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i write things and draw stuff.
this blog is a multifandom mess. mostly shakarian. header by @milkywayes.
AO3 | ko-fi | art blog | writing blog
Crossing A Line - First Contact War Shakarian AU: Garrus finds a wounded human soldier and tries to nurse her back to health.
Behind Closed Doors - sequel to Crossing A Line. Shepard and Garrus being a couple for 27 chapters straight. There’s an overarching plot, but it’s mostly fluff.
Edge of Yesterday - Shepard survives after ME3 but her memories since Cerberus revived her are gone. And Garrus is still in love with her.
Tomorrow's Light - a kinda-sorta sequel to Edge of Yesterday; a longform take on post-canon domestic Shakarian still struggling with their trauma.
one-shots:
Snipers - Shepard watches Garrus sleep and realises how much he trusts her.
Lullaby - Shepard can’t sleep, so Garrus decides to abandon all of his dignity and sing her a lullaby.
Beauty is Merciless - after getting the missile, Garrus realizes he's not pretty anymore.
i’ve been looking for incredibles, the meanings of unbelievable - Shepard has trauma responses and accidentally punches Garrus during a panic attack.
i even hope for tragedies (if it goes with the thrill) - Shepard throws herself into danger with little regard for her safety. Garrus notices. Takes place almost immediately after the end of ME2, when their relationship is very new and they’re still figuring it out.
but then you were standing in front of my door - Shepard and Garrus get stuck on an empty ship, without their translators. There is a universal language, but Shepard doesn’t know it very well… (this was originally a vent fic)
with every piece in your hand that i could ask for - Garrus looking back on his relationship with Shepard over the course of the trilogy, completely smitten, as he is with her.
Breathe - They’re in love and they’re okay crying in front of each other. Also Garrus is obsessed with human hair.
Respite - Garrus takes Shep out on a dinner date. Very lighthearted fluff.
and my name was beautiful when you said it - Garrus is the one who has the voice kink for once.
Battle Scars - Shepard and Garrus go into a scar-comparing contest. Hurt/Comfort.
★Big Spoon/Little Spoon AKA “the Spooning As A Metaphor For Nationality Issues fanfic”. Hurt/Comfort, with some psychological delve into the Spacer background. Also spooning is hard when you’re so physically different.
Forever - Shakarian get married instead of the Citadel DLC.
New Dreams Are Born - Shepard survives the war, and Garrus finally lets himself hope for a future with her.
Heat Waves - the AC is broken and as it turns out, humans aren’t that great at handling hot temperatures. Fluff and humor.
★Caught in a Neverending Game - Years after the war, Shepard doesn't cope too well with her fame. Garrus is there to help.
Seems Like This World's Still Trying To Tame Me - After coming back from the dead, Shepard struggles with depression. Garrus gives her some tea and, more importantly, a hug.
★Beautifully Struggle Every Day - Post-canon domestic!Shakarian one-shot, in which they both have PTSD but are also very much in love.
As The World Turns - my first work in the Mass Effect fandom. I just jotted down some thoughts I had about their very platonic and completely professional relationship. Includes Shepard trusting Garrus more than anyone else in the world, even herself.
For The Cause - Garrus is not a good turian. Or at least he wasn't until he met Shepard.
boyfriend - Humans are weird, and human relationships are even weirder; Garrus slowly learning the differences between being Shepard's friend and her boyfriend.
Casual - Soulmate AU, where Garrus finds out Shepard is his soulmate in a very awkward way.
★while seeing both of our hourglasses - dying together is romantic, right? And dying together while holding hands has got to be extra romantic.
[fluffuary 2022] First I Love You - in which Shepard blurts out "I love you" on Menae.
[fluffuary 2022] Napping Together - Shepard and Garrus are perpetually tired, which concerns and confuses the crew.
[fluffuary 2022] Cooking Together - post-canon. Shep and Garrus take a cooking course for dextro/levo couples.
[fluffuary 2022] Compliments - Shep is Very Bad at giving compliments.
[fluffuary 2022] Acts of Devotion - confused by the way Garrus has been acting, Shepard asks Victus if turians can purr.
[fluffuary 2022] Soothing Touch - Garrus is not okay after the Cerberus attack on the Citadel.
my duty to keep - Garrus ponders on what it's like being the main character's love interest.
I'll keep every part of you - Garrus gets badly wounded during a mission. Shepard blames herself.
On a monotonous August morn' - a day in the life of happily married very cuddly Shakarian, years after the war. Plotless fluff.
★in a summer morning - long after the Reapers are defeated, after years of military service and political delegations, Shepard comes back to Earth to be with Garrus.
