[A Supernatural episode where some sort of object from heaven has fallen into a specific town and it makes angels lose their inhibitions so there's like open angel fights in the streets, demands of worship from humans on pain of death, storms of frogs, that kind of thing. Sam naturally calls Cas to ask about it and he says he'll come check it out, but then when he learns what it's doing...]
Cas: Ah. Um. And Dean is with you?
Sam: ? Yes, man, obviously Dean is with me. [Exchanges a what the hell? look with Dean, who is listening]
Cas: (lying) I think....yes it would be better if I stay here. I need to....swap over the laundry.
Dean: [snatches the phone] Cas, will you just get the hell over here? People are dying! Your tighty-whities can wait. We can't even look at this thing without being arc of the covenant-ed.
Cas: (annoyed) Dean. The spell will affect me. I am still an angel.
Dean: I'm sure you can handle a couple of party drugs in your system. Get here. Now.
[Dean hangs up and turns to Sam]
Dean: What's Cas’s problem?
Sam: (puzzled, but not too concerned) I don't know. Maybe he's worried about losing his inhibitions?
Dean: Cas? Mr Uninhibited? The guy watched porn in front of us. He chats with people at the urinal. If he wasn't born into that coat, he'd have be letting it all hang loose from day one. What's he afraid of doing?
Sam: I don't know. He's weird. He's Cas. What I do know is [plot details].
[After Cas’s arrival he specifically avoids Dean wherever he can, which annoys Dean so he pushes to be the one to investigate the source with Cas (an abandoned warehouse full of demon guards, it's a stealth mission) while Sam takes the other side of the building. Throughout Cas’s time in town, he has stuck his hands into wet cement, followed a ladybug into the road without looking and almost caused a pile-up, and pulled Sam's hair 5 times when he put it in a ponytail, so Sam is glad to abdicate responsibility for him for a while. Cas is cagey, tense, and won't look at Dean. He keeps his hands shoved into his pockets.]
Dean: [faux-ingratiating, he's annoyed] So, how's your day been sunshine? Mine's been great, thanks so much for asking.
Cas: I didn't ask. [He speeds up a few paces to be ahead of Dean. Dean rolls his eyes behind Cas’s back.]
Dean: Yeah, I know. You haven't said more than 3 words at a time to me since you got here. Are you mad about something? Sorry to have interrupted your spa day, but the people of this town need our help.
Cas: [unthinking] I know. I always admire your willingness to help. Your expectation for me to do what I can has changed me for the better. [Stops. Tightens his jaw. He didn't mean to say that.]
Dean: [sarcastic, won't take a compliment] Gee, thanks, I bet you say that to all the girls.
Cas: I don't want the girls. [Visibly annoyed with himself, he starts striding off faster]. It's this way.
Dean: oh, really it's further down the corridor which has no turns, thanks Streetwise.
Cas: stop talking
Dean: oh, you'd like that wouldn't you, just shut up and look pretty, well, you know what, Cas-
[Cas whirls around, grabs Dean's arm and pulls him into a handy store room, cramped with machinery, just before 2 demon guards come past. Dean holds his breath watching their shadows pass under the door as the two demons chat:
Demon 1: don't you ever get tired of working overtime to get a couple of souls here and there? Don't you think-
Demon 2: For the last time, Loncus, I'm not joining your pyramid scheme scheme.
Demon 1: it's not a pyramid scheme, it's called multi-level marketing...[their voices fade out as they pass by]
Dean: (joking) I think Loncus is ready for a timeshare in Miami, what do you think, Cas? [Dean looks to Cas, chest to chest, relieved and ready to joke about the demons, but does a double take. Cas looks almost feverish, panting, straining to keep still, his eyes darting around Dean's face and sticking on his mouth before he tears his gaze away with effort]
Dean: ...Cas?
Cas: We should go.
[Cas moves to do so, but Dean bars the door with his arm]
Dean: I don't think so, Speedracer. You're going to talk to me first.
Cas: (very frustrated) Dean!
Dean: Cas. They're going to be coming back this way pretty quick anyway. [Cas silently concedes, ungraciously] Come on man, you've been acting like I've got leprosy all day. If I've done something, you gotta tell me, because I'm obviously too stupid to figure it out. What did I do?
Cas: (evasive) you haven't done anything.
Dean: I'm calling bull on that. This spell is supposed to bring out what you want to do if there wasn't any fallout, right? So either you're holding something back, or you've always wanted to tell me to stick it, and I don't think it's option B.
Cas: (begrudging) it's not option B.
Dean: great! We're getting somewhere. So what do you want to do, Cas? How can we get back to square? You want to hit me? You wanna cuss me out?
Cas: [frustrated laugh. He does not want to hit him.]
