Catastrophe
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@that-sleeping-walkyrie
Catastrophe
Cat math. Cath.Â
one sentence horror story: âseems like weâre the last two people on earth, m'ladyâ
Optimistic nihilism only lads
The universe is an open ended sandbox rpg. Thereâs no end goal. You can only get achievements. Some of them include making other people happy
âFinn didnât have an arc in tljâ i mean i dunno what movie you watched but going from âready to cut and run as soon as he wakes upâ to âflying headfirst into certain death on the slightest prayer of a chance that itâll help the Resistanceâ seems like a pretty fucking significant arc to me
my problem is that his arc was the same as it was in tfa, in which he went from wanting to run as far away from the first order as possible to wanting to stay with the resistance and fight. the beginning of tlj seemed like it reset his character to zero and it was so jarring i couldnât believe it.
But it wasnt? He didnât want to stay with the Resistance and fight in TFA, he wanted the Resistance to get him on board Starkiller so he could find Rey and rescue her. Thatâs what the whole âthatâs not how the Force worksâ conversation was- Finn is not there for the Resistance, he blatantly lied for his own interests, and heâs being called on it by Han Solo, OT poster child of wanting to choose his own interests over helping the greater good. Hell the only reason they helped at all was cause Han and Chewie were there with the intent of fulfilling their mission. I donât doubt that if Finn had walked off Starkiller on his own two feet rather than being too injured to have a choice, he wouldnât have stuck around the Resistance for a minute- which is proven when he wakes up and immediately tries to leave. And Iâm saying all this without judgment- he has no reason to have a stake in the Resistance, he probably sees them as a bunch of doomed idiots going up against the greatest evil in the galaxy with no hope of winning, especially after Starkiller is proven operational. Finn wants to be safe, not a hero.
Thatâs why his arc in TLJ is significant, because heâs being forced to face up to his position in this conflict in a very real way. DJ is very blatantly a foil in that regard- heâs the self-protecting, uninvolved third party Finn wants to be, and he even tries to show Finn that there are no true good or bad guys with the scene about the arms dealers selling to both sides. But Finnâs opinion of the First Order is already fully formed by a lifetime of pain under them, and by seeing the effect their regime has on others through Rose, so he doesnât hear âthere are no good or bad guys,â he hears âtrying to walk the line without picking a side just gets more people hurt.â Self-interested weapons dealers destroyed Roseâs childhood, and DJ sells them out to the First Order because they paid more and he has no loyalties, itâs just business.
Finnâs arc in TFA was about facing up to his fear, and that arc reached its conclusion in TLK when he killed Phasma. Finnâs arc in TLJ was about learning to believe in something greater than himself, and I dunno where else theyâll take it in IX, but I feel like that was beautifully concluded by the guy who wouldâve sacrificed the Resistance to keep his friend safe choosing to sacrifice his life to help the Resistance (Rose saved him, but the thing that matters for his character is he would have done it).
His character arc didnât restart- he ended TFA focused on keeping Rey safe, and he started TLJ willing to steal the beacon and prevent Rey from going back to the Resistance if it meant she was safe. People overblew his loyalties in the years between tfa and tlj, his stake in the Resistance was only ever circumstancial, he cared about getting away from the FO and he cared about Rey and everything else was just complications.
WARNING: STAR WARS SPOILERS
space
Broccoli is good you cowards
*writes I LIKE GIRLS on every other page of my journals so future historians donât try to insist that Iâm straightâ
Future straight Historians: âwe see several examples of her prioritizing a sisterly bond with the women around her, for example on page 12 she says âI like girlsâ and throughout the text she references loving women and preferring their company. This is not to say she prioritized above her romantic relationships because on page 78 she mentions talking to a man one time in her life. Itâs hard to know just how much she valued her sisterly bond with women due to this one reference of men and the ambiguity of early 21st century slang. For example on page 12 when she said she liked women, the passage continues ââŠin a lesbian way. I want to kiss girls, they are so pretty, Iâm so gay.â Now itâs difficult to understand just what that sentence means. We know that in the early 21st century kissing on the cheek in greeting had gone out of vogue but the word gay, a word with an archaic meaning of happiness gives the contextual clues that perhaps she is references that old fashioned practice.
