Children raised by the moon @the-fox-pack - Tumblr Blog

Fleabag changed me

I haven't been properly active in forever and I likely won't change but I still look at this blog fondly.

We've done so much healing in the last few years.

Our numbers have gone down to roughly 30 parts via healthy integration.

there's times where we don't switch for a month and it's not because of barriers but because we simply don't need to and didn't get triggered and it feels honestly so... right?

It feels healthy and if I ever need advice or help I know the parts that still exist will have my back.

We've been so much more stable, emotionally and physically. We even managed to handle some extremely triggering situations without new splits or super bad dissociating and with the exception of the death of one of our cats a year and a half ago we always managed to get back to being stable within a few days.

And recently I've realized I'm not apathetic toward the concept of death anymore.

I used to get by thinking, well if I die that's that.

But now I feel like I actually want to live, to see what happens in the future.

And I feel like we actually have a future.

We will start an apprenticeship soon and if we succeed in completing that we can look for a job and be less dependent on other people.

Despite the horrid state of the world I am looking forward with hope.

It does get better.

It will keep getting better for us.

#most of our previous hosts have integrated into me #and I just identify with our body name for now #of the roughly 30 parts there's a bunch that have been inactive so long we don't know if they still exist as separate parts #maybe one day we will get down to only a handful 😂 but if not that's fine too #host blogging