Dean: (excited to be getting somewhere, and frankly a little excited at the concept of being hit) Yeah? You want to beat me up? Take a swing, man, I don't care. If it'll get you out of this weird mood, you can do whatever you want to me. (Seeing Cas’s self control wavering, hyping him up) Yeah, that's it man. Hit me. Hit me. I've got a real punchable face, hit me, h-
[Cas interrupts Dean by stilling his chin with one hand, and kissing him softly. It's quick, and almost chaste if not for the flick of tongue at the end. Dean is stunned silent, which makes Cas a little smug]
Cas: that's what I want.
Dean: (dazed) oh. (recovering into flirty mode, starting to smile) that's all?
Cas: (with heat) no.
Dean: how about you do what you want, then?
Cas: If I did everything I wanted I think you'd die. I want to pour myself into you. I want to hold your soul in the cradle of my being, and stretch you over myself until I am all but consumed. I want to wrestle your spirit into submission and be commanded by your smallest will. I want to destroy you and recreate you with the care I lacked when I made you after hell infused into your every blood vessel. I want to overwhelm you with ecstacy until the only thought you can bear to have is repeating my name. I want to absorb every atom of you.
[A beat. Dean absorbs this. He doesn't know whether to be scared or horny.]
Cas: (a little self-deprecating, knowing it's an anticlimax) I also want to make out.
Dean: (relieved) yeah, yeah, making out sounds good. [They make out for a few seconds, then Dean pulls back] Wait, wait, this is you right? It's not like, implanted by the spell?
Cas: (flatly, he wants to keep kissing) what do you think.
Dean: (giddy) okay, great. [More kissing] Wait- we should probably go and find it though, right?
Cas: [biting down Dean's neck] Sam can handle it.
Dean: But what if-
Cas: [pulls back and looks annoyed/horny, his shirt half open, his hair a mess] [a beat.]
Dean: Sam can handle it. [Launches back into the kiss]
[Cut to Sam, fighting off like 5 demons with the other co-star of the episode (perhaps Garth). They only barely manage to win the day.]
[Outside the building, Sam and Garth have their case debrief, and Dean and Cas stumble out of the building partway through. They're very rumpled, and Dean has hickeys running up his neck. Dean and Cas have swapped ties.]
Sam: finally. What the hell happened to you guys? We were hanging on by our fingernails in there.
Cas: We were-
Dean: [interrupts with a wink to Cas] We were jumped by some demons. I was, uh, distracted.
Sam: I'll say - did one of them get your neck? Rookie error, Dean.
Cas: (deadpan teasing) yes, Dean. You were very sloppy.
Dean: [squawks of delighted outrage]
Sam: Whatever. How are you feeling now, Cas? Impulses under control?
Cas: I believe so. I am feeling very...satisfied.
Sam: (suspicious, but shrugs it off as Cas being Cas) ...right. Do you want to follow us to the Bunker in the truck?
Dean: Actually, how about you drive Baby this time, Sam? I'll ride with Cas. I want to see how it's handling, Cas said it was making some noise or something.
Cas: (confused) there's nothing wrong with-
Dean: (slowly, with raised eyebrows and eye contact so Cas knows he's speaking cryptically) I said, I want to ride with you.
Cas: oh! Yes, yeah, there's a problem with the- uh, the steering.
Dean: We might even have to pull over to get it all the way fixed.
Cas: (heated) Yes. I think that would be best.
[Dean clears his throat and looks away from Cas, tempted to kiss him again right there.] You just keep on going Sam, we'll catch up.
Sam: But-
Dean: [tosses keys to Sam while backing away to Cas's truck] Don't ride the brakes! [Scampers off]
Garth: (paternally magnanimous) Don't worry Sam, I'll ride with you, I got the bus. You won't be lonely. Hey - it's 5.45! The all-state yodelling competition will be airing on 808.213! Hoo boy! You and me are going to have more fun than two pigs at the slop factory!
[Credits]
Sam: [absorbs this with politely hidden dread] sounds great Garth.
[Post-episode stinger setting up big bad stuff, completely irrelevant to the events of this episode]
Obviously we're supposed to believe that Nie Huaisang was the mastermind behind it all (and that is a belief i share) but goddamn rip Huaisang if WWX is wrong and he really had no idea what was happening the whole time. Everything is just a coincidence but it just so happens every coincidence points a finger right in his direction. What a hilarious and horrifying scenario.