Going back to the nameless man that is mentioned once on page 78 for one sentanceâŠâ
âNow, given that she wrote on page 12, âJust to be clear: Iâm sexually and romantically attracted to women exclusively,â one may be tempted to read this literally, but we canât rule out sarcasm.â
Pussy is not short for pusillanimous.
That stupid post about âpussyâ being short for âpusillanimousâ pisses me off so fucking much and Iâm going to tell you why. (PS: Masters degree in English linguistics talking here yaâll.)
In short, no. âDonât be a pussyâ is not short for âdonât be a pusillanimous.â No. It isnât. And people should stop saying it. You need some reasons to believe me?
1. It doesnât make sense grammatically. Pusillanimous is an adjective â a describing words â not a noun. In the same way you canât say âDonât be a quietâ or âDonât be a smallâ or âDonât be a greenâ or âDonât be a spicyâ, you canât say âDonât be a pusillanimous.â You canât tell people not to be a/an adjective.
2. It isnât backed up by any scholarship whatsoever. Per Mirriam-Webster, the version of âpussyâ that means âweakâ or âtimidâ is short for âpussycat.â Not pusillanmous. Look up the word âpantsâ and youâll see that itâs short for pantaloons, or the word âperksâ and youâll see itâs short for perquisites. Dictionaries do note origins like that. They donât, however, state that pussy is short for pusillanimous, because itâs NOT.
3. There is plenty of documentation to connect the word âpussyâ to the concept of women. It was for a while a term of endearment for women, especially for very old or very young women. (Read any Agatha Christie book starring Miss Marple and you will probably encounter someone who refers to Miss Marple as âa sweet old pussâ or âa nice old pussycat.â In Uncle Tomâs Cabin, Evaâs father calls her âpussy.â)
It also is well known as a slang for a womanâs genitals. Per etymology online, it is âPerhaps from Old Norse puss âpocket, pouchâ (cf. Low German puse âvulvaâ)â but might also be connected to cats, based on the ânotion of âsoft, warm, furry thingâ; cf. French le chat, which also has a double meaning, feline and genital.â â It isnât just a coincidence of words, morphemes or phonemes; there seems to be a cultural connection between the idea of a cat and the idea of a woman.
4. There is also plenty of documentation for it being used to degrade men for being seen as weak or feminine. Again per etymology online, from the 1580s it was used of effeminate men. For example, âTo play pussy was World War II RAF slang for âto take advantage of cloud cover, jumping from cloud to cloud to shadow a potential victim or avoid recognition.ââ At dictionary.com, the third meaning of the word âpussyâ has four senses: 1) the vulva, 2) sex with a woman, 3) a woman viewed as a sex object and 4) a weak, timid, or effeminate man. Note that they didnât separate these four senses into completely different definitions, either. The definition of pussy as âweak manâ is seen as intrinsically related to pussy meaning âthe sexual aspect of a woman.â
5. People hear what they hear, no matter what you think youâre saying. What if I decided to say that the word âdickâ is short for âdictatorâ? And then whenever I called someone a dick I said, âbut I donât mean it as in penis, I mean it as in short for dictator!â Whether or not it was true, it wouldnât matter. What people would hear is dick as in penis, and that would be what they would understand. Similarly, even if, buried in the far mists of time, pussy really were short for pusillanimous â which I again state definitively it is not â but even if it were, that isnât how people understand it now.
6. Sometimes words are offensive just because of what they sound like. Consider, for example, the word âniggardly.â Did you sort of wince when you read that? Because I winced a little as I typed it. The thing about that word is it has nothing whatsoever to do, etymologically, with the n-word. The n-word derives from the Latin word for âblackâ (for example, the word ânegroâ means âblackâ in Spanish). Niggardly derives from a totally different source and means âmiserlyâ or âungenerous.â But we all know what it sounds like. So it has become a word that most people donât want to use anymore. And you know what? Thatâs fine. I love language, and Iâm sad to see a word die, but we have âmiserlyâ and âungenerousâ right here to fill that particular void, and I am fine to wave goodbye to âniggardlyâ because it sounds like a very offensive word. So what Iâm saying is, if a word seems offensive, then it is. Thatâs how language works. In a polite society, we donât deliberately use offensive words when other words are available that arenât offensive.
