The Light Flickers

rants in essay form.

[thelightflickers]

Venting out.

Hi! I just need to let this out, to get it out of my head and heart. I am going to complain. There. This is work related and I am a bit frustrated. Maybe, its the coffee... or maybe its the stress for the past three weeks of constant late night works and I am about to explode because I have been holding on for so long. First of all, I have been working for the same company for two and a half years now. I am of course thankful, a the same a statement from my boss really bothered me today. We had our usual Thursday meeting, which happens every week. Where we report and what we have done for scouting new talents. In our defense, as mentioned earlier. We had a lot going on for the last 3 weeks of July. It's not that we are neglecting the part of our jobs to constantly scout talents, its just that we don't have the time to do that part of our job due to the current projects we have at hand. Our boss specifically said that we should involved other people in our meetings to give us a push towards the certain task that they have assigned us. Again, I get it but the moment he said that maybe we are getting too comfortable with each other that we don't get to do what we should be doing is kind of offensive in my part. I mean, ok? What do you mean by that? Can't you see and feel that we are draining from all the projects we have. At the same time we are trying to scout people whom we have to look for in the internet. It's not that we are lazy or anything. It's just that we need a breather and we use those little free times we have to calm ourselves from such overwhelming projects that should give us stress and anxiety. I know he means well, but I also know that what he meant was kind of a warning. The projects that come in are totally out of our control. If they really wanted us to concentrate in scouting they should give us ample time and effort to just do that. Do they think it's that easy to track everything and sign things and double check data with talents and coordinate with other people, especially voice talents? I am trying to decipher what our boss meant earlier because honestly, I have been stressed out for the past few weeks and even if there are times where we have the time to breathe, I am taking it as a break. I deserve those breaks. I don't even go absent or on leave. I have been catching my breath. I just hope that sometimes there is a bit of compliment and constructive criticism for our job. Just give us a flicker of hope that yes, we do appreciate you at the same time we know you can do better than you are currently doing. Maybe just maybe, we would be sparked. That's all. I think I'm okay now. Till the next one.

[thelightflickers]

Celebrating a year of employment

Hello!

It has been so long, but February 15, 2022 marked my 1 year of employment at my current job. I am thankful and scared and just happy. This has been such a dream since I graduated from college. I was always stuck at 6 months per employment. They said, once a goal is finish you have to maybe figure out the next one. To be honest, I don't really have one right now. I just want to stay employed and do my best and be a valuable asset to the company. I hope they don't get tired of me and I hope I could make it and survive in the long run. I have always doubted myself. I do not believe that whatever skills I have is enough. I know I have to strive to better and it is a continuous process and never ending learning. Everyday is an adventure and I do try my best to be a good employee. Although I do have my lazy moments. I still try... to be better and not procrastinate. HAHA

I hope I do get better and be better. I hope that whatever your dream is... if you are reading this, that you have achieved it too and know that it is not the end. You don't have to pressure yourself on having another goal. Let us remember that we should take one step at a time before we do something and chill, slow down even if the world around us is fast phased. I got to go to sleep early. Have a good one! -fin-

[thelightflickers]

struggles of a caster at advertising post production

Hello! 

I don’t even know if anyone is reading this but I have something that I have to get out of my chest. 

I have been working in the media industry for almost 2 years now. One thing that does not change is the never-ending work... and not getting paid for overtime. Honestly, I have already accepted my faith that all my over time work is just paid by a simple thank you and the company would rat me out as soon as possible. 

The places I have worked at has its ups and downs, but I am thankful for the experience... just wish that I was compensated better since I heard that there were other advertising post production houses that do pay better. 

I used to work at a video production house. 2 to be exact six months each. the latter one was better because they were good in training people and they were very nice but the contract was and is unfair, after lockdown in my country last March 16, 2020. I never was able to go back there. 

Now I am at my third post production house but this time instead of video, I deal with audio. I am a caster. Which is what I am really going to talk about today. 

--------

Now, as mentioned above. I have to work at weird hours of the day most of the time and I do not get compensated... which I know is unfair but I have come to accept it after 2 years. 

I have a project that is quite rush and I am in no control since the producer is bugging me most of the time and in return I am bugging the voice talent all the time. I try my best not to be so annoying because I know how it feels when someone bothers you on your free time. Yes, I messaged the talent on a weekend. The reason is because of the producer. She is a client and there is nothing that I could do. 

Now, this said talent responds almost never... Why do I still message this person? Well, the talent is good and their sample is really fit for the said project, besides I submit at least 4 voices so there is 1 out of 4 chances that one of them would get the part. 