BEYOND obsessed with this house in fort worth, texas i mean
okay pretty normal, let’s look at the interior photos—
WHAT THE FUCK
here we see the first example of a pattern that will recur throughout the house, which is that once your eyes adjust to the bonkers dictator chic marble-and-gilded-everything, you notice some pretty egregiously shoddy workmanship. look at how that baseboard intersects with the outlet. look at how the marble… uh, thing on the wall (i was gonna call it a fireplace but it’s not a fireplace, i have no idea what that is) has gaps and weird angles wherever two pieces meet. it’s like they’re trying to recreate versailles on an ikea budget
i… don’t hate the kitchen. i mean, obviously it’s ugly and #toomuch and there was zero effort made to match the very modern appliances and sink to the cabinets, but still, i’m a sucker for a pass-through and a big sink with a window above it.
this ceiling Fucks but the wrinkly, uneven curtains and terrible caulking around the faux-column in the middle anti-Fuck
why did we suddenly completely switch aesthetics. why is there an old TV set into the wall at floor level. why is there a tiny set of doors next to it. why does the fireplace look like an asset ripped from the original dark souls. i feel a sinister presence sucking at my soul the longer i look at this photo
i feel like whoever designed this monstrosity started with the dining room and then once they’d finished it realized they’d blown half their budget on just this one room. it’s so overdecorated that the gaudiness feels intentional, like it’s a statement rather than a side effect of genuine tastelessness. i can applaud that.
here we have the antithesis of the dining room. i don’t know what this room is supposed to be but i hate it. i’m pretty sure everything in this photo literally came from ikea. there is a lack of commitment here and it is rancid
ladies, gentlemen, distinguished colleagues, we have now hit the cornerstone of any great tacky real estate listing: the heart-shaped bathtub! this one gets bonus points for being next to a gilded mirror and surrounded by bright red damask wallpaper. as a bathtub i’d give it a 1/10 because those angles look incredibly uncomfortable, but as a place to shoot my lover through the heart while wearing a gauzy fur-trimmed bathrobe before fleeing with our ill-gotten fortune i’d give it a solid 11/10
here we are with the lack of commitment again. this literally looks like the kitchen in my college dorm but with a weird fringey lamp and some curtains that are absolutely too long for their windows
again, the mix of styles here is just killing me. half damask wallpaper and carved wall panels, half normal-ass bathroom? really? isn’t there anything truly unhinged left in this house? anything truly opulent, decadent, off the chain, extravagant, gaudy—
THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT BAY BEE!!! THAT’S MORE THE FUCK LIKE IT!!! COMMIT! TO! THE! BIT! GO BIG OR GO HOME! IF YOU’RE GONNA STICK A CEILING DOME IN THE FOYER OF YOUR SUBURBAN TEXAS HOUSE IT HAD BETTER BE TWELVE FEET IN DIAMETER AND PAINTED WITH DOZENS OF FLOWERS OR ELSE WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE??
and finally, to close out the show, a reminder that this entire acid trip of a real estate listing took place in an ordinary, modern single-story house in texas, one with a backyard and utility boxes on the exterior walls and neighbors who may be blissfully unaware that they live mere feet from a yawning pit of madness.
BELIMIR LET PIP AND MERRY TACKLE HIM. AND HIS FIRST CONCERN WHEN THEY WERE CAUGHT ON THE MOUNTAIN WAS THE HOBBITS. MEANWHILE ARAGORN WAS ALL OUT CARRYING FRODO.
NO OFFENCE BUT EVERYONE’S WILDLY STRONG PROTECTIVE STREAK OF THE HOBBITS IS MY FAVOURITE THING.
Jin Guangyao blinks before senses start to return to him. He blinks again at his father (how is he alive? shouldn't he be? should he?) who's looking at him expectantly. He turns his head and sees Lan Xichen (oh, Er-ge...) looking at him benevolently and beside him Nie Mingjue (oh, Da-ge...) frowning in displeasure but for once - not at him. And then he remembers. Everything. For a second his smile falls and his eye twitch, he's incandescently furious inside. Then the mask slips back. But he's changed.
He bows.
-Sect Leader Jin, this one is honored by your offer, but as you clearly stated before, this one's a whore's son and not fit to be in the Jin Sect. I acted on my own since I left the Nie Sect so all the deeds I may have done are beholden to me only. If Cultivational world sees fit to reward me, I will humbly accept on my own behalf.
He leaves and later receives his rewards but mostly withdraws, waiting.
When Wei Wuxian comes to find his Wens he intercepts and goes with him. They make it in time to save Wen Ning's life and many more prisoners than the last time.
He follows Wei Wuxian to Yiling but stops him from going to the Mounds.
-I was gifted the city of Yiling and some land around it, Wei-gongzi. There's no need to live in the graveyard.
He proceeds to sponsor Wei-Wen people, while coercing and manipulating Wei Wuxian in creating or doing all sort of things (like fixing the Nie's saber problem) until Wei Wuxian finds himself a well connected and supported Sect Leader of Yiling Wei Sect with two most able and ferocious advisors, and also a single father of a three-year old. Single until a very well written proposal to Sect Leader Lan goes from Yiling. Lan Wangji comes with courting gifts before the week ends.
Same year, after a Qin related scandal, Jin Guangshan is deposed as Chief cultivator. Meng Yao becomes the next one with the backing of all great sects and Yiling Laozu. Jin Sect doesn't get a break until Jin Zixuan becomes Sect leader.
dededos
kaledo-art
2087
jacobvanloon
yousharknotpass