7. Using the word to draw a connection between womenâs sexuality and weak, useless men indicates that feminine sexuality is weak and that men shouldnât act like women unless they want to be ridiculed. And thatâs fucking ignorant and sexist against both genders.
8. Because it is clearly offensive, just stop. STOP. And donât fucking quote Stephen Fryâs âwho cares if itâs offensiveâ quote at me. Youâre probably taking it out of context anyway. Listen: offensiveness is important because this is a cooperative species and we should fucking work together to not be assholes. Simple enough.
TL;DR? Pussy is not short for pusillanimous. Going back through the research, the word is closely related to women, womenâs genitalia, and weak, effeminate men. The use of the word to mean âcowardâ is offensive to both genders â somewhat more to women than to men â and if you have an ounce of maturity you will stop using it that way.
Context matters.
tagged by @jadisjavaisuncoeur, thank you so much ! :D
1ST RULE: tag 9 users you would like to know better
@sleepydrarry @infinityshot-the-nomad @i-used-to-be-an-adventurer @showtimebananas @hungry-panda14 @ship-on-ice @ourdragonsarebetter @blue-sialia @boom-goes-my-heart
2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true
APPEARANCE::
I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces
PERSONALITY:
I love/like meeting new people People tell me that Iâm funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges Iâm playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I canât stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality
ABILITY:
I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 push ups without stopping Iâm a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory Iâm good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch
HOBBIES:
I enjoy playing sports Iâm on a sports team at my school or somewhere else Iâm in/was in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week Iâve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts
EXPERIENCES:
I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day                       I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite bandâs concerts
RELATIONSHIPS:
Iâm in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship                               I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend
MY LIFE:
I have at least one person I consider a âbest friendâ I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone
RANDOM SHIT:
I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name thatâs hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair Iâm listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year
Every music video in the early 2000's đ
The dedication, the research the art.
what a time to be alive
This happened.Â
The international space station willing to make sacrifices none else would. That is some Star Trek level of tolerance.
Either that or they plan to push him out an airlock when no ones lookingâŠ
Still counts.
It went from Star Trek level of tolerance to star wars level of tolerance
Love the style of this one!
ITS LIKE HOW ADORABLE CAN TWO PEOPLE GET?
thank you to all the followers who give me that 1 note on my text posts
only ppl that have never been to france romanticize france tbh
a harry potter au where potions is taught by gordon ramsay
neville: *messes up his potion*
gordon ramsay: *holds neville between two slices of bread* what are you
neville: an idiot sandwich
no no no!
Imagine that this is Gordon Ramsay a la Masterchef Junior
Neville: *messes up the potion, realizes it, starts crying quietly*
GR: Whatâs going on?
Neville: *explains how he messed up*
GR: Oh gosh okayâŠwe can fix this, donât cry, see, itâs fine now? Just be more careful when youâre adding the Newtâs eyes, all right? Drop them in gently. There we go. No more tears.
Neville: *giggles wetly, wiping eyes*
Yes, he only screams when heâs dealing with people that claim to know what theyâre doing and clearly dont, when heâs teaching heâs very kind and patient because theyâre still learning.
Heâd probably do the bread thing to Malfoy.
nononononono. I get that Malfoy is a bit of a twat, but heâs still a kid. Itâd be the teachers fucking up that heâd have trouble with.
Ramsay: All you had to do was treat it with a fucking Beozar!Â
Slughorn: It was a stressfu-
Ramsay:Â How long have you been teaching potions?!
or
Ramsay: So youâre going to raise this boy SPECIFICALLY so he can die as part of your twisted little scheme?Â
Dumbledore: Itâs for the greater good, professor.Â
Ramsay: The greater fucking good?! *holds two slices of bread either side of dumbledoorâs face* What are you?Â
Dumbledore: Am I, per chance, an idiot sandwich?Â
Ramsay: Yes, you fucking are.Â
Okay, now I can reblog it!
@marauders4evr
Fantastic!
@alrightanakin
Iâm in love
I MUST HAVE REBLOGGED A THOUSAND TIMESSSS
My favorite Gordon Ramsey moment is from the latest season of Master Chef Jr.
Gordon had run in to help a group of struggling kids with a team challenge and one of the older kids, a 12 year old boy, wasnât passing attention while taking a pan out of the oven and not only spilled all the food but scalded Gordon.
