Second time reading. Love this story so much!
Find it entertaining (foul jokes with a corpse!), sarcastic (LZ is the best!), heartwarming (brother love), and endearing! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
And heartbreaking - poor LZ has to go through a lot in this one. Absolutely worth a read - such a great story of pain but eventual happiness.
He goes to sit by the wall, not too close to a few other beggars. They all give him looks anyway, some call out, something loud and nasty. He ignores them. He wouldn’t know how to answer and has no energy to try.
He sits with his back to the wall, trying to maintain proper posture. He doesn’t have an empty bowl to put in front of him. Monks in Guanyin temples are known to share food with the beggars sometimes when they have some to spare. Xiaoxiao hopes this might be one such order. He’s willing to eat off the ground if it comes to that. He’s not picky.
He sits with his eyes closed, but no one approaches him, not the first day, and not the second. He doesn’t know if others managed to get food. He thinks he’d heard some commotion at some point, but his mind is drifting too much. He’s beginning to lose words, and what few remain refuse to form into concepts.
The only thing he’s consistently aware of is the soft amber glow in his lower belly. With what senses he can feel it, he doesn’t know, but, with his eyes closed, he can see it curling down below, burning steady but weak, and getting weaker. He’s suddenly overwhelmed with sorrow for it. In his mind’s eye, it’s like a tiny, soft animal, trusting and defenseless, like a kitten or a bunny. It’s kind, he feels. It’s kind and caring, and he’s supposed to protect it, and he can’t. His eyes burn, but he can’t produce tears.
Xiao Yanyi has zero desire to bow to him, but of course follows both the rules of politeness and his shixiong’s lead. The Jin disciple’s gaze slides from one to the other, and his mouth twists in derision.
“Sure, no problem, I can let you in right now,” he tells Xiao Xingchen, not bothering to return the greeting, despite being here to represent the hosts. His eyes slide over to Xiao Yanyi, and he scoffs. “But he can forget about it. Face like that, people won’t know if he’s hunter or prey.”
He laughs at his own joke, and the Wen disciples join in, gleefully parsing Xiao Yanyi’s appearance.
“What do you think, a ghost of a murderer?”
“No! A lech done to death by a jealous mistress!”
“Ha! I wonder if he’s like that underneath his robes! Maybe she didn’t just stop at his face!”
Xiao Yanyi realizes he’s frozen in place. Distantly, he wonders at it. It’s not like this is something he wasn’t prepared for or anything new. What is this paralysis? Why can’t he say a word?
Xiao Xingchen’s smile has slipped, but he’s trying to rally, ignoring the other youths and addressing the Jin disciple.
“This is my shidi. He’s a cultivator, same as I am. You can’t turn him away simply because of his appearance.”
“Can’t I?” the Jin disciple scoffs. “That he’s no beauty is his bad luck, but how’d he get them scars then? They look awfully like someone’s tried to carve a warning into his ugly mug. Was it an executioner or a butcher? What if he’s a murderer who got away? And I’m supposed to just let him in?”
Xiao Yanyi hears his own voice, though he can barely control his throat as he says, “I am no murderer.”
“Really?” The Jin disciple leans back in his chair obnoxiously, eyes narrowed in malevolent glee. He’s been bored stuck with this job, Xiao Yanyi realizes. He’s been spoiling for something like this. “Prove it then. Strip where we all can see. If there are no embarrassing brands on you, then maybe I’d let you in. But if there are, the guards are right here.”
“Young Master Jin—” Xiao Xingchen starts, frowning, but the Jin youth isn’t listening.
“Come on, stop pretending to be some blushing maiden!” he taunts. “If you’ve got nothing to hide, strip so we can all see!”
Noise is rising in Xiao Yanyi’s ears, the same overpowering, ringing sound that had been such a plague on him back in his days at Madam Ji’s brothel. Fighting resentful spirits is one thing, but this type of attack is debilitating, too much. His vision is becoming spotty, and he’s losing control of his body. He can vaguely feel Xiao Xingchen moving closer, and yet not close enough, afraid to touch him. Xiao Yanyi is drowning, surrounded by people and all alone.
Suddenly, a clear cool voice cuts in.
“You don’t want to tell me?” Wei Wuxian pouts. Pouts. “But I’m very trustworthy! Huh. No, wait, never mind that, I know who you are!”
Wei Wuxian is grinning at him, alight with his discovery. “You’re that cultivator who cleansed the entire river valley further upstream! They told me in the village. I rushed over here when I heard about the flood—ripe time for water ghouls and all—and they told me I might as well not bother going further up, that some cultivator in white, with—uh, with a distinguished face, had already cleansed the entire basin. I just didn’t expect you to be so young!”
Xiao Yanyi bows his head slightly. He didn’t miss Wei Wuxian’s near-slip, and he can’t say he feels any better about the hasty edit. After such a long time, he should be used to it. Why does it still hurt every now and then? Why can’t he learn to not let it?
“But this is perfect!” Wei Wuxian barrels on, oblivious. “After going to that place, I didn’t think there was a match for me in my generation, but now you’re here. This is brilliant! Want to work together to get the rest of the ghouls?”
Xiao Yanyi blinks, tripped up again.
“You… wish to work with me?” he asks, feeling his way. After all, working with him would mean staying close to him and his ‘distinguished face.’ Surely, this bright young cultivator could not have meant—
“Yes!” Wei Wuxian beams. “You can make it up to me for ruining my perfect ambush—no, it was perfect, I’ll accept no arguments on it! But uh…” He rubs the back of his neck with a rueful grin. “Maybe, we can think of a new plan. For the sake of originality only, obviously—can’t just be living off old masterpieces. What do you say?”
Xiao Yanyi stares at him some more, unable to utter a word. Slowly, he nods.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
“Make me so ugly that no one will ever want me,” he says. “Please.”
Or: Lan Wangji is kidnapped from the Lan Clan when he's still a small child. He retains no memories of his real identity, and only knows himself as a servant at Madam Ji's brothel. When the clients begin to look at him with interest, he finds someone to curse him and take away his true appearance, and with it any chance of ever finding his family.
(Not a brothel fic, that's only the starting point. A Wangxian story. A Twin Jades story.)
