#poor naruto

[therealmofamorus]

Kushina: What do you want, Reinhardt-san?

Reinhardt: World Domination.

Kushina: That’s…unexpected from you….

Reinhardt: *smile* You are my World.

Kushina: *blushing* You-You damn corny Baka.

…

Kushina: Wait a minute here…

X-xx-X

—Several Hours Later—

PLAWP~! PLAWP~! PLAWP~! PLAWP~! PLAWP~! PLAWP~!

Reinhardt: *grunting* Du magst diese Schlampe~!? (You like that slut~!?)

Kushina: Harder! Fuck my pussy with your cock~!

PLAWP~! PLAWP~! PLAWP~! PLAWP~! PLAWP~! PLAWP~!

Naruko was laying on her bed with a shell-shocked, bloodshot-eyed expression. Unable to block the noises of her mother having loud, passionate sex with Reinhardt.

Naruko: *traumatized* Kami-Sama. Why have you forsake one of your children to this cruel fate....

[fwoglett]

"Here's the bill!"

[kakashihasibs]

They're being so mean to him

[madmanwonder]

Anko: Kurenai let me the f*ck out!

Kurenai: *Sitting on a comfortable chair with hot cup of tea and a book in hand* No.

Anko: *Whining Voice* Why not!?

Kurenai: Because I am not paying your jail bailout for sexual assault and stalking…for the eighth time!

Anko:…All I did was touch his c*ck and follow him to the bathroom and the Konoha cops arrested me for that crap? Bulls*it! *Shaking her prison with impotent rage*

Kurenai: *Deadpan Expression* Are you even hearing yourself out now?

[lostinwoods]

Kishimoto: Kay...then get ready to run for an entire lifetime.

Naruto: No, that's not what I mea-

[lesbianjounin]

this is hinata defending naruto from their own friends when they begin dating and everyone starts saying she's too good for him

[momowho34]

Loving the headcanon that the only time in his life that Naruto is ever serious is when he’s drunk. Like naruto out on the town with the Konoha 11 like

Sakura: omfg naruto, ur appetite is insatiable!!!

Naruto, drunk, laughing: haha yeah, it’s because when I was younger most places serving food at the village turned me away, and while I was given the bare minimum amount of money for food by the village, I was also too young to know how to cook, so I survived on whatever was cheapest and easiest for me to make, which was usually deficient of the nutrients a kid actually needed to survive. this led to me constantly being hungry for whatever I could get my hands on because some days I wasn’t even sure if I was going to eat at all, so now I’m constantly used to eating whatever’s put in front of me for fear that I won’t get to eat.

Hinata: *spits out her drink*

Sakura: D:

Shikimaru: Jesus fuck naruto, that’s terrible

Naruto: *burps* huh?

[naruto-totally-canon-quotes]

Naruto *nervously: Sasuke I’m... I’m sauce-gay

Sasuke:

Sasuke: Did you just use my own name to come out to me?