Thanks so much.
Is this a joke or are you asking genuinely?
First of all, I can tell you did not read my previous answered ask on why fetishing and or romanticising someone’s disorders is gross and harmful.
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I’ll leave it here since I am not repeating myself.
To answer your question? Yes. You shouldn’t seek out mentally ill people to take advantage of their symptoms. Someone with NPD isn’t guaranteed to “love only you”. That’s not how the disorder works. I’m certain you don’t even know the criteria for NPD, considering the fact that you asked “how to know if someone has NPD”. You should be accepting and understanding of who they are as a person. Fetishing and using their symptoms for your own personal gain and fantasies is not love. Using someone is not actual love. If you want a mutually obsessive relationship, then be upfront about that. Don’t seek out mentally ill people for your own satisfaction (especially if you have no intentions of actually accepting and loving them for who they are). There are many parts to NPD, and I can guarantee that it won’t be whatever fantasy you happen to have in mind.
How to know if someone has NPD? Well. If they’re diagnosed and or fit the symptom criteria. However, I feel I should preface this with that you shouldn’t go around armchair diagnosing people. I’m just making a comment on researched and educated self-diagnosis (I’m not going into depth on this on this post. If you want to know why I have this stance, then ask).
It’s fairly obvious I have NPD. You’d have to be intentionally oblivious or new to my blog if you somehow are unaware of the fact. How much more obvious can I make it when I already reblog posts about NPD and tag my posts with NPD tags? That’s rhetorical, by the way.
Since I apparently have to spell it out for you, here’s the DSM-V criteria for NPD:
The DSM-V is a bit ableist on how it defines the criteria since it’s based off of how others are affected by those with NPD rather than how it affects the person with NPD. However, I don’t think it’s worth my time to describe each and every symptom to you. If you’re curious, then you can inquire further.
You mention that you’re afraid of abandonment (I don’t know if you’re BPD or Cluster B or not), yet you seem to be intentionally setting yourself up for a toxic and unstable relationship. You should pursue someone you love and care about. You should try to understand them and help them because you love them. Not because you want to use them to feed the empty pit within your heart. You will never fill that void if your actions aren’t genuine; that’s how the psyche is. Although, I can’t force you to listen to me. But I won’t lie to you nor will I sugar coat my words for anyone. If someone needs help, I’ll help them. If someone needs to hear what they don’t want to hear, then I’m telling them the truth.
If anything, the advice I can try to give you is self introspection. You need to reflect on why you feel the way you do. If you end up loving someone with NPD, then that’s fine. But you need to understand that this isn’t a game or some “edgy and quirky” disorder. It’s a disorder formed primarily from trauma, and I will not condone anyone taking advantage of those who are vulnerable or mentally ill, etc. As someone with NPD, I can confidently say that you will not get what you’re looking for. They will split on you, there will be lows and uncomfortable times in the relationship, etc. Will you be willing to support them during Narcissistic crashes? Will you be understanding of how they feel and think without judging them? Will you be open to hearing and understanding their trauma? Will you be accepting of the fact that they cannot force themselves to feel a certain way or to have empathy, since their brain is physically different due to trauma (and other variables)? Will you be a safe place for them to unmask and be themselves? Will you treat them as a person deserving of respect? Mentally ill people are still people in the end.
This isn’t a dream nor fantasy. This is reality. You will not find what you’re looking for. If you can’t be arsed to care about the pain people with NPD can go through, then you’re best off just sticking to cliché “yandere X reader(s)” [fanfictions]. Keep your fantasy a fantasy, mate.
Was I harsh? Yes. But you had some nerve asking someone with NPD such a pointless question. If you want a mutually obsessive relationship, then seek out others who are looking for that (there are—I’ve seen plenty online and in the Yandere tags). Taking advantage of someone’s symptoms is distasteful, and honestly foolish; you will not get the outcome you desire, it would be a waste of everyone’s(including yours) time. If you were trying to understand an NPD partner you had, then I would’ve given you a better response. I don’t see the point in seeking out someone with NPD if you don’t even understand what the disorder actually is.