I have asked this talent yesterday afternoon on a Saturday about her availability and I ALWAYS message my talents politely as I know they are busy on weekends resting... So I messaged them nicely and their respond was very rude. I asked them if they are available to send their recordings on a certain time and they did not respond at all. When I asked again since the producer was bugging me. They responded rudely. I was annoyed, its not hard to respond yes or no. If you don’t want to do it. Just tell me, I am very easy to talk to. Anyway, I have decided to not include this talent in the future... I don’t like rude people :D  

[thelightflickers]

Quarantine and Protests

Hello there. 

I do not know if someone is even reading blogs but I decided to share my opinion/thoughts because of all the things that is happening around the world. 

Let’s start off with COVID19. Yes, the virus is still very evident and up to this day, we don’t have a cure. I may speak on behalf of those people who are scared and frustrated (especially in my country the Philippines) about the struggles of staying at home and being healthy and thinking of ways on how to pay bills because we got no money since we have no job at all.

I wish that the government would do something about the bills because not EVERYONE are literally at work and I am frustrated to be honest. I just miss having my salary and being able to pay off my credit card without problems because I use it to pay for my phone... since my old one was broken by my ungrateful younger brother. And yes I do have savings but it is not enough for me to pay for my bills monthly. You know? 

Secondly, I want to talk about the protests happening in my country the Philippines. We currently have a situation regarding the Junk Terror Bill which gives the authorities the right to accuse anyone of being a terrorist and putting them in jail without a warrant. I mean, how is that cool and why are some of our politicians saying yes and having it push through. The way they described terrorists/terrorism is very vague. Therefore if they think something is against the government or oppressed people complain, they could automatically assume that these are terrorist acts, which in fact defunct’s the very idea of democracy in our country. It’s like the Philippine government is against criticism which is badly needed especially today, where our country is already suffering with the pandemic itself. 

Lastly, the whole world is still under a pandemic, I hope that it would be gone soon! Let us pray for it. I hope that the protests for Black Lives Matter really opens the eyes of this racist white people and I hope that our government here in the Philippines stops being selfish and starts thinking of their people and prioritize what really is important. 

[thelightflickers]

Let’s talk about contracts (work contracts, that bloody shit that we all need to read thoroughly before signing)

Contracts are very essential when it comes to job hunting/hiring/applying. 

It is crucial because it will determine your relationship with the company and how they will pay you and what kind of treatment and all that shenanigans that you would like to get from an employer. 

It is very important to read everything first before signing it. If you are someone who has anxiety, like me. You have to chill the hell down and read. READING is very important before signing any kind of paper because once you have signed it. It means that you do agree with the terms and conditions of anything. It is like social media whenever you sign up for something and we just press that accept all terms box and get on with our lives not really giving a care as to what they can do with all the data they get from us and our accounts. 

I have been renewed for a year in this current job that I have. I don’t have any regrets even if the contract itself sucks. Why? Well, I don’t know if you asked that but I assumed you did, because I just said that the contract sucks... 

Here’s why. 

Its the same thing as my 4 month contract, no changes was made. Yes, I did get a raise of a thousand philippine peso and that’s about it. In terms of employer to employee relationship I am still not an employee and I still don’t get the same benefits the other regular employees get here. I am basically paid for my services. Now, the reason as to why I signed this bloody contract for another year is because of my job history. This is my third job (on paper) and my previous ones are not a good record because I lasted for like 5 to 6 months. Which is not a good thing to look at especially when I plan on applying for a regular job in the future. They would obviously question me as to why I don’t stay long enough on a company and I don’t want them to think that I am a hopper. Because that does not sound nice. 

On the other hand, the people here are nice, its just that bloody contract. 

~fin

[thelightflickers]

January 2020 is almost OVER. WTF

hello, its time for another "essay" of the day.

New Year, new month and a contract that's about to be expired. What is up? I am back from the dead posting a new entry for this year.

I am once again, still working at this company that I am currently at right now. Waiting for 7pm just to drop it because we need to have a meeting and go home as early as possible.

I have been having thoughts as to what may happen to me in the near future... which means that my contract is about to end and is it even worth it to stay if the contract is still bullshit as fuck. I have been jumping from different jobs and I don't even know where the hell am I going. So far, I have been a call center agent, marketing assistand and almost a year as a production assistant / coordinator whatever the hell the industry calls it. I don't know.

Looking back, this company is by far the best when it comes to people you work with BUT... there is always a but... as I have stated the contract is fucking shitty. So shitty I could not even comprehened it. So now I am confused. I don't know.

Help? The mind is as blank as this GIF.

~fin.

[thelightflickers]

Let's start fresh...?

2019 is about to end, I still have my read books stacked up in one corner of my room. I am working and my contract expires on February. What am I even doing?

I am not sure as to what my purpose in life is in terms of career. I don't really like being an adult. But, I do have to embrace it because on the 2nd of January, I would be an adult forever and there is literally nothing I could do.

I accept adulthood its just a difficult transition. Ah well, hope you have a great year ahead of you

[thelightflickers]

Contemplating things that has and is currently happening...

