I am Funnymandias, King of Kings

Look on my blog, ye mighty, and despair! If you ever reblogged my dumbass Infinity War post after the year of our lord 2020 or said to free the genie in my wish post then you owe me financial compensation. Go to my ko-fi.

[the-bakeneko]

My writing blog

My ko-fi

There's posts I don't agree with ideologically but reblog because they're worded funny. There's posts I don't understand what the hell they're actually about, like in a fully "this is surrealism to me" kind of sense and I reblog them because they are worded funny. Never try to presume anything personal about my views and beliefs from the posts I reblog unless I tag them, in which case you know I feel extremely strongly about the contents because I don't tag shit

[lord-margolotta]

One of those how-many-life-experiences-have-you-had things, except all the points are ridiculously hyperspecific, pointlessly general, or just plain weird.

How many can you get?

Accidentally fallen in a natural body of water

Visited the second-largest city on your country

Taken ibuprofen on an empty stomach

Gotten a tattoo in only purple ink

Tried to dye your hair only to find the dye wouldn't take

Drank a spider

Broken your left femur in exactly two places simultaneously

Nearly ran out of petrol on the highway but not quite

Had an allergic reaction during an exam, because of the exam materials

Been prescribed antihistamines

Blocked someone on tumblr

Submitted a CV with a typo in the first line

Drank coffee without sugar

Been in an airplane only for the flight to be cancelled before takeoff

Abandoned a hobby exactly three days after you picked it up

Gotten the wrong prescription glasses because you were too shy to tell the student optometrist they were blocking your view of the eye chart so you just made up some answers at random

Been told "jokes about [trauma you had] are never funny" right after you made a joke about said trauma

Gotten lost at a new school

Been to a birthday party

Told someone you don't speak a certain language, in that language (give yourself a bonus point if you were lying to avoid a having a conversation (give yourself another bonus point if it was your native language (give yourself another bonus point if you clearly doing something - eg reading a book or watching a movie - that indicated that you did in fact speak said language)))

Left kudos on AO3

Read a book longer than 300 pages

Accidentally declined a call you wanted to take

Found a coin on the footpath that was the largest denomination minted in the country you were in at the time

Watched a TV series in an order determined by a random number generator

Gone out of your way to spit on someone's grave

Rolled a 12 on a pair of D6s

Received a scholarship that did not pay nearly enough to cover the course fees

Visited Geraldine, Aotearoa

Been mistaken for a sibling of a different gender

Accidentally shoplifted

Coloured your nails with a highlighter

Thanked your aunt for the lovely handkerchiefs

Been adopted by a calico cat with six toes on each paw

Looked someone up in an actual old-fashioned phonebook

Been given a nickname you initially hated but grew to like

Cut your own hair without looking in a mirror

Lived somewhere everyone says is haunted but you've never noticed anything abnormal

Driven a car older than yourself

Stowed away on a ship that turned out to be heading in completely the opposite direction from where you wanted to go

[stateownedslut]

You're hot as hell. Can i dm you? I'm not a fascist.

The young woman's micro-blog loads on your screen.

PERCEPTION [Trivial: Success] - This *is* an attractive one.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - It's been too long. Your flesh craves hers.

SUGGESTION [Trivial: Success] - Slide into her DMs right now.

YOU - They're closed.

SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] - Has that ever been a problem for us?

VOLITION [Challenging: Success] - Get in her ask-box instead.

YOU - What would I even say?

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - This one's a *Communard*.

RHETORIC [Godly: Failure]

- "You're hot as hell."

- "Can I DM you?"

- "I'm not a fascist."

[ninebaalart]

Wan Shi Tong

rip to wan shi tong you would have loved hanging out with lilith clawthorne in another life

