RMH
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
d e v o n
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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Keni
$LAYYYTER
Claire Keane
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One Nice Bug Per Day
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★
official daine visual archive
art blog(derogatory)
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
KIROKAZE
gracie abrams
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
The Stonewall Inn
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@thebrandokthehut
“I can’t wait to show Encanto to my toxic mother and see how she reacts” is the exact equivalent of that time when Hamlet tried to get Claudius to confess to the king’s murder by making him watch a play that exactly mimicked said murder
Congrats to Will for achieving 2 of the greatest achievements in life, becoming a father and murdering Freddie Wong.
[Audio Transcript:
[Rhythmic clacking music plays]
Will: Hey everyone, I’m Will Campos I play Normal Oak, a mixed-up mascot kid who doesn’t know who he is anymore. Teen fact this week about Normal, this one’s for you Freddie
Freddie: Yay!
Will: That raccoon that Normal found, that he befriended a couple of teen facts ago, it’s actually not a racoon it’s a goingondog.
[music cuts out]
Freddie: What’s a goingondog?
Beth: oohhhhhh
Will: [extremely pleased with himself] Not much dog, what’s a going on with you bitch?
Freddie: [screams in agony]
[crab rave starts playing]
Matt: [laughing] are you serious? Did you seriously fall for that?
Anthony: [overlapping] Did you seriously fall for that? You actually fell for that?
Beth: [overlapping] I can’t- I can’t believe you-
Freddie: [overlapping] you BITCH
Will: [full on cackling]
Matt: Are you serious?
Anthony: Oh my god, Freddie is full on doing the Evangelion Shinji like doubled over in his chair clutching his head.
Beth: Oh No!
Will: [still cackling]
Freddie: [screams in agony again]
Anthony: He literally looks like he has to go pilot the Eva right now
Will: YESSS
Anthony: I can’t believe that
Freddie: Aaaaaa what
Matt: Will- Will, you found his perfect weakness, you found like a moment when his defenses were down
Anthony: Oh my god
Will: I, alright, so here’s the real story, I became a-
Freddie: GODDAMN IT
Will: [laughs]
Anthony: How did you fall for it?
Matt: How did you fall for that?
Freddie: [yelling] I don’t know, I don’t know, it was a moment of weakness, Jesus Christ
Anthony: Oh man
Will: [laughs] so um, here’s the story of that dad fact. Last month, I became a father. My wife and I had our beautiful baby boy Andy. He’s doing well, everyone’s doing great. I have been thinking about what my dad fact was gonna be for a month straight while sleep deprived and pacing around back and forth. And I was like, I feel like I’ve got one chance here to really pull something over on somebody. And I thought of this goingondog thing, I was like wait a sec. Cuz Freddie updogged me
Matt: Mmm Hmmm
Will: two decades ago I swear to god. Ten year- twelve years ago
Matt: Oh my god
Beth: Damn
Will: He got me with just straight up updog and I was like, I will have my revenge one day
Freddie: Wait do you remember that? I don’t remember that
Will: I had never heard updog before, and then you just updogged me and then everyone laughed at me and I’ve been holding a grudge-
Anthony: The day Freddie updogged you was the most important day of your life. To him it was Tuesday
Freddie: [laughing] For me it was a Tuesday
Will: And I was like, I bet my first fact back everyone’s gonna be wondering what it is, he’s gonna say something about having a kid. And then I’m like, oh wait, I’ll call Freddie out specifically, I’ll reel, I’ll reel him in.
Freddie: Oh what, that’s the move. That was the move. That’s what got me dude
Beth: Damn
Will: Yeah, so I don’t know. Anyway, I can die now I’m quitting the podcast. Goodbye
Anthony: Wow
Freddie: Fuck, bro. Just like fucking James Earl Jones used to say dude, the circle is now complete
Matt: I just watched an assassination. You know like, one of those videos that nobody moves. Like, we all just sat here just watched Freddie get murdered.
Will: [laughs] one of those 3 seconds before disaster happened videos. Anyway
Freddie: Holy shit. Do I need to turn back in my podcaster card?
Beth and Matt: I think so
[laughter]
Freddie: Do I need to go back to the podcasters guild and tell them that I’ve been forcibly ejected by an updog joke?
Beth: Hi
Freddie: [screams]
Beth: Hi
Freddie: Fuck you Will
Will: Hi Beth, how are you?
