#trauma ment

[mindflamer]

acephobic ppl saying asexuality is from trauma like ok even if that were true why are you chill with bullying people with trauma and pressuring them to have sex

[endo-memes]

[neopronouns]

crocktraumic: a gender related to crockertier, trauma caused by being crockertier, and prior trauma caused by being brainwashed and groomed for the crockertier role

[pt: crocktraumic: a gender related to crockertier, trauma caused by being crockertier, and prior trauma caused by being brainwashed and groomed for the crockertier role. end pt]

for anon! the top two stripes represent brainwashing (they're blue, which i usually use to represent the brain, but light and desaturated), the middle stripe represents trauma (teal, like the ptsd ribbon), and the bottom two are taken from crockertier jane. the term is 'crock' from 'crockertier', 'traum' from 'trauma', + 'ic'!

tags: @radiomogai

flag id: a flag with 5 stripes, with the third being twice as large as the rest. in order, they are pale sky blue, dull light blue, teal, dark red, and bright red. end id.

banner id: a 1600x200 teal banner with the words ‘please read my dni before interacting. those on my / dni may still use my terms, so do not recoin them.’ in large white text in the center. the text takes up two lines, split at the slash. end id.

dni link

[pawjamas]

i have avoided talking about it but basically my mental health has taken a very bad, very sudden sharp downward turn to the point i’ve been needing a significant amount of assistance/irl support more than ever before.

essentially something triggered me so badly irl that my mental state has returned to a previous place i’ve fought for years to get past, and i’m having to quite literally relearn everything i learned the past couple years when i escaped my abuser all over again. all of my thought processes and feelings have returned to my former self that lived with my abuser. the air itself feels and smells like my abuser’s home, i anticipate nonstop that when i go outside of my wife’s room my abuser will be out there ready to hurt me again.

i am currently living in a constant state of fear and terror right now that i haven’t been in for years, but i am very VERY lucky to have such a huge support system to get me through whatever the hell this is.

tl;dr i am mentally struggling more than ever before especially in association w/ my trauma involving my abuser but i have a massive amount of support that is keeping me safe during this extremely difficult time.

[ranchuppi]

I have this convo w myself @ least once a month its embarrassing. 

[osdd-1bitch]

Whatever your triggers are, names, places, objects, phrases, whatever, are valid. Period. No one gets to tell you that you "cant have" a trigger, or that its "weird" or "cringy".

Whatever your triggers induce, physical flashbacks,full flashbacks, if they make you angry or sad or whatever, that is valid. End of story. Triggers and the trauma behind them is incredibly personal and whatever your reaction is its valid.

You cannot police triggers.

[cozy-corner-system]

hii I was wondering what exactly counts as amnesia.. what is the difference between the amnesia seen in DID and the “little to no” amnesia in OSDD-1b.. also… what exactly counts as “not fully defined alters” in OSDD-1a .. and can OSDD-1a have fictives? im rlly unsure which I have at this point bc I don’t know if what is happening counts as amnesia ….I can remember things I guess but sometimes it takes me a bit to recall them and I don’t have emotions attached to some memories?… like as an example I remember some trauma but feel NOTHING towards it .. or I’ll remember some daily memories and it feels like they didn’t even happen. The days before the current present feels like a dark void that never existed ..

Hey there!

So, we are going to put a big disclaimed that although we have read up on DID and OSDD, and looked at and listened to the experiences of other, fellow dissociative Systems, our words are definitely not gospel! I'm going to say that this will be a post for open and civil discussion, especially for extra information!

Now, onto the bigger answers; amnesia by your typical dictionary definition is having the partial or total lack of memory. However, for Systems, it can be a little trickier than that! From what we understand, DID Systems are those who do experience at least some or quite a bit of memory-based amnesia between alters. If Alter C is fronting for a whole day, and then Alter F fronts the next day, chances are that Alter C will be the only to remember what exactly happened the previous day prior. Emotions, tasks, appointments, conversations, etc. However, I think it would be a little untrue to say all, or even most, DID Systems experience full black-outs between alters. I've seen the term "gray-out" be used, to mostly describe how, yes, there are amnesiac barriers between alters, but it isn't that severe.

For us, as an OSDD-1b System, our "little to no amnesia" comes in the form of this: In the morning, Dimuza is fronting. They have breakfast, watch their cryptid shows and paranormal documentaries, and go about the morning. In the mid-afternoon, a switch occurs where Annabelle is now fronting. She may be able to recall "Oh yeah, Dimuza had fruit loops for breakfast, and binged a whole season of Destination Truth", but she wouldn't feel an emotional connection to it because the emotions of those memories are now carried by Dimuza!

We do experience a little memory-based amnesia, as well. Once we lost connection to someone we thought of as a friend, and quite a few of us didn't even really know until it was communicated in some way. We like to call this the "You Just Had To Be There" affect!

Because of our little to no amnesia, we also have a much easier time to communicate with one another, wherein a System with much stronger amnesia (and as such, amnesiac barriers), communication between alters is more often held in the outer world rather than the inner world.