[karvina]

variations on "feel old yet" meme:

lying (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 36 years ago

lying (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 7 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 900 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 15 minutes ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 118 years ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for or cares about: feel old yet? prince frederick henry died 395 years ago

event no one reading was alive for and also lying: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 4 years ago

event that did not happen: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 48 years ago

event that did not happen and even if it did this would be a lie: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 197 years ago

real date of event on a cosmological scale: feel old yet? the sun was formed 4,600,000,000 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (undershooting): feel old yet? the sun was formed 12 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 12,000,000,000 years ago

real date of a personal anecdote that only you know or card about: feel old yet? i made a really good stir fry 5 years ago

reversal: feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 3 years

reversal on a cosmological scale: feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about event): feel young yet? the first episode of spongebob will air in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, overshooting): feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about time, undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, really undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 12 minutes

real date of a recurring event that wasn't very long ago: feel old yet? halloween was 13 days ago

lying about recurring event: feel old yet? halloween was 10,000 years ago

reversal of recurring event: feel young yet? thursday is tomorrow

reversal of personal anecdote: feel young yet? my laundry is done in 52 minutes

real(?) date of a nonspecific event: feel old yet? something happened 2 years ago

lying about the reader (undershooting): feel old yet? you were born 5 years ago

lying about the reader (overshooting): feel old yet? you were born 650 years ago

making a reasonable guess about the reader: feel old yet? you were born 22 years ago

technically telling the truth about the reader: feel old yet? you were born between 0 and 120 years ago

threatening the reader: feel young yet? you will die in 7 days

non sequitur: feel old yet? half of all chameleon species on earth live in madagascar

non sequitur (lying): feel old yet? chameleons are immune to fire

lying on several levels: feel old yet? chameleons were invented 36 years ago

self-reference: feel old yet? i started writing this post 40 minutes ago

giving up: feel old yyet?th e emmenkr,tn dbw a 8 gn m hk\

i can't finish the joke someone else come up with a punchline: feel old yet?

declarative statement: you feel old.

subversive declarative statement: time isn't even real.

reference another meme: feel old yet? yeah. this is the beach that makes you old.

reference another meme specifically about injecting non sequiturs into long posts: feel old yet? the glue that lets you walk up and down anything was invented 36 years ago

[pokemonunderground]

An unlicensed Rayquaza toy. This photo gained significant memetic attention online in 2024, but it was being shared online as early as April 2016.

Source: DIA13OLICAL on Reddit

[pierppasolini]

Action Comics #1057

[danll3]

Jaadugar style is so pretty,,,,

[phlavours]

I reworked that cherche sketch into sothis because it felt fitting now we know she has a big axe

[tpwrtrmnky]

the real answer to almost every "does [identity A] belong in [identity B] spaces" question is actually just "these spaces are informal social groups and if you're cool you can hang, don't worry about it"

[tpwrtrmnky]

You can be Homer Simpson at the lesbian bar. It's fine. Don't worry about it.

[lizardlicks]

not without those fire exits I'm not. have fun in your death trap, ladies

[mrsandman42069]

[larkandkatydid]

It pleases me to learn that the Trump Whitehouse is experiencing basically the same sauerkraut controversy that my old commune was embroiled in one stinky summer that included (among other incidents!) briefly hosting a trans teenager named Pigeon who was hitchhiking across the country with a 50 gallon bucket of live sauerkraut and has been banned from several communes because of his unwillingness to be ever parted from his beloved sauerkraut.

I hope Pigeon is doing well and his gut continues healthy. I hope RFK gets botulism.

[larkandkatydid]

Again, this is the kind of behavior that gets one exiled by anarchists:

[judgejudyofficial]

stop letting miserable people on the internet convince you that you must have a concrete, well-constructed opinion on everything that has ever existed.

[supreme-leader-stoat]

[judgejudyofficial]

everybody say thank you Marcus Aurelius

[thyrell]

joe biden should do another stimulus check where the ira sends me a lox bagel. with cream cheese please

[thyrell]

irs.

[efoxgirl]

[the-big-mood]

Full trailer for 'Pickmon', an open-world survival game that looks like 'Pokémon' and 'Palworld', except monster capturing is done with “cards”

[ruinedchildhood]

[flitsy]

Tell me that's not Link. Blue tunic and everything.

[totallynotgayforyou]

Oh hello Ceruledge

Wait

Roadhog!??

[hotvampireadjacent]

[dogpuppy]

[hylianane]

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

[maseratus]

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

[mousidy]

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

[mousidy]

[bisthefairy]

Hotdog vender lays down their life to protect their suicidal partner, who then takes over the hotdog stand to carry on their memory...

[maightymai]

[cipheramnesia]

It's like talking to a 2010 Old Spice commercial with you people

[itsmebeff]