Itâs clear Gordonâs leg is in pain. Heâs been badly burned without warning. But he doesnât scream. He doesnât yell, not even in pain, and he doesnât go off on the child who is now frozen in fear. He calmly tells the child to set the pan down and to close the oven, safety first. Then tells him to go restart the food he was making, calm instructions.
My husband and I grew up in abusive homes where any mistake meant parents getting angry (my husband is terrified of spills or broken glasses because that meant beatings growing up, for me, anything going wrong, that could upset my mother, even if it wasnât my fault meant screaming and emotional abuse).
I didnât know someone could be so calm. That someone could not get angry, and put aside what theyâre feeling (in this case a lot of physical pain) and not take it out on those around them, even when someone around them had messed up, because that person is a child.
Gordon Ramsey is a survivor of child abuse himself and as an adult, the most non-abusive person ever when it comes to kids.
im going to cry can gordon ramsey be my parent this sound so beautiful
Please take a moment to picture Gordon Ramsay taking over Potions when Snape becomes the DADA professor (instead of Slughorn) and not only being horrified when he realizes how terrified the students are that heâll verbally abuse them when they mess up in Potions class but when he overhears how Snape treats students. Like can you IMAGINE the level of RAGE and CONTEMPT that Ramsay would harbor towards Snape? The asshat wouldnât have made it to the end of HBP. Ramsay wouldâve hexed his ass to kingdom come.
Rebloging ALL of this because Chef Ramsay is THE MAN!
-HC
Chef Ramsay would have become the kidsâ favourite teacher and you canât take that away from me.
This is the best thing I have read today
That was a long 12 years for Wormtail.
Can you imagine how differently their lives wouldâve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human? Just take a moment to imagine McGonagallâs reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasleyâs rat. Take a moment.
Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldnât get âScabbersâ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know thereâs a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagallâs desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagallâs wrath that will be with them until the day they die.
Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out.
What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud.
Professor Flitwickâs Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands).
Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out.
Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when youâre prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae theyâd be outnumbered, and nobody wants that.
And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordanâs Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes.
Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom.
-
Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the familyâs magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup.
Scabbers had not become a teacup.
Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail.
It was moving.
Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus werenât even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what heâd done wrong.
Which only made it worse that he really thought heâd done everything right this time.
He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. âErreverto.â
âErreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.â
It didnât work. It didnât work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didnât work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ronâs lips formed the shape of a word that wouldâve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didnât work either.
Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, heâd gone up to Professor McGonagallâs desk.
âUm, Professor?â
Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. âProblems, Mr. Weasley?â
âUm, yeah, Professor. I canât get it to work in either direction and itâs not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I canât do a spell right and can you maybe âŠÂ ?â
âI suppose so, Mr. Weasley,â she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along.
Nothing happened.
Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled.
âNow thatâs odd,â she said softly.
As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer.
She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, âArcanum finite!â
And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed.
-
Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didnât listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasnât looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils.
Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and heâd been dead for more than a decade.
Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didnât bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasnât killed by a Dark Wizard then why didnât he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesnât want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back.
The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didnât betray the Potters then who ⊠did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasleyâs wand.
-
Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things heâd never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall ⊠he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed.
He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process.
From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwickâs Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students.
-
Ron looked stunned as the man whoâd been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagalâs expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasnât from the naked man with the wand.
âLaedo!â Minerva McGonagall roared.
-
Ron Weasleyâs wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful ownerâs abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit.
-
Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroomâs door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the âExitium!â which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castleâs stone wall.
Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back.
Snape tripped over Georgeâs foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap.
And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, âPerdo.â
In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, âThe Splinching Charm, Minerva?â
She mightâve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away.
âUnorthodox,â she said, âbut useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministryâ-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competentâ-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, Iâm very sorry, but I do believe itâs impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the dayâs work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.â
-
The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ronâs rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort whoâd been hiding as a rat all this time.
Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references.
Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Pottersâ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (âGodfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!â âFramed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!â âHeart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!â) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, âbut just for a year, Iâve been cursed enough for one lifetime.â (âThe Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called âcurseâ on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.â)
And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class.
A personal record.
Iâve probably reblogged this before but Iâm going to do it again right now
I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced
Iâve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person.
Beautiful, simply beautiful!
Reblogging my own post because a) itâs my damn horn and Iâll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is.