Rei Todoroki: The Unintentional Enabler
TodoFam Discussion, you know what to expect. Pardon my rambling.
We know Enji Endeavor Todoroki is bad and abused his family, which includes Rei. Nobody is arguing that. Rei Todoroki, as the mother of the family is no better; NOT because she had ill intentions, but because being not good enough runs rampant in the entire Todoroki family. Rei Todoroki, for all her good intentions, failed as a mother.
As she takes and accepts her share of the blame in the story, I want to explore that! Rei is a really interesting character that is martyred by the fandom (understandably) but I want to explore her wrongs and shortcomings more. I love to do that with Enji, so his better half gets the same treatment.
Unreliable Narrators; throughout the series, the kids give their insight on the situation of their parents. All of which unreliable, because kids never know the full story. Least trustworthy of all is Dabi, a liar who will do anything and everything to get back at Endeavor, at the expense of his own siblings. He’ll twist the truth into something that benefits him (Hawks killing Twice) and hurt everybody in the process. The only person, therefore, that I am going to take at face value with what happened to Rei is Rei herself. The kids' perspectives are valid of course but they’re not Rei, so she’s the only one I’m listening to.
“Eugenics”; People love to throw the word around without realising what it actually means when referring to Enji wanting a child with both ice and fire, but let’s run with it for this thread. Rei comes from a family of, by this logic, eugenicists who have tried to keep the bloodline pure, at least since Quirks made an appearance because of their distaste of heteromorphs and general superiority complex. The concept of marrying people for status, genetic reasons and money is the norm to her, every corner of the Himura family does that. If she hadn’t married Enji, she would’ve either married the next person fit for her or be married to a distant relative. Thus, she is just in as much fault for agreeing to a Quirk Marriage as Enji is for even thinking of it.
“She had no choice”; Incorrect, Rei says as much. She had every choice, and Enji was the best choice when it comes to the Himura standard. Powerful Quirk, self-made high status as Endeavor and a lot of hard-earned money to provide a financial comfortable life. Rei was fully aware that she was agreeing to a Quirk Marriage, and had absolutely no problems with it, despite them being frowned upon by society, because all the Himura do this sort of thing. Rei and Enji had a miai/omiai, which is incorrectly translated as an arranged marriage. It’s a formal, traditional way of meeting someone with the serious consideration of marriage, which includes the parents/guardians. Like matchmaking. It is NOT a forced marriage, it’s a cultural difference that the west doesn’t have, so this set up is NOT coercive/weird. There are different steps to it, and one of them is ‘kotowari’, a refusal. Rei had that option but she didn’t take it “for the sake of her family”. Enji never forced her into it, her family did pressure her, but at the end of the day, it was her choice to accept or refuse.
Rei too wanted a child for a purpose; A second child was her desire that Enji agreed to, so that Touya and Fuyumi could support each other. A natural desire for siblings of course, but in the end, Fuyumi was conceived with the intent to be a child for her siblings to depend on her, which led her to being the older sister desperately trying to fix a family she once had, something she takes from Rei (‘smile through it’). Just as Touya, Natsuo and Shoto were conceived for a purpose, so was Fuyumi, and as unintentional as it was, Rei placed that heavy burden on Fuyumi, which Enji acknowledges and apologises for.
“Rei didn’t want more kids”; We don’t know if she didn’t want more kids, but we know that she was worried that more kids would negatively affect Touya because he now knew what Enji was aiming for. You can still want more kids while not acting on that want for various reasons. All we know is she was worried (rightfully so), but she saw that Enji wasn’t thinking rationally anymore (yippee mental health).
“Enji raped Rei”; I see why people think and interpret it that way. I don’t, for the simple fact that Rei herself never accuses him of such. Horikoshi is VERY show AND tell (emphasis on tell) storytelling style; if he doesn’t hold back on showing little kids getting beaten up (Deku, Tomura, Toga, Shoto, Shoji), he’d have no qualms in making Rei say that that’s what Enji did. Again, the kids are unreliable narrators and don’t know what happened between their parents, Natsuo doesn’t even know Enji as a father or person. Enji became terrifying to Rei because he was spiralling into insanity, and anybody who’s had a mentally unstable relative in their household will tell you, that’s terrifying. You end up walking on eggshells unless you’re willing to confront and deal with the problem, and until after Shoto’s birth, Rei simply didn’t.
Smile and pretend it’s all okay; Rei, seeing that her husband was spiralling into insanity because of Touya’s injuries, his inability to beat All Might and general stress, saw that emotion was taking over his rationality (yippee mental health). Instead of pushing back against Enji and try to make him see reason (cough cough like Touya cough cough), she decided to fulfil her duties as a mother and wife best she could while smiling through it. In her desire to keep her family together instead of confronting the problem at the very beginning (very hard but necessary thing to do), she enabled Enji, and by the time he started training Shoto and things got violent, it was too late. That’s where Fuyumi gets it from.
