You guys ever think...Earth might be the universe culinary masterpiece?...like you got Yautja's coming in secret to eat some mcdonals or...some pozole from the restaurant?...like cybertronians or mcb always seeing these aliens coming to earth in discuises to partake in their favorite cuisine?...some even becoming ADDICTS to the simple pleasure of instant ramen...or a good old cup of coffee
So, one day, brainstorm or other scientists managed to upgrade their holoforms ENOUGH to be able to taste and digest human food...and i think it goes like how newborn babies try solid food for the first time-
Case and point...poor tailgate trying icecream for the FIRST time went like
Y/n*Smiles holding a simple vanilla icecream for him*Dont eat too much too fast~
Tailgate*Tries a small bite, surprised by the temperature, then savours it, and eyes bulged out and grabs your hand holding the dessert and mushes it on to his mouth*!?!?!
Other Liason*Holding his back and cackles*T-TAILGATE LET GO!
Y/n*Seeing him try to eat more even if he gets dirty*T-TAILGATE!BREATH CYCLONUS HELP-...
Other liaison*Sees her own dessert is now gone and sees Cyclonus is avoiding looking at her*...
Cyclonus*Blushing as his whole mouth is covered in whipped cream and ice cream as his Sunday bowl is so clean there was not even a spot*...
-Meanwhile on the table next to them-
Mcb!Yn*Blinks seeing your humanoid cardbots in pain from brainfreeze*...
Shadow X*Holding his head and whines*AAAAAH, DEATH IS UPON US! I CAN'T FEEL MY MOUTH!?
Heavy Iron*Just finished his ice cream cake, smashes the plate on the floor*I like this! Another!?-...oh
Yuri*Who came in with 10 burgers for each and every one of the bots but glares at heavy iron*Clean.that.up.youngman...
Buffalo*Gasps in awe seeing his burger is in the shape of a heart with flags, smiles as Yuri puts him a bib along kiss on the forehead*Thank you, Mrs Yuri!
Phoenix fire*Holding his head and whines*I-I Been betrayed by the opposite of f-fire...
Y/n*Coming downstairs from your old home, yawning, you head to the kitchen and get ready to start the day with the usual coffee only...to see it's empty along with your morning sweet bread*What the f-...are you fucking
Ratchet passed out on the sofa with crumbs all over his face and shirt, your favorite coffee mug in his hand, and a chicken leg on the other with a big chunk bitten off
Y/n: Not even Judas was this much of a hypocrite...
Y/n*Patting your cons backs and then seeing Tarn's own holoavatar crying*Hon what's wrong-
Tarn*Eating Pizza as his first food for the first time, tears running down his face*L-life ish bea-ifuh...
Rest of the Djd Nodding as they eat and their fill with a bit of cola...which took you awhile to tell them "No, it's not mud water with bubbles"...
----------------------------------At a Maid Cafe------------------------------
Maid!Waitress*Serving you and probably the most rugged, retired commando-looking old man, along with the most man? Wearing a mask, he looks like some cyberpunk fanatic, a strawberry parfait and a big beer, and a kid's jumbo burger and fries with onion rings, Commando guy, him the bear and you kid jumbo burger and the cyberpunk guy the parfait *Enjoy masters~
Y/n & Megatron & Sounwave:...
You both switch the items to the correct person, you take a drink of the big, Soundwave the jumbo burger meal, and Megatron the cutesy parfait, all three of you enjoying your items
Maid!Waitress*Saw that and thinks of that one meme*"Moe gap..."
scenario: a group of psychopaths unwittingly become parents to an abandoned newly built found in mysterious circumstance
warnings: this started off as a crackfic series i took too seriously. found family, may get more gory in the future, reader is a child. remember, the DJD is their own warning.
note: this may be slightly OOC, forgive me! also, Vos' dialogue is in a different font to convey the use of Primal Vernacular. this will start off as a coherent story and then diverge into headcanons and 'what-if' scenarios with multiple possible endings.
next: part 2
DISCOVERING A LITTLE FELLA
summary: how they found you
The air is thick on the surface of Clemency. Before Tarn is a vast battlefield abandoned, rusting frames of thousands of Decepticons lie scattered across the horizon, remaining in their position almost like immortalized statues of the destruction this war has caused. Poetically ironic given it's the moment where they approached the end of their mortal lives that have been mostly preserved, the rust only beginning to gnaw into their internal systems. Tarn is filled with a sense of melancholy, almost. How far the war has gone. He will admit though, the view is pretty wonderful despite the dark, dusk atmosphere.
