#finding my path

[stuzzicarelli]

The division

Like nails to a coffin my spirit is bound to my body; astral and physical both finding unity to compose the symphony of my essence, only to be revealed halfway, impeded by the carnage of the battle between my mind and heart.  Like a stab wound comes the feeling of being held hostage under my own skin, the feeling is numbing and consuming like the fire of a chimney left unattended, eventually lighting the house on fire and eating all the precious memories held within. I walk alone in the lane of sorrows, holding my own hand in hopes of finding some stedying strength within. Nobody can help me find the path I’m searching, for I am both the map and the lost item and my consciousness is the distance that must be traveled.  Mirrors on the wall don't help me; they don't show the rough details of my true form. The face belongs to me yet I don't belong to it. My true self finding it hard to escape the confines of the limits it was given when created, limiting me to an existence of showing the world a small fraction of who I truly am. 

- By A.I.S.R

[sadbadradgirl]

When I became the thing he feared most he ran away. Every now & then he’d see a glimpse. A woman with values, morals, & self respect. A woman who now knows her value & worth & will never forget. A woman who will always want commitment & love instead of lust based transactions. A woman with higher standards but God is she a loving woman.

-

I was no longer the girl who said nothing back, who always came back “in the name of love” who took the disrespect repeatedly until I continuously erupted like a volcano. Now I am no longer the scared timid girl. I’m the woman who will disrespect you if you disrespect me, but now more politely. I’m the woman tired of being in pain, unhappy, unheard & not feeling alive.

-

Finding happiness is quite literally finding yourself & I never truly did. What makes you tick? What keeps you going? I couldn’t answer those things for a long time, trying to pretend. Losing who I once was. Thinking there was something wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with me. Now I have a small list of people, places and things that make me happy. Dreams that keep me going choices to make to take me where I ultimately want to be. I know what I want & I always did. Now I’ve learned the ultimate secret.

The one who broke you will never be the one to heal you. You Have To Heal You. You can’t expect the one who broke you into pieces to bring those pieces and say “I’m gonna put you back together” you can’t do that. You can, but why would you choose to? Why?

- T.A

[fallendebil]

i just realised that growing up and finding my true identity is going back to who i was as a teenager. to me, infancy is the early stage of discovering who you are, what you like and dislike. on the other side, being a teenager is all about exploring and giving a true form to your feelings and thoughts, creating a mold for your future self. and now that i’m an adult, i’m going back to who i was as a teen because that’s the truest version of myself, and i love her.

[taeniecookies]

Dear me!

Sometimes sitting alone at the balcony while sipping my coffee I try to understand my own self. Dear myself I wonder where you’ve lost, I wonder where the smiling and happy you had gone. I wonder if it’s really you. I wonder if you really were the happy one once. I know you are tired I know you’re stuck inside your mind. Whenever I feel like I had untied a knot of your tangled mind you provide me with hundred more. Still I keep untying those knots even though I’m tired even though I don’t have any motivation left anymore’ Still I keep going on just to find you at some end, just to know you a bit more.

[ammpathetic]

Into the forest to find my soul.

[mycollectioncloud]

134.

Laying on the couch Staring at the wall Seeing sunlight hit the paintings

Falling in and out of sleep In the midst of consciousness Wondering what I’m doing here

Biding my time--barely Sitting around wondering what to do Have this mental image of my life

What I want it to be But here I lay Not ill, but not well

Wasting my time away Wondering what’s the point It’s all up from here

It has to be Is this the real me? Is this truly my reality?

[djuniperstudios]

Treading through water,

swimming to the watershed

'tween this life and the next.

When we find our way,

lost in the trees of our mind,

we greet the peace found.

Looking for the bond

amongst many false pledges;

at last the oath made.

[creatingnikki]

Who am I? What do I want? 'Finding myself' was something I actively started doing when I was in 8th grade - reading my diaries from back then made me realise this. It also made me realise that my mind was a very shitty place to be in because it was in constant conflict. My heart didn't carry any burden or pain but my mind did. But back then my heart didn't once complain. It supported my mind. Now, the roles are reversed. There's a bit of ranting on my mind's part every now and then but I know it's not to be taken too seriously. I used to think self discovery and self love was a journey I began in 2016 but it was a whole six years before that. 2010. It's been a decade since and I can only say one thing with absolute surety - I am no longer finding myself; I'm creating myself. I don't know how that's really working out other than that this isn't half as restrictive. Finding myself always meant picking and choosing titles and identities that already exist in the world. That the society accepts or at least knows about. Creating myself is like I'm a YA book's protagonist full of quirks. I don't care about whether that's acceptable or not. But more often than not these very quirks and all other authentic parts of me are what make me so endearing and precious to the ones who love me. Myself included.