The Deadly Butterfly

Just a bi trying to get by . She/her

[ryan-sometimes]

Working an office job will truly make you have the wildest enemies, bc why is my nemesis rn a woman I’ve never met and who exclusively haunts me by sending diabolical emails, and also a specific guy who left my company before I even worked here and made the system so fuckass that it ruined procedures for like a year

[ryan-sometimes]

Yesterday my nemesis (woman I’ve never met and whose face I’ve never seen) sent my office an email so rude, basically saying we had fucked up every project she ever ordered from us, one of the worst emails I’ve ever read in my life.

And it pissed me off so badly that I spent the ENTIRE WORK DAY today compiling evidence from every project my team has ever done for her, pulling past emails she’d sent us, putting together an entire case proving that she had been the problem all along. That she got projects mixed up, that she’d made requests that were nonsensical, literally everything you could possibly imagine. Screenshots of emails, reports we’d submitted, EVERYTHING.

This woman in particular has been terrorizing my team for years, her name is almost a slur in my office, I had simply had ENOUGH of her.

I put all of this evidence together and sent it to all of my bosses at 4:30pm. Then I took a long break to eat a sweet treat and drink some tea.

After my break, my bosses all called in an emergency meeting with me and they said they read my report and fucking loved it. And I sat on a teams call with my boss’ boss as she wrote my nemesis the scathing email I had always fantasized about sending, using the evidence I’d compiled, and hit send.

It was the most satisfying workday I’ve had since I got hired.

[winnie-wine]

[sabertoothwalrus]

I love when someone is explaining instructions to a group I’m in and they look at me and it reminds them to say something about using preferred names/pronouns or that there’s vegan food options available. I go by my given name/pronouns and I’m not vegan but I’m proud that I can provide this service

[batbetbitbotbut]

[eisenkrahe]

[flipocrite]

not she berry or he berry but no berry

and that is berry good

[haridraws]

high ambient background football levels reminded me to actually finish this Personal Lore That Caused My Books comic

[republicansaredomesticterrorists]

[rejectingrepublicans]

The Tex-ass cattle industry is going to be devastated and bankrupted. The price of beef will skyrocket so high that only millionaires will be able to afford it. The price of all other red blooded proteins will jump as they try to replace beef in the supermarkets. Restaurants, especially fast food chains and local moms and pops will go out of business.

Another great big step on the road to a second worldwide great depression.

[andrea-clarkep]

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[beleester]

>#I love how this gag would be funny at any point since the third century BCE

[innovadesexual]

[stormingchaos12]

[aniseandspearmint]

Knead and roll him like the dough he CRAVES IT

[aropride]

please god let chatgpt die out like nfts did. With a fast and graceless fall into irrelevancy

[bladespark]

Like to charge, reblog to cast.

[atwotonedbird]

This spell has a very low hit ratio, so we need a lot of us to do it.

[valtharr]

Let's say you know two brothers called Dave Miller and Mike Miller. Which of these are you more likely to say when referring to both of them collectively?

The Dave brothers

The Mike brothers

The Miller brothers

Voting ended onJul 8

Please reblog for sample size, I want to see something

[kvothes]

so true

[lesbianredpanda]

Official Wednesday post

[westiec]

It's Tuesday

[gallusrostromegalus]

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

[starathsbunker]

#Helios was declawed by his former owners so he doesn't just slap things he dislikes like most cats#he really only feels confident in hissing at them#Especially because a lot of the thing he doesn't like are bugs and those are sharp sometimes :(#Selene has figured this out and now when she hears him hiss she sprints over the kill the fuck out of the bug#Helios has learned she will do this so he'll hiss at stuff louder and louder until she hears him#A nervous old man and his emotional support homicidal maniac tags by @gallusrostromegalus

I couldn't reblog without the tags because the context is hilarious

[gallusrostromegalus]

A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)

Yes, he is more than twice her size. Yes, he is five times her age. Yes, he cries like a big baby until she kills Unacceptable Scary Things (earwigs) for him.

[apolladay]

Before you are two magic buttons. Button A: you will never have to clean your kitchen again (dishes are automatically done; floor swept and mopped; etc). Button B: you will never have to clean your bathroom again (toilet & sink & tub/shower cleaned and sanitized; etc) Which button do you push?

A

B

Voting ended onJun 3

[heliophile-oxon]

So many comments, many of them wise and all of them heartfelt, and yet nobody has thought to add ...

the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. Not only are there dishes every day, not only are there food preparation surfaces of various kinds every day, not only are there crumbs and odds and ends that fall on the floor every day ... but the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. The oven is in the kitchen, the food cupboards are in the kitchen, and above all THE KITCHEN BIN IS IN THE KITCHEN.

I mean, it's not like the bathroom is all sweetness and light, but seriously! Who in their right mind is choosing the bathroom?!?!?!?

Ils sont fous, ces Romains tumblrains.

[sufficientlylargen]

Having a magically-self-cleaning bathroom would be cool, but it wouldn't dramatically change my lifestyle.

If I could cook or bake whatever the hell I wanted, knowing that all my pots and mixing bowls and baking sheets would just zap themselves clean when I finished? If I knew that I could spill batter or grease inside the oven or burn things onto baking racks and it would just go away? I would be making delicious shit constantly.

[earhartsease]

from @baddywronglegs

#You can piss in the kitchen sink but you can't make lasagna in the shower

@theshitpostcalligrapher this one deserves to be writ large

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

yeag.....

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[rakdos-dogdyke]

Puts the product on tumblr for all to share it

[firebirdeternal]

My what a guy, that Gaston.

[bish0ps]

[crying-over-really-dumb-things]

A second Dollar General has hit the server

[crying-over-really-dumb-things]

[crying-over-really-dumb-things]

Further update: Greg is trapping goblins in the Dollar General

[butchdemiurge]

in 2026 let’s start actually noticing and taking seriously the true scale and impact of jkrs transmisogyny and how she’s been funneling decades of royalties and ip owner cash directly into anti trans lobbying thats been making the uk hell while gradually worsening conditions elsewhere through impacting the zeitgeist

[butchdemiurge]

[hppjmxrgosg]

"going out to get milk" is a common turn of phrase used to describe a man abandoning his family.

the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.

this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.

therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:

- being a cow

- being an almond

- being a woman

- being a coconut

- being in the omegaverse

- being an oat

(list is exemplary and not finite)

in this essay, i will redefine the nuclear family and explain the seductive and inflammatory nature of the 1993 "Got Milk?" commercials.

[hppjmxrgosg]

you shut your mouth.