Had their soldiers been stronger, maybe this wouldn't have gone for as long as it had. It's almost an apathetic view but Tarn believes that's the truth. The air feels almost heavy with the weight of this 'necessary' cost of war as he takes in the sombre sight.
“And that's another one.” Kaon mutters, another name crossed off The List. Some cowardly deserter really thought he could hide in the ruins of the battle he ran from. How shameless. Kaon sighs out as he goes through The List, datapad in servo; Helex and Tesarus are chatting off and Vos seems to be interested in the desecrated corpses of their own. Probably for his dissection table, no doubt. Tarn doesn't care, he continues to stare into the horizon. Pondering the future of the Decepticon Cause when a loud scream erupts from where Vos was digging around for organs, the sharpness of which startled them all, Tarn included.
He’s slightly annoyed and all of them immediately walk over to Vos who looks terrified.
“What are you screaming for?” Tarn scowls, the last thing he wanted was one of his own unit members to scream like cowards. Vos points at the pile of bodies uncharacteristically terrified, his crimson optics widened as he rambles out in Primal Vernacular. Despite the faceguard, the distress was apparent from his optics alone.
Offline frames are supposed to stay immobile. This was not a normal reaction from Vos. A small purple glow emanates from Tarn’s fusion cannon as it loads just in case, better safe than sorry. Though, he seriously doubts it's worth their concern.
“It could be just a scraplet.” Helex frowns, Vos’ reaction seems out of proportion and Tesarus nods in agreement. They always warn Vos that there's going to be scraplets… Vos stiffens a little, slightly offended as he turns to face Helex because he's more than well aware that it's a jab at him. Last time, Vos had one stuck inside his systems. It was not very pleasant for him and the team to say the least. Tarn shoots a nasty glare at Vos through the slits of his mask at the memory. He swears, sometimes his team was just reckless and silly despite being infamous mass murderers.
Kaon scans for any signals that indicate spark signatures other than the five of theirs and… there's a spark signature, faint but present. Originating from the pile of bodies Vos yelped from.
“Actually, there's a spark signature.” Kaon wastes no time in informing Tarn who's somewhat surprised beneath the mask. How does one manage to get themselves stuck beneath a literal stack of dead bodies?
Soon enough, Helex and Tesarus are working on moving partially rusted frames from the heap of bodies like they weighed nothing, with heavy distaste as their servos come in contact with dried up energon, they preferred it fresh and warm; much better to feel. Tarn scans thoroughly, perhaps, there could've been another cowardly traitor that had joined alongside the now offline Runamuck.
But what Tarn sees shocks him and the others. There it is, a small little frame. The poor thing looks crushed. A tiny Decepticon insignia on its erratically heaving chassis. Helex and Tesarus stop hauling away offline, partially rusted frames. They would feel relieved at the prospect of not having to get anymore rust flakes on their frames but they too are very stunned, not expecting to see a newly-built of all things stuck under the rubble of offline frames in an abandoned Decepticon graveyard.
All of them exchange glances while the little one lets out shallow vents, as if the poor thing was compressed. Tarn looks at the tiny purple insignia once again and is reminded that this little one is a Decepticon. Not a deserter or a traitor. A tiny little thing that's somehow just surviving… likely, all by itself… out here… in a desolate battlefield scattered with offline frames… His faceplates soften a little, for the first time in forever, beneath his mask as he stares deep in thought at the little Decepticon.
For the first time, the DJD has no clue on what to do. Kindness was not something they professed. But they had a sense of duty, being Decepticons; to ensure the future of their Cause. They all look at Tarn for any idea on what to do, but even he, deep down, is unsure. But the strength of the Decepticons lies in its internal administration and what good is the internal administration if it ignores the cries of those who would carry its future?
This was not merely an issue of pragmatism. It would reflect the Decepticons as a whole, or so Tarn feels.
“...we need Nickel.”
Immediately, all five of them move towards their ship, The Peacefully Tyranny. Helex holds the newly-built, trying to be as careful as he can but that proves to be a challenge for the far from gentle giant as he walks, the other four DJD members crowded alongside him. Looking at the heaving sparkling with uncertainty, curiosity and even a bit of worry. These psychopaths never have really been in a situation like this, let alone been near a sparkling. Kaon faintly remembers speaking to a few in idle playful chatter before the war, Tesarus can count the number of newly-builts he's seen on one servo and Vos has never seen one, period. Their optics are fixated on the little thing in Helex’s servos, his lower, smaller pair of servos holding onto the little one as well; Helex fears he might crush the thing. They look fascinated; curious optics in awe at how frail new life was. All but Tarn, who is not accustomed to the uncertain conflict that rages on in his processor.