[music fades out]
Anthony: Roll stealth with disadvantage Taylor
Freddie: Taylor’s just so pumped at the idea that there was a ghost
Will: Taylor Swift really wondering if uhh we’re uhh out of the woods yet
Beth: Mmmmmm
Freddie: don’t ugh Will
Will: Did you hear her new song hey what’s up dog?
Freddie: Go fuck yourself
Beth: Freddie says it smells like wrong dog in here
Anthony: Freddie, you wanna roll to bofa?
End Transcript]
the DELIVERY
Shakespeare would write this
TIL that spiral staircases were installed in fire stations in the 1800s to stop the horses that pulled the engines going up the stairs when they smelled food cooking.
via reddit.com
That’s fine until you get a spiral horse
Those dumb fuckers don’t even know about Corkscrew Horse
Corkse
Goofy walks into the men’s changing room
Honestly out of all the extremely stupid reblog chains I’ve been a part of on this website this one is by far my favorite. I think we did a great job here and should hit the showers.
You know that Ada Limón poem where she’s like “i can’t help it i love the way men love”? my dad recently confessed to me that he became a shoemaker because they buried my grandma shoeless
oh.......................................
Accident Report in the Tall, Tall Weeds - Ada Limón
Unmute !
There is nothing as eerie as having an owl fly over you at night. You can *sense* something’s there, but it’s utterly silent in passage.
Your opinion of The Muppets, sir?
Easily the best thing about being 15 in the UK was the weekly arrival of the Muppet Show. Especially because we got 2 minutes every week that Americans never saw.
This was one of those 2 minute songs...
This somehow ended up staying in the DVD release versions, which is why I was surprised to find this sketch had been originally censored (but not that surprised)
They weren't censored. Not exactly. The different amounts of adverts in the UK and the US meant that the US television half hour was 22 minutes long, the UK TV half hour was closer to 25 minutes. So they would make 22 minute episodes for the US, and then add in 2 minute songs or bits, normally not episode-specific, for the UK, knowing that they were for a UK sensibility, so wouldn't upset Americans. There's a list of all of them here: https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/UK_Spots_(The_Muppet_Show)
And they made it onto the DVDs...
And when I was young I bought this EP, which had four of them...
me: why are you destroying earth!!!
aliens: because theres people who think that english is the only language they need to speak
me: thats fair i understand
For some reason I find this all the more amusing because it’s written in English
moi: pourquoi vous détruisez le monde!!! l'extraterrestre: parce que il y a des gens qui pensent que l'anglais est le seule langue pour parler moi: ah ça c'est bien
ich: warum zerstört ihr die erde!!!
aliens: weil es leute gibt die glauben dass englisch die einzige sprache ist die sie sprechen müssen
ich: das ist fair ich verstehe
ég: af hverju eyðileggið þið jörðina!!! aliens: af því að það er fólk sem finnst að enska sé sú eina tungumál sem þau þurfa að tala ég: oh, það er vit í þessu. ég skil.
ik: waarom vernietig je de aarde!!!
aliens: omdat er mensen zijn die denken dat engels de enige taal is die ze hoeven te spreken
ik: oh zo, ik snap het
minä: miks te tuhootte maapalloo?
alienit: koska tääl on ihmisiä joitten mielestä englanti on ainoo kieli jota niitten täytyy puhua
minä: toi on reilua, ymmärrän
私: どうして地球を滅ぼしているんですか？
宇宙人: 英語しか喋る必要がないと思う人がいるからです
私: なるほど、わかりました
me: Wosück maakt ji de Welt twei!!!
aliens: wieldat dat Lüüd gifft, de dinkt dat Engelsch de allenige Spraak weer, de een snacken mütt
me: jo, daar seggst wat. Nu versta ik’t
aniga: dhulka maxaad u burburinaya !!!
shisheeyaha: dadka intiisa badani u malaynayaan in Ingiriisidu tahay afka oo kaliya ay u baahan yihiin inay la hadlaan
aniga: waxaan fahamsanahay. waa wax cadaalad
我：你们为什么在毁灭地球?！！
外星人：因为有人以为他们只会英语就可以了
我：懂了，说得有道理
ako: bakit niyo sinisira ang mundo!!!
taga-ibang planeta: kasi merong mga taong akala nila Ingles lang ang kailangan nilang matutunang lenggwahe
ako: ah, sige naiintindihan ko
Aku : kenapa kau hancurkan bumi!!! Alien : karena masih banyak orang berpikir hanya bahasa inggris satu-satunya bahasa yang terpenting Aku : oh, oke lah..