From what we've read and understand of OSDD-1a, this is a System far more related to the Different, Distinct Emotions of the Host. I once saw someone describe it and the alters as "the different flavors of You". Basically, you may have Rupert, who holds most, if not all of the sadness of the body. Then, you have Marty, who holds most, if not all the anger. Because the alters of OSDD-1a Systems tend to be far more emotionally-based than other dissociative Systems, this is most likely why they would be labeled as "not fully defined alters"!

My knowledge on OSDD-1a is very limited, but we do definitely believe that it is possible for OSDD-1a Systems to have fictives, to an extent!

To wrap it up, in regards to your description of how your memories work and feel;

I/we heavily relate to what you have just describes. It perfectly encapsulates what we go through, especially with our own recent situations and traumatic incidents. Looking back on something and knowing, logically, that what happened is and would be considered trauma, yet feeling little to nothing towards it, is exactly how we experience our emotional amnesia. Sometimes, that emotional detachment is so strong, that it doesn't even feel like it happened.

When this happens in therapy, we describe it as "I feel like I'm talking about someone else's memories/life story, like this isn't even mine and that I shouldn't be talking about it". Our brains create these amnesiac barriers to protect the Host; to make sure they don't continue to fully struggle and deal with the brunt of trauma that was dealt with. It makes us have these detachments to protect us, and it makes our alters so that someone holds onto it.

This was very long, but I feel like it was the best way for us to answer this. Hopefully this isn't too lengthy of a response, but also that it is one that can be helpful to you. We're giving you the best wishes, anon, in figuring things out <3 /gen /p

[nightmare-foundation]

There’s something about the HLVRAI fandom that’s been bugging me for ages, and yes, i get it, there’s tons of posts like this, but.

This is something that really, really needs to be said (imo anyways).

Stop making Benrey predatory towards Gordon, and stop writing off Gordons trauma as something small.

I’ve seen this fairly often with Frenrey, and it’s gotten to the point that, personally, it’s affected my view on Frenrey. And i’m not saying Frenrey is problematic; when done right, it’s cute! And you can ship it however much you like! But the problem is is how it’s perceived.

I’ve seen a few weird fics and art that make Benrey out to just be predatory and just odd to Gordon. I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, and besides i don’t want to make the artists/authors out to be bad, but it’s just... weird.

Benrey is a canonically gay man who, in Wayneradiotv’s words, “Lusts after Gordon the entire series” and is “completely unreciprocated” by Gordon. Of course, the fact that Benrey canonically has a crush on Gordon sparked a massive outpour of Frenrey art, or Benrey x Gordon. It was already shipped before, but now it’s probably the most popular ship in the HLVRAI fandom.

And, with all fandoms, comes many problems with the shipping, such as making the characters out-of-character or just making the ship... weird.

The biggest problems i’ve seen so far is Benrey being made out to be predatory and being someone who doesn’t respect Gordons boundaries and the ship being made into something problematic as a whole. 

Again, i reiterate, i’m not attacking Frenrey or those who ship it. I’m sharing my experiences with what i’ve seen and what i think are problems.

See, Benrey has never pushed Gordons boundaries when it comes to him having a crush on him. The most he does is ask Gordon if he wants to kiss during the final act and when he does actually kiss him at some point. He never forces himself onto Gordon at all. 

So, generally, i don’t know where this idea of “Benrey being predatory and not knowing boundaries because he’s an alien” came from.

I’ve seen some... really weird shit with him though (some kinky stuff, Benrey vowing that he’d be the cause of Gordons death in a... sexual? way, etc).

It sure as hell doesn’t help that sometimes, Gordons trauma is completely ignored.

Benrey did some really bad shit. Gaslighting, manipulation, hell even being the cause of Gordons arm being cut off- Benrey did a fuck ton of bad shit and is one of the many sources of Gordons trauma (The only exceptions are Tommy, Sunkist, and maybe Darnold). 

And for the life of me, i cannot figure out why Gordons extensive trauma is repeatedly ignored. I can understand wanting fluff, and just generally wanting cute and lovey stuff in general, but. You can’t ignore trauma.

Especially when it comes to the idea of Gordon having childhood trauma because of him and Benrey being friends as kids.

I’ve only seen this idea- once? Maybe? But i don’t doubt that others have had this idea before, and it just bugs the living fuck out of me. 

Childhood trauma is intense. it’s not something you can just forget (or, in some cases, remember). You can’t just get over it. It takes years to recover from, especially with new trauma added onto it. Hell, trauma you get later in life may take a lifetime to recover from, if at all! 

And consistently going with the idea that Gordon can just get with the item of his trauma is really fucking bad.

And i have to reiterate that Frenrey is not inherently problematic, i’ve seen some really cute art of it and some wonderful ideas. 

But there’s problems that the HLVRAI fandom needs to stop ignoring and actually start working on.

Feel free to add onto this post; and for the love of god don’t be a dick and attack me. Constructive criticism is welcome as well.