“How did it even get itself in there…?” Kaon mumbles to himself, musing about how such a frail little thing could've possibly ever ended up under a pile of bodies.
Vos thinks that the newly-built may have felt their presence and so, could have taken refuge that ended up being inconvenient for the little thing.
“Who cares about that? We need to make sure this little thing isn't going to offline on us.” Tesarus mutters, looking at the sparkling. Their plates rattling as it tries to vent properly. Helex can feel how warm its little frame is, frowning a bit and speeds up his pace, the others having no issue catching up.
Meanwhile, Tarn is lost in his own thoughts. The sparkling is Decepticon manufactured. He can see the serial number painted on its tiny frame and the little purple badge on its chassis. He might’ve found it oddly cute in a different circumstance, perhaps. But the questions swirl in his helm.
How in the name of all things Decepticon did a newly built find themselves on Clemency? An abandoned battlefield. There's nothing more than death here. How did it survive for so long? What did it even fuel on? How old was it? More importantly, how did it live with such a tiny little frame…? It's so fragile! Tarn barely remembers back when he was fresh off the manufacturing unit. Was he once this pathetic too? The thought is almost alien to the leader of the DJD.
The thoughts continue to whirl in all of their processors as they finally make it to the entrance rampway of The Peaceful Tyranny, moving towards the medbay in haste. Vos and Kaon continue to theorize about what could've possibly happened. Tesarus looks a bit worried, this isn't the usual routine after all. The three of them stand outside the medbay for now. They peep in and watch, listening closely. Helex meanwhile, stands in the medbay with Tarn as they watch Nickel examine the clearly injured newly built.
Now that neither of them were carrying it, they've come to realize that the sparkling is actually… a tad bit taller than Nickel. Vos probably would've said something snarky about it and Helex definitely would’ve chuckled but neither chooses to comment from where they stood, the air filled with tension.
“You know, you guys bringing back a newly built is the last slagging thing I could've ever expected…” The foul mouthed medic mutters out as she expertly works on the little one's small frame. The little one lays on one of the medical berths as Nickel moves with calculated precision, having to use a stool to really see past the berth in order to work. Helex and Tarn look at each other momentarily. All of them are very well aware of the irony of the situation, they were the last mechs that should be allowed near a sparkling.
“Yes but that… thing is one of us.” Tarn isn't sure what to call it as he points at the tiny purple insignia, Helex merely nods in agreement, lacking anything to add on. Nickel stifles an amused laugh at the way Tarn calls a sparkling as a ‘thing’, still focused on the soldering. A master of multitasking. She wonders how she got along with just out-of-touch and downright insane mechs sometimes.
“Yeah, they've got all the trade marks from a standard Decepticon manufacture unit.” Nickel replies, optical ridges furrowing slightly as she words to untangle wires and fix a clogged ventilation system. Such high unnatural frame temperatures were a standard sign of it and considering the poor thing was beneath literal corpses, Nickel is damn sure the kid probably is infected with a virus after all, they don't exactly give firewall updates on Clemency. “...including the bugs.” She mutters out to herself, making sure neither of them heard that but Tarn raises an optical ridge beneath his mask; however, before he could question her by what she meant, a thought strikes Nickel.
“...what are you guys going to do after they wake up?” She asks, looking at the two of them and… Tarn freezes for a moment, what he was about to ask hitting a screeching halt and Helex stiffens. This truly was something he had no idea on what to do. It would appear neither of the DJD had any foresight on what to do next. Helex looks at Tarn, understandable since he is their leader but Tarn does not dare to look back at all. Infact, he wishes Helex wouldn't look at him for this.
“That… will be decided shortly.” Tarn leaves the medbay, signalling Helex to follow. Nickel shrugs and goes back to repairs, the sparkling letting out a sound almost akin to a glitchy cough. Poor thing, Nickel feels. Sighing out words of comfort, she can see the terror in their optics.
“We need to make a decision about the sparkling, now.” Tarn would've unanimously taken a choice himself but… he honestly has no clue what to do here. The urgency is present in his tone as all the other three perk their helms up to Tarn, Helex standing nearby him.
