I'm a fish, and I'll bite you to death.

Your name is FISHIE. You have plethora of INTERESTS. You have an unhealthy passion for MARINE BIOLOGY, particularly FISH and MONSTROUS DEEP SEA CREATURES. Unrelatedly, you are also rather absorbed in PSYCHOLOGY. Your interests vary and have NO CONNECTION to each other WHATSOEVER and are in fact, rather RANDOM. You enjoy COSPLAY and are a part of many FANDOMS.

[ordinaryredtail]

Baby budgie

[whatsupbeanie]

It's been a year and a half or so since I've been in a room full of people so this isn't a recent story, but I thought about this while talking to a fellow introvert friend. Do any of you have to take breaks from social gatherings to just stand all alone in the bathroom and mentally recharge?

[teathattast]

via RiverMakes

[hondakiku]

[midniter]

Jeff the Land Shark in It’s Jeff! #005

[orsathesimurgh]

Some of you asked me how angel chickens looked like. Well. I hope you don't regret that...🐣

[wooteena]

are you telling me americans have stores that open up SPECIFICALLY for halloween and just. dont exist any other time of the year. you people are insane

[offishly]

Imagine an empty storefront. Some business that closed years ago. The building stands empty, unused for literal months. And then boom. Fall comes around and there’s a Spirit Halloween. There’s no escape.

[wooteena]

what the fuck 😁

[enderenby404]

Yeah this is a thing

[krystal-prisms]

Are you serious

[what-even-is-thiss]

Yes and they are divine gifts of beauty and cheap plastic lawn decorations.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

… I honestly assumed that the existence of Halloween stores was just a running joke in American TV shows.

[what-even-is-thiss]

No they’re very real

[bisexualredactedenergy]

Can confirm this phenomenon also occurs in Canada

[fan-enby-anonymous]

It’s fun

[what-even-is-thiss]

Oh, it’s a blast.

[moonybyte]

Wait, so during non-halloween they are just empty? Like, they don’t switch between seasonal decorations (like christmas, easter, etc), they just…close and wait for next year???

[strawberrydragon]

Yeah, it’s not a permanent store. A company will rent an empty building for the 2-3 months before halloween, sell halloween stuff, and then clean everything up and disappear until the following year. And they’ll usually set up in different buildings from year to year. They just find any good-sized empty store space that will give them a cheap, short-term lease.

It’s so temporary that the halloween stores don’t even have a real sign, they just hang up a banner outside:

[wheeled-jack]

So you’re telling me that every year for a month or two the Spirit of Halloween possesses a dead building then disappears?

[velvety-vixen]

that is exactly what we’re telling you

[princesshamlet-deactivated20210]

[shinobicyrus]

Yo ya’ll are forgetting the best part:

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[anexperimentallife]

There are very few hard and fast rules of good writing, but one hill I will die on is that if you foreshadow something, then change your plans JUST because fans figured out where you were going, you're doing it wrong.

[ao3commentoftheday]

Things that are still writing even if you don’t think they are (an incomplete list)

thinking about a story

creating a new document

brainstorming

researching

thinking of a title

explaining your story to someone else

reading other stories and noticing things like word choice, sentence structure, plot development, characterization

thinking of a great line that doesn’t have a story yet

getting a picture in your mind that you want to put into words someday

being inspired by others, even if you don’t know what to do with that inspiration yet

making notes about how you want to tag your work

editing

cutting out lines or scenes that don’t work

stopping work on something that isn’t working right now

starting over

writing a summary

rewriting something you’ve written before

[ao3commentoftheday]

to all the people in the notes saying that if this is true, they’re writing all the time: yes. yes you are.

[irregularcollapse]

nothing wrong with being easy to please! give all the books you read five stars. watch that movie again after people tell you that it wasn’t that great. play that band’s new album on repeat, even though it’s not supposed to be as good as their old stuff. refuse to say anything critical about something you thought was cool. be bold in telling grumpy people “actually i liked it a lot!”

[robotmango]

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

[awed-frog]

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

[robotmango]

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

[scarylullabies]

I think I’ve reblogged this before, but “the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature” is fucking poetry

[piranesiandtheother-deactivated]

ninety nine???? thats IT????????? buddy here in the 7th circle of h*ck, California, we get up to at LEAST 110 degrees every single gosh darned summer.  the bugs seek revenge.  the sun wreaks havoc on the mere mortals it surveys.   every plant has turned brown in its thirst for water.  the very air itself has been sucked dry of every drip of moisture it ever had.  

ninety nine degrees.  you weak fool.

[robotmango]

well since you asked so politely, let’s talk about something very important vis a vis weather-hotness that you clearly ain’t ever heard of, called

humidity

oh alas, you say. oh papa, whatever shall i do, it is ever so hotte and drye in california. the very air hath been sucked of all its moisturey droplets and whatnot.* one hundredy and tennith desiccated degrees!

*(yo, drought is serious. i am pretty obviously not making fun of that.)

alright. let’s check it out. here’s a random california city, right about now:

thirty-two percent. and here’s a random mid-atlantic city located somewhere in the wet fleshy crease behind a demon’s knee*:

*(confession: i do not live in dc, but several years ago i spent three weeks steaming like a tinned ham in arlington in august. none of the pants i took with me could ever keep a crease again.)

huh! funny thing! “see, dc’s actually seven degrees COOLER,” you say, because you’ve obviously never gone outside and taken a deep lungful of wet sock trash air in your life. and now for added bliss, here’s what early wednesday morning’s gonna be like for these poor clowns:

that’s right! eighty-two percent humidity! the point at which showers no longer matter, because you’re all caught in God’s grease trap! just stressed human eels miserably slip slidin’ their way through a damp melty bathwater-flavored hellscape that feels like it’s actively sous viding their top layer of skin! a hundred thousand people packed into public transit breathing air that feels like deepthroating swamp thing! and you wanna talk to me about fuckin california!

[cue science voice]: human bodies cool through evaporation, a process by which the body sweats and sweet invisible angels towel us off, whisking away our unwanted moisture into the air and literally chilling us out. (it’s also why air conditioned air feels so fucking deliciously refreshing: it’s not just being cooled, it’s being conditioned, aka, dehumidified. it’s cool dry air.) but. if the air is already made out of fucking chowder and can’t absorb shit then guess what the fuck our bodies can’t do.

so is this weak fool gonna remain indoors and hydrated through this only medium-hot but fuckoff-humid season? you bet your dried out ass.

[charlikesalmon]

i really like bernadetta’s timeskip design,, drew this to get used to clip studio paint

[squaffle]

my favorite fellas from Treasure Planet & Atlantis

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[jenroses]

sound on, his voice is something else.

[saintbullart]

this feels like if all of humanity were to reset and humans had forgotten how everything worked and had to teach each other what things were. this is the Wall turorial

[leonordchoem]

im singehandedly repairing jewish-goyische relations through my outreach with my facebook friends

[aerialsquid]

I briefly forgot there were normal humans named Elijah and wondered why this person thought they were getting messages from Actual Prophet and Messiah-Herald Elijah the Tishbite.

[findingfeather]

….yeah me too.

[lireavue]

Me three.

[star-anise]

Imagine getting visions of someone else’s holy prophet and having to text your friends like “….what am I supposed to do with that?”

[library-graffiti]

I have not laughed that hard in so long I literally cannot remember when.