tôi: tại sao các người hủy diệt trái đất!!! người ngoài hành tinh: bởi vì có người nghĩ rằng tiếng Anh là thứ tiếng duy nhất mà họ cần biết tôi: ồ thế thì tôi hiểu
Eu: Por que vocês estão destruindo a Terra?! Aliens: Porque há pessoas que pensam que o inglês é a única língua que eles precisam falar. Eu: Isso é justo, eu entendo.
jag: varför förintar ni jorden!!!
utomjordingar: för det finns folk som tror att engelska är det ända språket de behöver kunna
jag: rimligt, jag förstår
Já: Proč ničíte Zemi?
Mimozemšťani: Protože tu jsou lidé, kteří si myslí, že angličtina je jediný jazyk, který potřebují znát
Já: To je fér, to chápu.
ja: dlaczego niszczycie Ziemię?
kosmici: ponieważ są ludzie, którzy myślą, że angielski to jedyny język, którego potrzebuję
ja: rozumiem, w porządku
io: perchè state distruggendo la terra!!!
alieni: perchè ci sono delle persone che credono che l’inglese sia l’unica lingua di cui hanno bisogno
io: capisco, mi sembra giusto
Yo: porqué estás destruyendo la tierra!?!?
Extraterrestre: porque hay personas quienes creen que inglés es la única lengua que se tiene que hablar.
Yo: te entiendo, es justo.
Я: Почему вы уничтожаете Землю?!?! Инопланетяне: Потому что есть люди, которые считают, что им нужно говорить только по-английски. Я: А, ну понятно, тогда ладно!
A modern Rosetta stone.
Onipa: ad3n ti na woo se3 ewuasi
3wiamu nii: efri s3 nk⊃fu⊃ bi w⊃ ho a ⊃mo fri s3 br⊃fo ne kasa p3 a ehyia ⊃mo
Onipa: a, ma te ase
Yessssssss I love the sign language addition! @polygamouscaterpillar
This is like the side-by-side plates of the Lord’s Prayer in the historical linguistics textbook except so much better
This is the most educational shitpost I’ve ever seen
fi: pam yr ydych yn dinistrio'r ddaear!!!
estroniaid: oherwydd mae yna bobl sy'n meddwl mai Saesneg yw'r unig iaith y mae angen iddynt ei siarad
fi: mae hynny'n deg dwi'n deall
εγώ: γιατί καταστρέφετε την γη!!!!!!
εξωγήινοι: γιατί υπάρχουν άνθρωποι που νομιζουν πως τα αγγλικά είναι η μόνη γλώσσα που χρειάζεται να μιλούν
εγώ: κατανοητό, δίκαιο ακούγεται
Part of Apple's new terms include "do not post incorrect things about religious texts" but even scholars of religious texts often disagree on the actual content or intent behind them. Apple has therefore declared itself the arbiter of the true word of God. 🤔
Excited for the first time Apple's terms of service take a side in a religious schism
asking apple if pope clement vii or pope urban vi has the more valid claim over the papacy
i BURST OUT laughing at this and when my dad in the next room asked "what's so funny" i said "nothing i can explain succinctly"
Torment
1/3 unique Highfane lineages, Erfitt. big crab, we love
Love the temper tantrum at the start of 8
#i began to hate this man for forcing this car to do these things
I unironically love this, great engineering process. Also, LEGOS!!!!
Reblog if you're a Millennian and do not ever want to be taught anything unless you told it on the cell phone
reblog if this is the first time you’ve heard of this movie
I’m sorry but that’s fucking hilarious
spiritual successor to “this is just to say”
The first time I heard my parents swear, I was about 6 and my dad and I were buidling something out of two-by-fours in the garage and he hit his thumb with a hammer and, naturally, yelled “SHIT!”
I stared at him.
He stared at me, eyes watering.
“Now listen,” he said, forcing himself to remain calm as he held his rapidly-becoming purple thumb. “-That’s a word we say ONLY when we’re Really, Really hurt. Now go get your mother.”
And for an improvised moment of parenting, that was actually brilliant because I was a clumsy, uncoordinated child and was basically constantly falling, running into walls, knocking shit over and generally sounding like I was involved in a fatal accident in the other room, but now my parents knew not to worry unless they heard the reedy voice of a pained elementary schooler shrieking “SHIT!”
My teachers on the other hand, were significantly less appreciative of my father’s genius.