Home - a look on how the Shakarian household changes over time along with their relationship.
Here With You - Shepard and Garrus go to an interspecies club for date night. Spoiler: Garrus gets hit on a lot.
★Walking Back To You - post-war, Shepard worries that she and Garrus might be drifting away.
to know you (as hardly golden) - Shepard asks Garrus if he attended her funeral. Hurt Comfort.
i wanna see you dance again - Shepard and Garrus slow dancing in the kitchen at 2AM and sitting on the porch watching a thunderstorm. That's it, that's the fic.
Black And White, Shadow And Light - a small relationship study on what if they were actually opposites in literally everything.
★Patience is Sorrow's Salve - post-canon. Garrus is hesitant to have sex with Shepard after she's released from the hospital. angst ensues.
★Love is an Echo - Shepard listens to Garrus's heartbeat.
Since You Appeared - Garrus pining for Shepard over the first two games. a lot.
In The End - three times Shepard said goodbye and one time Garrus said hello.
Happiness Is A Warm Blanket - during the war, when Garrus gets overwhelmed, he tends to burrow under a blanket.
(you show me) how to be whole again - bleeding out and dying, Shepard holds on to the only memory she has left - Garrus.
★Tasting Rust - Shepard and Garrus washing blood off each other. It's got a sort of raw tenderness to it.
Stake Me Out Tonight - Shep and Garrus on a stakeout together during ME2, before they get together. A lot of unresolved sexual and romantic tension.
★Valediction - Garrus is high on stims, sleep deprivation, grief, and god knows what else, so when he sees Shepard on Omega, he assumes he's dying and she's his guide to the afterlife.
Stabbed With A Star - [18+] Shepard and Garrus have time, for the first time ever, to explore some of their fantasies. Garrus is still self-conscious about his role in the relationship.
Anchor - Shepard has a panic attack when Garrus isn't there to calm her down. He finds her in the aftermath for some hurt/comfort.
Have you heard about Castis Vakarian's son? - sometimes even turians gossip. Especially when you're different. Outsider POV on Castis Vakarian's weird son. Experimental format.
Sentinel - Shepard and Garrus are stuck on an ice/snowy planet during a blizzard with no means to evacuate. Garrus gets hypothermia.
Out of the Blue - while Garrus is in surgery after his injury on Omega, Shepard worries. And tries to keep her mind off it.
Control - [18+] uh. no plot just edging
★Blue Glow - while on Menae, Shepard sees a very familiar looking Marauder. Angst. Written for the Shakarian Mini-Bang 2025.
★Monochrome - Noir AU. Garrus is a private detective undercover as a burlesque singer. Shepard is a mob enforcer who never misses one of his shows. Written for 5K 2025.
A Little Green - Shep and Garrus are working a routine escort job for a charming, handsome turian politician... Jealousy and bitterness ensues.
★Selfish - Garrus finds that Shepard sleeps better when he's there. It's too bad that he's there for selfish reasons.
Honourable mentions:
★Change Starts With Today - not a Shakarian fic exactly, but circling around the relationship a lot. Garrus goes to therapy. (this is one of my favourite fics I've ever written!)
Seems Like This World's Still Trying To Tame Me - pre-relationship, but their friendship is as important to me as their romance, so I'm putting it here. Shepard's still struggling with being brought back to life.
Found - while this is a Garrus fic and not technically a Shakarian fic, Shakarian is the catalyst here. Garrus discovering and accepting his sexual orientation.
★somewhere far from goodbye - not a Shakarian fic but both Garrus and Shepard are recurring characters and their relationship is there, even if not in the foreground. A post-canon Kryterius ficlet.
//
★ stars next to my faves :)
also since i tend to add new fics at the very bottom of this list, this is more or less older to newer
Remember not to give a shit and write cringy fanfiction and make bad art and wear weird clothes and dance badly to your favorite song never stop doing these creative things that make you happy.
sexism in medicine kills people. racism in medicine kills people. fatphobia in medicine kills people. queerphobia in medicine kills people. classism in medicine kills people. ableism in medicine kills people.
do not downplay people’s fears about being mistreated because they are a part of a marginalised group. it is a matter of life and death and you should be angry about it.
A Queer Reading of Mass Effect - Garrus Vakarian and Demisexuality
Despite the title this is really not a structured formal paper, more like just some rambly analysis from someone who is both queer and deeply obsessed with these fictional characters.
An obvious disclaimer is that this is my headcanon and personal interpretation, etc, etc. There are many ways to read this character and relationships, and this is just one of them, etc etc. You know the drill. Under no circumstances am I saying I'm right and everyone else is wrong, just presenting this particular reading of the character.