“I say we drop them off at the nearest training facility.” Tesarus says, it is a rather logical choice but…
“The nearest MTO facility is lightyears away and if we go that far, we'll lose our trail on Overlord.” Kaon frowns as he speaks. Flickers of annoyance are hidden beneath Tarn's mask at the mention of that wretched designation.
Vos adds onto Kaon's point. Overlord was a high priority target, they were all aware of that.
“Agreed. But it's not like the DJD can keep a sparkling on board.” Helex huffs, optics narrowing slightly at Kaon. Keeping a kid onboard the The Peaceful Tyranny was a stupid idea. Newly-builts are curious and none of the rooms on their ship are exactly suitable for the little one. Not only that but it's not typical of their reputations to keep a sparkling onboard.
“Are you saying we should risk the possibility of finally getting Overlord for the wellbeing of a sparkling?” Kaon raises an optical ridge, questioning Helex who now has second thoughts on what he had said.
“...fair point.” Helex mutters out. Vos who went silent voices his opinion, his red optics brightening a bit as he finally gets an idea on what to do with their new problem.
Vos says, feeling rather proud of himself for racking his processor up for that idea. Helex, Kaon and Tesarus look down at Vos; faceplates in disapproval. But at the same time… something stops them. They can't really put a digit on it either.
“Normally, if it were any other mech…” Kaon mutters out. The others clearly didn't expect a response like that but it wasn't exactly unwelcome. Though, they were disappointed that neither of them thought of such an easy solution.
“In the usual case, yes…” Helex replies, this was not the usual case after all.
“Maybe if it were an Autobot sparkling…” Tesarus mumbles, in thought.
“We could just reprogram it into a Decepticon then.” Kaon sighs, why waste an opportunity to get a new addition like that? Tesarus looks over at Kaon, murmuring out that usual saying; "Once an Autobot, always an Autobot.".
Vos, despite the faceguard, is very clearly frowning, rather agitated by the fruitlessness of this discussion with his peers and even more so, unable to understand why they feel obligated towards a random sparkling they found in the middle of nowhere on Clemency. Crimson optics narrowing a little. They're the DJD! They commit atrocities! It's literally their job too! Why must they tolerate something which gets in the way of completing their sworn, near divine duties?
“Because that sparkling is a Decepticon. It isn't a traitor. It's probably too young to even know what counts as treachery. We are the Justice Division. What Justice is there in killing one of our own simply because of their presence being a mild inconvenience?” Tesarus retorts. Vos looks down for a moment, not wanting to admit that Tesarus had a very good point there. They were cruel, they were the DJD but that cruelty was supposed to be reserved to those who truly deserved it. They all go silent for a moment, they've discussed enough amongst themselves now. They turn to Tarn as their final beacon of… not hope, Tarn never gave hope but their beacon of ‘knowing what the frag to do right now’.
Tarn thinks hard about all the points they have presented. All of their helms glued on him. As their leader, he's the one that gets the finalizing vote. The sparkling should probably go with more… sane bots but then, they'd risk losing track of Overlord. They can't kill a sparkling. Megatron did give strict orders not to involve themselves with those not on The List and as far as Tarn was concerned, newly-builts never showed up on The List. But… if they kept the sparkling, they could perhaps raise a strong Decepticon… After all, it survived on the wastelands of Clemency all by its lonesome without hardly any weapons other than the tiny handgun blaster that's out of charge that they found clenched so tightly in its little servos. Anticipation floods the air as he continues to think.
The idea of moulding a Decepticon… an eternally loyal Decepticon…
There is a lot of appeal to that prospect.
“The sparkling is to stay.” Tarn sighs out, making a decision everyone seems to have mixed opinions on. Kaon seems slightly pleased, Vos let's out a frustrated groan, Tesarus looks as unsure as ever and Helex is... well, he's rather indifferent to it.
But the real issue was informing their wonderful medic about this...
the fanon term is ‘sparkling’ but in the comics, they mainly use ‘newly-built’ for freshly made Cybertronians so i’ll be switching between the two but i’ll mainly use the canon comic term. also, reader is not a baby. i think it makes more sense for newly builts to be smaller but able to walk immediately when they are made since they are Cybertronians. though, i feel like other functions like transforming are slowly learnt.
also, most transformers start off with mentor figures which i believe are similar to parents for humans.