When Enji couldn’t do it anymore, neither could Rei; Up until Touya’s attack of Shoto (who Rei was holding), it seems and is my interpretation that only Enji ever tried to dissuade Touya from using his Quirk. Enji is always the one shown to try and talk him out of it, encourage him to make friends, and Rei never seems to be the one having those conversations with Touya. After Touya attacked Rei and Shoto and Enji had to stop him, he decided to seclude Shoto from his siblings. Rei (rightfully) points out that he’s running away from his fatherly responsibilities. Touya just wants Enji to look at him, but Enji is scared of enabling his behaviour further. All Enji knows is the hero world, he only knows what he's self-taught ever since his father died. He has no knowledge on how to deal with this situation. He can’t deal with it anymore, so he tells Rei that he’ll hire someone to help her with the house and kids, and to keep an eye on Touya. The one single time we’re shown her trying to do this, she fails horribly, which was always going to happen; Touya calls her out on her bystanding, enabling and being complicit in the entire thing (a reoccurring theme in MHA) but is incorrect about the details of what happened (as kids typically are). Nonetheless, Rei is unable to stop her preteen son from harming himself, and after that single scene, we have no idea if she tried ever again. Rei never had a chance to stop Touya. Unlike with Shoto, Fuyumi or even Natsuo, we are never shown a scene of Rei being tender to or holding Touya, not as a baby, not even growing up. The most tender we see her is when he’s Dabi and literally burning them all to death. Enji was and always will be Touya’s entire world, and Rei quite simply never could replace him. If Touya wasn’t going to listen to Enji, he certainly wasn’t going to listen to Rei. This is its own topic, but Touya is never shown smiling at nor looking for Rei’s attention, only ever Enji’s.
Always at home, yet never there; Rei is a stay-at-home mother, an important and demanding role that's severely overlooked and underappreciated. However, in that, even with help from the matron, she fails at, especially when Shoto is born. Enji is the breadwinner; he needs to be out and doing his job as a Pro-Hero because that’s his responsibility and that’s what how he provides for his family. And considering that he’s never around (shown by how Touya says he’s always waiting for him to have a day off) if it’s not training Shoto, Rei is the primary influence on the kids. But because she was always focusing on Shoto (like Enji), she ended up unintentionally neglecting Touya, Fuyumi and Natsuo (just like Enji). In School Briefs, Natsuo even reflects on how he started disliking Shoto for taking their mother away (because he’s a kid and didn’t know what was going on) and wanted his father’s attention too, who is a stranger to him. Just like Enji, Rei unintentionally neglected her other kids because she was focusing on Shoto (for obvious reasons).
“Enji was always violent and beat his family”; Again, no. He started becoming violent at home when beginning Shoto’s training. No other instance is shown. Still absolutely horrendous, let’s not minimise that. In the early days, Rei watched Enji and Touya train, which was their way of bonding, and she’s peaceful. He only got brutal with Shoto, and by this point, it was too late to make Enji stop. The one of two times we’re shown Enji hitting Rei, he’s pushing her out of the way that turns into a slap because she’s trying to make him go easier on Shoto. Different topic but, “he’s already five” in my interpretation is because Touya was further ahead than Shoto by this point. Rei was blindsided by Enji’s brutality with Shoto, because he wasn’t like that before. She tried smiling and going with the flow until it was too late. Based on the hospital scene after the Touya reveal, it’s clear that they never spoke in a way that mattered. The two times she tried, Enji was already spiralling and it was too late.
No communication; Enji is a mentally unwell man with heaps of unresolved trauma and issues. Rei was born into an old money family that had lost its influence and prestige a long time ago, that comes with a heavy sense of duty. They’re also traditionally Japanese to a fault. I remember seeing a thread discussing how the Todoroki are a criticism of the traditional Japanese family. Point is, both Rei and Enji leaned into their gender roles so heavily that instead of being a team, they had absolutely no communication, to the point that when Rei was unable to stop Touya, she didn’t even tell Enji. Understandably so, she would’ve been afraid of his anger and his blaming of everyone around him for his own shortcomings (inferiority complex go brrrr). Due to that, as far as Enji was aware (not at all), Rei was being successful in stopping Touya from training at Sekoto Peak. He could just focus on being a Pro-Hero and training Shoto. So when he realised that Rei had failed (like him), he snapped and projected his anger unto her for failing as a mother (like he failed as a father). His frustration is valid, his anger and violence is not. His anger would be valid if it was healthy and correctly managed, but it’s not, so he slaps her in front of Fuyumi, Natsuo and Shoto. That’s the straw that broke the camel’s back, and after that, the incident with Shoto happens.
