What Do I Call It? Part 2
5 years later I am still crying about it
2 years after I wrote that I am still wondering
She told me it's not a gray area.
She told me I have trauma
She told me it doesn't matter that a few months prior I sent you a nude in exchange for a story
And she told me it doesn't matter that I went back to your house a week later
She told me you did something to me.
And then I cried in my car outside
Just like I did after you
I know I pulled away, just to be pulled back
I know I made an excuse, just to be ignored
I know I tried to leave, but did I try hard enough?
The word "No" never actually escaped my lips, but does that matter?
No one else seems to think so
I still can't get myself to wear that hoodie
But I can't get myself to throw it away either, it used to be my favorite.
I can't help but wonder if you know what you've done
I think you sleep peacefully at night, believing yourself to be a good person
Meanwhile my nights are haunted by ghosts.
I still can't convince myself that I can call it that four letter word
And it's not like you took something from me that hasn't already been taken, in some manner, countless times before
My body has held onto the trauma all these years
But I still can't get my brain to call it was everyone else seems to think it is.