What someone is doesn't really bother him; organic or not, if you can't be killed, then he may as well enjoy your properties
You're not worth even trying to kill, not his usual way, because human fluids get really caked on, and he doesn't want to clean up stuck-on flesh
Kaon will never get over how infuriating it is that you can just...live through his strongest shocks
They don't even incapacitate you for that long; a week, and you'll be up and at it again
Instead, he's focusing on what he can do to make your life a living hell: restraints, isolation, treating you like shit
Oh well, he'll get over it eventually
Nickel hates organics a lot, so she doesn't mind watching your torture even if it does little to you mentally
But, eventually, enough is enough for her
If it's really not doing anything, and they won't get rid of you, she will put up with you
She is interested in monitoring your mental state and determining whether it can revert to its initial emotional state
Tarn just doesn't have time for these sorts of things
His voice can't control non-mechanical forms, so it's not as if he can do anything but shoot you or get creative
He's fine with keeping you around for research purposes, and of anyone, he's the least concerned with your existence so long as you don't get in the way of anything
Once his team gets bored, like they always do, he'll throw you away again
Tesarus is bothered, only because you're easy to step on, and it's extremely difficult for him to clean all the nooks and crannies of his peds
You're not that interesting, you're easy to kill and shred and take forever to put yourself back together
If you want to hang around him, fine, he'll talk if you ask the right questions, too
Vos finds you most intriguing, though that is of his scientific nature to want to study
You're also not as small compared to him, so he can really get a good look at how your flesh pulls itself back together after being torn and ripped
It's fascinating, and you've become a frequenter of his lab so he can forcefully collect samples and try to recreate the technology with Cybertronian metals
Author's Note - These guys r a little mean and evil but thats cool...thank you for requesting!
pairing: vos x afab human reader ft. the whole djd
contains: public sex, a bit of stalking, a little bit of exbihitionism and voyeurism.
vos is a total freak. you know that. so you’re not surprised when he takes you in the middle of the bridge. you were just walking oh so innocently then suddenly you feel metallic digits gripping into your waist from behind. you let out a sharp gasp knowing exactly who is behind you. vos. you don’t know why he would want a human but alas you are here, underneath him, taking his spike.
the language barrier isn't too big of a issue. you can understand what the groans and occasional moans mean. you can understand he's definitely enjoying this, no, not enjoying this but rather he's in total ecstasy. he's always imagined this, fucking a human valve. it's a little secret of his, due to the division's outward dislike of humans. they all been massive bitches to you, but you're an useful informant. megatron sent you to the djd to help them out with the list. you've been not really enjoying your forced vacation. nickel has been eyeing you down the entire time like you were the one that killed her colony.
the only really good thing about this is vos. he's been interested in you since you arrived, thats the scientist in him. he'd never admit it but he finds your soft organic body extremely attractive. that's why he's fucking it right now.his metal spike is going into your hole like it's a piston, made for one thing. to fill you with his trans fluid. he's a big stretch, huge even and he's not even big for a cybertronian. the sound of sex is filling the bridge. you wonder why he's being so open about this. why he's fucking you on the bridge. what could this sick fuck even gain? besides the sweetness of your pussy. he shouldn't be doing this. he shouldn't be fucking you. but if he shouldn't why does it feel so good?
this is pure bliss for him. this being your cunt. maybe he’s gaining arousal from fucking you where you both could get caught. you don’t know it’s hard to crack that bot’s code. the division was forced by megatron to give you board on the peaceful tyranny and one night you walked out of the old habisuite you were residing in and that’s when you saw it. it being a massive load of trans fluid on the floor right in front of your door. you look up to see one of the vents array too.
you speculated who would’ve done this. tesaurus, helex, and tarn would not fit. you also take account of nickels hatred for you and decide that it’s either kaon or vos. you could see it being either of them as kaon has a pet and that is d1 freaky shit. it’s not till the next night when you decide to walk out to get some water when you catch him, in the act. you see tarn just right outside of your door on his knees with his spike out stroking it to god knows what. you can only assume it’s you because of the present he left outside of your door the night before. seemingly unfazed all he does is look you in the eyes as he touches himself. you can tell he’s not entirely unfazed because he looks close to finishing. you bring your mouth down to his spike. taking it as deep as you can. he didnt mass displace making it quite a challenge. but you took it.
what a good little hole you are for him. taking him so well. cradling his spike so tightly. at least that’s what he thinks. he doesn’t see you as much more than a sweet fuck. although he’ll admit you’re very interesting and pretty to look at. you have a fire about you that he finds entertaining. his favorite moment is when you washed tarn down to an obnoxious megatron fanboy to his face. he almost came in his panel but alas restrained himself until he reached his habisuite. he can’t tell if he wants to let your fire grow or force it to burn out. he lets out some weird noises which you can only assume is primal vernacular.