So. Garrus Vakarian. Best sniper boyfriend, bad boy turian, Archangel. Also, unintentional but great demisexual representation.
Now there's really no way to analyse all of Garrus' romantic relationships (the only one we know of from his past is his own account and that one is also only presented as a hookup/one night stand. I will return to this later. I think I will, at least. I don't have a plan here.) but there are two romantic relationships he can enter over the course of the three games: one with Commander Shepard or with Tali'Zorah.
Now, the latter is… not handled the best way in the games, in my opinion, and speaks of a wider issue with aphobia in not just the gaming industry but in media in general, but that's its own separate discussion. For the purposes of this analysis, however, I will be looking at Garrus's possible relationship with Tali. It's clear those two are good friends. It's also important to note here that out of those two relationships, neither starts as romantic and rather is built first as a friendship and only eventually and potentially turns romantic or sexual much later on. The earliest Garrus can enter a romantic relationship is (though this is depending on playstyle) near the end of the second game of the trilogy, which makes more than half of the relationship we see him have with Shepard as more platonic than romantic (although admittedly those lines are rather blurry in the second game. More on that later.)
Back to Tali. They are friends first and know each other extremely well. I will not be going very deeply into this relationship because of how I feel about the way BioWare handled it, but for the sake of full transparency in this analysis, the game itself does present that relationship (also interesting side note while we're on the subject: out of the only two women we see Garrus "dating", neither is his species) as based on their friendship and connection rather than Garrus being physically attracted to Tali (in fact, it can be argued he didn't even know what she looked like at all prior to the two of them hooking up). Even though this is presented as more of a stress relief or friends with benefits situation than an actual romantic relationship, it is clear those two only chose each other because they were already close friends not because they saw each other as physically attractive.
This very nicely brings us (back?) to Garrus and his relationship with Shepard. Due to the way the games are structured and with Shepard being the main character, this is obviously going to be the largest section of this analysis, not just because of my personal emotional investment in this relationship but because of the largest abundance of material to analyse here.
The way Shepard and Garrus's relationship starts is… interesting. For the entirety of the first game, their dynamic is closer to that of a mentor and mentee and eventually of two friends, and there is very little hints of any seuxual/romantic feelings between those two.
ID: Garrus might have started to have feelings of some sort for Shepard at this point.
This base of friendship and mutual respect is extremely important to keep in mind especially with what comes later. The Shepard/Garrus relationship (from here on now referred to as 'Shakarian' for brevity's sake) begins in a way that is very different from most other video game romances (and most romances, really). It starts with Garrus stating outright that he is not attracted to Shepard. Now, there is definitely a lot more going on here than just taking what he says at face value, but it is also important to note that he has no reason to lie to Shepard here and in all likelihood, he truly believes what he's saying here.
Shepard proposes sex, essentially asking Garrus how he feels about adding benefits to their friendship. Throughout that whole conversation, neither of them highlights physical attraction. In fact, the way they're acting would suggest that's not even part of the equation here, or not a very important one at least. What they talk about instead is trust and respect.
ID: Shepard saying "I don't want something closer to home. I want you. I want someone I can trust."
Garrus agrees to Shepard's proposition not by saying he's always liked her or that they would make a good couple or anything like that. He says she's his best friend. Again the friendship is highlighted here so much and especially in direct opposition with the lack of physical attraction. As they go ahead with this, they're constantly talking about this connection they have — I want you, I want someone I can trust, you're my closest friend, if we're about to die I want to have a moment to cherish that's just the two of us… It's clear this is about more than just sex, to the both of them, but the feelings shown here do not come from physical attraction but from emotional connection.
I could analyse the Mass Effect 2 Shakarian romance scene to the moon and back and still have things to say, especially with regard to the demisexual reading of Garrus's character, but this post is running long as it is. Garrus is nervous and awkward and emotionally vulnerable. Any remaining conviction that this is about stress relief is at this point ultimately shattered.
Then cue Mass Effect 3. After six months apart, it is clear the relationship between Shepard and Garrus is… different from what we saw at the end of the previous game. The way they interact now, even before eventually officially reaffirming their relationship, is more unambiguously romantic. The physical touch between them is very deliberate, with particular attention given to their hands: they touch, shake and hold hands, tenderly cup each other's cheeks. It is clear at this point to the characters perhaps as much as to the audience that this is no longer about stress relief (and that's assuming that's all it ever was at any point, which can also be argued was not the case). Along with this deepened emotional connection between them, so does develop the way Garrus talks to and about Shepard. There are parts of Mass effect 3 where Garrus seems fully confident in the relationship and it does not seem to just be banter or joking. As he starts seeing Shepard as not just his friend but as his girlfriend, so does change the way he looks at her not as a human but as a woman. As a beautiful woman, even — something he would not have thought of her at the beginning of their relationship.
