walking d&d 5e encyclopedia

22 nerd. sometimes I think of things and write them down here.

[hollowtones]

basically, i think the general rule of thumb is: if someone REALLY wants the blood that’s inside of your body, and they’re like… a vampire, or a dracula, or some sort of mansquito, then that’s probably okay. a dracula and a mansquito are made for removing things like blood and swords from inside your body. that’s basically fine.

if something wants to get at your blood, and they’re, say, some kind of murdersaurus, or maybe a really big frog, that’s where the problems start to arise. a really frog is not made for removing blood, and your blood knows this, which is why it is so vehement about wanting to stay IN your body instead of coming out. 

unfortunately this will not deter a really big frog, because a really big frog is full of things like prizes, and value, and quite a lot of hatred, and it would REALLY rather like to replace any and all of those things with your blood, and basically by any means possible.

[fidefortitude-deactivated202011]

These words scan with a fantastic degree of confidence considering that together they make no sense at all

[bread-tab]

i KNOW the sleep tips, google. trust me, i know about the darkness and the light and evil screens and exercise and meditation and not napping. i know “”“how”“” to sleep. what i need you to tell me is how to convince my fuckass adhd brain that i need to give up on doing things for the day and that the hours between midnight and five a.m. are NOT secret free extra time that no one will notice if i steal

[argumate]

the trouble is humans are literally structured to find “a wizard did it” a more plausible explanation than things just happening by accident for no reason.

[bibliolithid]

How dare a wizard make humans think like this

[argumate]

goddamn it here we go again

[unclefather]

$4000 wedding photos

[toastpotent-deactivated20250619]

a match made in heaven

[officialsolluxcaptor]

THIS OFFICE HAD ITS BLINDS UP AND THIS IS WHAT I SAW

[officialsolluxcaptor]

i’m losing my mind. this is a high rise office building on the upper east side of manhattan. and the only piece of art on the wall in this office is a bikini clad anime girl with humongous bazookas that are bouncing out of sync. this can’t be real someone wake me up

[the-four-humors]

I know this print, it’s actually considered a fine art piece! It’s clearly based on Takashi Murakami’s live-sized statue ‘Hiropon’:

Which, yes, she’s skipping rope with milk that she’s lactating from her bazongas. It’s actually part of a set, the other one being titled ‘Lonesome Cowboy’:

Which features a Cloud look-alike lassoing with his cum. 

Murakami is well known for taking ‘low art’ subject matter (anime, hentai, penises) and placing them in ‘high art’ contexts. I actually saw Hiropon in personal with my own two eyes at the Denver Museum of Art back in 2009. A lot of what he does is satirical, and it’s honestly pretty funny to see pictures of his artwork in American museums, surrounded by confused white baby boomers. 

That said, without the context, it DEFINITELY slaps you in the face and makes you question what the fuck is going on. Had I not found out who he was in college, Hiropon would still haunt me as the most confusing thing I’ve ever seen in a museum. 

[officialsolluxcaptor]

god thank you for explaining this but also i’m still being slapped in the face as i type

[salty-red-mage]

“Impeachment is divisive, it could destroy the country!”

[tikkunolamorgtfo]

Fuck it up, Linus.

[jesperfahey]

I get a little bit Genghis Khan I don’t want you to get it on With nobody else but me

[doggirlpaws]

I read that capsaicin makes your mouth feel like it's burning because it increases your nerve sensitivity to heat, and menthol works by doing the same thing to cold

So if I eat a habanero pepper and then chew a bunch of breath mints they'll each other out and I'll be fine

[doggirlpaws]

Hey guess what hellfire tastes like

[ndelphinus]

“I live in the north of England, I’m used to freezing cold temperatures”

Oh honey.  That’s what the pilgrims said.  They mostly died.

[jewishdragon]

please please listen/read the transcript to Neil Gaiman on NPR’s Wait Wait Dont Tell me because he talks about this and it’s wonderful!

Here’s the main piece:

SAGAL: Why did you move from England, reputedly cold and dreary, to the upper Midwest? Was England not cold and dreary enough?

GAIMAN: Nobody had really explained the whole cold thing to me.

SAGAL: Really?

GAIMAN: Yeah.

SAGAL: It was a surprise?

GAIMAN: Well, no. I was arrogant. I was foolish. The English thing where you think you know it all, I thought I understood cold. I thought, okay.

SAGAL: Oh yes.

GAIMAN: Water gets white and fluffy and it falls from the sky. Puddles go hard and slippery. That’s cold.

SAGAL: No problem.

GAIMAN: I did not understand the acres, the depth.

SAGAL: Right.

GAIMAN: How much colder it can be. I didn’t understand what it means to walk out of doors and take a deep breath, the hairs in your nose freeze and you go, “Oh, it’s a little below zero.”

SAGAL: Right.

GAIMAN: And then that thing that you do when you walk out and you take a deep breath and you cough because it hurt and you go, “Oh, 25 below.”

[neil-gaiman]

Truth.

[duncan-tashi]

Coraline (2009), dir. Henry Selick.

“The ‘O’ in ‘Welcome home’ on the cake has double loops in it. According to Graphology, the double looped lowercase o implies that the person writing it is a liar.”

[boredandalive]

Note: The ‘O’ in welcome doesn’t have two loops, meaning she is welcome, but she is not home.

[eyebaus]

7

[qh-deactivated20170215]

[catchymemes]

[quietlyrebelling]

Tony Hawk truly has the strangest “met a fan today” stories

[web1995]

[star-anise]

No name brand is still so fucking funny to me.

[brin-bellway]

I’ve mostly become inured to No Name graphic design after 12 years in Canada, but I still managed to find this image (from their email newsletter) endearing:

[ekjohnston]

omg, their recent social media campaign has been BRILLIANT.

This is what they sent to Toronto-area food bloggers:

Their twitter is hilarious.

Also, this is their broader ad campaign.

(the article does not include my favourite signs, which say “STAIRS for getting your steps” and “ESCALATOR for not getting your steps”.)

[popsunner]

So there’s this huge dudebro in my class, who, yesterday, sat next to me. And I’m sitting there sweating because like… I’m wearing my shirt with the lesbian flag on it, and he’s the most popular jock in school, and always has this look on his face that say ‘I can and will kill you’. He looks me up and down, stares at me for a minute and then goes, “So. Girls in skirts and long socks, am I right?”

To which I nodded solemnly, both out of agreement, surprise and also a healthy amount of awkward fear. He nodded and went, “You get it.”

I said, “Yep.” He fistbumped me, and on went our lives.

[popsunner]

Oh! I forgot to mention! I saw him at lunch the same day, and he ran up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, pointed at this super sweet girl who comes to GSA and asked if she’s gay. I told him he should ask her because that’s not my place and he said he would.

I thought that would be the end of it.

Except ten minutes later he came back and told me he found out (she’s bi) and that both of us have a shot. I said “You more than me.” because he’s attractive and popular. 

But this wholesome dumbass looked really confused and asked, “Because I’m tall?’

[broadwaytheanimatedseries]

I love him oh my God what an ally

[runningwithhelicopters]

That child is going to need therapy.

[willowphobic]

See, I did something worse.  I didn’t lure him with his glasses, I chased him into the garage, closed it with me inside, and then proceeded to run around and honk until he was banging the door for help. 

[surprisebitch]

chaotic evil