A nerd.

Irresistibly uncharming. Engineer. Pokémon trainer. Waterbender. Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf.

[innerchildabortionclinic]

interesting kink assortment on the dash

[komaedalovemail]

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

[butterfirefly]

for the uninitiated

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

so strange when people assume 'waking up early' means increased productivity bc no??? im awake so i can read fanfic in bed before breakdown

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

BREAKFAST

[emmablowguns]

This is how shit feels lately

[userfish]

the air not doing so good and the food is not doing so good and the water is not doing so good and me I am also not doing so good

[userfish]

[segamascott]

[everyday-cutephoto]

[innerchildabortionclinic]

sweetiepie OFFICIAL meeting

[strangeandunusualfag]

it goes without saying:

[balaclava-trismegistus]

You have to pee in the shower to get into heaven

[balaclava-trismegistus]

Every time.

[pseudomantis]

the cambrian period was like 10 years ago

[toskarinarchive]

the cambrarin period was like 3 years ago

[magi-magi-tamamoland-chan]

the cambrian period is TOMORROW!!!

[soulren]

You hook up with me for a one night stand and see me on grindr four years later. In the background of my photo is a fishtank. One of the fish has your face.

[wakingfromthewater]

This was shared as a "bad" joke but I was so charmed by it I've been thinking about it for days.

[artistic-octopus]

[wordswithkittywitch]

Moose at the next table: No they don't. I've been waiting here for an hour.

[totally-not-an-al1en]

[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[bermuda-n-drangle]

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

[beetroot-merchant]

im not a girl Unless ☝️ im being told to go piss

[onlycosmere]

[peachdoxie]

By the way this book is over 1000 pages long

[jame7t]

there’s a war between Sucking and Fucking

[jame7t]

you people cannot be trusted in the war room

[justcatposts]

My 11-month male cat lets my foster kittens nurse on him.

(Source)

[nitewrighter]

[frankierohugejorts]

im sorry these are the funniest tags ive ever seen