"Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas."

[satan-is-a-heterophobe]

mcqueen

[itsthemink]

mcqueen

[illinoisiest]

im begging of you please dont take my man

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

Encouraging kids to masturbate… dad of the year right there

Well, I don’t think I have actually written a post like that yet and I also think you may overestimate how many literal kids there are on tumblr - but since you’re handing out awards, here’s some gentle, non-judgemental info on masturbation like a good dad would offer if asked (since teens and young people deserve honest answers to make empowered choices):

Masturbation is a very common activity. It’s generally safe and healthy and it even comes with some benefits: 

it’s only you, meaning there’s no risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases! 

it’s a safe way to explore your own likes and dislikes and to try out fantasies you may have, without the emotional entanglement of involving another person (yet or at all). 

it can’t break your heart. Sex with another person requires a lot of trust and communication and you shouldn’t rush into that just to try it out.

it can be a fun way to get to know your own body, and knowing your own body is important to take care of your health! Knowing what’s going on down there is a good thing. 

It’ll not ruin sex with a (future) partner. Many actually experience the opposite: getting to know your body and learning about your preferences solo actually makes sex with a partner more enjoyable and relaxed. 

It may bring physical health benefits: it’s like a mini workout after all, plus orgasms are known to be healthy for you! 

It can be a stress-relief and even helps some people sleep better. 

It can actually help you live according to your values. For example, if you’re single and do not wish to have sex outside of longterm relationships, masturbation can help satisfy your needs without sacrificing your beliefs for a one night stand. 

It allows you full flexibility without having to explain anything. You don’t like orgasms? You can just stop before you reach that point. You like to be perfectly quiet? Nobody expects you to moan if it’s only you. 

It also doesn’t really have any side effects or negative consequences in general. Ideas such as „masturbation causes mental illness“ or even „masturbation leads to blindness“ are outdated medical myths. There’s no scientific evidence for that at all and it comes from times with limited knowledge on sexual health plus very strict beliefs around „sexual purity“. Modern medicine considers masturbation a healthy activity most people do. 

Things you should keep in mind are just: 

You should wash your hands before. While you can’t give yourself STDs (unless you touched someone else’s genitalia or fluids right before), you may have other germs or irritants on your hands that you don’t want down there. Also wash your hands after, that’s just basic hygiene and respect for the next person you shake hands with. 

Masturbation doesn’t always require putting something inside of you. But if you do want to, please only use products specifically designed for that (or your fingers). Things that weren’t made for that purpose might hurt or injure you, or they could even get stuck or break off inside of you. 

If you don’t enjoy masturbation, you don’t need to do it. While it’s a great activity for many, it’s still just an activity. Just like hiking or playing cards or singing: if you don’t enjoy it, you’re not missing out on anything by not doing it. 

Lastly, I also want to address this common question: 

Masturbation doesn’t always involve pornography. Many use their own imagination or even just enjoy the touch without any (inner) movie playing. You do not need to use porn to masturbate. 

But if (and only if) porn is something you’re curious about and maybe something you’re worried about (is it unethical or weird etc), please know: 

it’s a very common thing to be curious about and it’s also something many people regularly consume. 

Know that, just as with online content of other genres, shocking or extreme content sometimes gets the most clicks. This doesn’t mean it’s representative of what most people enjoy or want in real life. 

Sex in porn is staged. It’s meant to look good, not be realistic. Be aware that it’s not a good source for sexual education. 

The problems with the porn industry are mainly problems with the industry (such as unsafe working conditions, unfair wages etc.). The ethical problem isn’t the sex itself. 

You can avoid some of the industry problems by seeking out ethically produced or fairtrade porn. This usually means: all workers were fairly paid, there were precautions taken that all workers are of legal age and are willingly participating, workers may get more say in which scenes they want to do etc. Those websites also often focus more on female or queer pleasure than mainstream sites do. You may need to do some research there but it’s worth it 

[dankxsinatra]

Flooflers

[agoodjake54-deactivated20150429]

[ruinedchildhood]

Jinkies

[jesterday00]

Jeepers!

[dollfacemcghost]

Zoinks!

[galvaniccorsair]

Ruh roh!

[paperandpencilsandskips]

FUCK

[pirateprincessjess]

My favorite part of this post is that it implies Fred is the one saying “FUCK” because we know who typically says the other 4 things

[notaplaceofhonour]

which makes sense as he’s the one who actually legally owns it

[dnicriteria]

there r so many emojis i always stumble across something like 🗜 and i think who the HELL would ever use this emoji. and then i think abt some guy who probably works w those things all the time n hes so happy he can use this emoji. and im happy for him

[respect-snails]

My dad has started using them regularly in conversations to make the underrepresented emojis feel included, which is very cute in theory, but it means I get texts like:

Anyways this is the only correct way to use emojis have a very 🪔 day

[jatersade]

reminds me of this interaction I had with my parents

they were in the same room and apparently when they got my explanation text my dad threw his phone down and said “how the FUCK does she expect me to know that”

[scribeherself]

having a best friend who meets your level of freak is unmatched. you present them with the most unhinged, deeply buried thought from the depths of your psyche and instead of blinking blankly they just go "oh absolutely"—and I think that mutual brain rot like that is the highest form of intimacy actually.

