#questioning avpd

[narcissisdicks]

Avpd fr

[splatoweentown]

questioning having a disorder is so fucking hard because like do i actually have this disorder or is it just a manifestation of the other stuff thats wrong with me or is it some secret third thing where its a different disorder entirely that i didn't consider

[wonderland-hospital]

Avoidant personality disorder and masking

My therapist has expressed his speculation of me having avpd. He’s said my behavior and inner thoughts sound a lot like avpd and common in pwavpd.

I used to force myself to socialize and be very very extroverted in order to get myself out of my quiet shell. It helps, a lot with my generalized and social anxiety. But I feel so distant from people.

I would like to have more close relationships and open up, but I just can’t . I’m deeply afraid of ridicule and being embarrassed. I’m constantly embarrassed. I’m naturally loud and sort of obnoxious but I don’t know if I can help it, and everytime I socialize it ends up in me feeling ridiculed and like a clown.

I push people away not because I don’t love or want to be close with them, I don’t think I’m shy, I’m just afraid .

[graphicdesignevident]

💐 AVPD Sub-type flags! And description for types + flag color meanings. (I also made blinkies on a new post with these flags)

(description, left to right in both rows)

•

1st: phobic avoidant - Features include strong fear of specific objects or situations, and may also present with dependent traits like passivity and clinginess. #979034 : anxious, overthinking, emotional tension, hypervigilance, feeling of sickness from intense emotions of fear/anxiety.

#B6B381 : passivity rooted in insecurity, emotional avoidance, shutting down under stress, fear of conflict.

#C7C5AA : numbness after emotional overload, resigned sadness, feeling unworthy of love, quiet self-doubt.

#A97A70 : emotional exhaustion, melancholy, insecurity, vulnerability.

#983A33 : longing for closeness, emotional clinginess that comes from wanting to feel safe, vulnerability mixed with shame.

#98376A : insecurity in relationships, self-doubt.

• 2nd: Conflicted avoidant - Characterized by internal conflict and unresolvable anxiety, with potential features of passive aggressive behavior. #641126 : brooding, suppressed rage, intensity, smoldering emotions, internal battles.

#7B161E : volatility, emotional overwhelm, danger, distrust, bitterness.

#EF8E5B : instability, emotional overstimulation, emotional fragility, surface-level warmth masking deeper fear, people-pleasing.

#F9DA67 : anxiety, nervous energy, fear of criticism, restlessness, fear of judgment, overthinking social impressions, scattered attention.

#64104E : isolation, internal conflict, mistrust, emotional withdrawal, suspicion toward others, difficulty trusting, feeling “other” or different.

#530C6A : escapism, overthinking, fantasy avoidance.

•

3rd: Hypersensitive avoidant - Marked by feelings of suspicion and panic, where individuals may be thin-skinned and exhibit paranoid features, such as being hypersensitive to perceived threats.

#2E0473 : heaviness, over-analysis, emotional distance, existential anxiety, perfectionism, fear of failure.

#600F74 : paranoia, intensity, hidden fears, distrust of others, overwhelming inner intensity, unhealthy fixation.

#F19C63 : fickleness, over-sensitivity, fragile ego, discomfort with confrontation.

#EC6267 : jealousy, emotional instability, stress cycles.

#851853 : insecurity, emotional turbulence, mistrust, feelings of inadequacy, feeling misunderstood.

#6E1257 : repression, emotional burden, fear of vulnerability, difficulty letting go.

•

4th: Self-deserting avoidant - involves a state of self-neglect and the abandonment of one’s own needs and desires. Depressive symptoms, agitation and suicidal thoughts are often present.

#041435 : depression, emotional heaviness, suppression, fear of opening up, seriousness, heaviness, fear of expressing needs, self-blame.

#172E64 : pessimism, emotional distance, fear of vulnerability, inhibition.

#575F70 : apathy, fatigue, little motivation, detachment, loss of excitement or purpose, disconnection.

#905727 : bitterness, heaviness, overload or burnout, guardedness.

#5C270B : pessimism, distrust, isolation, emotional blockages, isolation, feeling stuck.

#5B0E18 : internalized anger, shame, emotional repression, rumination, self-doubt, self criticism, fear of being seen.

[shabbyshoebox]

Texting in theory: communication with friends! So fun! Memes! Talk talk talk! ❤️✨

Texting in practice: Oh god I don't have the energy to reply right now, I'm currently in Task Mode not Talk Mode so there is currently no battery allocated for socializing atm. Oh it's been too long, do they think I hate them? If I reply will I have to stay engaged in conversation for a few seconds? Half an hour? How long will this conversation be? When is it okay to step away and do something else? Will they think I hate them if I go too long without responding again? I don't hate them, I love them, I need to figure out how to do this. What tone did they intend this in? How do I ask what tone they meant without coming across as rude? How can I respond in a way that cannot possibly be construed as passive aggressive/rude/dismissive? I want to stay engaged with the task I'm doing, I don't want to go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. I really really enjoy it when I'm in the right "Mode" but each notification feels like an obligation. Why does this feel like a chore? I like talking to my friends, why doesn't it feel like talking to my friends? Why do I feel trapped? Why do I avoid people I love? Oftentimes I'm not even "doing" anything when I don't respond, I'm just in "non social" mode. Even if I know I'll enjoy talking once I get started every unopened message feels like a burden. I shouldn't see texts from people I love this way, I should be happy, they want to talk to me and they love me. Why can't I just be normal about this, why can't I stop avoiding every damn thing?

[maggotinfestation]

can't wait to go home and talk to my psychiatrist about AvPD just to get dismissed because i'm not an adult yet and be told i just have severe anxiety even though this is chronic, debilitating, and only developed recently xx

i'm relying on my mom to bring it up because guess what, the avoidant disorder makes me avoid things ESPECIALLY social situations. crazy, right?

[flesh-connoisseur]

yesterday i was so annoying to two of my closest friends whom I have a gc with,, I'm already regretting sending so many messages and audios

[dandelion-system]

Genuine question:

People with avpd, are the things you experience because of it constant and ever present? Or is like background noise?

We’re questioning if we have it, and while sometimes it’s really obvious, sometimes it’s like it’s not there at all.

Like, if I go out in public I spend the whole time considering it, unless i do certain things to quiet the noise. If I listen to loud music it shoves the thoughts to the back of my mind.

And if I’m just sitting minding my own business, in my own home or an empty room somewhere, it’s fine. I’m paranoid about cameras, but otherwise, I’m okay. I’m not policing myself. But as soon as someone else is nearby it’s like some sort of fugue made to make us the best, most likeable version of ourself. And sometimes I don’t even realise I’m doing it because it’s second nature.

And I don’t get panic attacks in the moment, I usually get them afterwards. Unless it’s online, and I’ll spend a few hours crafting the perfect reply to someone if I know that I’ll have to continue communicating with them.

And if I know that at a moments notice I can cut them out of my life, I can just… do whatever. I can be much more of myself because I don’t care about them that much (I lie to myself) and they don’t care about me (I’m convinced) so we can just never talk again if I screw up!

… anyway. Are these avpd things? Or are they something else? /genq.

There are other things but this is what I can think of right now