“yea yea whatever you say sexy.” you moan over the loudness of his metal meeting your flesh.
he brings your legs up and pulls your back to his chassis. effectively putting you into a pull nelson making his spike somehow go deeper then before. practically entering your cervix.
“FUCK VOS!” you yell.
he grunts and pistons faster at your yell. causing for both of you to reach your orgasms he fills you with so much transfluid it floods out of your womb. the bulge in your abdomen rises and falls as he pulls out. he’s done for. you can hear loud stomps leading to the bridge as until helex enters. he just looks down at the scene of you and vos both nearly passed out with transfluid everywhere. the smell of sex still in the air. “fucking whores.” helex says just before exiting the room.
I’d love if you could do Vos x Fem reader NSFW head canons 🥰 (Maybe Fem reader could be the more dominant one?)
MTMTE! Vos X Femme Reader NSFW Headcanons
This relationship dynamic is certainly...interesting to say the least.
One minute the mech is threatening, screaming out insults and taunts in an ancient dialect then the next moment his helm is between your leg-struts and he's eating from your valve like he's starving.
The Vos you knew privately was much different than the Vos the other DJD members knew. This spitfire and hostile mech became completely submissive in berth.
Sure there were moments where his mech hormones would kick in and he'd take the reigns and pin you down but most of the time Vos was more than enthusiastic about letting you call the shots.
Wanted him laying down on the berth with his visor off and his faceplate looking like the perfect seat for your valve? He'd do it.
Needed the mech to roughly stroke off his spike until he overloaded just because you said to do it? He always would.
If you didn't give the mech any orders he would sit there looking like a lost turbo fox pup in need of assistance.
Outside of the berth Vos was just as terrifying as the other DJD members, that was the only time you conventionally took him seriously as he had a reputation to upkeep.
From the way his optics would dart over your frame in front of the others you just knew he'd rather be somewhere with his glossa deep in your valve doing exactly what you tell him to do rather than listening to one of Tarn's speeches.
If you let him Vos could sit there and spend several hours just doing glossa tricks on your anterior node. The mech had a thing for oral fixation.
During the day cycle he'd whisper things to you in a far more advanced version of his dialect that only you could understand.
The mech would tell you about how he loved how much control you had over his spike and exactly what he did with it.
You were always aware that before you and Vos were together that he'd share his femmes along with the rest of the DJD whether they were brothel workers, romantic partners, or unlucky and unwilling traitors/autobots.
So the day he shared you with the other DJD members (with your consent of course) made you realize just how special Vos was. For the first time in forever during interface, you felt alone, like a wounded prey in front of five enhanced predators, and that no one was going to help you. That while on the Peaceful Tyranny floating adrift throughout the galaxies no one would ever hear you scream.
Image shows a screenshot of an anonymous ask. The ask reads: “I recently started reading the IDW comics and thought I’d give it a go. My request for you if you’re ok with it, is the DJD picking up an unknown signal. It turned out to be from an unaligned fembot who had been in stasis for a very long time. When woken up by the DJD and Nickel, she’s not afraid of them as she has no idea who they are. She calmly asks them what Autobots and Decepticons are. And who is Megatron? She’s kind and respectful but has no idea a war took place”
im saving the ask in my inbox bc i really wanna write a drabble or something for it. just headcanons for now but this is a great idea
the headcanons kind of turned more into guidelines for me for when i decide to write an actual story lmfao
DJD finding an unaligned fembot
When they first pick up the signal, they don’t think much of it.
The whole reason they go is because the next bot on the list is far away, and they’re bored as shit
They eventually get to an old (like Vos kind of old) ship and determine that as the source of the signal, but no one is inside
Everyone kind of goes their own ways to find the force of the blip but keeps in contact with one another to avoid an ambush
Tes eventually finds you. You’re hooked up to a stasis pod, and calls the others over.
