#swallowing problems

[chronicallyillsoup]

My stomach when I eat even just a little: *slams big red wrong buzzer* you must now suffer

My stomach when I don't eat: *slams big red wrong buzzer* also wrong answer

[something-existing-somewhere]

I can't stand when People say things like "you don't know what real pain is, wait until you get to be my age" (- an older person). I would rather not imagine me (I already feel like I'm dying when I wake up everyday) older and worse. I'm taking 15 different meds and i smoke weed to try to function as a living being and even then I wake up and go through my days trying to deal with it but end up dissociating. I feel like I'm going to faint while doing mundane things or even just sitting down

[clatterbane]

Hospital selfie from a couple hours ago! Because that apparently seemed like a reasonable thing to do while I was in the recovery area, waiting to sober up enough from the IV dope for them to let me go home. 😂

(They obviously gave me something a little different for the procedure this time, not sure exactly what. Pretty much right as it started kicking in, I suddenly found myself just babbling, about who knows what but that communication seemed urgent!--in what I'm fairly sure was this weird fucking mix of bad beginner Swedish filled out with whatever rusty German and English my pitiful brain could retrieve. ☺️ They were do doubt glad to shut my stupid ass up with the mouthguard and endoscope.

Then I got pretty carsick on the way home, and just feel hungover now in a way I didn't from what the NHS was using. Currently hoping the regular pain meds I just took with some coffee will help the headache some, and it's probably time to lie down before long.)

Anyway, I went for my first gastroscopy appointment on the Swedish side this afternoon. They apparently aren't doing that here in Malmö, so sent us to the sister university hospital in Lund--which is only about half an hour's drive away. We cabbed it both ways today, but may just try taking the train there next time. Especially knowing where we're going now.

Next time? Tuesday the 16th! 🥳 They set up another appointment before we left. I don't really want to go through that again so soon, but it's no doubt for the best. None of this "2-3 weeks--which in reality turns into 3-4 months if you're lucky" shit, apparently.

Honestly, it was SO MUCH BETTER experience overall, and I am very relieved. I felt like I did get treated like an actual person rather than an annoyance again.

No complaints about any of the staff today. Even the doctor I saw was obviously feeling pretty rushed, but was decent enough dealing with a probably equally obviously 😬 nervous first-time patient who (a) mostly needed to use English, and (b) went in trying to politely self-advocate but rather expecting a more adversarial experience, shall we say.

I'll have way less reason for anxiety going in next time, at least! Which is a huge relief, in itself.

[clatterbane]

More ways to feel roughly 90 years old: take one shake mix heavily marketed for older people, and add some basically Euro-Metamucil! (With added probiotics!) 😅

Seriously though, I have kept getting impressed, dealing with more symptoms right now which are often associated with Old People Problems. (And not "just" the surgically altered knee arthritis/mobility problems, like before.)

In particular, my own issues with swallowing and getting in enough reasonably balanced nutrition may be coming from different causes. But, much of the info (and sometimes products) I have run across about strategies for dealing with this have been aimed at elderly folks--or, more frequently, the people assumed to be looking after them. In a very Views From Above sort of way.

Too much like all the stuff aimed at Autism Parents under the assumption that we're all kids, yeah. And it's got to be similarly uncomfortable if you are an older person trying to find info for yourself. 😑

But, the major part that keeps impressing me is how rarely these issues do seem to be approached as anything to do with disability, per se. It's just Old People Problems, you know? In some rather dismissive ways, which no doubt lead to people not getting diagnostics/treatment which would help them.

I mean, I knew this was a serious problem. But, the specific combo of ageism/ableism in these attitudes still keeps smacking me in the face. Again, I can only imagine what this might be like if you were an older person trying to figure out some health problems, and some options on what to do about them. And it makes me mad.

[clatterbane]

More gastroscopy time! 🙃

Just coming out, in recovery letting the IV sedation finish wearing off enough that they'll let me leave. And for Mr. C to get back over to the hospital

It was pretty miserable as usual, and they had to cut the session shorter. Apparently because part of my throat had indeed further closed up past a point they were prepared to deal with today.

But, I could already drink a cup of tea more easily, and the doctor was at least talking about wanting me back in 2-3 weeks. It remains to be seen just how long that might really turn into. 🙄

[clatterbane]

Another embarrassment of riches, in my current sorry digestive state!

I was really really craving some fruit--probably need some specific nutrient(s), besides just the flavor variety! So, I asked Mr. C to pick up some easy smoothie ingredients up the street.

After looking online at what they should hopefully have available, I asked for the strawberry and banana mix and the raspberries. But, the blackberries also looked particularly good to him, so we got some of those too. 😊

(Plus some more soy milk, to mix it up some and for a little break on my lactose intolerant system. I'm actually OK with up to about 1.5 cup/350mL of fresh cow's milk every few hours, with a higher threshold than a lot of people including him. But, I've been relying pretty hard on dairy for nutrition lately, and would rather not push it too far. 😑)

[clatterbane]

This is actually a surprisingly good electrolyte drink, which seemed worth a try since I've been having more trouble staying consistently well hydrated lately.

At least mixed up as directed, with one tablet per 750mL/around 3 cups of water? It's not too sweet or strong tasting in any way. And that was a pretty good deal, for as much drink as the 20 tablet pack will make. It would probably also be good with 500mL/a pint of water, if you want it stronger.

(It also doesn't seem super fizzy, which is good since my throat can't handle that right now. Didn't take long for the bubbles to gas out enough for me to drink it.)

I specifically went with a no-sugar formula, because diabetes, and this seems like a pretty good choice.

I've just been guessing and trying to get enough electrolytes in, but this has already come in kinda handy. Maybe especially with the suspected POTS/whatever autonomic weirdness makes my body REALLY WANT plenty of electrolytes. Little extra insurance.

[clatterbane]

Two more Soups of the Day, after we got a Tesco delivery this evening! And yes, I ate some of both already. 🍲

(I actually placed that order Monday night, and they still had the two latest "super saver" or whatever 4-hour delivery slots open for today? Nothing else for a couple of weeks, and nothing was showing as available for the more precise 1-hr. time windows? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Definitely glad I spotted that, though! Also saved Mr. C a trip out for cat litter.)

Anyway, I wasn't anticipating any problems out of that chilled broccoli and cheese soup, since it did look to be puréed. (Yep, and fairly tasty.) But, I wasn't so sure about the mulligatawny--which has more actual textured bits, including rice and little pieces of chicken.

But, especially after the lentil soup success? I was feeling optimistic, and figured at worst Mr. C might get some soup he hadn't planned on. Seemed like a reasonable next step up.

And yeah, it worked out fine! 😁 Honestly not the best soup I've ever eaten, but hey. I'll gladly eat the other half of it late, dry little chicken shreds and all.

(First actual meat I've had in months, so hopefully my digestive system won't get too grumpy later! So far, so good with reintroducing more in the way of solids. *fingers crossed*)

More pleased that, based on this little experiment? I should be able to eat a way bigger variety of softish foods again! Including some meat, at least carefully chewed--and, with any luck, also some actual rice and noodles, at least if they're cooked fairly soft.

Next easy plan: some homemade chicken and vegetable soup that's been clunking up the freezer, from an earlier phase of "trying to cook easy to swallow stuff". After that, I am really really hoping that some saucy macaroni and cheese might work! *fingers crossed*

Also hoping I can handle some softer Indian takeout options now, but we'll have to see what works!