summary: when chan gives you the opportunity to produce music while he’s away, you take it, not knowing you would get to see a completely different side of your boyfriend. one he tried to hide.
pairings: bf!hyunjin x producer!gn!reader
genre: angst, hurt/comfort
word count: 1.2k
warnings: crying, hyunjin struggling with his confidence
authors note: dude, I was just trying to sleep, but then this idea popped in my head and I was lowkey scared I would forget it by the morning, so I had to realise it. I really want to write longer fics aswell, but I suppose I am forever stuck in the short, angst fics side of things, though this in particular is more of a thought dump, than an actual fic. Please forgive me, dear reader. This is also based on the Hyunjin and Chan 2025 2kr, you’ll know it when you see it. Enjoy nontheless. ㅠㅠ
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Chan taught you everything you knew about producing in his preferred software Ableton. From recording vocals to how to mix the best. Chan also taught you everything you knew about Hyunjin, or what you thought you knew.
You normally only spent time with Hyunjin outside of work, meaning you had never seen him in a professional setting or in the recording booth. But when Chan was away on a mental health vacation to Australia, you helped some of the boys with producing music.
Chan knew well enough that Han and Changbin could do the production just fine as well, since they had been a powerful trio in producing for almost a decade now, but he wanted you to have an opportunity to express yourself through music production as well.
That was why you were here today, recording with Hyunjin. You sat in front of the monitors, your eyes switching flickering over them. The two of you had been in the studio for almost two hours now, but you were starting to suspect the clock was lying. It had definitely felt like ages.
Hyunjin stood in the booth, nervously fidgeting with the strings of his hoodie. You could tell he wasn’t feeling well, since he kept messing up his lines. His voice just didn’t feel like it was coming out right.
You watched him patiently through the glass, pressing the button near your keyboard, so that he could hear you speak.
”It’s alright, take your time.” You assured him. Exhaustion was visible in your face to him, but he nodded calm, taking a deep breath. Your gaze was empathetic as you started up the recording again. Your eyes were fixed on him as he sang his line, the discomfort clear on his face. His entire body looked tense.
You stopped the recording, reaching to press the button to talk to him again. But the words died on your tongue, when you saw him rushing out the recording booth, with his hood pulled up.
“I’m sorry…” He muttered, his voice vulnerable and broken. Without even thinking, you got up and caught him, before he could even open the door into the hallway. Your arms wrapped around his slender frame from behind, your head resting on his back.
That was when the dam broke. Hyunjin started crying, his entire body shaking. You held him tighter, as he hid his face in his hands. God, he was so embarrassed.
You had never seen him so broken before. You didn’t know he had been struggling with his voice when singing recently, so you were saddened to see his struggle.
Slightly pulling out of the hug, you reached up to his shoulders, turning him around to make him look at you.
“Hyunnie…” You muttered, your eyes searching for his face, which was still hidden behind his hands. He was still crying softly, his shoulders shaking under your touch.
“Please look at me.” Your voice was quiet and desperate. The last thing you wanted to do was push him, but you also felt the need to talk to him. You wanted, no, needed to know what was going through his mind.
After a second, reluctantly and very slowly moved his hands from his face. He wiped his eyes and cheeks, before letting his arms hang at his side. The sight of his slightly puffy, red eyes and his tear-stained cheeks made your heart ache.
You reached up to cup his cheek with one of your hands, the other still resting on his shoulder as a grounding touch. Your thumb swiped over his cheek, the skin soft and warm. He closed his eyes instinctively, cupping the wrist of your hand. Your expression was tense and saddened, mirroring his.
”What’s going on? Talk to me.” You said quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. Your thumb kept gently caressing his cheek at a comforting pace. He sighed heavily, sniffling and then taking a deep breath.
”I’m just…it feels like my voice is stuck.” He opens his eyes again, looking anywhere but you. He never wanted you to see him like this. “I’ve…had this issue for a while but it was never so bad that I had to worry.” He sniffled once more. You still held him, like he was glass that was about to spill, like he was fragile.
”Recently…I’ve been having doubts.” He continues, his voice cutting off as the tears spill from his eyes once more. “I’m not sure if I can continue to sing anymore.” He leaned forward, his forehead resting on your shoulder.
Your eyes widen at his statement, before pulling him into a tight hug. Singing had been his dream, the one thing that fulfilled him in his recent years. It was a dream he shared with his 7 closest friends, and he was thinking about giving up on it?
You held him tightly as he cried into the crook of your neck, his own arms wrapping around you, like you were his anchor. You were. And you had been. Time and time again.
You only got to know Hyunjin a few years after his debut, but he was one of the most sympathetic people you had ever met. He immediately stood out to you among the boys. Back then you were introduced to them as an up and coming, self-made producer. You had spent countless nights with the boys in the studio, assisting them or just watching them.
But now, you were so much more than a producer. You were a great friend to the boys, but most importantly, Hyunjins everything. He never wanted to show you this broken, embarrassed side of him, but now here it was he couldn’t stop it anymore.
You could often feel and see in the past that Hyunjin needed you to steady, to ground him. He felt too much and he needed you to anchor him. He needed you to be there for him.
So, when you were there for him in that moment, it felt more clear than ever that you were a crucial part in his life. You realised this now as well, by the way he clinged to you physically. He was still crying, though he had calmed down a bit now.
You held him tightly, as one of your hands rubbed his back in a slow, comforting way.
It was for a long while, that you just stood there in the recording studio at night, tightly wrapped in each other's arms.
After he calmed down again, his hold on you loosened slightly, before he looked at you again. You took your time to talk this out with him, wanting to make sure he didn’t drop his dream over this. It was going to be a hard time for him and he would have to work harder with a vocal teacher, but you assured him he would make it.
When Chan came back from Australia, the three of you talked about Hyunjins issue, to figure out how to move forward. And luckily in the months that followed, you and the boys saw Hyunjin get more confident in his vocal abilities again. Of course, he still occasionally had issues, but you were always there to ground him, to support him, to anchor him.
Hey, so not the usual content I post but I need some help 😭 I had a question for those that understand binding with trans tape more than I do. So I recently (as in yesterday) started trying it because of the hot weather and binders just became a nightmare, but I can't seem to get my chest flatter, it just seems like support rather than binding? Any tips? for reference I have quite a small ribcage and D cups)
UPDATE: I've given up on trans tape. Im autistic as my mutals will know and the sensory issues that it brought were just too much. No matter what I couldn't safely bind as well as I can with a binder and I can't quickly get it off my body when I'm overwhelmed. If you are someone with tits who doesn't want them and autistic/ADHD, I do not recommend especially if you have a large rib to chest ratio
what are ways i can make myself more masc? im in a female body and the hosts are all fem so there isnt much i can do but i hate it. im a man and love being masucline so please send any tips if you have any