Tes wakes you up totally by accident. He got bored and starting fiddling with shit and pressing buttons
Then you fall out of the pod and scare the shit out of him
I’m absolutely STUCK to the headcanon that tes has a really high pitched scream and gets mocked relentlessly by the others about it
Anyway, the DJD get there just in time to hear that lovely sound /sar
Most of them just kind of stare as you slowly come to, groaning while you pick yourself up
They whisper amongst themselves as you do so, and stop as soon as you ask who they are
Like you can’t be serious
Are you?
Tarn stutters as he introduces himself and his team, purely out of shock that you don’t know who they are.
He doesn’t yet mention what they do, he understands enough to tread carefully from here on out
Helex (being Helex) attempts to intimidate you (or starts) before being reprimanded by Nickel
Nickel insists they get you to the Peaceful Tyranny. You’re clearly woozy, you can barely stand, now’s not the time to interrogate the poor thing
Tarn and Nickel try to be at least decent. Tarn is a firm believer that respect and kindness should always be shown as a good first impression.
This applies even towards Autobots. The only time this doesn’t apply is towards traitors, though the rest of the DJD are reluctant in following these methods
Anyway, Tarn demands the rest of the DJD to at least try to show some hospitality toward you while he and Nickel figure out wtf is going on
The DJD are listening in while Tarn and Nickel converse with you
Buttering you up with simple questions like what’s your designation, where are you from, do you know where you are, stuff like that
Before finally asking your faction
The silence is almost deafening when you ask what an autobot or deception is.
The process of explaining the war to you is very delicate.
They all understand if you’re told everything that happened all at once, you’ll run screaming from them.
So they explain it in a way similar to how Cyclonus explained it to Tailgate, though Nickel ensures it stays at least somewhat neutral
As neutral it’s gonna get when being explained by a bunch of bots who literally worship Megatron like a god
When you ask what their role is, the best you’re gonna get is “punishing traitors”. They can’t tell you everything just yet
But just that gives you the gist of what they do, leaving you to imagine what they aren’t telling you
Y/n*Putting on an apron you bought in the galactic market, found some human stuff, and smiles, getting ready to cook yourself a good meal in the electric stove brainstorm and Percy made for you, smiles seeing Rodimus arrive*Hey, Roddy!
Rodimus*Sees the apron and reads it, instantly grins*...
Y/n*Knows that smile and sees him approaching you*...
Y/n*Makes a run for it, chucking towards him the apron*!?!
Rodimus*Chasing after you*IT'S THE RULES Y/N!IT'S THEEEEE RULES! IT'S THE RULES!-
As you run, You passed by Tailgate, Rewind and whirl who see you rinning from rodimus but he tells them about the apron and now you got FOUR AUTOBOTS Chasing after you to kiss you...and THAT day the bots realize how much HARDER it is to catch a human who doenst want to be caught, from getting into vents, sliding under pedes and making it to the elivator
Y/n*Pants and sees tailgate and rewind cornering you and drive in to grab you for kisses, only for you to jump over a table, making them crash into each other helm first*
Tailgate & Rewind: AAACK!?
You run up to the medical room and run to hide behind Ratchet. He looks at you, worried, and sees Rodimus, Whirl, and the two mini-bots and starts to lecture them, making them back. You think it's finally over until...
Whirl*Holds the kiss the cook apron to show ratchet*IT'S THE RULES DOC!
Ratchet*Glares at the four then facepalms until he looks down at you with a smirk*...
Y/n*Blinks and shocked gasp, and once again you sprint away from them and the other med bots as they joined the group in getting you*"He's one of them-"
Rodimus*Is now speaking on the comm speakers of the ship, ' THE HUMAN WORE AN APRON THAT SAYS KISS THE COOK, I REPEAT KISS THE COOK BY HUMAN CULTURE, RULES WE MUST NOW KISS THEM!"
The human currently:
When you finally get saved by the ONE Autobot, Ultra Magnus takes you into his office, hands you some water, gives you some cookies and puts you on his desk. You rest up and slump down to sit on the edge
Ultra magnus*Is patting your head and goes around his desk as you smile at him, he seems to pull something out from the cabinet and puts on the you "Kiss the cook" apron. He lets out a small, short laugh at your shocked and dumbfounded face of defeat*...
Rodimus*Comes down out from under his desk with a triumphant smile*
Whirl, Tailgate & Rewind*Appear at the door with glee that their plan works*!!!
Y/n*You see behind them a line of known and unknown cybertronians, Swerve, Brainstorm & Percy, Rung, Ravage, The scaveners, DJD, Megatron, MEGATRON?.... THE DJD!?*....