There are so many things that we should do in life. But, honestly... what do we really want?!

I have been through different jobs in a course of 1 year. I thought I would stay there forever but no. It turns out they did not want me there. I was honestly sad and shocked, at the same time I have learned from it. I am thankful for the chance and experience.

It is time to move on and to grow up and to face different challenges that may come my way. I don't know if what I am doing right now is what I will be doing forever, but what I know is that He has better plans for me and I will just do what is told and let Him mold me into the person that He wants me to be.

~fin~

[thelightflickers]

These too, shall pass...

We live in a cruel world, where you have to literally fight for survival.

It's not always rainbow and sunshine. We all struggle at something. But, it is a step forward, to that goal that we have always dreamed of reaching. It may not seem like it, but in the future we will see the results of our hard work.

Many of us may have gone to a lot of companies, trying to look for the perfect fit. Trying to look for that something that would give us what we are looking for.

A safe, respectful and fun environment. No drama, just professionals.

As human beings, we should be mindful of the people around us, especially the people we work with.

Let us not be ignorant people, we shall learn that in order to lead, we too shall serve well. That, for me is the essence of a true leader. Someone who understands and serves.

~fin

[thelightflickers]

What even is respect?

We live in a world that needs to be educated. 

I am not saying that everyone is disrespectful. I am saying that some people are. And, I would quickly give this to the older generation. 

I do understand that they are stuck in their own bubbles but it is 2019 and we people should evolve. Life is about learning new things and applying them in beliefs and discipline. 

I mean, they don’t even need to apply it. The simplicity of respecting people with what they like and do is basic human interaction. 

I work in an industry where there are a lot of bullshit people and I am trying my best to be the best and respectful towards them but they are disrespectful towards me. 

May God give me the gift of patience. 

fin~

[thelightflickers]

Irrelevant.

Have you ever feel lonely even if you were with your closest group of friends?

I know I have, or maybe it is just me. I have gained and lost friends over time and there is one thing that I have to say. I cannot be friends with people who are weak.

I just don't know how to deal with them. They carry too much emotional baggage that I always have to understand and I, too am emotionally unstable. So I really don't want them to add up to my issues.

I have been called a lot of things over the past few friendships that I have, insensitive, taklesa (tackless), and so much more.

I absorb those words and think of the situation that my friends... gave me. In order to justify their claim. They do have a point, and I do agree with them. But after awhile, I think to myself... some of those statements are basically bullshit.

I don't know. I'm tired, if it was like that I would rather leave that friendship and move on with my life. As of now, I am still weighting the options, but honestly? I am TIRED.

~fin.

[thelightflickers]

The subject: LOVE

What is love? Really?

I want to know what the big fuzz is about. I have read it in all books and watched it in all movies and tv-series available on the internet. 

I grew believing that I will have my happy ever after. But now, I am an adult and I still have no experience of a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. I do believe in patients and all that, but love is such a big deal to other people. 

There are some people my age, who are in a relationship and basically can see their future with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Whilst, I am here just trying to survive in the adult world because I just graduated from college and life is all about surviving. 

Love... love for me is something that could wait. I don’t mind not having it at all. I mean, if I do get married well, thank you Lord, but if I don’t well, I’ll still be thankful because there will always be a reason as to why I might not have it in the future. 

I am not in a rush to have that special someone and commit, I would like to do great things without bothering anyone. I would like to enjoy being single and explore all the things that I could do alone without thinking and bothering anyone. I will not be single forever but, if it ever happens, who cares? 

I just hope that someday, being single could be normalized. It is hard to look for someone that you could be with forever. It is not as easy as what those other perfect couples have. 

In time, it will come. If it does not. I will be okay. I promise you that. 

[thelightflickers]

Minefield

Have you ever felt like your life is a big minefield?

One wrong step and you will explode, your self esteem and whole being will go down to the grave with you? 

We are humans and we are capable of mistakes, but why are we always afraid of making them? Maybe that’s just me. Who knows? I am nothing but a fragile being. Incapable of being perfect. 

As I look at my surroundings I wonder, what if I continue making mistakes? What is the worst thing that could happen?  I think it would be the thought that I would be fired from work, scolded by my boss, and of course the greatest battle of all, is with how I deal with my anxiety and fear of failure. 

I often crumble in one corner when scolded. I don’t like the thought of being a burden to someone because of my mistakes. I feel so bad that I would like to drown and be swallowed full by mother earth. I would continue to apologize and overthink because that is just the way that I am. I am scared. 

Walking into a minefield is a risk. I am not a risk taker. Everyday is like stepping into a minefield. It is your choice if you would be brave enough to face the circumstances ahead not knowing what the end result would be or you would just try surviving the whole day, doing your best. Trying to be better at your job and being super careful but you somehow mess up... or not? 

~fin