I need to yell about something, so feel free to scroll on past. ADHD brain revelation incoming.
So, I had a minor epiphany today. One of those “oh no, this explains everything about the last year of my life” moments. And I’m spiraling a little bit, so congratulations to everyone following me for being dragged along on this psychological field trip. 🙃
For context: I started ADHD meds late last winter. I’ve made a couple posts about that journey already, but this one is… different.
Before meds, one of my biggest struggles with writing was getting my thoughts onto the page. I’d be excited about an idea, start writing it, then my brain would jump ahead and mentally finish the whole story before I actually finished writing it. And once my brain was “done,” I’d get bored and drop the project. That’s why I had so many abandoned fics.
But once I started meds and finally could write again, I also stopped being able to read the way I used to.
I’ve always been a voracious reader. Like “teachers side-eyeing me because I finished a whole book during silent reading time” levels of voracious. I haven't stopped reading entirely, but it suddenly got so much harder. I chalked it up to this idea that I had a “writer mode brain” and a “reader mode brain.” When I was writing, I’d notice everything: comma placement, sentence rhythm, crutch words, structure. And it made reading slower. I thought I just couldn’t do both modes at once. I assumed it was a skill-shift thing.
Fast forward: over the last year of writing, I’ve gotten way better at technical stuff. Betas pointed things out (comma splices! repeated words!) and I started catching more on my own. I figured the improvement was just practice and feedback.
And then today it hit me like a truck:
My brain used to move too fast to see the technical details.
It wasn’t that I didn’t know them. It wasn’t that I wasn’t paying attention. My brain literally did not slow down enough to register them. I wasn’t catching my own repeated words or sloppy punctuation because my thoughts were already several sentences ahead of what I was typing or reading.
The medication helps me focus and it slowed my brain enough to notice these things when I read and write. I can put thoughts in order instead of sprinting to the ending and getting bored.
It’s not “writer mode” vs “reader mode” like I thought.
It’s medicated brain vs unmedicated brain.
During the day, on meds, my brain slows down enough to catch technical stuff, so I write better, but reading takes more effort because I’m actually processing every detail. But at night, when the meds wear off? I can suddenly read fast again because my brain is back in absorption mode, skimming over details instead of registering them.
So now I’m sitting here going: holy shit. I have been misinterpreting my own creative process for an entire year.
It’s not that I couldn't read at the speed I used to. It’s not that writing turned me into a picky reader. It’s not that my “modes” were incompatible.
It’s just chemistry.
Anyway, thank you for coming to my TED talk while I completely reframe my understanding of how my ADHD brain works. 🤯