[catchymemes]

[monkeyislandtwo]

i think "[sic]" is one of the funniest things of literature. like yeah this guy really wrote it out like that

[legendaryvermin]

For the uninitiated, you write [sic]—literally "this" or "so" in latin—to indicate that you haven't altered the wording or spelling. While it can be used to preserve a joke misspelling (aminals) or indicate that you know it looks weird (the Toronto Maple Leafs), it is also the most biting three letters that you can throw at a motherfucker who should know better.

[marlynnofmany]

Somebody made an error here and it sure wasn't me (derogatory)

[vithcy]

MUTUAL!! THAT IMAGE IS AI GENERATED!! MUTUAL! DON'T REBLOG THAT!! IT'S AI!!MUTUAAAL!!

[magzazine]

impending doom...

[islamprotestan-blog]

only 5 seconds

[zanyflowerpizzatrash]

i wasn't ready for that..lol

[suffer-no-humiliation]

Immediately recognized that look

[love2bfit]

I love this.

[inbabylontheywept]

i have been shaving my head for several months now and im an old hand at most of the weirdness that comes with it. ive seen so many strange things - a beanie torn in half after i tried brute force yanking it off my stubble, strangers hands gripping my head like a sort of fleshy bowling ball, c-beams glittering in the dark by the tanhauser gate.

but still, sometimes, things surprise me. and i was surprised today. because today an old man approached me at the park. and he said, you know, im a pediatrician.

which is already a weird start to a conversation, because i didnt know that. and maybe i should have just rolled with it, but instead i went

wait. i dont know that. why did you think i knew that?

which didn't even put him slightly off balance.

cuz you're bald, he said, so confidently that i didnt even question it until the conversation was over. now. i was - i was over there, sitting -

and he gestured across the park to a giant pile of soft dirt that had an almost cartoonishly exaggerated ass print on it which derailed me for the second time. right? because whoever sat on that dirt, clearly, had an ass like two coconuts being fired out of a spanish cannon. whereas this man had an ass that could probably only be detected with powerful scientific instruments. i told him this in more succint terms by simply saying that was clearly not his buttprint.

now at this point we'd gotten derailed twice, and as unflappable as he'd been the first time, he was starting to get a little defensive. so he said perhaps someone with a large butt sat down after i got up, and i said why are you lying about where you were sitting, and he said why would i do that? and i said if i knew, i wouldnt be asking, and he said fine, i was driving by - and i said why didn't you just say you were driving by?!?!?!?! and he said because i didn't want you to think i was the kind of crazy person that would just stop his car to tell a stranger in a park that he, as a pediatrician, could tell that your parents REALLY cared about tummy time!

then he left. angrily. he actually stomped back to his car. i dont know when i started laughing but i didnt stop until i got home. my voice is still all scratchy right now. ive been in a little bit of a writing funk but i had to get this down while i could still remember it so perfectly.

and as a tangent, i cannot emphasize enough the benefits of going outside and interacting with the public. it is a constant source of joy. every place on earth is the weirdest place on earth. i will never be able to write a character as fascinating as the people i run into at the park. but god help me, i have to try.

[an-evening-botanist]

op thank you for explaining in the tags because I had no idea what the fuck that meant

[beebfreeb]

Never forget, you always have your OCs that you made when you were 16. You can always bring them back...

[homunculus-argument]

God will see you at the lowest point of your life, and say "what the fuck I thought I killed that thing." But you skitter too fast and you are too creepy.

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

that’s why you should bite god and give god a nasty rash

[vamptits]

it's just really apparent that people think it's okay to want pain but morally abhorrent to want to give it. sorry but the sadist gets to have fun too. it's actually pretty crucial to the process.

[vamptits]

if I said I was going to a taekwondo class would you feel the need to tell me kicking people on the street is bad or.

[whoopsie-collective]

Image ID: A screenshot of a tumblr comment that says "yeah, its only abhorrent imo, when the recipient is non consenting, i've" the screenshot cuts off.

[dogspouse]

[celestial-fang]

3 components of worldbuilding:

1. The author’s kinks

2. The author’s power fantasy

3. The author’s political agenda

Plot and logic optional

[lttrsfrmlnrrgby]

4. The author's formative trauma(s), unrecognized until after they hit post and then reread it for typos, only to blink in shock and say, "Oh. Oh. Oh fuck."

[moniquill]

5. The author's personal grievances with other works in the same genre. (May relate to #3 but not always)

[nethilia]

6: the author's rage at seeing a great idea executed like shit and going "i could menstruate a better text"

[aniseandspearmint]

7. The authors ability to take the thought, 'what if hummingbirds were carnivorous?' and build an ecosystem around that.