“Rei should’ve left with the kids”; Rei was never going to leave, with or without the kids. Rei was brought up with a sense of duty as a wife and mother. She didn’t leave until Enji literally sent her away for injuring Shoto (which she instantly regretted). In her desperation to uphold her family values, she stayed. If she tried to leave, the only children willing to go with her would maybe be Natsuo and Shoto. Touya would rather burn alive than be taken away from his father, Fuyumi would be desperate to keep the family together even at that young age, and if Touya and Fuyumi aren’t going, Natsuo wouldn’t. Shoto is shown to desire a happy family as well, and he’s the only one at this point in time that Enji wouldn’t let be taken away. I’ve already talked about before if Rei could’ve left (I think she could’ve, but Enji would’ve been angry at her while letting her leave), but she simply never would have.
Too little, too late; We don’t know Rei's relationships with her parents. It’s distant for sure, and based on traditional values, she was most likely brought up by her mother more than her father (thus she tried to do the same). When she realised that she couldn’t deal with the kids anymore because they were all looking too much like Enji, she called her mother. We have no way of knowing if her mother knew what was going on or if this was the first time Rei reached out to her. Based on what we’re shown, I’m assuming she never spoke about it. But it was too late at this point. Just like Enji, Rei didn’t notice herself spiraling until this very moment, and it ended up with her reacting to Shoto and hurting him, just like how Enji reacted to Rei’s failure and hurt her (although Rei instantly regretted it, and it took Enji a whole freaking decade to realise; mental health is weird like that).
Gone for an entire decade; This was the best thing for Rei so she could get the help she needed, but her being gone for a decade with little contact with the kids, as necessary as it was for herself, made them feel abandoned. Shoto and Natsuo rightfully blame Enji, Touya kinda, well, died, and Fuyumi filled Rei’s role by ‘smiling through it’ and sweeping the problems under the carpet. The kids were never barred from seeing Rei by Enji as far as we’re aware, probably the hospital let the family know when they’d be able to visit her, which Fuyumi and Natsuo do, Shoto doesn’t until after the Sports Festival, and Enji does very often to bring her flowers but never visiting her (obviously). Only then, distanced from the fire, can she reflect and attempt to understand how all of this happened without getting hurt. That’s why the hospital scene is even possible.
“She recognised Touya during the reveal”; Personal pet peeve. She did not. Nobody did. They all thought him dead (even Enji who had obsessively looked for him; again, lots of telling, Horikoshi, not much showing), he looks and sounds completely different, fire is a common Quirk. Rei realised it was Touya after he LITERALLY SAID THAT’S WHO HE WAS. Neither Rei nor Enji realised he was their firstborn until he revealed himself as such.
Conclusion (it’s just me rambling at this point); Rei is half of the problem.
Take her out of the image and the TodoFam timeline doesn’t happen. It takes two to tango and Rei enabled Enji by knowingly agreeing to a Quirk Marriage and the two never getting to understand each other. Rei says as much, she doesn’t understand how his mind works, they never talked about their pasts or got to know each other on a deeper basis. Rei was in an impossible situation, and there’s a million ‘she should’ve’ statements, but none of them are relevant because she simply didn’t. She’s a victim as much as she is an unintentional abuser and enabler. The road to hell is paved with good intentions while the road to heaven is paved with good action; Rei tried her best, but like with the entire TodoFam, it wasn’t enough.
Rei is such a fascinating character, and the western fandom doesn’t allow her the depth and nuance she deserves. There’s no such thing as a perfect victim, and Rei is by no means perfect. She tried, but in the end, she wasn’t a good mother. She wasn’t present (for obvious reasons) until the Touya reveal, and even then, she puts the weight of being the family’s hero on her youngest. Enji was absolutely terrible and an abuser, Rei was one of his victims, but she unintentionally enabled him and became an abuser in her own right.
That’s why she takes her half of the responsibility as one of the two parents, that’s why she stops having good intentions and ACTS instead by trying to cool Touya down from exploding. Enji didn’t want her to die, and she didn’t want either of them to die neither. Instead of avoiding the problem like she and the family had for years, she finally ACTED when she was needed, her and Enji finally working together as the parents for a moment in their direst moment. Enji knows he’s the problem, that’s why he builds a new house for them to live in while he stays at the Abode, that’s why he always has that dream where his family is happy without him, and he wants them to be happy. And despite that, despite telling Rei she doesn’t need to bear this, she makes the choice to be present and strong, just like how Enji has stopped running away.
TL;DR, Rei is a deeply flawed, imperfect character that is wonderfully nuanced, like the rest of the TodoFam.
Trying her best but never good enough.
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