I would also be amiss if I didn't mention the way Garrus acts in the Citadel DLC and contrast it to his behaviour from Mass Effect 2 in particular. While definitely not "canon" in the way the games themselves are, the DLCs are also, for better or worse, officially released content in the universe of Mass Effect. (In the case of the Citadel DLC, thankfully mostly for better.) Everything in here should be taken with a grain of salt, especially with the romanceable characters, as the foremost role of this DLC is as something of fan service meant to give the series a happier sendoff than the actual ending. That being said, it is very interesting to see Garrus at a point in time (unspecified but although canonically this takes place before Cronos Station, the characters for the most part act more free and familiar and could be argued as though this takes place post canon — while I do not subscribe to this reading of the Citadel DLC, I thought it important to also point that out) where he and Shepard have been in a relationship for a longer period of time and he feels more confident in both the relationship and his role as Shepard's partner.
Garrus in the Citadel DLC joyfully asserts himself as Shepard's boyfriend (a word he only describes himself with once in the canon Mass Effect 3 if I'm correct) and proclaims his affection for her out loud and repeatedly. What's particularly interesting to note here is how often he refers to her being beautiful or attractive here. The "nice outfit" line is not exclusive to the Garrus romance, so it would feel dishonest to include it in an analysis of this character specifically, but there is a lot Garrus says about Shepard that other characters do not. He brings it back to how lucky he is to be with her and implies others might see her as a desirable partner. The "I love your hair and I'm pretty damned partial to the rest of you too" line always stood out to me. This can be read as just a cute nod to him finding her most alien features attractive, but it also speaks to him seeing her as attractive in general. The "hell if I know" conversation where he talks about how good she looked wearing her fancy outfit at the casino also comes across as genuine. It's fascinating to see him so forthright about his attraction to her at this point in time when put in contrast with him in Mass Effect 2 being so forthright about the lack of that attraction.
It is clear, very clear, that throughout their relationship Garrus grows to deeply love Shepard not because of her alienness or in spite of it, but completely separately from it. He acknowledges that she is human and that it is not something he is attracted to, but cares about her so deeply that it does not factor into the decision to agree to her proposition and entering into a relationship with her. The relationship they build together is one that is shown to be built on trust and mutual respect, in fact more so than any actual "feelings", which is admittedly a departure from what might instantly come to mind when one considers love, especially between two fictional characters. But aside from their confidence in their connection and in each other, there's another thing that grows in this relationship, once given time: Garrus's attraction to Shepard, something he initially was striaghtforward and realistic (Garrus, ever the realist, ever saying it as it is) about in saying that he did not see her that way. Then, giving time to their relationship and after letting their connection deepen, letting their emotional bond become stronger, Garrus finds himself attracted to Shepard not just emotionally but physically as well.
And definitely some might argue that after being with a human sexually and romantically for some time, Garrus has simply started to see humans as potentially desirable too, but we never see Garrus interested in any humans besides Shepard (RIP Chloe Michel's unrequited crush on this guy) so there is really no evidence either way here. And there are many ways to read this characterisation other than "this character is demisexual", but that is certainly the impression I am getting from the way this relationship progresses and the fact that he never mentions being attracted to anyone else, neither Tali in their possible brief hookup near the end of ME3 nor the scout from his story. In fact, he doesn't seem to pay much attention to phsyical appearance of potential partners whatsoever until his relationship with Shepard grows more intimate to allow him to find those feelings for her along the way despite not having them to start with. And that, at the very least, reads as extremely demisexual to me.
i wanted to do a quick drawing of ro in her middle age (taking the extended human lifespans of mass effect into account)
i imagine that working as an instructor at ICT is her idea of retirement. she's a tough but fair teacher and enjoys designing complex field training exercises that can really challenge her recruits. maybe she even brings in a certain fellow sharpshooter in as a guest instructor from time to time.
in addition to the burns from harbinger's beam, she suffers from nerve damage as a result of her destroyed cybernetics. her right hand has a significant tremor and she has neuropathy. this significantly impacts her ability to hold, aim, and fire weapons until she creates weapon mods that can accommodate her disability - she doesn't really feel like herself until she can nail a target from a thousand yards.
after roughly fifty years, her skin grafts and other scars would probably be more healed than this, but i got a bit carried away lol. i like the idea of her having some kind of zuko thing going on with obvious facial disfigurement. she owns it
bonus under the cut because it came out a little wonky and i don't like it that much but i do want to share her jumpsuit
